I Was Only Dreaming

"But I don't wanna go out!" Tre gave me puppy-dog eyes after I told him to go out for a few hours. It was almost 11, and Tre was still in his Beatles Pajamas.

"Tre, I need you out of here until three, just go to Gilman's, or Ollie's, anywhere but here," I sigh, getting tired of babysitting this three-year-old.

"Why? Are you having someone over?" Tre sees me blush and immediately knows something is up. "You are! Who? Who? Who is it? Is it Mike? IT IS MIKE!!"

Tre bounces up and down happily when I blush even more at Mike's name. Damn, he's good. "Look, Tre, can you just please leave-"

Tre ran for the door and slammed it behind him. I don't believe I will ever understand him. Then I hear him shout, "Use protection!" from the hallway. I roll my eyes as I fix up the couch, getting all the popcorn out from between the cushions. I do a final dusting of the TV and bookshelves before starting to cook Mac n' Cheese for lunch. I make two salads, one with Greek dressing for Mike, and the other with Balsamic Vinigrette for me. I uncap a beer, desperately needing a buzz to kill my nerves. Mike will be here in less than 15 minutes. I put on an Eric Clapton record, that always soothes me, and look at myself in the mirror.

I've been getting enough sleep, but I still have heavy bags under my eyes, and my skin is still pale. It looks like I have cancer or something. I'll admit I feel sick from time to time, but nothing to serious. And I suppose drinking has something to do with it, since I've gone back to my heavy drinking since I've stopped breastfeeding. As soon as "Lay Down Sally" ends, I take the vinyl off the player and the doorbell rings. I adjust my blue tank top and answer the door. Mike is there, of course, looking no different from yesterday, except for the fact that he's wearing the Misfits shirt that I cried into one night after taking a beating from Patricia. The mascara stains never washed out.

Mike smiles at me. "Hey, how ya doing?"

I smile back, trying not to reach out and hug him to death. "I'm good, come on in."

I lead Mike to the table and give him a beer, then start serving the Mac n' cheese. "This tastes a lot better than it used too," Mike says, as he shoves another spoonful into his mouth.

"Yeah, well, I've learned to cook during the past few months."

"Yeah, you sure did, this is amazing." I watch Mike eat and drink his beer and I can't help but to think how good of a thing we had. Before I fucked up. I really want that all back. I want the warm hugs, the crazy fun we had, the classic movie nights, all of that.

"Mike?" I ask. He looks up, a tiny drop of cheese stuck in the corner of his mouth. "Mike, I, am, s- so sorry. I should've told you, I should've told you everything that happened between Billie and I. I knew you would've understood, but I hid it from you. There's nothing I can do, nothing to take Sammy back, nothing that can reverse what happened. I don't want you to hate Billie for this, but, I need you back, Mikey. Every day all I can do is think about you, about what we had, what we could've had, I just can't get you out of my brain, Mike. I need you, in my life, with me, every- every- d-day." I was on the verge of tears now. I finally told Mike how I felt these past several months. I picked up a napkin off the table and blotted my eyes.

I look up and find that Mike is no longer in his chair but kneeling down next to me. His face says...I'm not sure. Anger, hatred, love, I can't tell. With one hand he gently reaches up and strokes my cheek. I feel like I could explode from his touch. "You don't know how long I have felt that exact same way. I have never stopped loving you, Jess. I can't, it's impossible. I would've done anything to save us, but my own stupidity got in the way. I love you, and I always will."

We both stand up and he pulls me into his arms. Need I say more? We talked for hours until Billie and Tre came home. Mike was going to move in as soon as possible, and we were going to get married soon after. Neither of us wanted to wait for the inevitable. Billie was happy for us, mostly because he was sick of my complaining about Mike all day. Tre was even more happy, because he was going to be my maid of honor. The four of us sat up all that night, drinking, talking, laughing, and we even watched Jaws. Life was perfect once again.

I went to sleep that night, Billie slept in Tre's room so that Mike could sleep with me. He held me in his arms tightly, just like he used too. It was like nothing ever changed, we went back to the way things were. There was just a small pause in my movie of a life, but now the happy ending occurred.

**********
"Jessica! Get the fuck up, you'll be late for school!" I jolt upwards, hearing Patricia's voice shouting at me. What the fuck? I looked around to find I was not in my safe apartment, but back in my old room. My eyes passed over the calender and then went back to it. It was September...1989...My senior year. What just happened? I had lived through a year of my life, but I wake up here. Was it... all just a dream?

I sit up and find a piece of paper on my nightstand. On it is writing in my mother's handwriting.
"Here you go, it never happened. Will you make the same mistake twice? No need to thank me, Mom."