Dizzy Hurricane

My phone rings, a custom tone that I made for Kellin. Why is he calling me? Is something wrong with Lizzy? Has the cancer gotten worse? My heart is pounding as I answer. Maybe I am being paranoid, it may just be about this gift Lizzy said she is going to send me. I take a deep breath and answer the phone.

“Hello?” I say trying to mask my worry.

“Hey lil’ sis, we’re coming up. I got your present.” I could tell Kellin is happy.

“Alright.” I feel the tension leave my body.

I hang up and open the door, propping it open for him to bring in whatever gift Lizzy had sent me. Is it big enough that he needed to call in advance so that I could open the door? Or did he just not want to wait? Hm. I fidget with the bottom of my blouse; this is the first time he’s passing by my apartment, before Lizzy even got to see it. It feels weird. I don’t know. I’m just not as close as I would like to be with Kellin is all; so I am just hoping this little meeting of ours' isn’t awkward.

He shows up with a box big enough to block his torso, so whatever wow my gift is big. He sets it down on my living room floor and gives me a one armed hug. When we step away from each other is when I notice Jack standing by the door. He looks down at the floor, trying to avoid eye contact with me. I feel my stomach lurch as I remember what Vic had told me earlier this month. I still couldn’t believe it, even seeing the ring on his finger for myself. Kellin completely forgets about him as he walks around my apartment, giving himself a tour.

“This place is pretty cool,” he shouts from my bathroom, “JT really hooked you up, huh?”

“Yup,” I turn my attention to his direction, “I’ve really grown fond of this place. I love it here.”

He grunts in reply and comes out of the bathroom, then walks over to my kitchen. He helps himself to some soda and pizza that I had left over from last night. I don’t get what it is about guys that they can eat food in any kind of temperature. It kind of grossed me out. He gave me a my-bad-for-not-asking-first look before taking another big bite out of the slice. I shrug then glance over to Jack who had barley taken a step into my apartment.

“I don’t bite,” I chuckle nonchalantly. He looks up at me with an eyebrow raised, then hesitantly walks in. “Would you like anything?”

“I’m good,” he says, clearing his throat.

He plants himself onto my couch and looks out the window. Ugh, giving me the silent treatment, huh? I hear the clank of the plate in the sink and turn to Kellin, wanting to turn my attention to something else.

“So, where are you guys playing?”

“Atlanta,” he says before finishing the soda. “I’m pumped, it’s going to be great, definitely a bigger crowd than last year. Right Jack?”

We both turn to face him. He was closely examining a picture frame that I had set on the table next to the couch about a month ago. It was the entire group on one of those Fridays that we played flag football. Gabe had gotten a student that was passing by to take a group picture of us. Of course I was standing between Jack and Vic, since those were my two favorite guys at the time. He looks up and cocks his head to the side.

“Huh?”

“Nothing,” Kellin chuckles.

“Well, you guys should probably get going…” I trail off as I look at my kitchen clock.

“Yeah we should,” Kellin say. “Well it was nice seeing your new place, I’ll make sure to head over here when Lizzy feels better.”

He gives me a fist bump then starts to leave. Jack gets up to follow him before Kellin shoots him a glare and closes the door behind him on his way out. Now it’s just Jack standing with his back to me. I open my mouth to say something, and then close it. What’s going on? Aren’t they supposed to be on their way to a gig? Is something set up here?

Jack clears his throat then turns to face me, “hey.”

“Hi,” I wave stiffly as I purse my lips. I pat my thigh nervously, thinking of something to say. “So I hear you've recently got married,” I say in rushed words.

My heart aches when I notice a slight smile appear on his face.

“Oh yeah, my Tania is just great,” he practically gushes, “We have a baby on the way too.”

“Oh,” I try to act surprised and happy at the same time, “congrats. That was fast, huh?” I nudge him in the rib in efforts to joke around, but it hurts nonetheless.

“Yeah, I’m really happy about it…she makes me happy, you know?”

That felt like such a slap in the face.

“Uh huh,” I look away, trying to distract myself.

“You, uh,” he clears his throat, “seeing anyone new?”

“Nope. Haven’t really been focusing on guys too much since I moved out here, it’s amazing.”

“That’s great Ally, it really is.” His phone starts to rings so he picks it up and I take that as an opportunity to move from my space.

I casual pretend to scavenge the fridge for a snack, wanting to stuff myself inside. What happened to the awesome numbness I had towards him? Why doesn’t it kick in right now? I feel sobs trying to crawl out of my throat and tears tug at my eyes. Instead I take a deep breath, and then let it out, vowing to not turn into a wreck – at least not in front of him. I can’t let him know how hurt I am, it would only make things worse.

“Keep it together,” I whisper only loud enough for myself to hear.

I grab a jell-o cup and shut the fridge door, then grab a spoon from my dish rack.

“It was nice seeing you-r apartment,” he stutters, “when are you coming to visit the campus?”

“I have no idea,” I say, shoving a spoonful of gelatin into my mouth. “But when I do, it’d be great to meet your wife. So why did you stay behind?”

"To tell you that I forgive you and I wish you the best. I am glad you got this place away from everything to sort everything out. I hope we can be friends someday Ally."

"Friends, right, of course." I nod awkwardly.

He nods and heads for the door. I want to stop him. I want to push him against the wall and yell ‘Come on Jack, we can't be just friends! I miss you, it’s been months since we’ve seen each other. Tell me that you miss me too and you want me back!’ Nothing comes out of course. I wave good bye to him as he walks down the hall and into the elevator.

When he’s gone for sure, I slam my door shut and crumple to the floor, leaning against the wall as I so. How could this happen? That could be me; married to him and having his child, but I messed everything up! I’m so stupid! I kick the box that was set in front of me and groan. Why would Kellin bring him up in the first place, out of all the guys in the band? He could’ve come up by himself, dropped off the box and left. Maybe he thought I needed closure. That’s nice of him if that’s why he invited him up, but it obviously didn’t work. Jack has completely moved on, I clearly have not and I can never get Jack back.

When I am done crying, I remember the gift that Lizzy had sent me. I get a pair of scissors from my room before picking up the box and bringing it with me onto the couch. I swing my legs up and send Lizzy a thank you text before cutting the tape and opening the flaps. I grabbed a big peach colored rabbit with a heart that said ‘I miss you’, I sniffle and let out a small chuckle, then wipe my nose with my sleeve. ‘I miss you too, Lizzy,’ I think to myself.

After an hour of watching TV and eating straight out of a tub of ice cream, I decide to call Vic. He answers on the third ring, causing a small smile to spread across my face when I hear his voice. This is so confusing.

“Hey,” he says in a weary tone, “I heard Kellin and Jack passed by today, how are you holding up Allie bear?”

“It was horrible;” I choke up, “who’s idea was it to bring him over here?”

“I’m not sure, but I know how you feel. I wish I was there to comfort you.”

“Me too,” I sniffle. “This sucks, not being at the academy with you, Lizzy, Naomi…”

“I agree,” he chuckles, “definitely not the same without you in class.”

We stay in silence for a few minutes, listening to each other’s breathing. I could hear Naomi’s faint giggling in the background. I appreciated that she took Vic up as a friend. Now it feels like there’s an even closer connection between the three of us that I didn’t even think about having back on campus. I wish she was here too; her optimism would be great at the moment. I huff and rub my eyes.

“I just can’t deal with this right now,” I say in a small voice, “Jack looked so happy just talking about her. His precious Tania is his world now, I’m left for the dump. He doesn’t care for me anymore…” I trail off before I realize what I’m saying.

The silence lets the words sink in. Vic speaks up before I could mentally torture myself for much longer.

“I’ll try to see you as soon as I can-” he pauses, and I could hear Naomi shout something in the background. He continues, “Me and Naomi.”

She shouts a ‘yay’ in the background; that I heard. There’s a ruffling on the phone before I hear Naomi’s excited voice.

“Hey girly,” she squeals, “I can’t wait to see you. You have no idea how long I’ve been trying to get Vic to visit you, that jerk.”

“Hey, I’m right here,” he interrupts, taking the phone back. “Your friend Naomi here is a real pest,” he laughs.

“I know,” I whisper, smiling. “Well, I’ll talk to you later; I have some homework to do.”

“Alright Alls, talk to you-”

“Don’t you mean ‘Allie bear’,” I hear Naomi gush mockingly next to the phone. I face palm as I hear Vic sigh. I really do miss the chick, she’s such a loser.

“Can you not,” he mumbles to her, “talk to you soon, Ally.”

“Byeeeee,” Naomi sings in the background.

I giggle and hang up; I really needed that. I’m looking forward to seeing those two. I get up and stretch, then grab the rabbit and bring it with me to my room. I finish my homework and snuggle under the sheets. I really do hope that I can get over this soon, because if not, I’m going to drive myself insane.