You're Already the Voice Inside My Head

Jack Barakat my Jack Barakat, finally I have a proper name to the boy in my head. I start straight away by searching his name in Google.
Jacky I think I’ve found your MySpace!
“What’s MySpace again?”
It’s like a social networking site, you use it talk to friends and shit.
“Maybe my friends will know where I am”
That’s what I’m counting on.
I look through the posts on his MySpace wall; they’re lots of messages from people saying they miss him.
They’re a lots of messages from people they saying that miss you.
“Miss me? So where did I go?”
I wish I knew Jack.
I continue to look around the page, just messages from people but Jack hasn’t posted anything in a few weeks.
Jack do you think it’s possible you’ve been where you are for a long time?
“What do you mean?”
You haven’t posted anything for weeks then they’re all these messages saying they miss you...
“What’s the last thing I said?”
Sometimes you need to look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re the prettiest princess in the all the land, I do it twice a week.
“It’s true I do!”
You come out with weird shit Barakat.
“I try”
But do you think it’s true? That you’ve been for a while?
“That’s what it sounds like”
The more we find out, the more confused I get.
“I know...” I continue to scroll through Jack’s page, I look up his music and the things he likes to listen to. Blink 182 are at the top, followed me Green Day, New Found Glory and Yellowcard.
You’ve got very good taste Jack.
I start looking through his pictures, ones of him with friends out partying and getting drunk. He looks like a person who likes to have fun, I can’t help but smile looking at him.
Jack? I ask as I realise he hasn’t answered me, there’s still no answer.
Jack? Jack are you there? There’s still nothing, I try not to worry this isn’t the first time he’s disappeared on me.
I stay up late still looking through Jack’s MySpace I know I shouldn’t really, it’s kind of like stalking him but I have no other way of finding out about him plus maybe I’ll find something. I know I could ask his friends but how did I ask without sounding like a crazy person? As I continue to look through his posts he talks about girls, boobs and sex. He’s as straight as they come, so how could that medium think he’d fall in love with me? The whole idea’s one crazy thing too far, Jack deserves a beautiful girl who will treat him right, not me. I fall asleep with my laptop still beside me, a picture of Jack on the screen.
I dream again, the same dream with the pouring rain and the car coming too fast. But this time just before the car turns over I see another person at the side of the road, a person who hasn’t been there before. It’s a woman, she’s dressed in a short black dress and she looks beautiful. She stares at me just as the car skids on the road, crashing over and as the blood begins to pour onto the road she disappears.
Jack? Is the first thing I call out as I wake up, there’s still no answer. He can’t be dead I tell myself, I would be able to feel it. Like he said the first time he disappeared something just changed, so maybe it’s changed again. I just hope he comes back again soon. I forget all about the woman in my dream.
I make my way to school just like any other day, my heavy bag digging into my shoulders as I walk. I keep my head down, even on the streets I’ve got into the habit of not wanting to draw attention to myself where ever I go. I don’t know what makes me look up from my dirty converses but I do, and standing on the other side of the street was the woman from my dream. She looks just the same as she did then, the same black dress, the same auburn hair and the same stare. I run, I don’t what else to do. What do you do when a woman from your dream is staring at you in real life? As I arrive at the school I’m panicking, my hearts racing and my legs burn from running.
Jack. I call out desperately,
Please Jack I need you... No answer, the other end of the line still dead.

I go to the bathroom to calm myself down, I’ve been in worse places and been alone I can do this. I take a deep breath and hope I can make it through the day. For once my luck is in, Graeme and the rest of the football team are away on some semi-final match for some cup, so at least I can walk the halls without fear of being beaten to hell.
My morning comes by fine, I even get to sit next to Rian at lunch and he tells me how he’s dating this girl called Cassadee who he met at that party. Unfortunately Rian isn’t in any of my lessons for the afternoon, so I go to English on my own, I sit nearest the window I can’t help thinking of Jack instead of working. I mean where could he be? I go back to looking at the book in front of me at least trying to make the words go in but something in the window catches my eye. Something black goes by the window, I look up again and there she is, standing right outside the room staring at me in the same woman.
“Holy fuck get away from me” I yell, jumping out of my seat.
“What are you on about Mr Gaskarth?”
“There’s a woman...” I look outside and she’s gone again. “There was a woman I swear”
“I think you should go Gaskarth” says Mr Lees, I just nod and leave the lesson. I sign out of school on the grounds of I not feel well enough to carry on. It’s only as I get out of school I start actually breaking down, Jack’s missing, there’s a woman stalking me and I’ve got no one I can go to. I start crying as I walk home.
JACK. I call out hopelessly, please come back to me Jacky I need you, just as she appears in front of me.
“What do you want from me?” I ask, wiping the tears away with my sleeve. She doesn’t answer me but I hear it, there’s a car coming down the street and coming fast.
“No, no you can’t” I panic; she continues to stare to me. The car is still coming, I see it come around the corner. Its coming straight for me, I don’t know what to do I just run and she doesn’t try to stop me. I arrive home, scared, panting with tears on my face.
“Alex? What’s going on?”
Fuck Jack! Where have you been? I don’t mean to snap but I’m scared.
“I don’t know, it was just like there was this barrier between me and you that I couldn’t break through. What’s going on?”
Jack I think someone’s trying to kill me.