Dizzy Hurricane

Lizzy is gripping my hand so tightly that my fingers are being crushed. I can’t believe that we are in the hospital again because of Ally. I think what is more of a shock is that it is someone else’s fault that she is in here. We came thinking it was another suicide attempt but we were so wrong, someone tried to murder Ally. As I hold my sobbing wife in my arms I try to wrap my mind around the thought of it. I mean I get that Ally can be difficult but what could she have possibly done for someone to want to kill her. Someone took the time to plan all of this; they waited and put the work into it. In fact they damn near succeeded. They would have to if her friend Paige didn't show up when she did. I wonder if that means she is in danger too now?

What about Ally? The doctors still haven't told us if there was any brain damage caused by the lack of oxygen. They haven't even told us if she is fully conscience yet. What if there was severe brain damage? What if Ally was never the same? What if she can't walk? Talk? Tie her shoes? Remember us? How would we deal with this as a family if Ally needs 24 hour care? That is if she pulled through, which is a thought I rather not entertain but I force myself too. I need to be able to plan for all possibilities for my wife’s sake. I need to be her rock while her world is so unstable.

My Lizzy's body feels so very fragile in my arms, like this whole thing has sucked her dry of everything she had left. Lizzy must feel so guilty, as if her being closer to her sister could have prevented this. I remember how close Ally and Lizzy were just last year, renewed even, as if a summer apart had given their relationship life again. Then suddenly it was gone, like flame that burned out. They never spoke over the phone, or visit each other, they had gone cold. My heart aches because I know that that’s what my baby is thinking about right now. She is thinking about their strained relationship and probably wondering if they will ever get back on track. She may even be wondering if they ever were on track to begin with. Maybe it sharing a room that kind of forced them to be close and now that that is out of the picture they realize that they share nothing but DNA. I feel her body tremble with sobs, my shirt is soak through with her tears. What can I say to make this better?

“I…” she chokes out the words, “I can't believe…that…” she takes a deep breath, “this keeps happening to us.” She lifts her face and wipes some of the tears away with her sleeve. “Every time we turn a corner something awful awaits.” I can see her fighting to stay composed and my heart breaks for her, “I don't get it. Poor Ally, forever in the middle of something crazy.” She pulls at the collar of her shirt so she can bite it, with it in her mouth she mumbles, “What’s our next step Kells?”

I pull her back into me and kiss the top of her head, “we take care of Ally, we let her know that we love her and never let her forget. The police will handle the rest of it. There is nothing more that we can do.”

She nods and I know that I gave her a small sense of security; this was really all I had to offer. Just then the officer came back in with a small crease of worry between his eyebrows when he looks at Lizzy’s blotchy face.

“I am sorry if I am interrupting but it’s very important that you two keep these details, the ones we had we discussed earlier, to yourselves. I know this will be hard since you don't want everyone to think that Aaliyah tried to kill herself but the less people that know truth the better it is for the investigation. We don't want the perp to know that we are onto his scent. We want to sneak attack this guy.”

I nod, “understood officer.”

Lizzy gives me a look that is brimming over with concern for Ally. I have never felt so utterly helpless in my entire life.

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I have never felt so completely useless in my life before. All I could do was sit in this stupid waiting room, holding Naomi’s hand. I am so powerless right now; I just want to punch something. I shake my left leg up and down impatiently. When the hell is the doctor going to give us some news? It’s been five hours and we are just waiting with nothing else to do. I look at Naomi, her expression is blank and she looks like a zombie. Ally is our best friend and we both feel like we have let her down big time. I squeeze her hand and her eyes meet mine. I can see Naomi’s love for me there, even with all the grief she is going through.

“Babe, how are you feeling?” I run my fingers on her cheek gently, to be reassuring to her.

I really need her to talk to me, to be unholy in cheeriness and brighten my day. I need her to save me from my guilt. I feel like I abandoned Ally, like its my fault that she is here. If I would have picked her would she have been happier? What makes me feel even more guilty is that even now I know my choice would still be Namoi.

She manages a smile somehow, “we will make it through this my baby.”

I kiss her as a response, pressing my lips hard against hers. Right now we are being strong for each other. We need each other, but I may need her more then she can imagine. I remember when I was in middle school, a kid hung himself in the boy's locker room and I found him like that. Swinging with his eyes open and his chest still, I have never been the same since. Why would Ally do something like that? Why would she want to die in such a way? It was an ugly way to go. I kiss Naomi harder, trying to drown out the image from my childhood.

“Come on guys have some decency.” Jamie shouts from across the room, but when I pull away and look at him I see mischief in his eyes. “You are making some of us really sick here.”

As if on cue Tony and Mike start fake vomiting onto the floor. Immediately I feel relief, I can make it through this. As long as we are together we can make it through anything life throws our way. Naomi starts to laugh and so do I as the guys throw themselves back into their chairs, panting like they are trying to catch their breath after heaving. I roll my eyes and throw a napkin at them as I feel the tension leave my body. I am sure Ally is fine, they found her just on time. That’s what the doctors and the police keep saying. She will be back out here with us in no time goofing off like we always have. I smile at Naomi and she grins back, we will be okay.