Let Me Save You

I watched the raindrops roll silently down the window as the bus raced down the highway. My reflection stared back at me dead. My eyes hollow and emotionless, my skin even paler in the window’s ghost of me. I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to stare at myself anymore and let my head fall back against the headrest. My ticket claimed we would be arriving at the station in downtown LA a little after nine, judging by how dark it was it couldn’t have been later than four AM, meaning I still had time to sleep, which was really the only thing I seemed to even do lately.

I can’t tell you exactly when I fell asleep, but I can tell you that I woke up just as we hit the LA city limits. The streets were just starting to really come to life, as eight thirty on a Sunday morning was not a time people were usually awake. Well not where I was from anyway.

It was another half hour before we finally pulled into the station and rolled to a stop in one of the oversized parking spaces. The doors eased open and I waited a few minutes before standing up and pulling my bag down. I filed off the bus and went to retrieve my other two bags stowed underneath. I pulled my hood down a little further over my eyes and stacked my suitcases before starting inside and heading to the loading zone.

The loading zone consisted of a long sidewalk with a few scattered benches. A handful of cars were parked by the curb waiting expectantly. I stopped at a bench and dug through my backpack for the folded up wrinkled sheets of paper that had all my information on it. Scanning the letter I’d read, and re-read over a hundred times in the last week, I finally came to his name. Andrew Dennis Biersack.

I’d never met the man in my life, never seen a photo either. I’d heard his name once or twice in old stories, but never more about him than that. Now I was supposed to live with him? I wondered, as I have many times, why him? Of all the people I could go to, why him? A man I’ve never met on the other side of the country. What made him so special?

I pushed those thoughts away, they tended to only bring back painful memories I couldn’t bare to see. I realized seconds later it was too late and tears had already began to fall silently. I pulled my hood further down over my face and leaned against a concrete pillar beside my bags. I didn’t bother searching the cars for the man.

The soft purr of an engine rolled to a stop in front of me and fell silent. A few seconds later the beeping of a car door opening, then the slam as it closed. Footsteps, two, three, four, five. I could see the shadow of him stop in front of me and he awkwardly stood for a few seconds before clearing his throat softly. A pause, then I found myself pressed suddenly against his body as he hugged me tightly to him.

At first I didn’t move, then I pushed him away with little resistance as he immediately let me go. I didn’t raise my head, or make a move. I wasn’t sure why he’d done that, but I didn’t want him to do it again. I didn’t like people touching me, not since it happened.

“Sorry I’m a few minutes late, there was more traffic getting here than I thought there’d be. You must be Jay, I’m Andy.” His voice was like velvet when he spoke.

He seemed to be waiting for me to say something. I didn’t.

“Can I help with your stuff?”

I wiped at my eyes, brushing away any stray tears, grabbing my bags before he could. He stepped back, and paused before murmuring a quiet ‘ok’ and turning back to the car popping the trunk. I followed a few steps behind him, giving my half broken suitcase a sharp tug over a crack in the sidewalk. He lifted the trunk open and reached down to help me lift my suitcase. I kept my face hidden in shadow as we loaded my bags, then drifted to the passenger door as he closed the trunk and moved to the driver’s seat. We both got in the car and I fastened my seat belt silently, my gaze directed out my window as I kicked off my shoes and pulled my knees to my chest.

Andy inhaled like he was going to say something, and I saw him open his mouth, then close it again in the mirror. He pulled on his seatbelt and stuck the key in the engine. The dashboard came to life and after a scrolling ‘hello’ it continued playing whatever CD was in, quietly in the background. I didn’t recognize the music. Granted I’d really only listened to classical, and a few other songs here and there that had been playing on the radio in my dad’s garage.

“Are you hungry?” Andy asked as we pulled onto the highway.

I shook my head slightly, not moving my gaze.

“Ok...is there anything you need to pick up? Anything you forgot or didn’t have space for? We can stop and get it if there is.” It was obvious that he felt as uncomfortable as I should have felt, had I the ability to feel anything but empty.

I shook my head again, and after a few moments of silence I wondered if he’d seen me. Apparently he had, for he said nothing further on the subject.

-----
We’d been on the highway for at least twenty minutes before we took an exit leading into more residential areas.

“I live just up a few blocks. Uh I hope it’s ok, I have a roommate, Christian. He’s a nice guy, but if he bothers you just let me know, and I’ll tell him to back off. He shouldn’t give you any problems though.” He paused, and when I didn’t speak, continued. “You’ll have your own room. You can have anything in the kitchen, apart from the alcohol, and no smoking. You’ve still got a month before school starts up, maybe you can make a friend or two in the neighborhood...if not, that’s ok too.” He turned onto a street and stopped in front of a navy blue house with white trim. He cut the engine and sat for a moment. “Uh here we are.”

I slowly unlatched my seat belt and opened the door, Andy did the same. As I stood up my hood caught on the ceiling and was pulled down to lay around my neck.

Andy’s gasp made me raise my eyes and I found him standing at the back of the car, the trunk half open and his gaze locked on me. “You look just like her...”

I quickly tugged my hood back up over my face and kept my head down as I pulled my things hurriedly out of the trunk, then closed it. Andy just watched me for a few more seconds before seeming to snap out of it and taking one of my suitcases leading the way up to the front door.

He pressed the doorbell and pushed the door open. “I’m back CC.”

Moment’s after I’d closed the front door behind me thundering footsteps were heard and a man about Andy’s age appeared in front of me, a big smile on his face. I didn’t meet his gaze, instead pressing back against the front door.

“So you’re the famous Jay Sanders I’ve been hearing all about? I’m Christian, or CC for short. It’s nice to meet you.” He stuck out his hand and I just stared at it for a few moments before putting my hands in my sweatshirt pocket, curling slightly in on myself.

“She’s still a little....shook up.” Andy murmured to CC.

“Oh, ok. Yeah I totally get it, no worries. Take all the time you need. If you ever wanna just ya’ know talk or somethin’ you can always talk to either one of us. Andy’s practically my brother anyway.” Andy smirked at CC then ran his hand through his long dark locks.

“So I’ll uh show you to your room, let you get settled.” Andy said quietly. I reached for my other large bag but CC grabbed it first and flashed me a friendly smile. I adjusted the strap on my shoulder and followed Andy upstairs and to the first door on the left side of the hall.

The room was plain, white walls, one medium sized window, a closet to the side, black bed frame with dark purple sheets and a black comforter on the bed. Under the window was a dark brown desk with a green lamp. Nothing in the room matched very well, but I couldn’t care less.

Andy set my suitcase by the closet and CC set my other bag beside the desk. I set my backpack on the bed and wandered over to the window.

“I hope it’s alright, it was kinda last minute and I wasn’t really sure what you liked so I just grabbed a few things we had in the closet. We can paint it however you want, and get different furniture and stuff later in the week. Uh...” Andy hovered unsure in the doorway, CC had disappeared. I turned my head slightly and nodded then waited for his footsteps to fade away as he went back downstairs.

I unzipped my smaller bag, pulling out the photo on top, of me, and my parents. I ran my sleeve over the glass before setting the photo on my nightstand and crawling up onto my bed. My backpack moved to the floor at the foot of the bed. I laid with one arm under the pillow, and the other curled to my chest as I starred at the photo, tears falling silently.

-----
There was a knock on the doorframe and I looked up enough to see that it was Andy, before dropping my gaze back to the photo. He paused before walking over to the bed and sitting next to me, careful not to touch me, his gaze trailed over the photo.

It was silent for a long time before he finally spoke. “I have never been in your situation, so I don’t really know what you’re going through Jay. But I want you to know that I’m here for you, I always have been.” He reached out and squeezed my shoulder, resting his hand there. For someone claiming to have always been there for me I’d only heard his name once or twice in my entire childhood. Not to mention that I didn’t even know how we were connected to each other.

I curled into a ball, my back still to him and rubbed my eyes unable to stop crying. Shrugging his hand off, I leaned away from him. I heard him sigh and squeezed my eyes tightly shut.

“CC’s making dinner, so whenever you’re hungry just come on down. Maybe we can talk...or just watch a movie or something.” He was still for a moment before standing up and slowly going back downstairs.