Let Me Save You

“You must be Jay?” The female officer started, offering a warm smile.

I nodded.

“Can you tell me what happened a couple nights ago? Your father said you came home in rough shape...” She waited for me to answer.

My hand found Andy’s and gripped it tightly while I recounted what had happened. By the time they left I was a shaking crying mess.

“Jay, someone’s calling you, it says ‘The German’...” Jeremy held out my phone to me and I brushed my eyes with my sweatshirt sleeves before answering.

“Hello?”

“Jay, I just wanted to tell you that I’ll be there in a few minutes. Is it still ok that I come by?” He sounded unsure, and the wind blew into the speaker softly.

“Y-Yeah, the g-guys from my d-dad’s band a-are here.” I answered quietly.

“That’s no problem. You said it’s two-ten right?”

“Yeah, the blue one.”

“I’m a few houses down. I’ll see you shortly.” The call disconnected and I set my phone down. “Zach’s almost here.”

The doorbell rang moments later and Andy went to get it.

“Hi, you must be Jay’s Dad. My name is Zach, it’s a pleasure to meet you sir.” They shook hands, all the while Andy watched him closely. Once Andy deemed him safe enough he stepped aside allowing him entrance.

Zach took off his shoes before going right to me and hugging me tightly. He muttered something quietly in German, and I made a mental note to learn German, again.

When we pulled back I saw Andy leaning in the kitchen doorway watching, his arms crossed over his chest loosely.

“Please say it’s not true, tell me he didn’t do what he said he did...” Zach rested his hands on my shoulders, looking me straight in the eye. He had his long hair pulled back into a bun, and the sleeves of his grey hoodie were pushed up to his elbows.

I couldn’t speak so I dropped my gaze to the drawstrings of his hood.

He sighed and dropped his head, then pulled me tightly against him once more.

“W-What did he s-say?” I asked, scared of the answer.

Zach pulled back, and shared a look with Andy before he answered. “He says you took him down to the male’s locker room and...well you know the rest. He said it was your idea.” The muscles in my gut clenched and I looked away from him subconsciously shrugging off his hands. My eyes glazed over as I wrapped my arms around myself and turned away, my knees shaking, threatening to cave.

“This is our little secret, you whore.”
“I’ll be back, don't miss me too much”
“You tell anyone you little brat and I’ll make you wish you never came to California.”
Slap. “Stop screaming!”

I shook my head slightly as unpleasant memories stared flooding in, drowning me. I shook my head faster, covering my ears with my hands. My knees finally gave in, and both Andy and Zach shot forward, Andy reaching me first and catching me around the waist.

“Jay shh, take a deep breath.” He murmured brushing back my hair and helping me to the couch. I curled into a ball, tears leaking from my eyes as I stared blankly, reliving memories in my head over and over.

I wasn’t aware enough to realize that Zach had left shortly after. Andy sat on the coffee table in front of me, one of his hands on my shoulder. I didn’t react, didn’t even know he was there as I drowned in images I didn’t want to see.

“Jay, can you hear me?” Andy leaned down trying to see my face. “Can you see me Jay? Please say something...”

I didn’t move.

“Hey Ash can you come in here for a minute?” Andy called into the kitchen. A few moments later Ashley was standing in the kitchen doorway.

“Yeah?”

“Can you help me with Jay?” He asked quietly.

“Sure, what should I do?” Ashley came to sit next to me on the couch.

“She’s not...here. She asked her friend what the guy said, and she just shut down.” Andy sounded desperate, and tired.

Ashley looked at him. “Andy I know this is hard to hear, but...maybe you should look for some professional help for her.” I blinked snapping out of it slightly, and looked up wide eyed.

“No...n-no sh-shrinks...n-no.” I backed into the couch scrambling to get back. Nobody was going to send me into one of those places again, no. “Never a-again.” I murmured climbing over the back of the couch and backing towards the stairs, glancing around quickly before turning and bolting up to my room, slamming the door and going to lock it, only to find the lock was missing. What the hell? I turned and crawled into my closet, pulling the sliding door shut and crawling to the very back corner.

“Jay?” Andy’s voice sounded, followed by soft knocking and the creak of the door opening. “Are you in here?”

“N-No.” I mumbled. I heard him close the door and walk across the room, the bed creaking softly as he sat down.

“Can you come out so we can talk?” He asked quietly.

I was silent for a few long minutes. “A-Are y-you s-sending m-me a-away?”

“No, nobody’s sending you anywhere Jay.” I weighed his words carefully, before sliding the door back with my fingertips and crawling out of the closet into my dark room. Andy reached over and flicked on the lamp then pat the spot next to him.

I glanced at the door then back to him nervously before going to sit next to him, on the side furthest from the door. He moved to lean against the headboard and opened his arms in an invitation. One I hesitantly accepted, curling up beside him and resting my head against his shoulder. He rested his arm around my shoulder, his thumb rubbing gentle circles in my shoulder, his head resting against mine.

“Ashley only said that, because he’s worried about you.” Andy murmured.

I closed my eyes burying my face in his shoulder, snaking my arms around him.

“I don’t want to talk to a shrink.”

He sighed and pressed his lips against my temple. “I don’t want you to either, but something’s obviously going on, and you won’t talk to me so I don’t know how to help you Jay. At this point it’s either me or a shrink, or maybe one of the guys... You have to talk to someone, it’s eating you alive, and honestly it scares me. I’ve missed fifteen years of your life, and now that I finally have you, I’m not going to just let you become a shell. But I can’t do this alone, I need you to work with me Jay.” His voice shook slightly with emotion, and I squeezed my eyes tighter shut, knowing he was right.

“Please Jay...”

I wanted to talk to him, I did, but his reaction scared me. “I’m scared.”

“So am I. I’ve never done this before, and I’m so scared that I’ll screw it up and make a mess of everything. But I’m doing it anyway, and giving it my best.”

I squeezed him tighter.

“Just promise me that you’ll talk to someone Jay. I don’t want you to see a shrink if you don’t want to, but you must talk to someone.” Andy leaned back a little to look at me.

I nodded, keeping my gaze down. He was right...wasn’t he? Yes.

--

I stared at the little blinking cursor on my phone. How should I start this? What should I say? This was such a simple idea, why does it seem so much harder now?

Alright here goes ‘Can I talk to you?’ There that was good.

Jeremy - Anytime, what’s up?

J - Andy said I should talk to someone, or he’s going to send me to a shrink. I hate shrinks, and I don’t want to talk to one.

Jeremy - That’s a good idea. I don’t like them very much either. What did you want to talk about? Anything in particular?

J - I don’t know how to start...

Jeremy - Ok, how about you start at the beginning? :)

J - Ok...I lived with my grandparents in Ohio. We lived in a farm house on the edge of town, but we didn’t have any animals or anything, just a few tomato plants, and a little bit of corn. The town wasn’t very big, and everybody knew everybody.

Jeremy - I’ve heard Andy tell stories of that house.

J - "Everybody always treated me different, and I never understood why. Whenever the family came over, they would all avoid me and whisper about me behind my back, saying I looked like my dad.

The kids at school didn’t really pay attention to me at first, then when they noticed me they all called me names and made fun of me. For a while that’s all it was...then this one boy decided that wasn’t enough.

I was walking home after school in eighth grade and he stopped me a few blocks from my house. He had a group of friends with him and they all surrounded me and beat me up, then ran away. One of the neighbors saw me on the street bleeding and called an ambulance. I had two broken fingers, a concussion, and a bunch of fractures. By midnight everybody in town knew what happened to me."

Tears streamed down my face as I shakily hit send, then set my phone beside me on the bed and pulled my blanket over my head. Andy had talked to the school earlier that day and I had to go back the next week. I wasn’t ready to face those halls, all those looks, stares...I couldn’t do it again.

My phone buzzed but I ignored it and faced away, and fell asleep crying.