Dizzy Hurricane

I twisted Kellin’s hair into my fingers as I kissed him roughly, pushing him onto our bed. It’s been forever since I have had enough strength to kiss with my husband like this. It feels good to have strength again, I feel like myself. I laugh as he pulls himself away a bit, mumbling something to me through kisses. Last month was tough for us, even though my chemo session were over, my body was weak for the rest of the month. It was still hard to hold down food and I am just starting to get my energy back. It’s October now, a new month with new possibility. It feels good, regaining control of my body. I really wish I could stay home with him today, since I haven’t been this strong in months, since Disney World really. Today, though, we promised that we would head over to Ally’s new place. Kellin nuzzles his head into my neck before trailing kissing down to my collarbone.

“Baby we can’t,” he mumbles through kisses, “Alan is expecting us. Plus Vic and Naomi are waiting for us to drive them.”

I grumble something at him before I bite his neck. I can feel his whole body tense up and he lets out a string of curses towards the world for making this happen today of all days. I pull him into me.

“Please, they can wait.” I kiss him tenderly.

"When did we switch roles?" He laughs, slipping his hand up the back of my shirt to rub his fingers along my spine.

Later we were in the car and I was pouting, wishing that I was back at home in my bed with my husband. I did promise Ally though and I haven’t seen her in four months since she has left the school. We have spoken a bit over the phone but really I feel like the gap between Ally and I have grown bigger then we can cross. At least that is what it feels like sometimes. Hopefully this visit will prove that it was just a little time apart that we needed. I am sure that it has made all the difference for us, I know it has for me.

Kellin lifts up the collar of his shirt to try and hide his hickey as we are driving. I know he is hoping that Vic and Naomi didn't notice it. I smile with my victory and I grab his free hand as he speeds us towards Ally’s. I am lost in my thoughts for a while until I hear those two speaking in soft almost loving voices to each other back and forth. I listen to the soft flirting of Naomi and Vic in the backseat in anger. I keep giving Vic my best dirty looks because I want him to be on his best behavior today. I am kind of gunning for Vic and Ally since Jack has a baby on the way. There is no way that is happening anymore, and I want my little sister to be happy. I think that Vic can do that for her. Starting off as best friends gives that advantage, I would know. I watch Naomi bat her eyelashes at Vic after he tells some lame joke. I glare at them through the rear view mirror thinking of some way to kill their mood. Then I remember that she has a boyfriend.

“So how are things with Reggie?” I ask in an innocent voice turning slightly in my seat to face Naomi.

She opens her eyes widely and clears her throat, “oh…umm, my honey bear is just great.”

She moves away from Vic, visibly uncomfortable with being so close to him now that I burst their bubble. I hide the satisfied feeling that I have. Suddenly she is in chatty mode; its like I opened up Pandora's box. Reggie’s name being mentioned was all she needed to launch into a list of things that make up how perfect he is. Vic pouts and turns to stare out the car window, visibly upset at the change in pace. My heart aches for a moment wondering if I should have just let him be. The rest of the car ride was spent with Naomi chatting and me trying to tune her out, feeling a bit guilty about the Vic thing. Finally we pull up to Ally’s building and a sigh of relief is released by Vic and I. The torture is over!

As we get into the elevator to head to Ally’s apartment my heart starts to pound. I bite my bottom lip suddenly really nervous with having to see Ally. The elevator doors open, Naomi squeals and races towards Ally’s apartment door. I halted by the doors of the elevator while the door of the apartment opens. I watch Ally’s arm wrap around Naomi’s body, pulling her into a hug. I am suddenly feeling conscience now, staring at her long hair as it falls over the back of her jeans. I touch my hair that now reaches the middle of my ear and I sigh. I am sure that compared to my beautiful sister I will again feel plain and invisible. That’s when Kellin wraps his arms around my waist and I remember that I will never be invisible again, especially not in the eyes of my perfect husband. I smile at him and grab his hand as we head over to Ally’s door.

I pause when I see Vic pull Ally out into the hallway and pick her up. I can see him smile big and say how much he missed her. He twirls her around and she giggles. Gosh they are so cute. I nudge Kellin but he is frowning, he is team Jally, but of course Jack’s soon-to-be fatherhood crushed his dream. I nudge him again, and he gives me a small pout with his puppy eyes. My poor baby. I hear Ally squeal again, and I look away from my sad puppy. Vic tickles her for some reason that I missed. I smile and decide to start walking towards them.

“Hey Aaliyah,” I barely say loud enough for her to hear when I get close.

I watch her face as she takes me in. I can see the shock she wears at my weight loss, that even with the past month or so of decent eating I still really haven’t gained back. I can see her take in my lack of hair and small IV scars on my hands from the countless hospital trips. Then she starts crying, I mean falling apart, break down crying. She sobs so hard that she can barely walk over to me. I can faintly make out what she is saying to me.

“I was so scared.” She hiccups.

Then she throws her arms around me and pulls me in tightly to her body. She kisses my cheek and stares into my eyes.

“I missed you so much Lizzy. I am so sorry for everything. I love you so much, please let’s start over. Let’s just erase all the dumb stuff okay? All the times I hurt you and acted like a jerk, I want to take it back. I just want to be your little sister.” She clung to my neck and cried into my husband's shirt that I was wearing.

“It’s okay Ally. I am not angry with you. I forgive you and I love you too.” I rub her back trying to calm her down.

Finally we end up in her apartment and I look around. It was a really nice apartment. The windows were huge, letting tons of sun light in. My focus was her living room, since that is where I will spend my visit. Her living room was in a bunch of neutral colors, with the bunny I got her being the only splash of color. It was sitting on the couch taking up most of the sitting space. I smile when I see it, happy that she is enjoying its company. I just hated the thought of her being in a big apartment all alone, so I got her the biggest stuffed rabbit I could find. Naomi and Kellin are in the kitchen looking for snacks while Vic and Ally are huddled on the couch filling each other in about their lives. This is nice, I really missed this. I smile to myself and think, take that cancer!