White Walls

Four years ago...

The feeling of his fingers trailing up and down my bare spine had to be my favourite feeling. It came right after the way he kissed me every morning to wake me up. I could also feel the hot, Arizona sun on my back- it felt like heaven.

“We should take a drive today,” John murmured onto my shoulder blade. “Make use of this gorgeous day.”

“We could just keep the windows open and stay in bed all day.”

“I like that idea,” John laughed, leaving a kiss. “But I really think we should do something a little more outdoorsy.”

I turned my head, taking in the gorgeous green eyes I’d been mentally thanking his parents for. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” he chuckled, kissing my lips. “Haven’t I already said that?”

“I don’t believe so. Y’know, the sun is really doing your skin wonders. Look at all of those freckles.” I cooed.

“You know I hate them,” he whined, burying his face into his pillow. His hair was still somewhat messy from last night, but it was shorter than he usually had it so that was expected. I really enjoyed him with short hair, I think it made him look extremely handsome. I don’t think I could ever picture him with long hair, I just don’t think it’d suit him. “Come on Lei, let’s get out and do something fun.”

“We could go to the lake,” I suggested, considering he wasn’t a huge fan of the beach. John was more of a hiking, lake swimming kind of guy. I grew up by the beach and absolutely loved going there every afternoon, but the change now was nice. I liked hiking just as much as he did and I was growing to love the different lakes we’d discovered. “Go on a hike?”

“That sounds like a plan,” he nodded eagerly.

“We could ask Garrett and Tate? Or what about Kennedy and his girlfriend? She’s into that kind of thing.” I suggested, trying to make myself look good by inviting his friends along. We’d only been going out for about nine months and although we’d already gone through the ‘I love you’ stage and were living together, I still felt like it was important to make a good impression with his friends, as they were quickly becoming good friends of mine too.

“I was thinking…if we happened to stop by a lake, we could…take a dip? Say you forgot your bikini, and I forgot my shorts…” he murmured seductively against my skin.

“You’re not serious, right?” I chuckled, cupping his face for a kiss. “John we couldn’t do that.”

“You know I’d never let anything happen to you,” he pointed out, “take a chance on me, darlin’.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” I nodded softly. “But…it could be dangerous nonetheless.”

“Hey, have I ever let you get hurt?”

“No,” I giggled, as he hovered over me.

“Exactly, and I’m never going to let you get hurt, or hurt you myself. I’ll always protect you from the dangerous Lei, that’s a promise I’ll take to my grave.” He said softly yet firmly.

“Well then I guess it’s a promise I should never forget. Let’s go.”

It wasn’t for another hour that Lucas was finally awake. He drifted out from the hallway, rubbing his eyes and dragging his teddy bear behind him. It surely was a sight for sore eyes.

“Hey darlin’, you sleep okay?” I asked softly as he stumbled over to the couch, attempting to climb up beside me in his half-asleep state of mind. I tugged him up but the back of pants, helping him onto the couch next to me.

He didn’t answer me, clearly still ‘mad’ at me. Yes, I was getting the cold shoulder from my three-year-son. I sighed, ruffling his hair. “Come on bub, talk to mommy.”

He shook his head, pushing my hand away.

“You want to go to the park today?” I coaxed, hoping I could persuade him.

“No!”

“Don’t yell at me,” I frowned, “Lucas don’t use that tone with me.”

He didn’t respond.

“What do you-“

“I want daddy.”

I sighed. “Lucas-“

“I hate you I want daddy!” He screamed, moving away from me and hiding his face into the cushion beside him.

I winced, feeling tears pool in my eyes. He’d never said that to me before and even though I knew he was too young to actually understand those words, it still hurt to hear them. Usually John would be reassuring me that he didn’t mean the nasty little things he said, but this time he wasn’t here to do that, and that was because of me. I was causing my child’s pain and I was causing his anger.

I was on his side, though.

I hated me too.

***

Going to work that afternoon I was definitely not in the mood. I didn’t want to interact with new internes and I didn’t want to get started on the paperwork I’d been putting off all week. John had picked Lucas up for the rest of the week and while I was glad to have the little hate machine out of my hair, it hurt that he practically ran away from me without so much as a goodbye.

John seemed to notice, which made it even worse. He told Lucas to come back and say goodbye to me properly, but he refused. To say it was embarrassing for my pride would be an understatement.
I’d wanted to spend the morning with Lucas, and only go in for the afternoon, but I had to call John earlier than that because I was really just wasting my time at home, as harsh as that was to my little boy.

I made it to work, surprisingly. I don’t know what it was, but I couldn’t shake the dizziness I was feeling. Talk about a bad fucking day.

When I got in through the doors, however, my day was dramatically turned around. To my surprised, Tim was in, hanging around with Lennon, who looked at me with a wide smile.

“What’s going on?” I asked slowly as I walked in.

“Miss Leighton Johnson, would you believe it’s been five long years to the day, that you became one of the most important members of the 8123 family?” Tim announced with a shit-eating grin.

I raised an eyebrow, kind of surprised it’d gone so fast. “If you’re about to let me go-“

“Oh Leighton,” Lennon laughed, wrapping his arms round my shoulders. “Poor innocent Leighton.”

“We’re celebrating, loser.” Tate teased from her spot on one of the intern’s desk. She was getting on quite well with him, his name was Zack, I think.

“Celebrating? I didn’t think it was a big deal,” I shrugged, not really sure I deserved it.

Tim rolled his eyes as he picked up a box from Elijah’s desk. “Right, no big deal. Five years is no big deal.”

Apparently it wasn’t to some people.

“Guys…” I murmured quietly. “You didn’t have to do this.” Okay now I was getting emotional about it.

“I’ve been so dependent on you in the launching of this company, and not to mention all the extra paper work and late nights we’ve had, but I wouldn’t trade a day, Lei. You’re my right hand man when it comes to 8123 and I couldn’t have chosen a better girl for the job.” Tim chuckled, tearing up himself as he handed me the box.

I pouted at him, not wanting to accept it. “Timmy…”

“Just open it, god dammit.” He laughed, shaking his head.

“Thank you,” I said softly, hugging him tightly before opening the box. I was surprised to see a silver bracelet with beautiful topaz stones in it. I won’t lie, the man had good taste. “Oh my god, it’s beautiful.”

“I better get one of those for my five years,” Tate murmured to Tim, who just laughed.

“I’m glad you like it. It’s the least I could do after all the hard work you’ve put in to this family, Lei.” Tim said appreciatively.

“We all know you’re the driving force behind his company, Kirch. Stop being so modest.” I chuckled, closing the box. Internally I was still freaking out over how gorgeous it looked. I couldn’t wait to show it off to Jac- well Hilary, considering Jac was still on her honeymoon with Eric.

“I honestly don’t think I would have lasted this long with anyone else as a boss.” I admitted. “Even though I want to strangle you most of the time, I couldn’t ask for a better guy.” I teased, pulling him in for another hug.

“Alright, back to work! You’re just trying to make me cry now!” Tim laughed as we pulled away. “I’ll be hanging around for the rest so we can all go out for lunch and celebrate. But for now, back to work.”

“Sounds good,” I chuckled. I needed to sit down. The dizziness was returning and it was twice as bad as before. “Caleb can you grab me a water?” I asked, even though his days of being my assistant were long gone. “I’m gonna get a move on with all that paperwork.”

“Yeah no problem,” Caleb nodded, disappearing upstairs.

Just looking at those stairs made me feel sick. I headed back to my office, placing my bracelet in my bag. I still couldn’t believe how beautiful it was- and it couldn’t have been cheap, either. Just having everybody around today definitely lifted my mood and it made me feel a whole lot better about myself.

“I hope that wasn’t too much for you,”

I turned around quickly, Tim’s sudden presence giving me a fright. “You scared me. And no, it was lovely. I really appreciate it, Tim.”

A smile graced his lips. He had a great smile. If only he wasn’t in a serious relationship. I knew for a fact that he was a wonderful boyfriend. Him and Ashley weren’t really looking to get married anytime soon, she claimed they were fine where they were. They were still young; they had plenty of time to start a family.

“Well I want you to know how much I’ve appreciated you over the years, Leighton. I knew from day one that I made the right move bringing you on.” He praised, sitting down in front of my desk. “You’ve really taken on board what this place is all about.”

“Well you took me in as one of your own.” I said gratefully. “I appreciate that.”

“I guess it all worked out for the best, hmm?” Tim mused, sending me a look.

The look told me that he knew everything. He was just waiting for me to admit to it, explain why I
hadn’t told him earlier, or why I hadn’t taken any time off of work.

I avoided his eyes, attempting to focus on my computer screen, but the brightness only gave me an increasing headache. Where was Caleb with my water?

“Leighton…?” Tim prompted, knowing I was ignoring his last comment. “So, I dropped past Jared’s-“

“Alright, okay? I ended everything with John. We’re done.” I sighed, looking over at him. “We broke up last week. Things just…weren’t working out anymore and he was emotionally draining me. I’m sure he probably told you otherwise.” I mused.

“You- wait, you broke up because things weren’t working? Leighton that sounds like what you say after five months, not five years.” Tim stated, looking slightly confused.

“I didn’t ask you to have an opinion, Tim.” I said, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he nodded, sitting back in his seat. He looked like he had more to say. “I asked John why he was sleeping in Jared’s guest room and he said you realized how better of you were without him. He sounded bitter…like he was mad at himself.”

That was news to me. I totally thought he’d have it out for me and me only.

“He did?” I asked quietly.

Tim nodded. “I guess it’s just a shame that you two didn’t work out, but I guess it was for the best?”

That was something I was growing more and more unsure about. By breaking up with John, was he just going to recover and start dating again? It’d been a long time since I’d been in the dating game- come to think of it, John and I hadn’t even gone on a date for what felt like months. What did this mean for our future? Was Lucas going to end up with a stepmom? Was John planning on moving on? I had no idea. When I ended our relationship I wasn’t thinking about our future at all, I was only thinking about the present- I wasn’t going to make it to the future if I didn’t take care of it all right now.

How amusing it was that taking care of this meant breaking up with him.

I didn’t think doing such a thing was possible. I faked a small smile, looking at my boss with false confidence. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Now where the hell was my water?

***

Tim had kept to his word about sticking around throughout the whole day, which I more or less expected, as he and Elijah were hard at work training the interns, like they had been for the past couple of days since we’d hired them. They were good kids, and we all got a long really well with them, myself included.

It was almost four o’clock when we sent Zack and Grace home, giving them earlier days as they still had other paying jobs to get to. It was around that time that the working vibe within the office became a little more relaxed. Well, for them anyway. My day had consisted of nothing but silent panic attacks, dizziness and short breaths. I’d been having throbbing pains in my head and chest and had to sit down for most of the day. My health was deteriorating to the point where I don’t think I could even drive myself home come home time. I was desperate for a trip to my doctor’s office with Hilary, but she wasn’t answering her phone so I figured she was still in the meeting with Austin and their lawyers. I tried to call anybody other than the people in the warehouse to avoid Tim overreacting and creating a scene. I’d had too many of those in this room.

But as my breaths became shorter and shorter, I was beginning to worry even more. I stood, leaning against the edge of my desk for support as I flipped through the contacts of my phone. The words were becoming blurrier and blurrier as the tears in my eyes began to restrict a clear view.

My thumb hovered over his name, but I couldn’t bring myself to push it. He wouldn’t want anything to do with me. He wouldn’t care, why should he come help me?

Because I need him.

But he doesn’t need me. He only needed Lucas. I probably broke his heart, I deserve mine to be broken right back. I deserved this. Tim was probably right, with whatever he was going to say earlier. Maybe I should have tried harder. Would that have helped us? To be honest I don’t think anything would have. I don’t know what we needed.

What I needed was some fucking medical attention. I forgot all about my pride and figured I’d just have to ask Tim to take me to the hospital. If only I got that far.

Instead, I took two steps before the blackness took over and I felt myself hit something as I came crashing down.

I was out.