American Idiot

It was the same as it was every night. Sitting on the dirty couch in the livingroom. Not alone, of course. My mother was there too. Watching me through narrowed eyes. Making me want to escape to my room more than ever. My stepfather, Brad, wad out getting himself drunk to the gills at the bar on the corner. He'd come home and verbally abuse me of being lazy and not having an job, then whine tomorrow morning because no one 'cares' about him. While he's laying on the sofa puking his guts up with an hangover. My mom isn't usually home during the day, just on Sundays. But today Sunday. So daddy is out getting drunk and prepping for his hangover tomorrow morning and my mom is watching me, waiting for me to crack. And admit I'm an lazy slob that needs to get an damn life and stop mooching off my friends and family. It's not called mooching. It's called taking advantage of their wealth.
My mom is an nurse. Yet, she makes plenty of money to sell this hell hole we live in and upgrade to something finer, but she blows all her money on lottery tickets. Hoping to strike it big, no one ever really does. She still had the TV on, on the news channel no doubt in my mind at all. I don't even see what is so enjoyable about society's problems. Why can't they keep it to themselves. I don't care.
I rose from the sagging brown couch without another glance in my mothers direction.
“Night.” I called over my shoulder on my way to my room. Of course, no reply.
I closed the door and locked it behind me. Dropping onto the bed and staring at the little TV screen balanced on an too small stand. The Green Day concert movie, Bullet in a Bible had been playing on loop all day. I watched them preform until my lids got heavy and I laid back with my feet dangling over the edge of the mattress. Looking up at the ceiling. Surely life is like this everyday for everyone else and not just me. Cause that's totally unfair if I'm the only one in this damned city that lives like this. Under these standards. I closed my eyes and left all the lights on shining bright and the black and white TV sing me to sleep.

The following morning I woke with purpose. I had some things to do today and excuses to get out of the house. One, I'd get to see Mary-Jane again today, and two, I need to thank Tunny for getting us together. She is undoubtably my life.
I dressed in an blur and slunk out the front door. I was right, Brad was half asleep on the couch, an foul smelling bucket by his side reeked of alcohol. He was restless as he laid there. I'm just happy that's not me. Yet.
I went outside. Too lazy to walk today. It was overcast, silver clouds hung in the air and the sun was nowhere to be seen. I pulled open the rusty door of my Camero and slid in. Starting the ignition with an single, silver key on the meal keyring. I looked over my shoulder and backed out onto the cracked asphalt street. Then sped off west for the Underground. The wind came in the open window and blew my ash black, shaggy hair off my forehead. It was calm out. An little cook and an veil of fog guarded the highway to the abandonned bridge. I arrived within about five minutes. I pocketed my keys after I'd pulled over into an rest stop that had long been forgotten, and made my way down under the bridge. The cool, shadowed air reached me before I even got to the bottom of the weed choked slope. Spiraling down to the bottom. I spared an few glances and hellos to an few aqaintences I knew down here. The rest were rejects of whom I really didn't know their names. But sill make and few booze sales off of.
I walked under the cool cement. Weaving around the thick, tall pillars. Toward the area in the back where Mary-Jane would reside.
Her voice reached me before I saw her. But she wasn't talking to me.
“No no no. It's fine you can stay.”
I came closer. Seeing Tunny and Mary-Jane.
“I don't know MJ, Jimmy will be beyond pissed if he finds out.” Tunny said.
She rolled her eyes and hugged him. “Which is why Jimmy won't know. He doesnt come down here until ten. We've got time.” she explained, laughing drunkenly like she always does even when she's pure.
“No. I should go.” he said firmly.
Mary-Jane sighed “Ok, if you must. Can I at least have an goodbye kiss?” she pled sweetly.
Tunny ran an hand through his hair and looked around. Not spotting me residing in the shadows watching their whole show.
“Yeah. Sure.” he turned around and kissed her for an long moment.
“I'll see you tonight, Tunny!” she called after him.
“Ok babe, don't tell Jimmy!” he called jokingly over his shoulder.
I couldn't belive what I'd just witnessed. I felt sick, I wanted to punch and kill someone. The blind fury burned brightly as that lovey dovey scene replayed over and over in my head. It wasn't fake. Wasn't staged because no one was watching. Just them. The cheaters. My love of my life. Mary-Jane... With my best friend since the second grade, Tunny. Together? The words didn't work. Didn't make sense. My an mashed up mess of words and letters spilled blankly in my head. I'll need to play this cool.
Mary-Jane dropped carelessly down into her trademark recliner again. Picking up an weather worn copy of 'The Catcher in the Rye'
She's gonna get it...
I walked out casually into the open. Smiling as much as I could without breaking down. She looked startled as she acknowledged my presence.
“Mary-Jane.” I said softly. Leaning over her with the smile still in place. My arms forming an net of truth around her.
“Jimmy.” she whispered.
I nodded my head slightly before dropping my next question on her. I had more than enough proof right now.
“How long?” I laughed freely.
Her eyes widened. “How long, what?”
I leaned closer till our faces were meer inches from each other.
“I saw you with him.” I whispered darkly. Staring into her eyes and watched her expression change. She had no words for what she did.
“You saw who?” she wiped it off like I didn't know what I was talking about.
“Don't fucking lie to me...” I groweled.
She sputtered... Stupid struck, avoiding the question at hand.
“What do you want from me Jimmy? I'm fucking him.”
Hurt danced through my heart. Her words ‘What do you want from me, Jimmy?’ it tore me open to know she never thought more of us. Those words basically meant, ‘Why do you want me anymore Jimmy? I'm tired of this and want to be free.’
Well, newsflash Mary-Jane. You can be as free as you'd like. And alone too.
“What was I to you? Hmm?” I pressed calmly. Piercing her eyes with my stare that never faded.
She ignored my question.
“What the fuck was I to you?!” I yelled in her face. Watching how she pulled back, preparing to stand her ground.
“A friend. Someone I loved. And an memory. An beautiful fucking memory.”
‘Someone I loved’ basically meant that she 'did' love me but found too soon that there are other fish in the sea besides lazy ol Jimmy.
My face wrinkled up in disgust.
“You know what? I don't love you.” I lied. “You don't even get to be an memory.” though she was beyond being an memory in my life. She was an fixture. The one thing in my life that got me out of bed everyday and gave me an good reason to keep living... That's all gone now. Gone... Like an whisper in the wind.
She leaned in. An smile slightly left on her lips as she leaned close to mine. “Nice fucking tattoo then.” she whispered.
Pulling back to let her eyes smolder evilly at me. She'd planned this. For me to have the biggest breakup of my life. To kick me down ab notch from my rulery of Suburbia, the Underground and the 7-11. An local convenience store we practically rule.
She made me get that thing yesterday, so it can remind me for the rest of my life what an regret she was. How I should have never given her the time of day over an year ago. Treated her like every other diciple of this place. No special recognition, just be somehow connected to me, because if I hadn't dated her then, I'm still sure that Tunny would be dating her. She'd just be the sweet little girlfriend of Tunny's that would come over and hang when he did and sit at home in her master bedroom and cry when he didn't call.
Not like this. It never should have become like this.
I slapped one more everlasting smacker on her and pull away. Towering above her with an grin. Something for her to remember me by too. I turned and walked away. When she rose from her seat and pitched an rock at me.
“Fuck you!” she yelled.
Yay, I left her an reminder to burn her heart of steel when I'm gone.
I spun around. Applaud now that she too was suffering and she was the cheater and I was the cheatee.
“Oh what? Your gonna come after me?” I laughed following her back and grabbing her wrists. Slamming her into the cold cement wall.
She sniffled and the tears made her makeup run. Reaveling the real tough girl she was. She glared haltingly at me while I smirked at her. I wouldn't be the one walking away with broken heart syndrome. I just turned this whole breakup around on her to make it feel like the force was coming from the opposite direction. Give her an nice taste of heartbreak.
“You. Mary-Jane. I wish you all the fun in the world with Tunny. The biggest, happiest life you can imagine with him. And know I'll have no part in it and it will be all your fault. You were nothing to me. An never will be. Have an nice day Whatsername.”
I'm going to forget her, leave her behid in my darkest memories.
I grinned once more and turned away from her. Striding out of the dark, depressing cement caverns of the Underground.
I spared no one another look as I walked up to my car and climbed in. Banging my head against the steering wheel. This damn city is eating me alive. Turning me into one of them.
I wanted to keep Mary-Jane to myself until we died of old age. Smiling and laughing together forever. But apparently, that bright, childish delusion is not going to happen.
I stabbed the key into the ignition and pulled out. Making my way toward the 7-11. Somewhere else besides home and hell.
I drove and pulled onto the parking lot. Hopping out and going inside. Going straight for the employes only bathroom. I leaned against the sink and let the tears fall. Just an few, then I noticed how white the walls were and believed that they needed redecorating. I pulled an permanent marker from my back jeans pocket. And destroyed the walls with lyrics and pictures of insanity.
‘City of the damned, at the end of another lost highway. Signs misleading to nowhere.’
I wrote all over everything. Feeling the rush of doing it and the emotion it brought with it. I dropped my head miserably into my hands. Aware of how cruel this world was. How it never intends for things in our live's to go as planned. Never.
I looked back up and rose from the floor. Walking out of the bathroom. Where I recognized an familiar girl from the Underground. She was pixielike and had crimson red hair. Piercing eyes of an color I have no name for.
She saw me and without an words hugged me and spun around in the isles. I followed her, amazed by how weird she was. Really weird. She had plenty of tattoos and things. I drifted behind her with an heart allready full of hope that she'd be Mary-Jane's replacement. Maybe if I was already considering moving on, I didn't love her as much as I thought. Her face flashed in my head and I shook it away. She's nothing but an cheat, I whispered to myself when the girl wasn't looking and too busy laughing.
I watched her and an few others from he underground. All of us had something in common. We all live in the City of the Damned.