Break My Heart

“Eleni? I can’t believe it’s you.” I heard the sweet voice of Josiah say as he pulled me in to hug me. I wanted to scream, but all I could do was stare at him. Couldn’t he feel how stiff I was? I wanted to be anywhere but here right now. Why couldn’t I be fortunate and have the odds on my side?

“Josiah? What are doing here?” I heard Anisa say behind me as I imagined that her displeased tone matched the look she was giving him.

“Nice to see you haven’t changed Anisa?” Josiah said smirking like she was complementing him. “Eleni, can we talk? Privately?”

“No, you can’t. We were having a girl’s day Josiah. So why don’t you just leave us alone.” Anisa answered taking me by the shoulders to walk away but Josiah stopped us.

I couldn’t breathe I knew these two would keep fighting, and my heart was already broken again. I ran not looking back hearing them yell after me. I felt the tears sting as I ran out to the cold air trying to find a place to hide as the tears rushed feeling never ending. Why did I have to see him?

“Eleni! Eleni, where are you?” I heard one of them calling my name but I couldn’t tell who. I prayed to God it wasn’t him.
I sat on a bench hidden by a wall trying to keep myself together. This part of the mall didn’t see much traffic but still I didn’t want to be here breaking down into tears. Why was it still hurting like this? It was supposed to be over. Why did it seem like I couldn’t move on!

“Eleni! There you are. I was worried, why did you run?” Josiah questioned kneeling in front of me. The look of concern in his eyes brought hatred to mine.

“Why can’t you leave me alone!” I yelled at him moving away.

He stared shocked, “I told you I wanted to talk to you. I mean we haven’t talked since that day you walked away. Shouldn’t I be the angry one here?”

“Don’t you dare act like this is my fault. You know damn well why I left you. You left me no choice, Gavie. You know I did all I could.” I argued trying to keep my eyes from spilling anymore tears.

“Ellie, I tried. You know I was trying to keep all my promises to you. I loved you, but you are the one who chose to give up on us. I accepted it, but I never wanted you to go. I still want you. I’ll try harder this time. I still love you.” He whispered reaching for my hand.

I stared at him and my heart ached raging with anger and grief, “How can I trust anything you say? Don’t you think it’s been killing me too? You were my first love Josiah. I get it letting myself slip and call you Gavie like before, it seems like it’d be easy to convince me to stay. Nothing has changed. Your sweet words are just that, words. I deserve to be able to trust that when you say something you mean it.”

“Will you ever stop holding all this against me? I tried for you, and you meant everything to me. Your love was what kept me going most days and you took it from me. No warning or anything. One day you’re here the next you’re gone.” He argued now.

“If I was everything to you why was it that I felt like I was your secret! Two years Josiah! We were together for two years, and I never met anyone but your father. You met my friends and family. You never let me in, not really. I’m a human being Josiah! I’m not some vilipend object!” I yelled at him the tears streaming, “You were losing me for a long time before that day. You just never saw it until I said goodbye. I left and I felt like it would kill me, but I deserved better. I couldn’t keep waiting for something that may never come from you.”

“Ellie, baby, please we can make it work this time. You’ll meet everyone. You were the one I wanted to marry one day remember with two kids and our dogs.” He whispered softly caressing my cheek, “Don’t you remember our dream?”

I held my breath closing my eyes. I remembered it all too well, and deep in my heart I did still want it. I took a deep breath looking him in the eyes, “I do remember it. Just like it was yesterday, but that dream is gone Josiah. We can’t get it back, and you have to let go. We both do and move on with our lives. I’ll always remember you, but I have to keep walking away and do what’s best for me. I’m sorry. Goodbye Josiah.”

I ran again feeling my heart break for the third time, but I didn’t look back. There was no going back anymore.