Let Me Save You

After brushing my teeth and getting dressed I towel dried my hair as best I could before taking my things and going back into my room. I set my things on my desk and slipped on my black sweatshirt before going downstairs. I walked into the kitchen and paused seeing three guys sitting at the table in addition to CC, and Andy.

One of the guys looked up and saw me. “Hey Andy.” He said gesturing to me.

I froze, then silently slipped back into the living room and started up the stairs.

“Jay, where are you going?” Andy asked curiously, standing in the kitchen doorway. I looked to the top of the stairs then back to the living room trying to decide what to do.

“Come back down, I’ll make you some breakfast.”

I shook my head quickly, and slowly made my way back down the stairs and followed him into the kitchen where he’d already put two pieces of toast in the toaster. I internally cringed, knowing he made them for me. I wasn’t anorexic, I just couldn’t force myself to eat lately.

He waited in the kitchen with me, casual conversation drifting in from the patio door, someone occasionally glancing back at us. The toaster popped up and Andy grabbed a plate setting the two pieces on it and buttering them. He grabbed the plate and stepped out onto the patio, then set it in front of the only empty seat, beside him, before sitting down. I hesitantly followed him out onto the patio, keeping my head down as I sunk into the seat next to him.

“Guys, this is Jay. Jay this is Jake, Jeremy, and Ashley.” Andy said putting his hand on my shoulder, accepting when I shrugged it off milliseconds after.

There was an awkward silence before Jake, I believe mentioned something about a record company and they all jumped back into conversation easily.

For the most part I zoned out while they talked, that was until Andy nudged my knee subtly. I continued to stare at the bricks of the patio through the glass table.

Eventually Jake and CC disappeared inside, shortly after followed by Jeremy, leaving Ashley and Andy with me on the patio.

“Jay.” Andy said quietly getting my attention. I raised my eyes not quite meeting his and he pushed the plate of now cold toast closer to me. “Please eat.”

At first I didn’t move, then slowly I lifted a piece to my mouth taking a small bite and swallowing the corse bread thickly. I managed to get down more than half the piece before setting it back on the plate unable to force myself anymore. While I ate Ashley and Andy had started talking about something to do with music that I didn’t understand.

“What kind of music do you listen to Jay?” Ashley asked me suddenly.

I shrugged, sinking further in on myself and curling my knees to my chest.

“You don’t have to be scared, I don’t bite.” Ashley said offering me a friendly smile. I just wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my head on my knees, facing away from them.

“I think, I’ll go...see what the others are up to.” Ashley murmured then stood up and went inside, leaving Andy alone with me.

“Jay...” He asked quietly, turning in his chair to face me.

I pressed my forehead against my kneecaps.

“Did Cindy ever talk about me?” He asked after a few moments.

I shook my head and listened as voices grew louder.

“Hey Andy we’re gonna take off, Jake and I just came up with something pretty sick and we wanna get it recorded. Ashley drove with us so we’re dragging him with.” Jeremy said standing in the doorway to the patio.

“Yeah ok.” Andy said standing up. He walked into the house and I let out the breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. As soon as the front door closed I stood up and took my plate into the kitchen setting it on the counter before peeking into the living room, pleased to find it empty. I wandered over to the DVD cabinet and looked through them silently, jumping when I heard a door close and footsteps enter the room. I turned to see Andy emerge from a door I hadn’t seen before.

“Gonna watch a movie?” He asked moving to sit on the couch.

I nodded and grabbed the first thing I touched, which ended up being season three of some sitcom I’d never heard of before. I put the DVD in the player and sat down on the couch leaving space between us but not sitting on the opposite side from him.

He turned on the TV and hit play on the first episode of the DVD. I curled my knees to my chest and stared blankly at the TV.

“Jay I wanted to ask you something.” Andy said, pausing the DVD halfway through the second episode. I felt myself tense unconsciously and nodded stiffly.

“Last night when I brought you up to your room,” I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing what he was going to ask me. “Those cuts...on your wrist...did you do that to yourself?” His voice was unsteady and I was tempted to look at him, but kept my eyes squeezed shut refusing to give in.

The couch shifted and I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders. I immediately tried to shrug him off but he wouldn’t let me. Tears stung my eyes, and I pushed his other arm away as he pulled me against his chest. I pushed against him repeatedly as tears began to fall violently, blurring my vision.

“Jayden.” He whispered in my ear, my struggling faltering for a moment before stopping completely. A familiarity about his voice pulled at something buried deep in the back of my mind, and I couldn’t fight anymore. I let him pull me into his lap and hold me as tears continued to stream down my face and sobs wracked my body. At some point he’d started humming softly, the vibrating in his chest calming me gradually.

“Come on, you need some water or you’ll only get more dehydrated than you already are.” He shifted me off his lap and stood up, pulling me to my feet after, and walking into the kitchen. I trailed silently behind him, sliding into one of the four mismatched chairs at the small blue kitchen table. He poured a glass of water and set it in front of me, then sat in the seat to my left.

I stared at the water blankly, unable to make myself drink it.

“Jay?” Andy questioned softly, as if speaking to a scared cat. I slowly raised my stinging eyes to meet his gaze. He held my gaze for a few long seconds before I broke the contact and let my gaze drift back to the table top.

Andy sighed and ran his hand over his face before speaking. “Jay, you need... If you... If I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t know how to help you.”

I sat silently for a few minutes before forcing back the glass of water and going upstairs to my room. I collapsed on the bed and stared at the ceiling blankly. I couldn’t make myself move if I wanted to, which in all honesty I didn’t. I knew I’d left him frustrated and confused in the kitchen, but I couldn’t bring myself to care...about anything. It was all insignificant, and I just didn’t care. I couldn't even remember what it felt like to care.