American Idiot

Tunny, has been watching me very closely over an score of days. He watches me, waiting for me to cave and claim that I miss Jimmy. But with every passing day, the emotion fades, and so does my memory of him. His face, his smile. His laugh and the darkness in his eyes when he is pissed. I can't see it anymore. It's almost as if he was never here in thr first place. I'll admit, he's starred in a few of my dreams in the past week. Jimmy has almost been gone a month, but still haunts me. I shook the memory of the previous night's dream from my head and went back to concentrating on the task at hand. I was alone in the house. My parents were out on some date tonight with thr neighbors. I looked at my shallow reflection in the full mirror hanging on thr back of the closet door. I looked shabbier now, but I shrugged it off and blamed it on all the stress. I applied my makeup in peace. Grateful that Tunny wasn't here hanging over my shoulder telling me lame jokes with forced laughs and trying to ensure me that we'll be fine together. Truth be told, we're not. He doesn't see it yet. But I saw it in day one. We'll never be the same as me and Jimmy. I don't even know what to call what I had with Jimmy. Whatever it was, it wasn't love. It was half love, half annoyance. Jimmy annoyed me a lot when he'd hang around because he'd actually make me laugh.
I giggled at an joke I remembered him telling me an few months ago when he still believed the beam supporting our relationship was nice and strong. I tried not to laugh, another reason I disliked him is because he'd make me laugh and smile when I didn't want too. And he's still doing that now and he's not even here. It's pathetic really. Nothing extraordinary.
I finished getting ready. Taking one last look in the mirror at my image. The image I need to sell. Thr one that screams to the world that I'm ok and didn't need Jimmy anyways. Truth is, is that u could just have one glimpse at him. And I'd be complete. Not a day goes by that j don't think about rather or not this whole breakup was an big mistake and should be reversed. I honestly don't even know if it can be. If it's even possible after what I put him through. Would he even come all the way back, just for me? Does it matter?

I pulled on some old, worn out Chucks and headed out the front door. Started walking west. Toward the Underground. Though that wasn't exactly my disused location to be right now.
I looked up at the sky. Always blue, always slightly clouded from the clouds pumping away from the distant refinery. The tall trees that shrouded the empty street. For an portion of the walk it was shady. Until you ran out of trees to shadow you. I looked down at my feet. Very much enjoying the crunch of pebbles scattered across the sidewalk under my feet. I saw something, an little speckle of white skitter across the concrete and land at my feet. I looked at it for an second And knelt down, picking it up. It was fairly big I suppose, about the size of a rose bud. It appeared to be an torn piece of an picture, I turned it to see an goofy picture of me and Jimmy drunk. Torn right through my face. I could only figure that Jimmy would do this. I took it all in anyways, looking at his face. How memorable it was. And in an heartbeat I was on my feet. Holding his picture tightly in my palm as I ran back the way I'd come.
Running into my house and firmly shutting and locking thr front door behind me. I ran upstairs into my bedroom and locked that door too. Pacing my room back and forth. I have to do something... I glanced over at an piece of paper on the desk in the corner of my room. An old pen laid beside it. On one side of the paper had been mine and Tunny's shopping list for that party we had some punch of days ago. I flipped it over and dropped into my chair. Looking down at the blank white. I wouldn't write him a love letter. But an informative letter to tell him about whats going on at home. I looked down at if and picked up the pen. Tucking a strand of blond hair behind my ear. I bent over my work and began to write. Brace yourself Jimmy, I'm sending you an letterbomb.