I Wanted to Believe

Sophia could never shake that memory from her head. It was engraved in her brain; the clip playing on repeat. It haunted her dreams and clouded her vision when she was conscious.

It was on national television. The news cameras didn't cut out in time. The world witnessed the death of Jack Wilder. Sophia couldn't breathe.

Though it'd been well over a year since the two had crossed paths, Sophia still thought about Jack daily. She wondered what things would have been like if she wouldn't have walked out of his apartment that day. What if he had stopped her? Would he have been on the run? Perhaps he wouldn't have stolen a car that day and demolished it. The news confirmed his death shortly after the accidental airing of the wreck.

Sophia was numb from that day on. It was as if a part of her soul had moved on with Jack. And it had. She was never the same. Her body moved for her from that day on. She never knowingly made a motion. It was the every day grind and she was never fully there. Her fingers absentmindedly worked the register at work, unlocked the door to her tiny apartment and turned off her light every night. It was routine at this point. She hardly muttered a word unless she was spoken to. Sophia had one friend and that's all she needed. But even Evette knew nothing about her history with Jack. No one but Sophia did now. Jack was gone. The night she left him never left her thoughts either. The feeling of their last embrace was just a distant memory now. She'd never feel the warmth of his body pressed against hers again.

"Sophie," Evette called as she knocked feverishly on the wooden apartment door. A disheveled Sophia flung open the door, glaring at her friend.

The young woman's once long black hair was now shoulder length and a few shades lighter. Her skin was tanned thanks to the summer sun. Thanks to her income, she was finally eating well. You could tell by looking at her figure. She looked healthy. It was obvious that Sophia was finally doing good for herself. She let out a long yawn, cursing her friend for waking her.

"Wanna go to the bar tonight?" Evette proposed, falling into the couch. Her manicured hand reached for the television remote and began flipping through channels. Sophia rolled her eyes at the blonde.

"Not particularly," she admitted in a low voice, opening a bottled water. Raising the bottle to her lips, she took a long swig of the water.

"Come on," Evette begged in a whining tone, looking away from whatever reality show she had chosen. "It will be fun, I promise."

I doubt that, Sophia thought to herself. But as per usual, she caved due to her friends persistency.

The two walked side by side, passing lit up bars and full restaurants. Wandering the streets reminded Sophia of Jack. It was painful but she had taught herself a long time ago to push that from her mind. The Four Horsemen were finally old, distant news. Sophia didn't have to listen to her customers excitedly chatter about their tricks and more specifically, the magicians who made up the act.

Evette didn't know much of Sophia's past. It was known that Sophia wasn't always as put together as she was now. Evette just figured her friend had a rough home life. And while she did, Evette would never understand. She was raised in an unbroken home with parents who had good jobs and had a good grip on reality. The two friends' upbringing was entirely different. Maybe that's why they got along so well.

They met at work; a grocery store in the heart of the city. The pay was decent and the hours were even better. It seemed like Sophia was always working, but she preferred it that way. If she was busy, she didn't think so much. Jack was far away from her mind. Except those few times she could have sworn she saw him watching her from a crowd of people. She scolded herself. Jack was long gone... Six feet under, and he still had her captivated. Sophia wondered if she would ever move on.

But it was hard to move on from something quite like what they had. Maybe it wasn't textbook love, but he became her family. Jack looked out for her when she needed someone the most. He was her angel long before he had burnt to ashes in a car that went up in flames. The thought of it made Sophia nauseous.

The friends arrived at some over rated night club in the city that Sophia never bothered to care for. They were all the same to her. Packed with sweat soaked patrons, terribly picked music and the strong smell of alcohol filled the open space. This was Evette's scene, not Sophia's. But good friends were hard to come by these days, so she kept her mouth shut and followed closely behind.

Evette ordered the girls some drinks and a few shots then dragged Sophia onto the dance floor. The only aspect of clubbing that Sophia truly enjoyed was dancing with her friend. She found someone that she could be silly with in public who wouldn't be embarrassed. The two didn't care what all of these drunk people thought. They were having fun.

A man made his way towards the girls. Working his way between the two, he attempted to pull Sophia close to him. There was something about him though. Sophia didn't like the look that filled his green eyes. He made her feel uncomfortable. She went to throw Evette a look, but she found her friend already located a new dance partner.

Sophia slyly slid away from the mystery man, sneaking away to the bar where she took a seat. The young woman ordered herself a drink, downing it before asking for another. She was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol.

Somewhere in between the bright strobe lights, the same man from the dance floor found his way to the barstool next to her. Sophia groaned to herself, not that anyone could hear over the music anyway. She attempted to turn her head away from him. He should have taken the hint, but he didn't.

The stranger spoke close to Sophia's face. She didn't understand his slurred words. All she could smell was the scent of cheap alcohol as he breathed on her cheek. She felt her stomach turn by this.

He continued to attempt to feed her lines. The man asked her to come home with him; insisting he knew she wanted him.

"I can tell by the way you're looking at me," he told her with a sickening smirk fixed upon his lips. Sophia scoffed, finally speaking up.

"This look?" She asked before downing the last of her scotch, "that would be pure disgust."

Sophia stormed past him, shoving his shoulder roughly as she did. Looking back to make sure he lost her in the crowd, she exited the club, nodding at the bouncer on the way.

She could feel the poison pumping through her as her heeled shoes clicked against the pavement. Sophia wasn't one to dress to the nines but Evette insisted. Maybe if she didn't wear such a short dress, creeps wouldn't approach her. Sophia sighed.

The back alleys didn't much worry her like they should have. Those dark corners used to be where she called home. She was well aware of what lurked in those shadows. Sophia knew what vicious men could be watching her every move right now, waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce. There were horrors out here much worse than a random freak at a bar. But Sophia was drunk so she didn't care.

Alcoholic drinks were never a good thing when it came to Sophia. She was an emotional drunk. Visions of Jack overwhelmed her head as she continued to walk. Cars whizzed by, but Sophia never noticed any of them. At least a dozen taxi cabs passed, but she missed her chance to get home safely.

Sophia found herself in the park. For some reason, she always did. Recalling the nights she slept in the grass, protected by the large oak trees, Sophia stumbled through. She contemplated taking off her too high heels, but forgot the idea when she spotted her favorite bench.

The summer air was warm but a slight breeze swept across Sophia's exposed legs. She tugged down on her strapless dress, but it didn't help much. She sat sideways on the wooden bench, staring at her sun kissed legs. For a second, she forgot who she was; who she used to be.

She hadn't anticipated exactly how much she would miss Jack. The girl wondered if her old lover watched down on her. She wondered about the after life and what happened after you died. It wasn't a secret that Jack wasn't a good person. Did he make it to Heaven?

A rustle was heard from somewhere around the park. Sophia ignored it. It was probably just a homeless person, resting in his makeshift bed for the night. She was still used to that sound even after the years passed. She pitied whoever it was.

Sophia hung her head, the world around her beginning to spin. Pulling her knees up, she rested her head on them, letting her eyes flutter shut.

"Is something wrong, doll?" She heard a voice. It wasn't just any voice. It was his voice. She disregarded it. It was merely her intoxicated mind making things up. Her subconscious was giving her what she wanted more than anything.

But then she heard footsteps slowly near her. Slightly worried of her new company, she opened her eyes.

Jack stood with a slight smile spread across his features.

Sophia's face paled as if she had just seen a ghost.