Dizzy Hurricane

A nightmare wakes me up this morning, earlier than I would like to be up. It was about Lizzy. Ever since she told me about her cancer, I've had trouble sleeping. Between bad dreams and anxiety, I keep getting myself worked up about her. Tonight’s nightmare consisted of her throwing up each of her internal organs until she eventually died. It felt unfortunately realistic, and watching each of her friend’s faces crumble with despair made it all the more unbearable.

I sit up, finding it useless to try and go back to sleep. Seeing that its 6:34 am, I turn the alarm on my phone off before it has the chance to ring at seven. I have to check into work in two ours, and it’s not that far away so I don't need to rush because I know I will get there early. Macy's isn't to far from here, I debate if I should start getting ready or laying down and stare at the ceiling. Getting ready it is.

I stomp over to my bathroom and take a nice warm shower before brushing my teeth. I shiver in my towel as I head to turn the AC off. I grab the first black dress I see out of my closet, slipping on a pair of red flats to have some sort of splash of color. I tie my hair up into a high ponytail and apply a some soft makeup. I wish I didn't have to but it’s a requirement to wear make up to my job, since that’s my department. I send Lizzy a good morning text as I walk to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast. I skim my mostly empty fridge for today’s meal and settle on making substitute scrambled eggs with cheese. After pouring it in a pan I put a bagel to toast and pour myself some orange juice. I put the juice back, close my fridge and sigh. Going grocery shopping by myself is a real task; I can only buy so much since I have no one to help me carry the bags. At least I recently got a basket for my bike, it helps.

After breakfast, I grab my keys, phone, name-tag and ID, putting them into my bag. When I get to the elevator I put my sunglasses on and plug in my headphones, cranking the volume up when I land on Because of You by Ne-Yo. I skip out of the building and head towards the bus stop; today is bus day since the sky is gray. Plus I have I have a dress on, dresses and bikes don't mix. I swipe my Breeze Card when I get on and take a seat in the back, close to the exit and far from most people. I listen to my music and keep my eyes down until I get off. I am so grateful that the bus leaves me right out in front. I clock in early and put my bag into my locker. I love these things. I pin my name tag onto my dress then assume position at my spot in the cosmetics department.

After a long day of suggesting the right shades of eye shadow to loads of snotty teens; having to talk down an older lady down from buying the wrong shade red lipstick for her age, I was ready to go home. I clock out, rush past coworkers with one goal in mind, get on the bus that is home bound. I run to catch it when I see it pulling up and sigh in relief when I am on board. I take my bus driver when we pull up to my stop a few blocks from my building. I walk briskly, I just want to get into pajamas already. When I enter the building I spot my neighbor Josephine and wave at her before I enter the elevator and press my floor button. When I get inside my apartment I sigh of relief and plop myself onto my couch, such a relief after so many hours standing. I sigh, today was stressful. I spent about ten minutes alone trying not to tear my hair out as I tried to calm a lady down while she yelled at me about a high-priced nail polish. I think about the conversation.

“What-What is this?” She yelled while holding up a pink shade of polish.

“What do you mean ma’am?” I reply in my polite-I-am-at-work voice.

“This says twenty dollars for a small bottle of nail polish,” she says, looking at me accusingly.

I walk closer to her as she calls me forward with her finger. When I got close, she showed me the price, yup, it was twenty dollars.

I snort and whisper to her, “well this is Macy’s after all, what do you expect?”

She didn't find it funny.

“I am not payin’ this much for something my daughter is just going to waste anyway. This is too much. You people are too bourgeoisie. Twenty dollars for a damn nail polish! No. Ya’ll need to take this down a notch.”

And it goes on. She made such a scene, it was hilarious, well it was afterwards. After she was done yelling in my face and she was someone else's problem, then it was funny. My co-workers and I were trying to hold in our laughs as one of the assistant managers came out to the floor and pleaded with the lady to calm down.

I feel my phone vibrate, so I reach into my bag to read the text messages that I had been ignoring. One was from Lizzy, saying how she was sorry about responding late but she had chemo that day and just wanted to relax. I replied saying that it was fine and hoped that she had a good day. Another was from Naomi, asking how I was doing and if I had any nightmares last night. I had told her about them when they started becoming a regular thing, so she asks about them everyday. I told her that I did and the details. The last text was from my co-worker Kayla who was still goong on about the crazy customer. I sent her a LOL and told her that I hoped she didn't make a scene the next time she came in; which she will since she’s a regular. Which I guess makes it funnier because she always complains about how expensive Macy’s is all the time. Meanwhile, she spends hundreds on her daughter alone. I would know because she talks about her to each cashier she checks out with, even shows us pictures. I roll my eyes and throw my phone on the couch. Time to get ready for pjs and some good old TV.

When am I in my pajamas, I switch the TV on and watch Brave on demand. This was the just perfect down time before school starts in two days. Honestly, I’m not looking forward to it. I wish I had Lizzy and my friends to be by my side, but I have to do things on my own right now. I hate being on my own, I squeeze on of the throw pillows to my chest.

The movie ends, I get up, turn the AC on in my room then crawl under the covers, ready to get some shut-eye. My mind drifts off into memories from last year, all the stupid decisions I made and the fun times I had. I smile to myself as I think of the night when Jack came with a rose in my favorite color, how I cried and didn't think that I was ready to date just yet, but I did anyway. My smile grows wider when I think before that; when Lizzy came to “help” me unpack when I came back on campus, but we made a mess instead. It fades though when I think about Vic, and all those times I locked lips with him, whether out of anger or pure confusion. I don’t even know who I want now-him or Jack. I turn to my side and pout to myself, knowing that tonight would be another sleepless night.