Being Wrong

“Police! Drop the knife and turn around!”

Charlie uncovered his eyes. There were two police officers, a man and a woman, standing with guns pointed at his dad. The knife hit the ground as his dad turned to face them.

“I wasn’t going to hurt him!” Charlie’s dad kept his feet planted where they were and his hands up, but he twisted his head around to look back at Charlie. “I wasn’t actually going to hurt you.”

Charlie didn’t know if it was important to his dad that he know that or if he just wanted to be sure the police did. He believed it either way. Or at least that his dad wouldn’t have hurt him much.

The police told Charlie’s dad to lay down on the ground and he obeyed. The male police officer pinned him down with his knee and cuffed his hands behind his back. Charlie felt numb and distant as he watched.

Charlie jerked away sharply when someone touched him. He hadn’t even seen the female police officer approach. His eyes had been firmly fixed on his dad.

“Are you hurt?” she asked him.

Charlie twisted his feet to look at the bottoms of them. He’d scraped one of them up on something he’d stepped on, but not badly.

“Did he cut you anywhere?”

Oh. She probably didn’t care about scrapes and bruises. Charlie shook his head. The male police officer hauled Charlie’s dad to his feet.

“I’m Officer Delaney,” the female police officer told Charlie. She had a gentle voice. “What do you need?”

Charlie realised he’d crammed his knuckles in his mouth and had been staring blankly straight ahead as his dad was led away. He knew how he must look. He made an effort to look at her, to show her he was still present inside his mind. What did he need? “Travis.”

“Travis,” she echoed, confused for a moment, then understanding fell over her face. “The boy who called us for you?”

Charlie nodded. “I want to go home.”

His voice cracked on the last word, and then he was crying, all the tension that had built up inside him releasing all at once. He wanted to be back with Travis so badly, but he was hours away. He buried his face in his knees and wrapped his arms around the back of his head.

He expected Officer Delaney to make him get up, or to try to hug him, or something, but she didn’t. She waited until Charlie had cried himself into an exhausted calm, then she stood and offered him a hand up. He let her help him to his feet, then they made their way together back to the road.

Charlie’s dad had been taken away, but there were still two police cars parked along the road and a few police officers standing around talking. Officer Delaney waved to them as she led Charlie to one of the cars and sat him down on the hood.

“Let’s take a look at this foot of yours, shall we?” she asked in a forced-cheerful voice. “Is this the only place you’re hurt?”

Charlie nodded. He probably had some bruises in other places, but her poking at those wouldn’t help either of them.

Officer Delaney got a first aid kit from the car and started cleaning the cut on Charlie’s foot. It stung and it tickled and it was probably unnecessary, but somehow it was also reassuring. If she cared enough about a little scrape on his foot to clean it up - and now carefully bandage it - then he could trust her to look after him.

“Wait here,” she told Charlie, then went to talk to the other police officers for a few minutes. When she was done, the other officers left together. Officer Delaney returned to Charlie and guided him into the passenger seat of the police car. He would rather have sat in the back, but he didn’t have the energy to object.

“I’m going to drive you home,” she told Charlie as she started the car. “It’s going to be a long drive, so let me know if there’s anything at all you need.”

Travis, Charlie thought, but didn’t bother saying it again. He pointed to the radio instead.

“You want the radio on?”

Charlie nodded.

Officer Delaney turned the radio on, but the station it was turned to had people talking about gardening instead of music. Charlie made a frustrated sound and rubbed at his eyes.

“Let me know when to stop,” Officer Delaney said, then pressed a button that changed the station. Sports. She paused for a moment and pressed it again, and finally there was music. Charlie nodded and Officer Delaney sat back.

Charlie covered his eyes with his arm to fend off the sunlight and let the music begin to calm his mind. He wanted this to all be over, but his brain wouldn’t stop leaping back to that last confrontation with his dad, replaying every word and detail. He didn’t want to think about it, but every time he tried to drag his thoughts away he found them drifting back a few seconds later.

“You were really brave today, Charlie,” Officer Delaney told him. “You should be proud of yourself.”

Charlie didn’t respond. He couldn’t think of anything to say. He’d done what he’d needed to do to save himself, and in exchange his dad would go to prison. Maybe his dad deserved it, maybe it would even be better for him, but that didn’t really feel like that mattered. It was still a betrayal.

“Do you want to talk about what happened with your dad?” Officer Delaney asked after they’d been driving for a while.

Charlie made a vague sound. Not really. He doubted what he wanted was really the point, though. She wanted him to talk about what had happened because getting information out of witnesses was part of her job.

“We can talk about something else if you like.” She drummed her fingers lightly on the steering wheel. “Anything you want.”

Charlie didn’t want to talk. He wanted to flip an off switch on his brain. Or turn down some kind of dial. He was so tired and his brain refused to shut up and settle down.

“Would you like to talk to Travis?” Officer Delaney smiled at Charlie when he peeked out from under his arm. “We could call him right now. I guess you have his number memorised, huh?”

Charlie nodded. He wanted Travis so badly. He was the only person Charlie truly believed cared about him, who actually wanted him around. His grandparents and his dad had tried, but would they really have bothered if it wasn’t for family obligation?

Officer Delaney pulled the car over onto the side of the road and handed her mobile phone to Charlie. “Go ahead and call him up if you like.”

#

Travis had just started to drift off to sleep on the sofa, Artemis curled up on his chest, when his phone rang again and startled him awake. About an hour earlier, Charlie’s grandma had called to let him know that Charlie was safely in police custody and on his way back home. He’d collapsed into exhausted relief, but now his phone was ringing again and he was wide awake.

“Hello, Travis speaking.”

“Hi Travis, I’m Officer Delaney,” a female voice said on the other end on the line. “You’re on speakerphone and I have Charlie in the car. He wanted to talk to you.”

The tight panic that had been building in Travis’ chest relaxed. Charlie just wanted to talk to him. “Hey, Charlie. You okay?”

“Tired,” was all Charlie said. He sounded even more exhausted than Travis felt. With what he’d been through, that was hardly surprising.

“Yeah, I bet.” Travis lay back down on the sofa and Artemis got to work making herself comfortable again. “Listen, Charlie, I’m so fucking proud of you. You were brave and clever and you won. I was so worried about you.”

Charlie was silent for a long stretch, and then, “My dad called you a fag.”

Travis almost laughed. Not because it was funny, just because it was so unexpected. “Well, double fuck him then.”

“He thinks you’re only being my friend because you want to have sex with me.”

Travis’ stomach dropped. Shit. That was far from the truth, just ever so slightly less far than it should have been. And now Travis had been quiet too long. “You know that’s not true, right, Charlie?”

“Obviously. I mean, he thinks you think it’d be easy because I’m…” Charlie trailed off. “But you know that everything is way harder with me, so why bother?”

Travis almost started listing reasons why he’d bother before he remembered he was supposed to be reassuring Charlie that he wasn’t trying to get into his pants. “Right. I would never mistake you for an easy mark.”

“Exactly. Sometimes he’s wrong about things.”

“When is he ever not wrong about things is the real question.”

Charlie was silent for a moment. “I think… sometimes he’s right about things too. I don’t know. I’m tired.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I guess we should keep driving now. You’ll come and see me when I get home, right?”

“‘Course.”

“Bye.”

“Bye, Charlie.”

The line went dead and Travis rubbed a hand over his face. God, this crush was going to kill him.

#

Charlie felt a tiny bit better as they started driving again. It was still a long way back home, but the distance only became smaller the longer they drove. When he got back, Travis would be there.

“Travis seems nice,” Officer Delaney offered after a few minutes.

Charlie made a sound of agreement. “Yes. He’s always nice to me.”

“Sounds like your dad got some funny ideas from what you told him about Travis.”

“I guess he just didn’t think anyone would actually want to be my friend.” Charlie poked at the bandage on his foot with his toe. “I’m pretty surprised someone wanted to be my friend, too.”

“I’m sure lots of people would want to be friends with a nice guy like you,” Officer Delaney said. “I hope you’d never think you have to do something you don’t want to do to have someone as your friend.”

Charlie made a face. He didn’t understand what she was trying to say. Travis was probably the only person who didn’t try to make Charlie do things he didn’t want to do. “Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do, I think.”

“Right, of course, but not like…” She took one hand off the steering wheel and gestured vaguely. “Doing drugs or kissing people you don’t want to. There are some things you should say no to.”

Charlie’s head felt like it was full of question marks. Why was she talking to him about this?

“So if Travis did want to kiss you, it would be okay to say no,” Officer Delaney continued. “Even though he’s been really nice to you. There are some things you never owe anyone.”

Charlie scratched his fingernails into the back of his hand. This was a dumb conversation. He didn’t like it. Why was everyone worried about Travis when he was the one person who hadn’t done anything wrong? Why did she care about some random thing that wasn’t even a problem when there was so many things that actually were problems?

“Mm,” Charlie hummed. More of his frustration made its way into the sound than he’d intended.

“Charlie?” Officer Delaney said. “If you do want to kiss him… that’s okay too.”

#

Travis spent most of the day napping and restlessly pacing his flat. He couldn’t sleep soundly while Charlie was still away, but he couldn’t focus on anything to distract himself either. How had he come to care for another person so much in such a short time?

He’d started keeping an eye out for Charlie at lunch time, but it was nearly dark by the time the police car pulled to a slow stop in front of Charlie's grandparents’ house. Travis stood in the doorway to his flat and watched Charlie get out of the car. He’d promised Charlie he’d come and see him when he got back, but it felt awkward to interject himself with the police officer there and Charlie’s grandparents being emotional.

Charlie saw him, though, and immediately abandoned everyone else to head in his direction. Travis met him halfway on the sidewalk between their homes.

Charlie just sort of flopped against him, tired and helpless, his face pressed against Travis’ shoulder. Travis wrapped his arms around him and turned it into a hug. His heart ached. He wanted to live in this boy’s arms forever.

"I take it this is your friend," the officer said as she came up behind Charlie. Her voice sounded familiar, so Travis assumed this was the woman he’d spoken to on the phone.

Charlie made a sound in the back of his throat, a vague affirmative.

“Don’t you think your grandparents might like to have you back home now?” she prompted.

Charlie made a grumbling sound and his hands fisted in Travis’ shirt. He was exhausted and he’d just been through hell, and he was still being asked to do what other people wanted to make them happy. Travis understood their perspective as well, though - they’d nearly lost Charlie, and then the moment he was returned to them he just walked away.

“I’ll go over with you, okay?” Travis offered.

Charlie yawned, let go of Travis, then took his hand as they walked back towards his grandparents’ house.

Travis gave Charlie’s grandparents a helpless shrug as he was led past them into the house. Luckily, they had the sense not to bother him right now.

Charlie led Travis into his bedroom, shut the door, then pointed Travis to his bed before flopping down on it himself. Travis sat down on the edge, not quite sure what Charlie wanted.

Charlie wriggled around until he had his head on a pillow, then reached up and tugged Travis towards him. Travis lay down next to him. He hoped this wouldn’t look too weird if anyone came in to check on them, especially after that weird conversation the police officer had been witness to. Travis was pretty sure she had known exactly what was up even if he’d managed to keep Charlie oblivious to his feelings.

Travis felt a light brush of fingertips against his wrist, then Charlie lifted his hand, pulled it towards himself, and dropped it palm up on top of his belly. He stroked a finger down the tip of Travis’ index finger, then the one next to it. Travis was so distracted by what the touch was doing to him that it took him a moment to realise what Charlie was actually doing.

“Yeah, callouses,” Travis said as Charlie examined the rough skin. Had his voice sounded a little weird? “From playing guitar.”

Charlie scratched a fingernail against the callous on Travis’ index finger. God, did he know what he was doing? This wasn’t fair. Travis had just about managed to make himself accept that they were just friends when they kept to separate ends of a sofa, but if Charlie was going to get touchy he was doomed.

Charlie let go of Travis’ hand, then wriggled out of his hoodie and tossed it aside. It was the first time Travis had seen him in short sleeves, and he was thinner than Travis had realised. There was a thick burn scar across the back of one of his wrists, and a long, thin scar that ran up the back of his opposite forearm. Was his dad responsible for those?

Charlie shuffled around, trying out different positions until he finally settled with his head on Travis’ shoulder. “Sing?”

Travis took a moment to just breathe. Was this intentionally intimate, or did Charlie just not realise that this was a bit more cuddly than most guys got with their male friends? But he’d asked Travis to sing, so Travis sang.

“I don’t like to be alone at night,” Travis started. This was even worse without his guitar to hide behind. Too honest, too raw. He regretted his song choice already. “And I don’t like to hear I’m wrong when I’m right. And I don’t like to have the rain on my shoe, but I do love you. But I do love you.”

Heat was flooding Travis’ cheeks, and he was glad Charlie couldn’t see him from the angle he was at. This song felt like a confession, and it only got worse when he got to, “Love everything about the way you’re loving me, the way you lay your head upon my shoulder when you sleep.”

The last words of the song left Travis’ lips and they fell into an awkward silence. Well, awkward for Travis. He wasn’t even sure Charlie was still awake. Could he feel the way Travis’ body had heated up? Could he hear how fast Travis’ heart was beating? Or was he peacefully oblivious to all of it?

There was a light tap on the door and Charlie made a sleepy grumbling sound as his grandpa peeked in. The look he gave Travis suggested that he understood the implications of the position they were in, but he didn’t comment. “Think we should let Charlie get some proper sleep now, eh?”

Travis looked down at Charlie. He didn’t look happy to be awake. “Will you be okay on your own now?”

Charlie’s hand fisted in Travis’ shirt, but a moment later he let go and rolled off and began worming his way under the blankets. As Travis got up to leave, Charlie waved a hand in his direction. “Light.”

“You want it off?”

Charlie nodded and made an “Mm” sound.

“Okay.” Travis flipped the light off and paused in the doorway to Charlie’s room. “Goodnight, Charlie. I’m really glad we got you back safe.”

“Mm,” Charlie said again, but there was more feeling to it this time. “Me too.”