I'm with You

Click.

My eyes opened and I let out a sigh of relief before dropping the gun beside me. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I put my forehead against my knees and began crying hard. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn't sure if I was more upset over the fact that I was still alive or if I was happy to be alive. I was having mixed emotions about.

My name was still being called out, and it wasn't by just one person. Through my loud crying I could hear pretty much everyone's voices. A few were getting closer to me, but I didn't say a word. They would find me soon enough, they always did.

A few minutes later I heard leaves crunch from behind me. I kept in the position I was in, and continued to cry. I knew that they knew I was here. Hell, I was crying loud enough for anyone a mile away to hear. My name was being shouted in the distance still even though someone had found me. I didn't look up until a hand was placed on my shoulder. Through my blurry vision I could see Rick, not far behind him stood Daryl. I didn't even know more than one person was near me since their footsteps were so quiet, that being most likely Daryl. Their eyes went from me to the gun beside me. It didn't take either of them long to figure out what my plan out here was. I could tell they were disappointed, shocked, and even sadden that I would even think of doing such a thing.

After a few moments of staring at each other, Rick helped me up off the ground and pulled me into a hug. Daryl picked up my gun before checking to see how many bullets there were. I looked away from him when he noticed I was staring. He said nothing before walking away from Rick and I, probably to tell them what happened and that I was safe. Rick pulled me back to look at me, and all I could do was look at the ground, ashamed of what I had planned to do. When he couldn't get me to look at him, he let out a sigh and shook his head. He took my hand and began leading me out of the woods.

Tears were no longer falling as we got to the edge of the woods. It wasn't until now that I realized that the back of my pants were wet from sitting on the snowy ground. I also began to realize everything that had just happened and it shocked me. The whole group would know about me being suicidal and possibly insane. This wasn't who I was. I wasn't the girl that would take the easy way out when life got hard even though I wanted to many times before. Have I really let myself hit rock bottom?

Rick was soon leading me into the unfamiliar house and sitting me on the couch. I could feel everyone around me, watching me for my next move. The silence was awkward and a part of me wanted someone to speak while the other part of me didn't since it would be something for me to answer. I kept my head down, staring at the pattern of the rug on the floor. It was more interesting than seeing the looks on everyone's faces, the looks that would make me feel ashamed of myself.

"There was only one bullet left," Daryl spoke before my gun was thrown onto my lap. My eyes moved from the pattern of the rug to the gun that was resting on my lap. All I could do was stare at it. "Ya got lucky," Daryl murmured before walking out of what I guessed was the living room.

A few people followed him, but I didn't look up to see who. Eyes were still on me. I heard Lori whisper something to Carl before they left the room. I finally looked up to see who was left in the room with me. Rick was standing with his arms crossed over his chest next to me by the couch. Carol was leaning against the doorway, watching me. The last person was Hershel, who was sitting in a chair that was next to the couch. All three of them were showing a hint of sadness and disappointment. I began to wonder what their plans with me were. I saw Rick nod at Hershel and Carol, and they both left the room leaving only Rick and I. He didn't say anything as he stayed standing by my side waiting for me to talk.

Rick soon gave up when I didn't talk and left me in the room by myself with the gun. Maybe their plan was to see if I would kill myself. Instead I picked up the gun and threw it at the wall as hard as I could. It left a small hole in the plain white wall and I felt quite satisfied with myself. I was amazed nobody came running in to see what the noise was since I was sure someone was outside the doorway to the living room. I laid down on the couch knowing that I wouldn't get very far if I tried to leave the living room.

An hour passed with me staring up at the dirty white ceiling. Someone came into the living room, but I kept my eyes towards the ceiling. It wasn't until that someone sat down on the edge of the couch by my feet did I actually look to see who it was. Daryl was sitting awkwardly by my feet. He was last person I expected to see, but he always seemed to surprise me anymore. I moved from my relaxed position of laying on my back with my arms behind my head to sitting partially up with my knees drawn to my chest to give him room to sit.

"What do ya want?" I asked, speaking for the first time since my failed suicide attempt.

"Why'd ya do it?" Daryl asked, getting straight to the point.

"Why does it matter to you?" I muttered before resting my head against the back of the couch.

Daryl let out a frustrated sigh before running his hands down his face. Guess he didn't want to play twenty questions.

"We all wanna know," Daryl stated, keeping his eyes locked with mine.

"Seems to me that you were chosen to come ask." I smirked a little when he frowned, obviously not thrilled with me avoiding the question. I began speaking again, but a little louder for those who were probably listening outside the doorway. "Maybe I don't see a reason to live. I mean, I had to kill my mom, then had to watch Jake die in front of me. It keeps repeating in my head." I sent a glare at Daryl before continuing. "I keep havin' the same fuckin' nightmare. I have to keep reliving the moments in the nightmare. Wanna know what happens at the end?" Daryl didn't say anything so I went on. "This fuckin' group leaves me again. You all leave me to be killed when you can save me. The pain of being bitten in my nightmare is unbearable. I wake up with the throbbing where I was bit at, but nothing is there. I get tore apart in the nightmare while every single one of you leave!" I raised my voice even louder to make sure the others heard. "You leave me to die, except this time it's not in a goddamn apartment. No, it's in the middle of the woods that's walker infested. My mother and Jake are both there as well as other people I recognize. Guess who takes the first bite?! Jake does! I'm left for dead." Tears were falling again and I knew I just admitted everything to Daryl and whoever was listening even though I hadn't meant to. I felt stupid.

"I'm worthless, Daryl," I muttered. "I'm just better off dead..."