To Know
Never
As far as my thoughts go, these are in the items that I will not know. Not necessarily things I will never know, but things that I won’t know for so long from now that they are close enough to never. I will never know if things actually do get better, but I will be told they do. Nor will I know if crying every night will be a nightly occurrence for me in the future. If my mind were to think and have millions of thoughts swirling around, I know that it would.
I don’t and am too stubborn to find out if I need therapy to get better. Do I need pills? Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. I will never know that though because I am too strong-willed, exactly like you are. If they make me happy, you would encourage me, but the side effects are ridiculous. Therapy would make me talk about my feelings and I’m not always good at expressing how I feel. For the most part, I think I hide my feelings from even myself. I just become numb to the world and maybe that’s okay.
I’ll never know what it’s like to feel your arms around me again, to feel the comfort of a father. Something that most girls my age are able to feel. I’ll never know how it feels to be given away to a man by my father. Who’s going to call me his little girl again? Some things that just seem normal for a daughter to have aren’t possible in my world anymore. Maybe someday I’ll find a man, but I’ll never know if my dad would approve.
The best thing that I will never know is how you looked laying in the hospital bed. I will never know what the tube in your throat looked like and what you looked like without a beard. I will be able to remember you in my own way and that’s better for me. Still, the bad thing that comes out of that is that I will never know how it feels to live without feeling guilty for not seeing you when you were sick in the hospital.
Sometimes the universe doesn’t give you a solid answer, but it’s worse when it gives you no answers. Some things we’ll never know.
I don’t and am too stubborn to find out if I need therapy to get better. Do I need pills? Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. I will never know that though because I am too strong-willed, exactly like you are. If they make me happy, you would encourage me, but the side effects are ridiculous. Therapy would make me talk about my feelings and I’m not always good at expressing how I feel. For the most part, I think I hide my feelings from even myself. I just become numb to the world and maybe that’s okay.
I’ll never know what it’s like to feel your arms around me again, to feel the comfort of a father. Something that most girls my age are able to feel. I’ll never know how it feels to be given away to a man by my father. Who’s going to call me his little girl again? Some things that just seem normal for a daughter to have aren’t possible in my world anymore. Maybe someday I’ll find a man, but I’ll never know if my dad would approve.
The best thing that I will never know is how you looked laying in the hospital bed. I will never know what the tube in your throat looked like and what you looked like without a beard. I will be able to remember you in my own way and that’s better for me. Still, the bad thing that comes out of that is that I will never know how it feels to live without feeling guilty for not seeing you when you were sick in the hospital.
Sometimes the universe doesn’t give you a solid answer, but it’s worse when it gives you no answers. Some things we’ll never know.