Howl

“That was awesome, Lyall.”

People I haven’t met before in my life have been throwing comments like this at me all day. Sadly, I scampered from McGonagall’s class before Draco had the chance to catch me.

I sat myself in the library, oblivious to the world around me and alone with Hemingway. He is a muggle author, but that is okay. Despite a huge relief having fallen from my shoulders, I was still gnawing at the inside of my mouth at the thought of those who might not be so… accepting.

I wonder what Draco is thinking. I wonder what Hermione and the others are thinking. I wonder if they were lookin—

“H-hey.”

I glance up into the kind eyes of Neville and smile. His presence puts me at ease. Neville was kind. I slide across the bench and he plops down beside me with nervous chuckle. “Hei!”

“I like it when you do that.”

Neville looks astonished that the words escaped the tip of his tongue, but my heart warms at the thought.

We remain in silence for a few minutes as I finish the chapter to my book. I place it face down on the table and turn my body towards Neville. He looks into space thoughtfully for a moment. My lips tug up at the clueless boy in front of me. I know he wouldn’t always be like this. One day, he wasn’t going to be the stuttering, nervous boy he is, instead he was going to be a hero. I repressed a smile at the thought.

“You know,” he draws me a look from the corner of his eyes. “I was wondering why you were put in Slytherin. Everything about you screamed Gryffindor and here you are, sitting in the library with your nose deep in a book. You would have done well in Ravenclaw. I was thinking…”

“Did you come to a conclusion?”

“Yeah,” Neville nods and smiles brightly at me. “You adapt to survive.”

Adapt to survive. I like the sound of it. I blink and tilt my head to the side, regarding Neville with cool curiosity. He stares back at me and awaits my response. I see fear creeping in his eyes and I smile brightly at him. “I suppose you’re right.”

Neville makes to leave and I watch him go but he stops short at the threshold of the library door with one hand on the frame, he turns back to me and says, “Lyall,” and smiles. “You were absolutely beautiful today and I hope you never let anyone tell you otherwise. Oh, and Malfoy was looking for you.”



I make my way down the castle at a leisurely pace. I will see Draco whenever I see him. I’m not in a rush to be anywhere right now. I had a full day of him tomorrow – I wanted a little time to myself.

Just as I turn the corner, my face collides roughly with someone’s chest and a callous hand grips me harshly by the forearm. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and I try to jerk my body away from them but I’m stopped short by the hiss of a cat. I bristle and bare my teeth at the stupid creature.

“Wandering around the castle after hours, are we?” A blast of rancid air hits me in the face as the caretaker – Filch – drags me along to his desires. “We can’t have that, can we Mrs. Norris? No. We’ll just have to show Molviola she doesn’t own this school. Get in there!”

He pushes me into an empty classroom – that isn’t so empty – and a growl emanates deep within my chest. He urges me towards three desks in which two of them are occupied by Harry and… Draco. Stiffly, I take my place between them. I can feel the tension rolling off my friends in waves.

“Now, you lot just stay here and I’ll be back to start your punishment.”

Muttering about his old methods, he leaves the room with an audible slam of the door.

The three of us sit in an awkward silence for a minute before any of us initiate conversation.

“Lyall, I was looking for you.” Draco turns his whole body towards me and I tilt my legs in his diection. “Where were you? I couldn’t find you anywhere.”

“I was in the library with Neville.”

Draco’s face fell and Harry chuckled from the other end of me. “Of course,” he says. “Draco isn’t intelligent enough to even know where the library is.”

“Shut up, Saint Potter.”

“Why don’t you—”

“Both shut up.” I growl. “Why are you both in here?”

“I was looking for you—” Harry and Draco both cut their identical sentences and shot deathly glares at each other. I stiffen from between them and Draco’s eyes are the first to soften. He says, “I hadn’t seen you since Transfiguration.”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Harry says.

“I’m fine,” I huff. “I don’t need either of you looking out for me, thanks.”

They continue to stare at me, I will myself to shrink in my seat but only muster up enough power to twitch anxiously from my fingers. I didn’t like all eyes on me – I think I’d had enough attention for the day.

Suddenly, I blanch and sit upright in my seat as a horrible thought crosses my mind. My father is going to murder me. Draco’s pale, strong hand gently grasps my arm and I am forced to look at him. His blue eyes tell me that whatever it was, I was going to be okay. I’m not sure if I believe him but I open my mouth to tell him regardless of what I believe. “My dad… He said I should keep a low profile this year… He said I shouldn’t… He told me not to… I’m so stupid.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

I flinch at Harry’s tone while Draco pulls me closer to him.

Harry didn’t understand – he would never understand the pressure I was under from my father. The closest things Harry had to family were his family and the amount of support he got from them was the envy of my life. My father loves me, don’t get me wrong, but he was very accusatory and tough on me when he wanted.

I close my eyes…

“Look what you’ve done, Lyall.” My father growled at me as I phased back to skin and clothes. I clutched my head in my hand, ignoring the blood splattered over my hands and caked beneath my nails. “Look at the mess you’ve made!”

“It wasn’t me!” I screamed. I held my hands out in front of me and begin to shake. I crawl towards my parents but he pushed me away. “It wasn’t me!”

“This is all your fault. This is all your fault.” My father rocked back and forth with her in his arms and I cried into the wet, bloody ground beneath my knees…

“Lyall…” his voice brings me back to the surface. I sniff and bring my eyes up to meet his. Draco holds my face in his hands. “I’ve got you.”

I squeak his name and Draco presses his lips together in a tight line. His arms wind around me and I press my cheek against his chest. I shake my head although I’m not entirely sure what I’m declining.
I can’t be interested in Draco. I can’t get mixed up in all that with him. I had to, as my dad said; keep a low profile and dating the Prince of Slytherin wasn’t going to help that at all. I sniff one last time and pull away from him. I wasn’t going to do this. I wasn’t in love with the boy but I couldn’t risk getting too close.

To anyone.

I was dangerous. My father told me so.

I pull away and shuffle back into my chair. Harry and Draco say my name but I ignore them. I didn’t need them – did I? Keep a low profile, he said, and so I shall. I couldn’t upset him again; I just couldn’t go through it all. I wouldn’t.

After a while, the boys stop saying my name.



Most of the time, I sat with Thanatos. Neither of us spoke, so we didn’t know each other at all. This was good. I wasn’t getting attached to anyone and I wasn’t alone.

Every so often, I catch a glimpse of Draco and Harry. And every so often, they’d be looking at me too.
I didn’t matter to them though, we had only been friends for a short while and I had more important things on my mind that being friends with people. I mean, I wasn’t going to be falling in love with either of them anytime soon, was I?

“You should eat.” Thanatos says. It was one of those where I was weighing up the pros and cons of having friends. “You’re wearing away.”

It struck me as odd but I had never really given Thanatos much thought. He stuck by my side even though he knew me as well as Parkinson did. Why was he here? I turn to him, “Do you want something from me?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Thanatos blinks at me and I blink right back. His dark eyes watch me incredibly and I shuffle in my seat. He smiles brightly and I think that he has a wonderful smile before I can help myself. “You really have no idea, do you?”

“No,” I breathe and turn away from him. My eyes scrape by the mountains of food and choirs of people just to land on him. One of the first people I cared for in this school. Draco’s ice blue eyes met my ever-changing ones and I swallowed back the bile of regret in my throat. “I don’t have a clue.”

“Lyall, I’ve been—”

We’re interrupted by the squawk of a Snowy Owl as he lands in front of me with a letter tied to his leg. I reach out and ruffle his feathers and Salvatore pecks cheekily at my fingers. His wide yellow eyes regard me sceptically (if an owl is capable) and I offer him a small smile. I throw him some food from the table and untie the note from around his thin legs.

My beautiful Lyall,

I heard about what happened in class – I don’t want you to worry, as long as you, and everybody else, are okay. Just be careful, okay? I’ll need to know if anything happens just to keep track of you. Baile and I are okay, but we miss you terribly. He can’t wait for you to come and tell him everything. However, as it is, Baile and I won’t be home by the time Christmas arrives; we’re visiting family back in Finland. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you. You can’t come… not after last time.

You can come home, bring someone with you for the holidays, or find somewhere else to go. Just let me know so that there are arrangements made for you, my love.

Write back soon, please, and try to enjoy your Christmas. I’m sorry that things are how they are.

We love you.

Carefully, I fold the note and place it in front of me, conflicted.

How could they go back home without me? I had a life there too, didn’t I? I had loved ones and friends of my own. I wonder how Baile felt about going back… without me.

On the other hand, I had a lot of freedom for myself – and no friends to share it with.

I bite my lip and allow my eyes to travel upwards to where Draco was laughing with Blaise. I didn’t think he’d appreciate me renouncing our friendship and asking him to stay at my home with me during Christmas.

Nor would Harry and the others.

I couldn’t ask Thanatos. I wouldn’t. I didn’t find the poor boy particularly riveting. With a sigh, I cast Thanatos a reproachful glance and slide away from him and out my seat. I quickly glance between my friends as I hurry out of the Great Hall.

What the hell was I going to do?