Being Wrong

Travis heard a plaintive meow and looked up from where he sat studying on the sofa. He met Artemis' pleading green eyes as she prodded her paw at the gap under the front door.

"It's raining, Artemis," Travis told her before refocusing on his textbook.

Artemis meowed again and Travis heard her claws scratch against the wood of the door.

"I know you don't like the tray, but I reckon you like rain less." When Artemis just kept scratching at the door, Travis sighed and stood. "Stop that, you'll scratch the paint. I'll open the door, but I know you don't really want to go out there."

Travis cracked the door open and stood back so that Artemis could go out. She stuck her head out, mewed curiously, then sat down in the doorway and stared outside.

"In or out," Travis said. "I'm not leaving the door open."

Travis was just about to give up and force Artemis to move in one direction or the other when he saw something shift in the darkness. He slid the door open further and squinted through it.

There was someone outside, leaning against the wall of the small sheltered porch. Travis hesitated, tempted to grab Artemis and go back inside before making sure all the doors and windows were locked. This wasn't exactly a high crime neighbourhood, but it still gave him the creeps.

But... why was the person sitting? That seemed like an odd thing for a thief to do. As the mysterious stranger watched Travis, they pushed the hood of their sweatshirt back to reveal their face.

Out of his uniform and in dim lighting, Travis didn't recognise the boy at first. It wasn't until he flicked the porch light on that he realised who it was, though that made the situation no less confusing. "Charlie?"

Charlie stared back at Travis with no less confusion. "You know my name?"

"Well, you're in my maths class," Travis said. It came out sounding more defensive than he’d intended.

Charlie studied him carefully for a moment before realisation flooded his face. "Oh, you’re the guy with the guitar. Oh..."

“Yeah. I’m Travis.” Travis didn't like the way Charlie's shoulders hunched, how he seemed more uncomfortable with knowing who Travis was than thinking him a complete stranger. Travis hadn't seemed that threatening, had he? Travis dismissed the thoughts with a shake of his head. "Okay, so if you didn't even know who lived here, what are you doing on my porch?"

"Oh..." Charlie looked around as though that confused him as well. "I was listening to your music and then it started raining and I didn't want to get wet so I got stranded. Sorry. I live there." He pointed to the house next door to the block of flats Travis lived in.

Travis leant against the doorframe and folded his arms over his chest. "I've never seen you over there before."

"I just moved in with my grandparents."

"Ah." Travis considered Charlie for a moment. He didn't seem to be lying, but he didn't make much sense either. "So you're saying you came over here to sit outside my house to listen to the music I was playing. Don't you have your own music?"

Charlie scratched the back of his neck. "I have a walkman but I don’t have any batteries and I just... Music makes me feel better."

"Yeah, me too." Travis hesitated for a moment. "Want to come inside?"

Charlie didn't move. "Why?"

"Because just lurking out there is kind of weird, dude. Come inside until the rain stops or go now and deal with getting wet. Up to you."

Charlie pushed himself to his feet. "I'll come inside."

Travis didn't know what he was doing, inviting a virtual stranger into his house. Not that he thought Charlie was in any way threatening, but he was a little weird. The whole situation was weird. Travis shut the door behind them and then wasn't sure what to do.

Charlie stayed by the door as Travis walked further into the room. He was watching Travis, but he seemed to be avoiding looking directly at him as he tugged on the strings on his hoodie and chewed at his lip. Goddamn but he was cute with his big blue eyes flicking uncertainly around the room. He looked even more adorable in the slightly oversized hoodie than he had in his school uniform. And...

"Are you wearing pyjama pants?" Travis asked.

Charlie looked down as though to check for himself. "Oh. Yes. They're more comfortable than any of my other clothes, and I told my grandparents I was going to bed, so..."

"It's like, eight thirty. And you said you'd been there a while."

Charlie shrugged. "I just didn't want to be around them anymore. I was tired and they make me tireder."

Having more than once in the past had Charlie's grandmother scold him essentially for daring to live in a block of flats she resented being built next to her house, Travis could understand that. Living with them didn't sound like fun. Even less so for someone as timid as Charlie.

"Sorry I snapped at you for touching my guitar.”

Charlie shrugged again, his eyes dropping to the ground. "I shouldn't have."

"Yeah, but it’s… whatever. I’m not still mad at you or anything.”

Charlie pulled his hoodie string up to his mouth and dragged it across his lips, back and forth. It could almost have been erotic, but it fell more towards cute. "I just... When you played, it was like magic. That you could just do that and make music and I... I shouldn't touch things without permission, though."

Travis let out a quiet huff of laughter, not at Charlie, but at the fluttery feeling Charlie's words had sparked in his stomach. How ridiculous. People told him he was good at music stuff all the time. Not quite like that, though, and they were usually girls.

Charlie was awkward and probably the very definition of uncool, but suddenly Travis wanted nothing more than to impress him. "Want me to play something for you?"

Charlie fidgeted, but Travis couldn't tell whether it was from excitement or discomfort. He nodded and Travis went to turn off the stereo.

It wasn't until Travis had taken his guitar out of its case and sat down at the sofa that he noticed Charlie was still hovering near the front door. Travis patted the spot on the sofa next to him, and Charlie cautiously approached.

"What do you want me to play?" Travis asked once Charlie was seated beside him.

"Um..." Charlie said as his eyes wandered aimlessly around the room. Travis waited a moment, but Charlie seemed to be stalled out rather than considering his options.

Travis turned his attention away from Charlie and plucked at his guitar strings idly as he thought. Generally he played romance songs because they happened to suit his style. Would that be weird? Yes, probably. Travis picked something more appropriate and began strumming the tune out on his guitar. "Don't let the silence get you down..."

As Travis sung, he watched Charlie. He wasn't sure how he'd expected Charlie to react, really. Like one of the girls who fangirled over him? Like the guys who played in bands at school who he sometimes hung out with? His response wasn't really like either of those groups, though, the way he leant back against the sofa and his eyes went distant, his focus on the music absolute but any reaction to it muted. It was impossible to tell how he felt about it from looking. Charlie’s eyes slowly slid shut and Travis noticed he had a tiny freckle on his eyelid.

"For I'd rather be a pebble in an ocean vast and drown than be alone, they make no sound," Travis finished.

It wasn't until Charlie spoke, his voice tight, that Travis realised he was upset. "Thank you."

It was out of desperation to lighten the mood that Travis started into Gay Pirates, but by the time he reached 'gang rape' in the lyrics he realised two things: that sung to a single, male audience, singing a song about gay pirate lovers came off as more creepy than funny, and that, though the tune of it was upbeat, the lyrics themselves were actually pretty depressing.

Even so, Travis saw the song through to its end under the theory that stopping half way through would only highlight what a weird choice it had been to begin with. After the last words of the song had left his mouth and his fingers had stilled on the guitar strings, Travis didn't know what to do.

"What's a pansy?" Charlie asked in the awkward stretch of silence that followed.

“A… Sorry, what?”

"A pansy," Charlie repeated. "I mean, I know it's a flower but I think it means something else as well."

"Did someone tell you I was one?"

"What?" Charlie frowned at Travis. "No, my grandpa just said that the... Nevermind."

"It's a derogatory term for a guy who's gay or effeminate. Kinda old fashioned."

"Oh." There was another moment of silence. "He said that's why I needed new blankets and curtains. Because they had flowers on them and people would think I was a pansy."

"I am," Travis said. "I mean, gay." He rubbed a hand over his face in the awkward silence that followed. "Sorry, this got really weird. It's stopped raining. You should probably go before it starts again."

"Yeah, okay. Um." Charlie hesitated for a moment after he stood. "Thanks for playing for me. I really like... um, thanks."

"Uh, yeah, no problem..." Travis said as Charlie headed for the door. When the front door clicked shut behind Charlie, Travis sighed and turned to face Artemis where she'd perched herself on the back of the sofa. "That probably could have gone worse, I'm just not sure how. I should get a puppy. You're shit at helping me pick up guys."

#

Charlie couldn't stop the nervous dancing of his stomach as he snuck back into his grandparents house. He couldn't quite pinpoint what about the whole thing made his entire body feel like squirming, but even once he was back inside he couldn't make himself sit still.

His dad had thrown the word ‘fag’ around all the time and Charlie knew exactly what it meant, but the philosophy had never really stuck for Charlie any more than his dad's racist attitudes had. So he wasn't scared of or disgusted by Travis, he was just... squirmy. He flopped back on his bed and let his body fidget.

Had Charlie done something wrong? Things had ended so awkwardly. What should Charlie do now when he saw Travis at school? Were they sort of friends now, or at least acquaintances, or would Travis rather avoid him after what had happened? Charlie still wasn't actually sure what had happened. If pansy was a slur, had it upset Travis that Charlie had brought it up? It hadn't been directed at him, but even so...

Charlie let out a long sigh. He'd just wait and see if Travis talked to him at school or not, and follow his lead on this. That would be easy enough.

With that decided, Charlie pulled off his hoodie and crawled under the covers. It was only just past nine, but after the day he'd had he felt bone tired. Despite his jittering mind, it didn't take Charlie long to get to sleep.