White Walls

“I’m pregnant.”

My mother was the first to react. My father was shocked, and I could sense he was somewhat mad, more so at John than myself; as a typical father would be.

John’s grip on my hand tightened, as he began to panic. “It wasn’t on purpose.”

Wow. What a thing to say to your in-laws about their first grandchild.

“But we’re happy about it, we’re excited.” I said optimistically, hoping they’d take it as light as possible.

“You’re keeping it?” My father frowned, almost confused. He looked at John, then me. “You’re going to have this baby…together?”

The confusion transferred to my own face. “Well yeah, dad. What else would we do?”

“Have you considered-“

“We’re happy for you two, darling.” My mom insisted, cutting off whatever my dad was about to suggest. “It’s just…quite terrible timing, what with John still in rehab.”

“Are you sure this is the right idea?” My father muttered, looking at John. “It’s not that we don’t love you son, but are you in any state to raise a child? Your mental health- and you’ll be touring, is that really fair on Leighton? She’ll practically be raising it alone.”

“Dad,” I snapped, sending him a glare as John shifted uncomfortably beside me, shrinking into the couch. “That’s not his fault-“

“He’s not stable enough to support you Leighton, I’m being realistic- you can’t always stand up for him!”

“I’m standing up for him because I love him!” I shot back angrily, my hand gripping John’s leg tightly. “He loves me and we’re going to love this child and we’re going to raise it together- whether we have the support of you or not.”

“Leighton’s right, Mr. Johnson- I’m not going to make an overnight recovery but I’m sure as hell going to try and get better for her and our baby, if it’s the last thing I do.” John said firmly, finding his voice against my father. “We have our own family now to think of and we’d really like for you to be apart of it.”

My father sat back, surprised at John’s sudden burst of confidence. I know he loved John, but he loved me more and I know this was his way of showing that. “I only want what’s best for you three.”

“I know dad,” I said softly, placing a hand over my stomach. I was still getting used the idea of ‘the three of us’. “But you’ve got to step back and let us make our own decisions. We’re going to make mistakes and we’re going to ask for help, but we’re not going to give up on each other- we’re stronger together than we are apart.”

I found comfort in the fact that I could confidently stand behind that statement.

When we’d finished up at my parents’ house, we made our way out to his truck.

“We’re probably going to have to swap this in for family van when
the baby comes.” I smirked, knowing he’d never give up his beloved truck.

John let out a laugh as he wrapped me in his arms. “Is this whole pregnancy thing just a way to get me to get rid of the truck?” He teased, pressing his lips to the top of my head.

“Damn.” I laughed, shaking my head. “But seriously, I feel like that went…okay.”

“As well as telling your parents you’re having a baby with your ‘unstable’ boyfriend can go.” John shrugged, his mood dropping.

I reached up and tilted his face down towards me. “Hey, he’s my dad, of course he’s going to have it out for you when he hears something like this. But it doesn’t matter- we’re doing this and we’re going to be good at it, okay?”

He sighed, pulling me into his chest. “I’m going to put everything into this, Lei. I promise you that. You’re not going to regret this. Like you said, we’re strong together.”

“I know I’m not going to regret it,” I said softly, speaking into his chest. That I was sure. “What we have is important. Nobody can take that from us- not my parents, not your demons- nothing.”

“I’ve never had a reason to doubt you, Leighton Johnson and I never plan to.”

Monday Morning.

“Mama! Mama can we go to the park yet?”

I looked up at the sound of Lucas’ voice. I was supposedly working from home today, but my mind had been on other things besides work, understandably. I hadn’t been feeling very well as of the last day and a half, an it wasn’t just because I’d overheard my boyfriend (and the father of my child) confess that he no longer loved me.

I mean I’m pretty sure that was why I was having nervous breakdowns every five seconds, but I was also feeling sick physically- I couldn’t keep certain foods down and I was waking in my sleep every five minutes.

I planned on seeing my doctor again within the next few days, just in case it went away or it was just a bug. So I wasn’t losing myself completely after the party- not that John seemed to notice. I gave him his ‘present’ later on that night once Lucas had gone to sleep, but there was nothing passionate coming from me. I laid there with nothing but bad thoughts running through my head while he panted beside me, telling me how much he loved me and Lucas and our ‘family’.

And so that’s when I settled on the fact that maybe he was only in it for the family aspect, and that he loved us, but not me individually.
Or maybe he just cared about us enough to stick around for Lucas and be a father for him. Maybe when Lucas got older he’d leave me for someone else.

What hurt more than knowing his ‘secret’, was knowing that every time he said those words to me there was nothing behind them, or that his actions were empty. It hurt that he thought he had me fooled so well. It also hurt to admit that he did have me fooled so well.

Why couldn’t he be like Eric? Or Lennon? Why couldn’t he be spontaneous and irresponsible like Caleb and take me to Vegas to get married? Why did I get stuck with the one who would run out of love for me? What did he think was going to happen when that song would be released? I’d just take it as ‘oh it’s not about you, babe’ and move on? I know how intricate his writing was and I knew how personal he could be between his words- it may sound superficial, but I could tell when one of his songs was about me, and I had no doubt this one was.

“Mama!” Lucas’ nagging pulled me out of my thoughts and back to reality, saving me from yet another breakdown of tears and self-doubt.

“Yes sweetheart?” I asked softly, turning from my computer and pulling him into my lap. “What is it darling?”

“Can w-we go to the p-p-park?” He whined, ignoring the hiccups through his words.

“Yeah okay baby,” I nodded gently, getting up from my desk. “Want me to see if Aunt Hil can bring Alex over?”

“Yeah!” Lucas nodded quickly as we headed downstairs, where I put him down. He ran off to his room to grab his shoes whilst I grabbed my phone from the kitchen bench to dial Hilary’s number.

“Hello?” She answered almost immediately.

“Hey Hil, it’s Lei.” I murmured, trying as hard as I could to lift my mood, even for the sake of the phone call.

“Hey babe what’s up?” She hummed.

“I’m going to the park with Lucas, do you wanna come and bring Alex?” I asked, looking down at my nails. I chewed most of them so they looked terrible.

“Alex is actually with Austin at the moment,” Hilary admitted, “He’s staying with his mom who flew out to see him. It’s the only way I was going to let him see her.”

My eyes widened. “Wow, she flew all the way out for that?”

“No, he’s bringing her to court,” Hilary scoffed, and I could picture her rolling her eyes. “To testify some shit about his drinking problem being a genetic thing from his dad.”

“So I take it she’s not on your side?” I winced. I knew Hilary got on well with Austin’s mom, but they had their moments, like any in-laws did.

“Like hell,” She muttered begrudgingly. “But anyway, I’m using this time alone to clear my mind, so if you still want company I can meet you at the park and we can go for coffee afterwards?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll see you in ten,” I agreed, before we hung up.

“Mama I need help with laces.” Lucas whined, lifting his left foot in the air as he held onto the sofa. “C-can’t tie.”

“That’s okay baby,” I cooed, walking over to him and kneeling down to tie the laces of his miniature Converse sneakers. “You can learn soon.”

“I c-can t-tie like d-daddy.” He beamed clapping his hands together.
It wasn’t his fault, he wasn’t aware of how much of a douche his father was.

“Yeah bub, you can.” I mumbled, standing up once both shoes were tied. We grabbed our things and headed for the front door, Lucas in his own little world while I tried to ignore the fresh wound John had unknowingly created in my heart.

His words cut like knives and he didn’t even know it.

***

I watched from the edge of the sand pit as Lucas climbed up and down the climbing frame, just to go down the same slide he’d been going down for the past two years. It never seemed to get old for him.

“So are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Hilary asked as she dropped back down beside me after taking a call regarding the court stuff. It was so messy with them that I’d come to the conclusion of labelling it all just ‘court stuff’ because I didn’t want to confuse myself further.

“It’s nothing-“

“Don’t start with that bullshit, Lei.” Hilary said, shaking her head. “It’s never nothing.”

I let out a sigh, running my hand through my long blonde hair. Maybe I should change my hair, keep him more entertained- maybe I was boring him. I guess he didn’t have the same ‘slide’ mentality that Lucas did.

“Is it John?” Hilary asked carefully, seeming to know which sigh was specifically designed for John.

“Yeah.” I mumbled, resting my chin on my knees as I wrapped my arms around my legs.

“Well are you going to tell me or do I have to ask him myself-“

“That’d be a waste of time- he doesn’t know I know.” I said, looking over at her. I felt tears pooling at the back of my eyes, but I was determined to keep them there.

“He doesn’t know you know what…” She trailed off confused. “Babe just tell me what’s-“

“He doesn’t love me anymore, Hilary.” I hissed, trying not to raise my voice, even though Lucas wouldn’t understand what I was saying.
Hilary frowned, before giving me a ‘you’re being ridiculous’ look.

“Shut up-“

“No, I’m serious,” I snapped, my voice wavering. “I fucking heard him.”

“You heard him say that?” Hilary winced. “That he doesn’t love you?”

“Yeah, he was in his music room the night of his birthday, he sounded way too sober for it to be just a drunk thing. He didn’t know I could hear him and…”

I was pulled into Hilary’s arms with no comforting words. I wouldn’t really know what to say either. Oh sorry, do you want me to set you up with one of my brother’s friends?

“I thought we were doing okay, I thought I was enough for him.” I sniffed, wiping my nose on my sleeve.

“You are enough Leighton, and I thought you were doing okay too. Maybe it’s just him, he might be going through some shit that he’s not telling you about. You know how he is with the pride thing- and maybe he…”

“Maybe he’s just sticking around for Lucas.” I mumbled. “I mean I
know he cares about me, but maybe he’s just doing it for Lucas, because he loves him too much to break apart our family.”

“Do you think maybe that’s why he hasn’t proposed?”

Ouch. That one stung. It only brought to my memory that I still had that ring hidden at the back of my top draw in our bedroom. What was I supposed to do with an engagement ring that would never be worn on his finger? What, do I just return it?

“That would make sense.” I mumbled, toying with the ring around my neck.

“You should get rid of that.” Hilary scoffed. “He doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of that being worn around your neck.”

“But then he’ll know that I heard him.” I pointed out.

She frowned, yet again. “You’re not going to tell him? Leighton you can’t just make yourself suffer- I love John, but there’s no point of you being in that relationship if he’s not fully committed to you.”

I looked up and pointed to my son, giggling to himself as he made it down the slide yet again. The centre of my universe and the light of my life. “That right there, is my reason.”

And he always would be.

***

JOHN’S POV

“There he is! It’s not like we’ve been waiting the past half hour.” Garrett chimed as I walked in to the studio that Monday morning, apparently half an hour later than what we’d planned. At least he wasn’t in a bad mood about it- he was probably a lot calmer these days, which I put down to him and Tate going their separate ways. At least, I hoped.

“Yeah I’m still trying to recover.” I chuckled, rubbing the back of my neck. “I think the arthritis is setting in.”

“No that’s just your kid hanging off you all the time.” Tim smirked as he walked into the studio behind me. He gripped my shoulder tightly and I yelped in pain, rubbing my aching bones. “Shit dude, maybe it is arthritis.”

“It’s probably just my medication, since I’ve been taking more, the side-effects have been more intense.” I explained, shrugging it off as I sat in the seat behind the mixing board, beside Pat’s.

“You don’t say, you had a f-face full of b-blood last week.” Pat scoffed, reminding me of that embarrassing incident he assumes I’ve forgotten about.

I rolled my eyes. “Old news. New…news is that I’ve finished the songs I’ve been working on so we can get on to recording and mixing the last few.”

“It’s about time,” Kennedy scoffed, shaking his head. “We’ve been waiting to hear these ones.”

“Have you told Leighton ‘no hard feelings’ yet?” Garrett smirked, sitting back in his chair.

“If you weren’t sitting in front of a glass booth I would have kicked your chair over a long time ago, Nickelson.” I warned, sending him a glare. Jared hit him over the head, which I guess sufficed. “Can we just get to the recording?”

“I’ll take that as a no.” He mumbled.

With that we fell easily into our normal zone, getting right into the recording mode. We’d planned to work on one song per day, in order to get it right but not leave a lot of room for tweaking. We didn’t want this EP to be perfect, we wanted it to be real. I know I was risking a lot with these songs (as Jared had told me time and time again) but if I didn’t get it all out now, I probably never would, and I’d keep it bottled up inside forever. There were just some things I couldn’t even tell my therapist. It was a lot easier to sing about than actually admit to Lei.

We started with Visions.

I like to think that not every song I’ve written for the past five years is necessarily about the relationship I’m in now, and that I have the ability as a writer to write from other people’s experiences.

In other words, I wasn’t trying to make Leighton look bad or feel unloved, I was just trying to explore my creative ability, try something new. I was more than confident in my relationship with Leighton at the moment, and I wasn’t going to let some song change that.

We were great.

***

LEIGHTON’S POV

“Okay, open your eyes.”

I opened my eyes and couldn’t help but smile at the paint colour he’d chosen. “Babe I love it.”

“Really?” He asked, somewhat surprised.

“Fuck yeah dude,” Eric sighed in relief, high fiving with Kennedy, who stood beside him.

“I would not be changing it again.” Tim scoffed, dropping his roller back onto the paint tray.

“Well excuse me for not wanting a putrid green nursery!” I claimed, sending the boys a look.

“It was not putrid green-“ Eric began, before I cut him off.

“It looked like baby vomit!” I fought back.

“Okay!” John laughed, putting an arm around me and shoving Eric with a glare. “We’re happy with the blue?”

“Yeah, sorry,” I blushed. “Thanks guys, I really appreciate it.”

“No worries Lei.” Kennedy smiled sweetly.

“It’s not like you’d be any help any ways.” Eric mumbled under his breath.

I glared at him, knowing he was just testing my limits. He thought it was hilarious my hormones and emotions were all over the place due to how pregnant I was. Eight months, to be exact. “Y’know we still have time to change godfathers.” I said to John, loud enough for Eric to hear.

“We’re not having any more kids because I can’t even handle you two bickering.” John laughed, running a hand through his hair.

I let out a frustrated sigh as I put away Lucas’ clothes. John was supposed to be home almost two hours ago. Physically, I’d been feeling like shit since this morning and it’d only be getting worse as the day dragged on. My slight headache had turned into a migraine, and I couldn’t stand up for too long without having the need to sit down every five minutes. It didn’t help that I hadn’t even started the dinner yet.

Once I left Lucas’ room, I headed back down the hall to the living room, where I found him sitting on the couch watching TV.

“You alright bub?” I hummed, sitting beside him and pulling him in to me.

“Yeah mama,” he murmured, too fixated on whatever was in front of
us.

It wasn’t until he was officially two hours late that John finally decided to grace us with his presence. “I’m home!” He called, coming in through the front door, dropping his bag onto the kitchen bench.
I’d replaced the leather messenger that Lucas had destroyed previously, getting him a brand new one for his birthday.

“Daddy!” Lucas squealed, wriggling out of my grip and sliding off of the couch to run to John. Feeling a little neglected, I decided not to move.

“Hey little man! How was your day?”

“We went to the park dada,” Lucas giggled, “and I went on the slide.”

“That’s a surprise,” John laughed, kissing Lucas’ temple as he made his way over to where I was sitting. “I gotta take you to the park to teach you some baseball, huh?”

“Yes please!”

“Well we can go tomorrow, how does that sound?” John offered.

I looked up. “But tomorrow’s a Tuesday.” I stated with a confused frown.

“I’m aware,” John chuckled, “I got the day off. One of the sound boards is spazzing out so we’re getting a guy to come look at it. We can’t do a lot so we’re having tomorrow off.”

“Oh.” I mumbled.

“You should come with us.” John said, reaching out and rubbing my arm.

I got up abruptly, pushing his arm off of me. “I can’t. I’m working.” I mumbled, heading into the kitchen. I heard him sigh and follow my footsteps. Great, couldn’t he see I was emotionally and internally heartbroken? Did it look like I wanted to talk to him right now?

“Leighton,” he murmured, blocking me from the fridge. “What’s up?”
He asked lightly.

“What’s up? You’re two hours late and I have to ask for an explanation, that’s what’s up.” I snapped, crossing my arms.

“Where were you?”

“I…I lost track of time?” He frowned, as if me asking him was something out of the ordinary. “It’s not that big of a-“

“Don’t you dare say it’s not that big of a deal!” I hissed, shoving him lightly (something I probably shouldn’t have done knowing past consequences). “How would you like it if I was two hours late from work and didn’t call?!”

“I’m sorry,” he shrugged, running a hand through his hair. Apparently he was growing that out, too. “You know how it is babe, it’s a creative process, it’s hard to just stop-“

“Put him first for once in your life,” I whispered angrily, pointing over to where Lucas sat on the couch, completely oblivious.

“Don’t you dare,” He warned, voice low. “You know I try-“

“Not hard enough,” I scoffed, crossing my arms. “You know I’m right.”

“No, you’re fucking not,” he snapped. “God just go back to work if that’s what you really want-“

“That’s not what I want! You’re not even listening to me!”

“Then what? You wanna be a stay at home mom? A housewife?” He snorted, sending me an ‘are you crazy’ look.

I could have said so many things about the proposal.

“Oh please, if you ever find a housewife, let me know how that goes.” I scoffed, pushing him away from me.

He didn’t respond, leaving us in an awkward tension. He sighed deeply, obviously over whatever argument this was. “Has he had dinner yet?”

“What?” I frowned.

“Has Lucas eaten yet?” John murmured.

“No I-“

“Alright I’m gonna take him to see my parents. I think we need some time to cool off. We’ll be back later, I love you.” He mumbled, kissing me on the lips softly before approaching Lucas.

I stood there, shocked. That was not at all how I thought tonight would go.

***

“I’m here! And I have wine!” Tate declared dramatically as she lead Jac into the loft.

I looked up from my position on the couch, before dropping back down on my back. “It better be red wine.”

“Nothing but the best.” Jac gasped, mocking an offended reaction.

“Good, you know where the big glasses are,” I mumbled, not bothering to move or greet them with hugs. Jac walked over to the couch, moving my feet so she could sit down before replacing them on her lap.

“Everything alright? You sounded…depressed on the phone.” She stated bluntly. “Do you need to steal somebodies’ medication?”

“Jac,” Tate hissed, bringing over three glasses as she sat beside the coffee table infront of us. “I don’t know about you, but I was brought up not to joke about your best friends’ baby daddy’s’ mental issues.”

I sat up abruptly. “Is that what you all call him? My…baby daddy?”

Jac’s eyes widened, confirming my belief. “Not in so many words?”

I rolled my eyes and almost snatched my glass from Tate. “Anyone wanna swap?”

“What did he do now?” Jac asked, sitting back with a pout.

“Ugh we just had a stupid fight about him working late,” I mumbled, waving it off- because I wasn’t actually going to tell them what happened on his birthday, not when their relationships were going so well. Maybe I had a pride thing too. “Anyway, he took Lucas to his parents’ so we could have some time to ‘cool off’.” I scoffed, downing most of my glass.

“Well hey it beats you kicking him out,” Tate tried, sighing when she saw my unamused look. “Look Lei, the boys have to put a lot of hours into the studio, they’re not messing about, this is their work we’re talking about. And I mean, six isn’t really a late finish every day.”

I frowned in confusion. “Six? He comes home at seven- tonight it was eight.”

An awkward tension filled the air as I jumped to conclusions, no doubt the girls jumping with me.

“You don’t think he’s-“

“No way.” Jac shook her head automatically. “No chance in hell. He may be a jerk sometimes, but he’s not that guy Leighton- you know that. He’s got Lucas to think about as well as you.”
I don’t love you…

“But what if-“

“Does he hide his phone from you?” Tate interrupted, raising an eyebrow.

“N-no?”

“Does he ever say he’s going ‘out’?” She pushed.

I shook my head. “He always tells me where he’s going.”

“Does he come home smelling like something you can’t place or looking dishevelled?” She asked, sitting back.

“Never.” I answered confidently, figuring out what she was getting at.

“Okay, because I did all of those things, meaning John is not cheating on you.” She said just as confident as I had been.

“Wait you cheated on Garrett?” Jac gasped.

My eyes widened. “You never told her, remember?”

Tate’s eyes widened and she quickly covered her mouth, as if to pull the words out of thin air. “I-no, I-“

“Oh Tate, I am way past judging you.” Jac said, shaking her head. “You cheated on him?”

“About three years ago,” Tate winced, as if her confession was physically paining her. To be honest I was just glad the attention was off of me. It didn’t cure the constant curiosity that he could be seeing someone else, but it helped. “It’s old news- and also the reason we split up.”

“Well no, you split up over the kids thing too.” I pointed out.

“Wait why did you cheat on him?” Jac asked, clearly not one to drop the topic.

“We were distant, I was mad that he was pushing me away over it, so I started hooking up with Pat.” Tate shrugged.

I dropped my head into my hands as Jac dropped her jaw on the floor. “She didn’t know about the Pat part either babe.”

“Okay wow, you whore.” Jac gasped.

“I’ll take that light-heartedly?” Tate tried, finishing her wine before pouring another glass.

“Sorry, this is just a lot to take on at once.” Jac said, nodding slowly. “How did that not fuck up the band?”

“Easy, Garrett put the band first. It’s worth more to him than a relationship, hence the reason he won’t ask me out on real date.” She mused.

“Wait he won’t?” I asked, actually kind of surprised. “But you were making out at Lucas and John’s birthday party the other night.”

“Exactly my point.” She nodded.

My eyes widened at the realisation. “Wow I’m sorry.”

“To be honest we’re better this way,” she mused, waving it off, a typical Tate signal that she no longer wanted to talk about it.

“Anyway, back to your problems.”

I sent her a look. “I really just needed some company. I’m in such a bad headspace right now and him bailing on me and taking Lucas with him doesn’t really help.”

“It’s kind of weird that he’d do that, don’t you think?” Jac suggested curiously, “I mean he’s the kind of guy that tries to keep relationship stuff from his parents, and now he’s running to them because of an argument?”

That got me thinking. Why was he latching onto his family all of a sudden? I mean sure, it’s great that he’s developed his relationship with his parents over the past few years considering where he used to be, but leaving me for them because of an argument? It definitely installed a weird feeling inside of me that I could identify. I’m not going to lie, I was a lot more paranoid ever since I over heard the whole ‘I don’t love you’ thing.

But I wasn’t about to tell them that.

“It is weird. I guess he was just being…sensitive to my feelings.” I shrugged quietly.

“Are you two okay?” Tate asked carefully. “You’re not…going back to your old ways, are you?”

I shook my head quickly. “No we’re fine.” Lie. “We’re a lot more clearer these days than we were back then- and not just because of the proper diagnosis. I know a lot more about how he feels these days.”

Ain’t that the truth.

***

Tuesday.

Could this dayget any worse?

It was one thing that we were falling behind in design for the new intimates and loungewear line, but we’d also had a major delay with a bunch of orders we’d needed to send out tomorrow. Instead, they wouldn’t reach the post office until Friday.

On top of all of that, Caleb had taken the week off for family reasons (well, to go meet half of his new family) meaning we were pulling his work too. Oh, and there’s the fact that John never ended up returning home last night.

I figured he was still mad over our fight (he told me otherwise, but I beg to differ) and needed more space. I’d decided to leave them be- I didn’t want him telling me those four words to my face, now.

I assumed the day could only go up after all of that, but at about lunch time, I almost passed out in my office. It was then that I remembered I forgot to get dinner last night…and breakfast this morning. I know my eating had been out of balance and completely unhealthy, but I was under a lot of stress at the moment and kept forgetting- it really wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t easy when you had an energetic three year old and a boyfriend that didn’t love you.

So, I made the executive decision to leave work early and head to my doctor. I subtly told Tate my plans and she stepped up to take over my duties for the day, which took a weight off of my shoulders. I’d been pushing myself twice as hard recently at work, just to keep things afloat. Tate had almost become my assistant of sorts, staying behind after everyone had gone home just to pick up the extra slack.

I think she had a feeling I was going through something but remained quiet regardless. It was somewhat reassuring seeing her step up like that, it only confirmed that she was more than reliable to take over the new position and run the line herself.

Hilary: let me know how your apt goes babe x

I sighed as I waited patiently in the waiting room, trying to focus on my phone- anything to keep me from passing out. I was feeling dizzy and my sight was definitely blurring.

“Leighton Johnson?”

I looked up and greeted my doctor before following her through to her office. As I walked behind her, I held onto the wall, trying to steady myself.

“Hi Leighton, how are you?” She asked formally, a tension building
with her attitude.

“I’ve been feeling kind of dizzy today,” I said slowly, my eyes following her as she rooted through a folder on her desk. “I’m apparently losing more weight than I thought- I think I need to up my dosage with my medication.”

“I’m afraid that won’t be the case,” she hummed, finding the sheet she was looking for before taking a seat behind her desk.

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

She hesitated, before finally gaining the courage to look me in the eyes. “Your test results came back- we need to talk.”

That's probably when my blood ran cold.