I'm with You

I was startled awake in my seat. Sweat coated my body and tears were cascading down my dirty cheeks. My whole body was trembling and I could feel a hand squeezing mine. It was still dark out, but I could make out Rick still driving my car. He gave me a worried glance every few seconds, not wanting to stray his eyes off the road for every long. I began relaxing back into my seat after realizing that it was just another nightmare. The nightmare had been almost the same as before, only the surroundings changed from the forest to the storage lockers we just drove away from.

"You alright?" Rick finally asked, casting his eyes over to me once again. His hand still had a light grip on mine until I pulled my hand away.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I breathed out slowly, trying to calm my nerves.

He put his other hand back on the steering wheel before looking at me again. He knew that I wasn't alright. He knew I had another nightmare, but he didn't know what it was about. What was I suppose to say? 'No, I'm not okay. I had that same damn nightmare where I had to relive memories and then watch as the group left me to die?' All that would get would be Rick saying they wouldn't leave me again, and that he regrets doing so before. Everyone else would most likely say the same thing and probably something about it not being my fault about my mother's and Jake's death. Or they could think I was going insane, which I'm sure I'm not far from it.

We drove in silence for another ten minutes until headlights behind us flashed. We pulled over to the side of the road and I knew someone was out of fuel. Gas was something we had been looking for since we were somewhere that had been permanent for awhile. Most of the cars were almost completely full too. I knew that the back of the truck still had a few containers of gasoline. They might not be all the way full, but it would be enough until we found some more in the morning.

"You gettin' out?" Rick glanced back at me. He already had the door open and was standing outside the car. I quickly nodded before getting out the passenger side. I knew I needed the fresh air.

I stayed by my car while Rick went to talk to the others who were parked behind us. Daryl gave me a slight nod before joining them as well. I was left by myself by the hood of the Camaro. I felt uneasy being alone. I had cheated death once again, then had another nightmare doing the same. I knew the group was only a few feet away from me, but I needed to be closer to someone, otherwise I didn't feel safe.

I casually went over to where Daryl, Rick, T-Dog, Carol, Hershel, and Lori were. I knew the others were sleeping or were just staying in the car. It was something that I should have done, but that wouldn't have made me feel safe. I sent a small smile to Lori, who looked exhausted. I was amazed she was even awake. As I looked at the faces of the other five, I realized that Carol and T-Dog were really the only ones wide awake. I was now wide awake as well, but mine had to do with the fear that lingered in the back of my mind still.

I stayed by Lori and Carol as the four men went to fuel up the vehicles. They began talking to each other while I stood a few feet from them, barely listening to what they were saying. My mind decided that it rather replay the nightmare over and over in my head. It was only certain parts though, like seeing my mother, Jake, and then everyone leaving me to die. I could fill the tears well up in my eyes again.

"Are you okay?" Carol asked me, after seeing the condition I was in. I didn't even realize that Lori was no longer standing by us.

"I had the nightmare again," I admitted to her. "It keeps replaying in my head. I just want it to stop and go away." I began crying as she pulled me into a hug, trying to calm me down and reassure me that everything would be okay.

"Is she alright?" Hershel asked behind me. I didn't realize that the four men were back over to us. Carol began explaining to him that I had another nightmare. Rick then spoke, telling them it happened right before we pulled over to the side of the road.

I pulled away from Carol and stopped sobbing. Tears were still falling, so I kept my head down glancing at the ground. I didn't want everyone to worry about me. They already had enough to worry about. I also knew that I couldn't just keep standing here crying like a baby. We needed to go, and I know some people are impatient like Daryl.

Not another word was said as we went back to the vehicles. I got back in the passenger seat of my car since I was obviously in no condition to drive. First sight of a walker in front of me and I would probably break down crying. It sucked, but I couldn't help it.

Rick began following Daryl on his motorcycle. I knew it would be pointless to ask where we were going. Nobody ever knew where we were going. Rick rarely looked at the map anymore. We were pretty much going in circles anyway.

"Do you wanna talk 'bout it?" Rick asked, breaking the silence. I shrugged, not really wanting to speak.

The tears had stopped falling, making my eyes all dry from the crying I did. My throat was dry too, but I didn't have any bottles of water with me. I kept my head turned away from Rick and stared out the window. I could feel him glancing over at me every now and then but ignored it. I was glad that he didn't push the subject any further. He never did. It was like he knew everyone's limits. That was something I liked about him. He was there when you needed him, but would never push you to talk about it.