White Walls

“You know your mom will be devastated if we don’t carry on the ‘John’ tradition.” I pointed out. I was seven months pregnant and definitely showing. I was sitting on the couch rubbing my belly whilst John sat at the opposite end giving my swollen feet a rub.

“I don’t care- I don’t want to pass my name down, Leighton.” He said firmly. “I don’t want my burden of a name to be passed on and I don’t want to be constantly reminded of myself and my failures through him. I want him to be his own person.”

I sighed, sending him a sympathetic look. I did understand where he was coming from, even though I wanted to name our first born within the O’Callaghan tradition. I thought it was honourable to name our baby after John’s ancestors, because I deeply admired John’s father and everything he stood for. I thought he was an amazing man and I was privileged to have him support myself and John. I wanted to thank him by naming the baby after him, but I didn’t want John to be uncomfortable with the name.

“Alright,” I nodded softly, running my hand through his hair. He didn’t like when I did that because I told him not to do it because he did it way too much so his hair went greasy. I told him I had clean hands but I think that offended him more than anything. “I understand.”

He leaned over and kissed my forehead. “Thank you. Anyway, I was thinking ‘Lucas’.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Lucas? Where did that come from?” I asked curiously as I let myself throw the name around in my head.

“I don’t know, I heard it on the radio a few weeks ago and it’s kind of just stuck…I like it.” He shrugged.

He wasn’t used to being so domesticated, still getting the feel of being a dad and getting used to what that would entail. But being this involved was definitely a step up- as was the baby books littering our loft. Not to mention the classes he’d signed up for when he was in rehab. Apparently they were running programs for soon-to-be parents that were trying to sober up for their new arrivals. I was impressed with how well he was progressing and couldn’t help but feel incredibly proud of him. We were getting there, and I truly believed we were going to stay there.

All it took was a little effort on both our parts.

“Lucas…I love it.”

“Lucas if you don’t get your ass out here right now, you’ll never see a park again!” John called from the kitchen.

Today was a bad day.

It was now nine thirty, making both John and myself late for work. I had to be in a meeting with the whole merchandising department and Tim and Dirk about half an hour ago, the same time John needed to meet the guys at the studio. But first, he had to drop Lucas off at my parents’ place, which was a good twenty minute drive in the opposite direction of his studio and my warehouse.

“Don’t curse at him, John,” I sighed, tapping my foot impatiently. “Lucas! You better get out here right now!”

“That’s it, I’m going in.” John scoffed, pushing past me and storming down the hall.

“John!” I groaned, dropping my head back and following him. His short temper definitely wasn’t helping today. The worst part was that he himself was having a bad day. It took me twenty minutes to get him in the mood to get out of bed and face the day, and the fact that Lucas seemed to be acting the same wasn’t helping in the slightest.

I stood by the door as John stood over Lucas’ bed.

“Why are you doing this?” John snapped, pulling the covers off of him. He was fully dressed and ready to go, but clearly that didn’t mean a thing to the two year old. “Lucas?!”

“Baby get out of bed, you’re making us late.” I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I desperately needed to go, but I didn’t want to leave the two by themselves. I didn’t trust that John wouldn’t over react.

“I don’t w-wanna go!” He whined, burying his face into the pillow.

“Too fucking bad,” John muttered, lifting Lucas and carrying him over his shoulder, ignoring the kicks to his stomach and fists to his back. “You don’t get to mess up our days because you’re in a mood, you here me? Mommy and daddy have jobs that pay for this roof over your head so don’t you dare make us late!”

I was positive that Lucas couldn’t really grasp what John was saying but I think he got the jist of it. I grabbed John’s (expensive) leather messenger bag from the kitchen bench and followed him out the front door, locking it behind us considering he had his hands full of a screaming ‘little shit’. He didn’t mean to curse in front of Lucas and he didn’t mean the names, he just lost his temper and couldn’t control the words that came out of his mouth. I understood and it was something I was trying to work on with him. We had yet to come to an avail, but we were working on it.

“Just chuck it in the front while I strap him in,” John mumbled, as he wrestled the crying little boy into his car seat. Those things were a nightmare but John was a pro at getting him into them. Me on the other hand? I asked for help more than I successfully managed to strap him down.

“N-no!” Lucas screamed, tears rolling down his face.

“Baby…” I cooed, sighing from behind John.

“No! Don’t feel sorry for him Leighton, he doesn’t deserve it.” John said firmly, closing the door once
he’d gotten him in. “Don’t take his side.”

I ran a hand through my hair in frustration as he turned to me. “Sorry, I just hate seeing him like this.”

“You gotta get used to it.” John muttered, glaring at Lucas, who only glared back. Attitude from his son was something John would not accept and I cringed every time Lucas pushed him further. “Anyway, I’ll see you later.” He sighed, leaning down and kissing me on the lips. “Six?”

“Six,” I nodded, rubbing his arm. “Remember to pick him up- and take it easy today, babe. Unwind in the studio, okay?”

“God that’s exactly what I need right now,” he groaned, kissing my forehead. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Drive safe bub, I love you.” I called as I headed to my own car that was parking in front of his truck.

“Love you too!” I heard him call back before his door slammed shut and Lucas’ screams were no longer heard. Sometimes I thought ‘John’ would’ve suited him better- he threw enough tantrums like his father did, it was an obvious choice.

What can I say, like father like son.

***

“You’re so late, O’Callaghan,” Tate smirked as I flew through the front doors of the warehouse.

“I know I’m so sorry!” I exclaimed, not even bothering to scold her for calling me that. I took in everybody sitting around the large conference table and winced. Tim was at the top tapping his fingers on the wooden surface. “I’m so sorry-“

“Not even a text?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Lucas may or may not have removed the battery.” I sighed, dropping my bag at my feet as I took a seat to the left of Dirk. “I’m really sorry for keeping you guys waiting.”

“Caleb literally walked through the doors ten minutes ago,” Layla piped up with a smirk.

Caleb rolled his eyes. “Hey, I had wife troubles, that’s better than fuck buddy troubles.” He scoffed, shooting a look at Tate.

“You were late too?” I asked, looking over at her.

She shot a look a Caleb. “Not as late as you guys-“

“Alright from now on you don’t let your personal issues interfere with your tardiness!” Tim declared, “We run a business, guys. Try and remember that.”

I nodded. “It won’t happen again, we’ll make sure of it. Won’t we?” I prompted, looking at my fellow tardies.

They all nodded and agreed and we got stuck into the meeting. As the label was expanding, so were the ranges. We didn’t just have your casual summer and winter tees anymore, we had denim jeans and shorts, skirts, and we had bags and hats and even a few homeware items. But, it seemed 8123 as a clothing label wanted to take a new direction.

“Intimates?” I frowned, before immediately turning to Dirk. “Did you put him up to this? Is this about-“

“No,” Dirk chuckled, shooting me a wink. “But I like the way you think.”

“We want to cover all the bases,” Tim stated, “we’re talking swimwear, socks-“

“Lingerie?” Tate smirked. “I like the sound of that.”

“More so day to day undergarments- but I guess by the time Valentine’s Day rolls around, there may be an opportunity to go down that road.” Tim laughed. “We’re not just managing bands anymore, guys. We’ve got a store- we’re becoming a very popular brand. Like Pac Sun and Urban. This is good for us, to cater to different needs. There’s even been talks between Leighton and myself of another line.”

That was true, there was talks of another line, something all of our designers were dying to get their hands on. I know there’d be controversy if I were to give the line to Caleb over Elijah or Tate, but I honestly think he was the most ready to take something like this on.

“Which is why we think this new, fun side to the label would be a good way to refresh 81’s image.” Lennon explained, pulling designs out of his portfolio.

“Wait, you knew about this before I did?” I frowned.

“We’ve been talking about this for a little while and wanted to get the perfect pitch,” Tim explained, “because at the end of the day, it’s fifty your say, fifty mine.”

I thought about it for a moment, really taking in the new direction. I wasn’t hating it, I was actually starting to really like it. “So we’re talking boxer briefs?” I laughed, “Who’s going to be modelling that?”

“Well we could get 81’s own super couple,” Dirk smirked, “you and Johnoh seem to have some experience as models.”

I rolled my eyes and punched him in the shoulder. “Oh yeah right, like the boys would ever do that.”

“Believe it or not The Maine was approached by a music themed charity calendar and they were actually thinking about going through with it.” Tim chuckled.

I raised an eyebrow. “What like a nude calendar?”

“Oh well John definitely has experience in that category.” Dirk laughed.

“Okay why is he even here?” I scoffed, wanting nothing more than to hit him.

“Anyway, Lennon will go through designs with you one on one, he’s got some pretty good swimwear stuff going.” Tim added, “I really think this’ll hit, Lei.”

“Well I trust you. And I believe that the intimates line will need someone to take charge full time.” I mused, looking around at the three eager candidates.

“Indeed it will,” Tim nodded, “I think we’ll have to talk further about that, which we will do so before production. Alright next item on the agenda…”

The meeting went on for another hour or so, where we basically covered how last weeks’ shoot went and when the new stuff was going to be released. It turns out it’d be making it’s debut sooner rather than later, on the same day as the 8123 party, which was only two weeks or less away. Tim and I began discussing details on that in my office, where we had a lengthy conversation, something we did as frequently as we could in order to stay updated around here.

“So I also need to talk to you about earlier,” Tim said, sitting back in the chair across from my desk.

I looked up. “Me being late?”

“I mean, you’re the boss around here, and this is an important meeting, you can’t afford to be late, Lei.” Tim sighed. “I understand that it’s hard sometimes with Lucas, but you really need to be more on time.”

I nodded. “You’re completely right-“

“I don’t want to be a tightass, but this is a business, y’know?” He added.

“Don’t feel bad at all, you’re absolutely right,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I don’t expect special treatment from you and I’ll pick up the slack around here. We all will.”

“That’s why I put you in charge around here,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “You get shit done.”

“I get that from you.” I mused. “So I was thinking, we’d put Jac in charge of the new intimates line, and
Caleb in charge of the new line we want to bring in.”

Tim’s eyes widened. “I mean, Jac was an obvious choice for the intimates, but Caleb? What about Elijah?”

“I think Caleb has just as much potential, even though he’s worked here less. He’s had three years of experience and he’s more or less the age group of the targeted audience. He really knows the market. That could help a lot.” I explained. “I mean I’ve seen his portfolio, his designs are amazing. Elijah’s good, but he’s better at normal band merchandise. That’s his strong point.”

“You know he’s not going to see it the same way you do.” Tim sighed. “I agree with you, I just worry about the repercussions.”

“Tim his private life has nothing to do with-“

“His girlfriend took all of his money- you know he’s living with Jack and Layla, right? This could really
help him out financially, Leighton.” Tim stated. “I think it’s our best option.”

“That’s also conflict of interest.” I pointed out. “If we give him this line because of his private issues, it’s unfair to Caleb. Just because he’s taking his ex to court for embezzlement, doesn’t mean Caleb should miss out on what’s rightfully his.”

Tim sighed, sitting back. He nodded understandingly. “You really think Caleb should take this on?”

“Definitely.” I nodded firmly. “I really do, Tim.”

“You know that means we’re going to have to get you a new assistant, right?”

I groaned dramatically. “Fuck interns! I’m so over them!”

“Oh wow, thanks boss.”

My head shot up and I smirked as Caleb stood by my door, a smirk on his own lips.

Tim let out a laugh. “Not you, of course.”

“I don’t know, I caused quite the controversy back in my intern days. Well, enough to make an enemy of the boss’ boyfriend.” Caleb teased.

I cringed. “Don’t remind me of that day.”

“Oh god I remember that!” Tim claimed, his eyes wide as he sat back. “God I can’t believe it’s been three years since his mental breakdown.”

“Like I said, don’t remind me.” I mumbled, before looking up at Caleb. “What did you need?”

“I uh, wanted to talk to you about getting that time off-“

“No!” Tim almost screeched, pointing at Caleb. “You can’t have time off! Not for a while! We’re having a party and we’re launching lines and just no! You need to stay!”

“But my wife’s parents don’t know I exist!” Caleb screeched back, a smirk growing on his lips.

“Get your ass out there. You can have the weekend off.” Tim said, waving him off. He was quite a sassy boss, to be honest.

“I don’t even work the weekend!” I heard Caleb mutter as he walked off. I’d sort his time off later.

“Well, I should get going anyway,” Tim declared as he stood, “if you need help with anything, let me know, yeah?”

“Definitely.” I nodded, standing to see him off. “I’ll email you later about the new idea.”

“I’m glad you’re on board with that, by the way. This place needs a little sexying up.” He smirked on his way out.

I let out a laugh. “And no one but you can bring that to the table!”

Alright maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea.

****

“So what I’m saying, is will you be my maid of honour?”

My eyes widened as I looked up from my screen. I lowered my glasses and raised an eyebrow.

“Seriously?” I asked, surprised.

She nodded, a smile growing on her lips as she sat before me. “Duh, who else would I have asked?”

“Oh my god, of course I will!” I exclaimed, covering my mouth. “Are you kidding?!”

She let out a laugh. “I was hoping you’d say yes. Eric wants John to be his best man, which means…you two will have to walk down the aisle together- who knows, it could be practice.” She added playfully, knowing my feelings towards John.

I blushed. “It’d take something big to open his eyes, that’s for sure.”

“He said it was ‘your call’ so maybe you just have to bring it up with him.” Jac shrugged. “Boys are confusing.”

“The thing is, I shouldn’t have to bring it up. If it’s my call, he should just know to ask me.” I sighed. “I don’t want to talk about that, though. This is about you- have you set a date?”

“Oh yeah, uh it’s in a few weeks.” She murmured, avoiding eye contact.

Yeah, good idea that was.

“You can’t be serious- Jac!” I groaned, my full attention on her. Of course I was stoked for her and Eric but a few weeks? We were going to get incredibly busy here and so were the boys in the studio. I know it was about to get extremely stressful between John and I, and I couldn’t help but worry about what was to come for us.

There I go again, doubting him and bringing everything back to his condition. I just couldn’t help but doubt all of his progress of the past three years, as bad as that sounded. We’d had an awesome couple of years and I guess this was the reality setting back in.

“I know! But we just want to be married! You’re lucky we’re even having a wedding! We were talking about Vegas or the community hall even.” She scoffed. “I know it’s going to be busy, Lei, but it’ll be worth it.”

I looked at her, unable to comprehend that my best friend was getting married. It was crazy to think that everyone was growing up and doing grown up things. I had friends getting married, (most likely) divorced, having kids. And I too was one of those people. I had a kid- I was a mom. I guess it never really sank in that John and I were actually bound together with a child. Lucas would be around us for the rest of our lives, and we’d be grandparents one day. We were raising a human being together.

Holy shit.

***

I sat in the car, seriously pissed off. Lucas was asleep in the backseat and I really didn’t want to get him out. Not if I was going to be getting back in in five minutes. You see, John hadn’t picked him up tonight. In fact, he’d been screening my calls and hadn’t even left the studio so it’d come down to me having to pick up Lucas, dodge the marriage questions by my parents, and then attempt to drag him out of the studio. It was already seven o’clock, and hour past when we planned to meet eachother at home.

I sighed and got out of the car, locking the doors for Lucas’ safety. I quickly headed into the building and walked down the hall to the studio, where I heard the guys talking and a guitar being strummed. I knocked on the door patiently and waited.

“Oh hey Leighton,” Jared waved.

John looked up, a look of guilt across his face. “Hey.” He mumbled.

“Hey I have Lucas in the car, he’s asleep and I need you to come home now.” I said, once greeting the guys. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Garrett sigh in annoyance. He’d really become quite a negative bastard these days.

John sighed. “Babe I’m in the middle of-“

“You were supposed to pick him up, you left him waiting, again John.” I cut in. “He’s tired.”

“So take him home.” John muttered.

“John,” I pushed.

“Dude go, we’re all gonna head off anyway.” Jared interjected, standing up to put his guitar away.

“No we’re not-“ Garrett began, but was hushed by Kennedy.

I looked at John. “He’s your son, John.”

John rolled his eyes and stood, packing his stuff away. “Don’t tell me what I already know Leighton. I’ll be out in a second.” He snapped.

I rolled my eyes and walked out, feeling completely disrespected. He acted like I was his mother and that’s not what I was trying to be. I wanted him to be a father to Lucas and put him first. He deserved to be treated better. I waited by the car, knowing he’d have to drive his truck home anyway. When he finally came out, he came over and stood in front of me.

“I can’t believe you said that in front of them.” He muttered, glaring at me.

“You sounded like you didn’t want to come home! What was I supposed to do?” I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest. “I don’t mean to sound like a nagging wife, I just want you to keep your promises.”

He raised an eyebrow on the ‘w’ word. “Nagging wife?”

“Well that’s what I sound like, right?” I scoffed. “Look the point is, you said you were going to pick Lucas up and you didn’t. You left him waiting at my moms.”

“Yeah, that’s before I found out what he did to my bag.” John claimed, opening his messenger bag to show me. I sighed and looked inside, my eyes widened when I saw all of the dry paint, staining and essentially ruining the leather bag I’d gotten him for Christmas last year. It cost me a lot so to see it destroyed, hurt.

“He didn’t…” I murmured.

John nodded. “He’s a bad kid, Leighton. He needs to be taught a lesson because this isn’t acceptable behaviour.”

I sighed stepping forward for a hug. I could feel all of his stress and frustration, and it sucked. I didn’t want him to hate parenting, I wanted him to love it. But lately, he’d been getting the short end of the stick and it was all because Lucas found some joy in making his daddy angry. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” he mumbled. “I don’t mean to take it out on you.”

“Is the medication doing you good?” I asked, “because if it isn’t you need to bring that up with Dr. Adams.”

“I think he’s had enough of seeing me and changing my medication.” John joked, kissing my forehead. “Don’t worry about me, darlin’. You just worry about you and that little spawn of Satan.”

“John,” I chuckled, kissing him before letting him go. “He’s two.”

“I know, so I don’t know how he’s such a little brat.” He scoffed lightly. “Anyway, I’ll meet you at home and we’ll put him to bed and make dinner and have some quality us time, okay?”

“That sounds good,” I sighed happily as I got into my car. “I’ll see you soon sweetheart.”

He stopped on the way to his truck, looking over his shoulder with a smile.

“What?” I asked, pulling a face at him.

“You haven’t called me that in years.” He chuckled, waving it off. “I love you Leighton.”

“I love you too John.” I pouted before getting into my car and starting the drive home.

Yeah, he was the same old John I fell for like six years ago.

***

“Leighton put him down oh my god.”

I shook my head stubbornly as I cradled Lucas in my arms. “No, he’s so warm and cute and perfect John, he’s my baby!” I whined quietly, unable to take my eyes off his sleeping face. Feeling his little chest rise and fall against mine was something words couldn’t describe.

“Leighton,” John chuckled, climbing out of bed and walking over to us. “Darlin’, put him in his bed.”

“No I want him to sleep in our bed tonight- in my arms-“

“No way, babe he’s a big boy-“

“Don’t say that!” I snapped dramatically. Alright I was having baby issues, I know that but I just couldn’t put him down. I wanted to hold him for the rest of the night at least. Who was I kidding, I could hold him for days. “He’s our little boy, Johnny.” I pouted, kissing Lucas’ nose.

“And you’re my baby girl and I want you in my bed, in my arms.” John declared, lifting Lucas out of my arms and carefully taking him down the hall.

“John!” I whined, following after him. “Babe please-“

“No,” John chuckled, opening Lucas’ door with his foot. “Leighton you need to give him some space.”

“Excuse me, do you remember the first months you went on tour? You called twice a day- you didn’t even want to talk to me, you just wanted to Skype him.” I scoffed, standing by the door as John put him down, pulling his navy comforter over his small frame.

“Well yeah, because he’s as cute as his mama,” John smirked, kissing Lucas on the cheek before walking over to me and closing the door behind him, only leaving it slightly ajar, just how Lucas always had it.

“Except she has a cuter ass that I’d rather have my hands on.” He murmured, backing me against the brick wall of the hallway.

“If you’ve got the wine sweetheart, this ass is yours.”