Love Just Is

I stood in front of my bathroom mirror in my underwear with my music blaring through my phone staring at myself after Harry left. My fingers were softly running over the spots Harry had left his mark. There was one right on the crook of my neck where it turned into my shoulder, there was another on my collarbone, that cheeky bastard had even left one on my left breast.

I couldn’t really believe that I’d had sex with him, and just the thought of what he could do with his mouth sent a shiver down my spine. I was quickly pulled out of my thoughts of what Harry could do, thankfully, by a text. I rolled my eyes when I saw was who it was from.

Sorry I left like that, I just really need to work on my homework. It was lots of fun though ;)

It’s fine, I have a photography project I haven’t even started on that’s due at the end of the week. And I don’t really think I would’ve gotten much done with you here to distract me :P

Oh you wouldn’t of gotten anything done. I would’ve made sure of that one ;)

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at how fucking ridiculous he was, and while I still knew that I should be running in the other direction I couldn’t stop myself from running right to him.

If I would’ve stayed you would’ve been screaming my name all night begging me for a lot more than you were.

I was trying to forget it. I was trying not to remember our little sexual adventure in my kitchen. I didn’t want to think about it and get turned on again, it wasn’t like he was here anymore. And I didn’t want whatever the hell was going on with Harry and I to turn into jumping one anothers bones every time we saw each other. But he was making that hard.

Well then I’m glad you left. Because I really need to work on this project.

I hopped into the shower after I sent my text. I needed to wash it all away and take a few minutes to just not think about it.

I wasn’t going to be a baby and hate myself for this, and I wasn’t going to sulk around that Harry didn’t stay. I was a big girl, and I could deal with that. So I took my shower put on some clean pajamas and then went to work on my damn homework. I was fine. I was fine that he hadn’t stuck around to cuddle, I was fine that he was a cheeky bastard who’d probably bring it up a lot, and I was fine that we’d probably do it again. Sure I knew it wasn’t really the smartest thing, and I knew that maybe some time in the future I might regret it. But well I told myself that if I ended up regretting it then I just hoped I learn some kind of lesson.

The last thing I was going to do was let Harry not staying over to cuddle, or whatever the hell he did after sex, get to me. I went to fix another cup of tea and do homework. I didn’t flinch when I walked into my kitchen I just let it roll off. I laughed softly when I noticed his fucking American flag headscarf lying on the ground, but I couldn’t help myself. My hair was already pulled back to keep it out of my face while I worked and I just slipped the silly scarf on and knew I probably looked stupid, since well I was pretty sure that Harry pulled the stupid things off more than I did, but I was home alone and it didn’t matter. I did decide to tell him he’d left it though.

You left something here. I texted him with my picture attached, and it didn’t take him long to reply at all.

I know, I realized when I was almost home. You look good in it though.

I’m sure I look like an idiot.

No really, I think you look good in it. So have you gotten any work done?

No. I’ve successfully taken a shower and fixed another cup of tea. That’s it.

I haven’t even taken a shower. I got some tea though. I fucking hate chemistry.

We texted the rest of the night while we were both trying to get things done. He was working on chemistry, while I was working on my photo project. And I was okay with that because I knew if he would’ve called then I would’ve gotten even less done. I would've been more focused on his breathing through the phone, his deep raspy voice, I would've been more focused on what he sounded like rather than what I needed to get done.

--

It’d been almost a week. We’ll just say it’d been a school week, so five days. Five days since Harry and I had slept together. And every day got worse. The first day after I’d ended up wearing his stupid headscarf to class. I’d tried it on after I woke up with my hair and down and I did think it looked cute so I figured I’d wear it. He’d spotted me on my way to class and we’d ended up making out for like five minutes before we were both going to be late and I pushed him away. I told him we couldn’t do that there and he laughed telling me I was just getting all flustered and it was cute before he decided to run to his own class promising to call me later.

Thursday I had a presentation that we’d all been asked to dress up to give, it was for my stupid speech class and I knew that I’d have to present that day because we’d been told which class we were presenting it. So I’d wore this cute black dress I had and under it I had on my favorite tights, and some boots. I’d looked really cute, but left Harry’s headscarf at home and replaced it with a less flashy headband. Harry didn’t have class, and I’d thought maybe he’d spend his entire day in bed or something. No. Apparently he had a study session at the school or something and was on his way there. He led me to some corner in the hall that was pretty empty since it was kind of late and was kissing my neck slowly sliding his hand up my dress causing me to moan for him before I was pushing him away again. I couldn’t shag him. Not in the middle of the hallway when I had class to get to.

“Come on Mads you want me.”

“So bad.” I’d breathed out, sucking in air trying to keep calm. Trying not to give into him. “But I can’t. I have to get to class.”

After finally getting myself calmed down I pushed him away again still all flustered but at least I was thinking kind of clearly and got to class in time. He’d pouted some that I’d ruined his fun and I’d almost given in. I’d almost said fuck it and let him have his way with me right there but I didn’t. I had to remain strong.

Friday I had my photoshop class and had thrown together the pictures for our project and turned it in, then we had class. And I’d thought maybe I’d be able to avoid Harry that day. Not that I didn’t want to see him, because I did. I just didn’t want to see him on campus and give in. However my luck sucked. He showed up outside of my photoshop class with two boxes of lunches which we took outside. It was a nice enough day to actually eat outside. We were at one of the tables under the umbrella and I was so happy that he’d brought me food, of course I hadn’t needed him too. Really if he hadn’t I probably wouldn’t have eaten until I got home. Even though I only had one more class two hours later I needed to run to the library and do some research on some things for History, I also needed to return this book I’d checked out for English, and then I knew I needed to meet up with my friend before she killed me for being so distant. But Harry got to me first.

We ate in silence at first, until he was stealing some of my food and I fake glared at him.

“You have your own.”

“Yea but I’m all out.”

“Well that’s not my fault.”

“I know.” And then his lips were on mine. His hand was on my thigh and we were kissing until I was out of breath.

Kissing I could handle. It was all the touching that drove me mad. I mean the way his fingers grazed over my skin felt so nice. And before I knew what he was doing I was fucking moaning his name again. It was soft, I mean no one else heard me but Harry. That wasn’t the point though. There we were outside and his hand was up my shirt and under my bra groping my breast. Other than actually feeling him inside me that was my favorite thing he did. I fucking loved the way his large hand could cup my entire breast, though they weren't that big. I liked how he’d cup them and squeeze them, I liked how he’d play with my nipples. I fucking loved it. And feeling his hand up my shirt under my bra squeezing my breast made me all hot and bothered.

We weren’t the only ones outside, but we were the only ones at our table thankfully. He was hiding me from everyone and so I doubted that anyone could even tell what was happening, but it didn’t change that he was fucking fondling me in public. And I liked it.

“You okay Mads?”

I sent him another glare knowing he knew fully well that I wasn’t okay and it was his fault, and he laughed. He was laughing before he squeezed my breast one more time.

“H-Harry.”

Then his hand was gone. I think he did this shit because he liked how much control he had over me. I think he liked that he could fondle my chest in public and I’d just fucking moan his name. I think he liked the way I moaned his name, or maybe he just liked to fucking fuck with me. I couldn’t tell with him. But I swear to God I couldn’t not moan. It was like oh Harry you’re touching me, I’m gonna fucking moan your name. Oh Harry you’re standing right in front of me, well shit I should moan. It was so fucking annoying.

And he enjoyed it so much.

Saturday was bad. It wasn’t as bad as Sunday, but it was still bad. I mean Friday was bad but Friday was nothing compared to Saturday, which was nothing compared to Sunday.

We didn’t have class on weekends. The campus was still open for students to come to and work on things, but there weren’t classes. And after Harry’s fucking adventure Friday at the table I’d really did my best to avoid him so I didn’t have to go through that again. I’d met up with my friend Saturday morning for breakfast at the diner on campus. We hadn’t really talked in almost a week, of course we’d both been busy. Between class and my problem with Harry my mind had also been a little pre-occupied.

“So are you gonna tell me what’s going on with you Maddie?”

“What? There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m fine. It’s just been a really busy week.”

“Yea something’s going on with you, I just wanna know his name. I mean I know that isn’t your headscarf and you’ve never worn them outside your flat before. You always went on about how you looked weird in them.”

I hadn’t really thought about that one until she was mentioning it. Of course I hadn’t really thought about bringing Harry up either. I mean sure Sophie was my friend, my best friend, and I told her everything. But I hadn’t thought about telling her about Harry. Of course I didn’t know what Harry and I were. I mean we hung out a lot. We talked, a lot. We’d had sex, oh yea and over the last three days he’d teased me so much I didn’t know when it would end. But I didn’t know what we were. He was just Harry and I was just Maddie and we were just doing our thing.

“Mads.”

Of course. I really should’ve seen this coming. I should’ve seen Harry showing up here like this happening. But I hadn’t.

He slipped into the booth next to me and his lips automatically connected with my cheek, then he was turning to face Sophie and stick his hand out for her to shake.

“I’m Harry.”

“Sophie. It’s nice to meet you Harry.”

I knew I was in for it. She’d want to know everything about him, and it was going to be one hell of a story to tell if I told her about us having sex. Which I didn’t know if I would or not.

I just let Harry and Sophie talk for a bit ignoring them both trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Harry ordered some breakfast, and then we waited for him to finish eating since both Sophie and I had already finished our own plates then we were leaving.

“Sophie and I were headed to campus actually. We need to work on our photoshop mid-term.”

“You can join us Harry.”

“I’d love to. I have nothing else to do so why not.”

And that was how all three of us ended up in the mac lab alone. And how I ended up regretting that I was wearing a skirt. Sophie had ran down the hall real quick to get some pages she’d printed and Harry had taken it upon himself to get under the table. His hands were running along my thighs up my skirt before his fingers were hooked around my knickers pulling them down and spreading my legs some. I saw him put his finger to his lips telling me to be quiet but I didn’t know that I could do that. And right when I felt him slip a finger and his tongue in me, I wanted to let out his name so loud, Sophie walked back in.

“Where’d Harry go?”

I wanted to wrap my fingers in his hair and moan for him so bad. I swallowed trying to remember to breath.

“He went to the bathroom. I’m sure he’ll be right back.” I told her feeling him laugh because he was right there, between my legs again fucking using his lips in a manner that was so inappropriate it could make your whole body flush.

“Are you okay?”

I felt his hand on my hip keeping me still and nodded my head.

“Yea, it’s just kind of hot in here.”

“It is kind of hot in here.”

I nodded my head again feeling the moan that wanted to come out. I could feel the fire burning in my core and bubbling up through my entire body. And I knew it wouldn’t be long at all. God it felt so good what he was doing, and I wanted to react, I wanted to so bad. So I was very thankful when Sophie’s phone rang and she stepped into the hallway to take the call. My hands were quick to wrap in his hair and tug at the ends, and I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I let his name leave me while he finished me off.

“Hey I’ve gotta run. Tell Harry I said it was nice meeting him and bye.” Then she was gone and it was just Harry and I again.

We were alone in the mac lab and as badly as I wanted to be mad that he’d just done that I wasn’t. It was thrilling.

Now, I know that was pretty bad, letting Harry go down on me while my best friend was kind of right there. But I really think I would’ve taken doing Saturday all over rather than ever re-live Sunday.

Harry was a tease. As I’d learnt over the last four days. He liked to fucking tease me. He liked to corner me on campus and turn me on and not finish his job. I wasn’t sure how he didn’t turn himself on and then walk around with a painful boner, but whatever. I knew now that Harry was intimate, he liked breast, and that’d he’d willingly shag me anywhere.

He called me.

It was early, and I hadn’t even had time to open my eyes yet.

“Hello.”

“Mads,”

This was the first time I’d ever heard his I-just-woke-up voice. It was raspier than usual and it took him longer to say ‘Mads’ than usual. God it was sexy.

“D’you wanna go get breakfast with me?”

I opened my eyes and pulled my phone away from my ear to see what time it was groaning.

“It’s not even fucking nine a.m. yet.”

“I’m hungry.”

“How about you go pick up some food and I’ll meet you at your flat.”

“Okay.”

Somehow I ended up eventually rolling out of bed. I threw on a sweater and some shoes and figured it’d be warm enough I could just stay in my pj shorts. Really his flat wasn’t that far away from mine and the walk would probably wake me up. So after debating on if I wanted to put on a bra, and deciding against it since it wasn’t like Harry hadn’t seen them anyways, plus I hated them, I left.

I walked from my flat all the way to his flat, and I looked stupid walking to some boy’s flat early in the morning in my fucking pajama’s but I was still too tired to care. There would be food waiting for me there and I guess that’s what I thought made it worth it. That there would be food. Who knows, it was like 8:45 in the morning my brain wasn’t really functioning right yet.

His flat was right next to this small little diner that had really good pancakes and so he'd went and got some and was back before I’d gotten there. I think he heard me padding down the hallway too because before I had the chance to knock he was pulling me inside.

“Nice attire.”

“Shut up and give me a pancake.”

I was a cranky person this early. Why he’d called, or why I’d answered and agreed I didn’t know. But we sat there at the table for awhile. We ate all the pancakes, then we sat there a while longer. I was more awake now and still very aware of how sexy his voice had been over the phone. Clearly he was very aware of my attire and then there we were kissing.

He was super handsy. Like I mean more than he had been over the last four days. It was a blur really. A blur of breast and bum squeezing. There were breathy moans of his name. It was a blur for a bit because it was happening so quick. His hand was in my shorts rubbing and the other was holding me in place while he sucked on my shoulder.

My sweater was gone and in matter of no time so were the rest of the clothes keeping us apart. He was slipping a condom on and picking me up, my legs were wrapping around his waist, and he slammed into me.

My face was buried in his neck while he took me there. I moaned and threw my head back at one point feeling him deep inside me. It all felt nice. It wasn’t quite as intimate as last time, things weren’t as drawn out. This time was harder, this time he was rougher squeezing and biting, and it was some fucking wake up sex. Wake up sex that made you crawl back for more. Hell I probably could’ve shagged Harry all day. But of course I didn’t.

We were both close, it was one of those things you could tell. I let his name slip between my lips while I wrapped my fingers in his hair, something I tended to do a lot. He was groaning my name. It was great.

“Fucking shit Hazz some of us are trying to sleep.”

My eyes widened like a deer in headlights while we finished. He turned from me and was shrugging it off like this kind of thing happened all the time. Which it didn’t for me.

“Sorry mate.”

“Right I’m sure you are.”

He had dark hair, his body was covered in tattoos much like Harry’s own, and I could tell he was tired. He rubbed his face before he grabbed one of the pancakes off the plate Harry and I hadn’t touched, then he was grabbing the OJ from the fridge and pouring himself a glass. All while I just stood there totally petrified.

“I’m Zayn by the way.” He finally said realizing I was there I guess. “And now I’m going back to bed so keep it quiet will ya.”

And then he was gone. I was still shocked, hoping no one else walked out and into the room. I never wanted to relive this again. Never. I hadn’t been like okay okay with the whole Sophie thing, but it’d been kind of exhilarating. I’d feel weird every time I looked at her sure, but this was totally different.

I hadn’t known he shared his flat with anyone. Of course I knew he had friends, but I hadn’t thought those friends lived with him. And now one of them had not only seen me naked, but he’d just walked in on Harry shagging me against a wall, he’d heard how I moaned Harry’s name he’d just kind of walked in on something that up until now had been kept between us. He’d made a joke about it. It was weird and I knew my entire body was flushing red from embarrassment.

It’d only been five days since the first time Harry and I had slept together, and since then he’d teased me three of those days I’m pretty sure just because he could and he liked to see me squirm under him. He liked to make me want him. One of those five day’s he’d went down on me in the fucking mac lab while my friend was around. And now he was shagging me against walls while his friends walk in like it wasn’t a problem. It hadn’t even been a week. I hadn’t made it a week without shagging him again.

I was fucking hooked.

This was why Sunday was so bad. Partly because his roomate, friend, this Zayn kid, had walked in on me having sex with Harry and hadn’t freaked out. Meaning this had either occurred enough that it wasn’t unusual, which wasn’t something I wanted to think about, or they had some kind of weird guy understanding that made this not weird for them. It was also when I realized how hooked I was.

Sunday, five days after the first time I had sex with Harry Styles, everything was coming to light. That was when I knew that there was no turning back for me. I wasn't in love yet. I wasn't. That Sunday was just when I realized that love or not love I was addicted to Harry.

And I hated that.