American Idiot

Jeramine was going to be gone today. Good, I thought harshly. Praying to God I could just be alone today. Everything here started out so ‘peachy’ but now... God, I don't even know what to say. Only a week ago I'd been fairly close to everybody. But I'd gotten on everybody's nerves when I refused to do something. And now they are all ignoring me as much as possible. I was sitting alone at the docks. Pouting you could say because this place didn't turn out to be what I wanted it to be. I'm practiaclly hated by the closest people I know around here. Nobody likes me, everybody left me. They are all out without me, having fun together. Laughing, having an dandy good time while old St.Jimmy is all alone on the docks watching the lone boats in the distance. The swishing sound of the water below smacking against the wooden supports below the dock. The breeze coming off the ocean chilling me. It was overcast. Looked like rain, but why should I care. I'm my own personal rain cloud according to Celsta. Whatever, I shouldn't care. I shouldn't be getting close to these people. I should be ignoring then to the point of extinction.
That's when I heard the light footsteps behind me on the wooden dock. I mearly peeked over my shoulder to see Jeramine approaching with an white envelope in hid hand. He casually approached me. Dropping it, letting the breeze sail it into my lap. He didn't speak or look at me again. Just spun on his heel and headed back for town. I glared down at the envelope. Seeing the return adress, I just about picked it up and chucked it into the ocean. How the hell did Mary-Jane get my new address or location. Without an home, I'd think I'd be an tricky little fucker to locate.
I hesitantly picked up the envelope. Looking at it already gave me and numb murky feeling inside. I wanted to let it drift away. Nothing Mary-Jane could be of concern to me anymore anyways. I did love her once. More than my own life, that's what kept me going, because she was my own life... But shit, I don't even know who I am now. I suppose, I could read the first sentence. And if I don't like what she has to say, Ill pitch it into thr black water without another thought. If only the rest of life was that way.
My old love for her is what fueled me to shove my finger under the flap and rip it open in an jagged line from one end to the next. I reached inside and yanked out an sheet of paper, with an shopping list labeled 'shopping list for Tunny's party'
Was that some sort of sick joke?
I took an deep breath and flipped it over. Her old sloppy handwriting leapt out of th page at me. I half smiled before I caught myself doing it and smeared any trace of happiness off.
I looked down,
‘Dear J.
Where have all the bastards gone? The underbelly stacks up ten high. The dummy failed the crash test. Collecting unemployment checks. Like a flunkie only along for the ride. Where have all the riots gone? As the city's motto gets pulverized. "What's in love is now in debt" on your birth certificate. So strike the fucking match to light this fuse. The town bishop is an extortionist, and he dont even know that you exist. Standing still when it's 'do or die' you better run for your fucking life. It's not over 'till your underground. It's not over before it's too late. This city's burning "It's not my burden" it's not over before it's too late. There is nothing left to analyze. Where will all the martyrs go when the virus cures itself? And where will we all go when it's too late?
You're not the Jesus of Subirbia. The St. Jimmy is a figment of your fathers rage and your mothers love." - W

W? Ha, word must have gotten back to her that I've been calling her 'Whatsername' good riddance.
I stared down at each word. They each had an massive amount of meaning to my life. Just... I dont know.

I caught myself reading it over again. Mary-Jane had always had a way with words. Even then it didn't soften the blow of the punch of information she gave me when we broke up. I let her words, her voice drift through my mind with amazing clarity. I grimaced at her face Though. Her perfect, light blond hair. Eyeliner smeared raccoon eyes. Her crimson lips and her grey eyes. She was short but packed a punch when she wanted to. She was something else. Now she is someone else. Someone I can never love again. Nor forgive. This has been a complete waist of my time. I got up from the dock and crinkeled her letter up into a little ball and shoved it into my back pocket and went to go take a walk around town. Try to forget...