Dizzy Hurricane

I sat in the club at a table that was closest to the low stage. I feel like I had been waiting for this moment for a long time. To sit in some smokey club with candle lit on each table and a bunch of hipsters in the crowd. With a long wooden bar that's sticky from use and spilled drinks. Murmured conversations humming through the air as instruments get dragged onto the stage. The steady scrape of chairs against the floor as people get up for more drinks or to speak to other regulars they may know. The smell of perfume and cologne mixing with eagerness and anticipations everyone has for the performances. To be here with my friends and family, to be happy and feel healthy. This is a moment that I am cherishing.

This would be the first of Kellin’s gigs that I get to go to since the cancer kept me away from all the others. The very ones I had to beg him to go to in the first place since he didn't want to leave my side while I was sick. Anyway, that's besides the point, I wanted to just live in the now. I dressed accordingly for this event. I was wearing my black faded skinny jeans, with Kellin’s first and favorite Copeland band tee. I threw on my red ankle cowboy boots to go with the shirt and I wore my hubby’s favorite black beanie. I loved that my hair was peeking out. Its length is now mid-cheek, the edges now dyed a bright red. I dyed it to help me come to terms with it being my hair despite how short it is now. I let Roxy do my makeup, since I wanted to look my very best for my baby's show. She gave me a smoky eye effect, with full looking rose red pouty lips. I looked like a rock star's wife, which I am. I kept my jewelry simple, wearing only my medium sized sliver hoop earrings, wedding ring, and a necklace Kellin gave me. After that I was ready and super excited to go to this show.

I did see more than a few glances in my direction today, probably because the photo shoot I did with the guys last week. A small but, up and coming, magazine did a story on Sleeping with Sirens about their internet success. The issue was online already and physically it will be out next month, with us on the cover. I was happy when they asked me questions about being married to a lead singer and about the groups’ dynamic. It gave me a chance to gush about the boys, how hard they work and how much this really means to them. It was really very cool. I can't wait to buy a copy and frame it on the wall, the first of many to come in our lives. In fact, in two weeks Emma Stone wants me to do a photo shoot with her to help raise awareness for Stomach Cancer. I said yes, of course, more then happy to share my fight with the world. Encourage others to keep going despite how hard it can seem some days. We could frame that too, matching frames for our growing success. Even if mine is coming from a way I didn't suspect.

Roxy got up to call Brendon, Emily was with Mike so I sat at the table alone. Just me with an iced green tea in my hand waiting for my boys to start playing their sets. I was starting to feel impatient when Ally plows her way to the table. She was late, of course, not that it matters since the guys still haven’t taking the stage. I roll my eyes at her and give her a slight scowl, how I always react to Ally’s tardy behavior. Anyway, how is she supposed to win over Vic when Naomi was the first face he saw at this place? I mean put some effort into this Ally, sheesh. Mid-thought is when Tania sits back in her seat beside me and smiles at Ally. My look turns into an apologetic one as I watch Ally cringe a bit.

Within a few moments, Naomi sits next to Ally, and Roxy with Emily joins us and the rest of the band’s friends spread out to two other tables surrounding us. At first it was tense and quiet at our table, mostly because of the whole Tania/Ally/ Naomi thing that Roxy, Emily and I are well aware. We kind of just sat there picking at the nachos for something to do. Everyone was looking in different directions to avoid eye contact. I was texting Roxy under the table talking about how awkward the whole thing was, especially in comparison to the laughter that was filling the spaces around us. Finally Ally broke the silence to talk about food, that’s when we all relaxed. We just kept eating but this time we chatted politely and, very cautiously while the bands set up the stage. While Roxy was telling a funny Brendon story, Ally’s friend Stewart showed up. He was cute and I wondered who he was to Ally, I raised my eyebrows at her and she happily ignored me to greet him. This girl is more confusing than Vic is sometimes.

I barely listened to all the talking after that, my main focus was on Kellin. I watched him chat with Justin on the other side of the stage, making silly faces to make his point clearly to the boys. His hands were waving around as he told whatever ridiculous tale to them. The guys in his band were laughing along, probably adding whatever details they could remember as they shared the moment with the PTV guys. I wonder if this is how he pictured his life being. Him, getting ready to play with his very best friends while his wife sat in the audience waiting for him to hit the stage and blow everyone away. He looks over his shoulder and gives me a smile, he blows a kiss at me before they get onto the stage. I blow one back, ready to be wowed with everyone else. As they climb on the stage the crowd goes wild and Kellin beams under their attention.

“This set is dedicated to our growing fan base and my very best friend in the whole world, Mrs. Elizabeth Quinn.” He points me out to everyone and I blush.

They start their set off with If You Can’t Hang, which gets the crowd going. They are singing along, swaying, shouting, jumping, just being engulfed by the music. The energy was amazing, like the music had a life of its own and it was pulsating off the walls into everyone’s bloodstreams’. I felt myself get swept up in the hype. I was screaming over everyone else, yelling lyrics to be heard by him, my baby. I wonder how he feels in these moments, with all these people screaming for his attention, falling in love with him through his music.

Shouldn’t I be feeling insecure right about now? I mean there will always be beautiful women swooning after my husband. Then he reaches out to me and pulls me onto the stage. He is singing to me, pulling my body into his. That’s why the feeling never came, all the women can love Kellin but he will always only love me. I stayed on stage until the end of the set, dancing like I was alone in my room, not caring who could see me in this moment; just wanting to be in my husband’s world. I was allowing the music to make me feel alive. Kellin was reacting to my energy, amplifying his vocals which the band feeds off of. He kisses me at the end of the set and carries me off the stage. Literally carries, cradled bridal style in his arms. When we got off the stage he put me down. I ran back to the table laughing with Kellin right behind me, kissing the back of my neck when he caught up with me. We sat down at the table, so that we could watch Vic and the boys take the stage to show their stuff.