Best Friends Means...

"Harry, stop! I refuse to sleep with you if you're going to continue trying to grope me like this. I'm tired."

"Wah, wah, wah. I'm tired and I refuse to shag Harry Styles. Do you know how many girls would-"

"Kill to be in my position? Yeah, I do." I stood up from the bed. "I didn't need your drunk self to remind me of that, but I'm fully aware. I'm just really not interested in sleeping with you in your most inebriated state possible. You're being a complete asshole right now."

"Do I really smell like shit? Or do I look-"

"You're impossible." I grabbed my pillow and trotted off to the other bedroom so I could sleep in peace. I laid down and let out a groan.

I had forced Harry to eat a few pieces of bread before he got into bed, even though I should have just let him go to sleep on an empty stomach and wake up with a hangover from hell, like he deserved. Ever since he walked in the door he was trying to get in my pants. And God, did I want him, but ever since a few experiences with Jack, I swore to never have sex with a man that drunk. I knew Harry was nothing like Jack, but it was just something I had a hard time dealing with. I rolled over on my side and watched as the minutes passed, wondering what Harry was doing right now. Sleeping or lying in bed thinking of some dumb joke? Hopefully he'd just pass out and I'd already be awake when he woke up so we could just forget this whole night happened.

But, alas, I could not be so lucky.

"Princess? I can't sleep without you. I'm sorry I'm being mean."

"Tough shit. Go back to bed." I grumbled from under the covers.

"But I can't sleep."

"Tough shit. You'll eventually pass out."

"But I don't want to wake up in my own vomit."

"How is me sleeping with you going to prevent that?" He didn't say anything, but I heard the dark wood floors creaking and it sounded like he had walked out of the bedroom. I uncovered my head to come face to face with Harry's bloodshot green eyes staring back at me. "Go away!"

"You really don't want me to sleep with you?" He wasn't purposefully fake pouting, but had a genuine pout on his face.

"You're being intolerable, Harry."

"I won't try to get in your pants anymore. I'm not horny anymore." I watched as his muscle in his chest twitched and he crossed his arms over his naked top half.

"You're always horny. Just let me sleep, please. You need it too. You've got rehearsals in 5 hours."

"And I won't get any sleep unless I sleep with you, so scoot over." Harry placed his hands under my body and rolled me over so he could get in. "Thanks."

I let my body lie limp as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him, as he snuggled his face into the back of my neck. He wrapped his arm around my waist and placed his warm hand on my belly, under my shirt. My skin felt like it was on fire from his touch and I started to feel a tingling between my legs. I wiggled around a little beneath his grasp, but his grip just tightened on me.

"You know, if you want it, just ask for it." His voice was becoming hoarse and I knew he was tired, I knew he needed sleep. But I also knew that the throbbing between my legs was growing and needed to be silenced. "I promise it won't take but a minute, and you can go to sleep, princess." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Just go to sleep."

"But I know what you want more than sleep." His hand trailed up my sleep shirt, to the underneath of my breasts and he outlined them with his fingers. "Don't you?"

"Thought you said you weren't horny anymore?"

"I lied. I'm always horny for you." He kissed the back of my neck that was exposed as his hand reached to fully grab my breast and knead it with his hands, rolling my nipple between his two fingers. My neck craned back and rested on his shoulder as his wandering hands felt up my body. "Thought you said you were sleepy?"

I grasped onto the back of his neck as I pulled my body even closer to his, his hand trailing down to my underwear. He slipped his hand in my black cotton panties, and the second his fingers came in contact with my center, I let out a moan. "Fuck, Harry. I've been waiting for this all goddamn day."

"Me too." He grumbled into my ear as he left kisses along my neck. We were still in the spooning position as I arched my back and felt him hardening beneath his boxers with my ass. "Easy does it, there." I could hear the smirk in his voice as his fingers were working their magic on me. I felt myself already close, making me wait all day was complete torture. Shopping with Eleanor had taken my mind off of it but to be completely honest, as soon as I saw him at the bar I wanted to jump him despite of his reek. Harry's fingers were sloppily forming figure 8's on my clit and I was close to coming before he even had to insert his long fingers into me.

"If you put your fingers in me, I'm going to explode."

Harry shoved two fingers in me without any warning and I heard him chuckle as my body almost started convulsing. "Go ahead and come all over my fingers, I want you to taste yourself on me." My legs were trembling as I released my orgasm that had been building all day. He held me close to his body as I came down from my high, and placed his two fingers in my mouth as I licked them clean. Harry flipped me around to face him.

"I've never come that quick in my entire life." I said, my body heating up looking Harry's bright green eyes straight on.

"Well I've never seen something as sexy as you licking my fingers clean, so we're even tonight." He kissed my forehead as I burrowed into his chest. "Sorry about being an arse earlier. I know I was. I'll get you a new phone tomorrow, promise."

"We'll talk about it tomorrow alright? Just go to sleep, Haz." I kissed his chest and felt him relax underneath me. "I love you."

"Love you too, my princess."

--

"Guys, guys, come on! Quit messin' around. Harry's about to be gone for a few days. We gotta get as much done as we can this morning." Paul, the band's choreographer, paced back and forth in the empty studio.

I was curled up on the couch in one of Harry's jumpers, a pair of black leggings, and holding my water bottle as close to me as I could. I woke up with a terrible migraine but Harry dragged me to rehearsal anyway. I was sitting up in the fetal position but my head was resting on the arm rest. I was watching as the band members and the actual band tried to get everything coordinated on the fake stage they had set up in the studio. Harry was being a complete child this morning, refusing to stay in the vicinity they told him to remain in. Liam was beside Harry, trying to get him to stay put. Niall had his guitar, so even when someone was talking, he was trying to play guitar chords over them. Zayn was on his phone every chance he could get, Perrie was trying to plan out a few wedding details. And Louis was being a ham like Harry, joking and hopping around on the stage.

My phone vibrated on the couch cushion beside me and I looked at the screen for a few seconds to see if I was really seeing what I thought I was seeing. Kaitlin.

Hey, I'm really sorry about what I did. The store was going bankrupt and I needed the money really bad, and then when you told me you were moving out to be with Harry, I just... I'm really sorry about what happened. Jack had offered me the money a while ago to tell him anything he didn't already know about you two and the shop going downhill just tempted me to tell him. I haven't told him anymore, I swear. I told him to piss off last time I saw him in the street. I'm a terrible person and I understand if you never want to talk to me again. I hope you and Harry are as happy as you deserve to be.

I must have slowly read the text ten times because by the time I looked up, the guys were finishing up with singing "Midnight Memories."

I put my phone down beside me as I noticed Harry and Niall walking over to me. "Feeling better, love?"

I shrugged as Harry sat beside me, my headache was more of an annoyance than anything now. "It's almost gone now."

"Drink more water and it'll go away!" Niall said, squatting in front of me. "What'd you think of the song?"

"It was really good. That's one of my favorites I've heard so far."

"You weren't even listening, you were over here on this stupid phone!" Harry took my new gold iPhone from beside me and placed it even further away. "What were you reading?"

"Nothing. Just looking around."

"Mhm." He picked the phone back up and tried unlocking it, but I had put a lock code on it. "Why do you have it locked? You never lock it."

"Never know when someone's going to go snooping through your stuff." I tried reaching for it but he wouldn't give it back to me. "Give it back!"

"No! I bought it."

"Because you shattered my other!" I said, still reaching for my phone that he was now dangling over my head like a child.

"Oh, you've got a text. Wonder who it is." He looked at the phone for a few seconds before handing it back to me. "Might wanna read that."

Kaitlin, again. I sighed and looked at him getting up off the couch to go join the rest of the guys taking a break. Niall took Harry's place on the couch. "Everything alright?"

"I don't know, really? I thought it was. Kaitlin texted me a few minutes ago, then texted me again just now while Harry was holding it. It's not like he could see what she was saying, I don't know why he just blew me off like that... He could see the first half of the text, but not all of it."

By the way, Jack killed himself a few hours ago. He wrote you a letter, I've got it with me at the flat. The police brought it to me early this morning because he said he wanted me to deliver it to you. I can drop it off at Harry's or you can come by and get it. I haven't opened it.

My hands started shaking as I dropped my phone beside me and ran out of the studio to the back door exit. I fell against the cool brick and lowered myself until I was sitting on the filthy street. I broke out into a sob. Why would Jack do that? I mean, God, I hated him, and I never wanted to see him again, but I never wanted him to kill himself. I had to see that letter. Maybe he had explained it in the letter?

My thoughts were interrupted by the opening of the heavy door. Niall ran to me with a panicked expression on his face. "What happened?"

"J-Jack. My ex, that wrote all of that horrible shit about me, killed himself this morning, Niall."

"What? Why would he do that?" I shook my head and let the tears flow freely from my eyes. "Come here." Niall pulled me into a hug as I wrapped my arms around his body. I dug my fingers into his sides to hold onto him as hard as I could as he rubbed my back, cooing to me in my ear to calm me down. "It'll be alright, love."

"What's wrong?" Harry's voice came from behind Niall. "I saw part of the text but I- Are you crying, Elle? Why are you crying over him killing himself?"

"Why am I crying over him killing myself? Fucking seriously, Harry? He may have been a complete prick and an asshole but he saved ME from killing myself several times. Piss off, Harry." I pushed passed a stunned Harry to go back to the rehearsal studio. Niall and Harry followed a few minutes later, Harry not even looking at me and Niall shooting me a slight smile and a shrug.

I'm at rehearsals with Harry. But I'm leaving soon, so I can stop by?
Perfectly fine with me. I'm here all morning. Just let me know when you're on your way.

I picked up my purse and water and walked out the front to hail a cab. I felt someone pull on my arm and I wanted to punch whoever it was, until I saw it was Niall.

"Where are you going?"

"Over to Kaitlin's. She said I need to go over there." I wiped the tears and fallen makeup off my face.

"He feels terrible. He's in there crying right now. Why don't you talk to him before you go?"

"No, Niall. I have to go."

"Here, take the car. I'll ride home with everyone else and Harry. He doesn't need to be left alone right now." Niall reached into the pocket of his black skinnies and handed me the keys.

"Look, I'm sorry he's upset, but these last two days he's been nothing but a complete dick to me, Niall. Last night he broke my phone, he was being really inappropriate when we got home, and then this this morning. I know he hated Jack, and I really didn't care for him either, but he doesn't think I should be upset over his suicide. That's fucked up. I'll call you when I'm done at Kaitlin's." I gave Niall a hug and a kiss on the cheek and walked towards the car. Niall stood and watched me climb into his car, then walked back to the studio with his head hung low.

The ride to Kaitlin's flat was taking forever. All I could think about was what that letter said. Did I want to read it in front of Kaitlin or wait until I got home? Then Harry might read it, and that would ruin our entire vacation we were leaving for tomorrow. Not that his sour attitude hasn't already ruined it. My phone was ringing in my pocket and I picked it up to answer before looking at the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Elle. How are you?"

"I'm alright, mum. Just havin' a bit of trouble with Harry right now but that's nothing new, I suppose."

"But I mean, today. How's today for you?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "For me? As a whole, not really well. I guess? Jack-"

"You've forgotten what today is, haven't you?" My stomach sank and I almost slammed on brakes. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I was going to see if you wanted to go with me to the cemetery like we always do."

A sob bursted out and I pulled over to the side of the road, resting my crying head on the steering wheel. "Fuck, mom. I can't do this anymore. Jack killed himself this morning, and I completely forgot it was the anniversary of Dad. I'll be home in a few hours."

"Get Harry to drive you, please. I don't want you driving and crying like this, please. I'm so sorry to upset you-"

"You didn't upset me, I'm upset with myself for forgetting. I swore I'd never forget the day it happened."

"Listen, sweetie. It's alright. You're busy, you've got Harry, your life is distracting. I'll wait for you to get home and we can go."

"I'll let you know when I'm leaving London."

"Please get Harry to drive you." My mom was concerned, but I wasn't letting Harry drive me anywhere.

"Alright." I hung up the phone and swerved back into traffic, eventually ending up at my old flat. I knocked on the door and almost immediately Kaitlin opened the door. "Sorry my mum called-"

"Have you been crying? I'm so sorry-"

"Just, everyone needs to quit apologizing. Today's the anniversary of my dad's death and my mom just called asking if I wanted to go out to the cemetery to visit him. I had completely forgotten, Kaitlin. I'm such a shit person." Kaitlin brought me into her arms and let me cry on her shoulder.

"I'm a shit person, Elle. I fucked our friendship up in every way possible and I'm a terrible human being. You shouldn't even be talking to me right now. I'm so sorry." I sniffed and stood back and looked at her.

"It's really fine. I mean, not really, but right now I've got more serious issues to deal with than something that's already been written about me. So... where's the letter?"

"Here." She handed me a piece of white parchment paper that had been folded three times. "I'll leave you out here to read it alone." I nodded and she walked out of the room, back to her bedroom and I heard the door shut. I walked around the familiar flat and sat down in my favorite chair as my shaking hands unfolded the letter.

My dear Anabelle,

Kind of funny, me writing you this letter. I remember you writing me a letter very similar to this, on one of the nights you tried to kill yourself. Funny how you needed me so badly not so long ago and now it's me needing you more than anything.

You obviously have no idea how much I love you. How much I adore you. How badly I want to be with you and hold those fragile, always cold hands in mine. Despite their always cold temperature, they were the only thing that ever warmed my cold heart. How I want to kiss those freckles, kiss your perfect pink lips. But I'll never get to do that again. Not because of Harry, but because of my own, selfish choices. I've always felt the same about you- if I can't live in this world with you, I don't want to live at all. If you would have succeeded in killing yourself years ago, I would have immediately done the same. Life without you is more miserable than I could have ever imagined.

You were the only girl I've ever loved. All of the others don't compare to you. And you loved me back with so much of yourself. I thank you so much for that, because no one has ever shown me the love and gratitude that you showed towards me. I'm sorry for the way I used to treat you, and I know that's what drove you away from me in the end. I just... I loved you so much, and I didn't want you to leave me. And when I heard you and that popstar were together, I was infuriated. I told my job manager to please put me on the Styles case because I knew if I got to see him, I'd get to see you. I'd get pictures of you two together and pretend it was me you were kissing in the park, or it was me you were holding hands with on the streets. But in the end, that lust I had to be with you was eating me alive.

You're all I could think about, Elle. Every day, every hour, every minute. Every second. You consumed my thoughts. I haven't seen you out in a few weeks, and I know its because of what they're all writing about you. I'm sorry, but I fueled them to write like that. I knew if they sent you away with their mean comments, no one would see you. Including me. I never wanted to see you again after that day in the park because I realized how truly happy you were with Harry. So to keep myself from seeing you happy ever again by someone who isn't me, I'm going to choose to end my own life. I don't want you to think you did this to me, but you kind of did...

xoxo,
Jack

"Hey... I've gotta go." I yelled out at Kaitlin and before she could even reply, I was out the door and running down the steps. I crumpled the letter in my hand and threw it in the backseat. I pulled my phone out to call Harry, but was surprised when another voice answered.

"Niall? I thought I called Harry."

"No, love. You called me. You alright?"

"Listen, I need-" I stopped mid sentence. Harry was upset with me, so Niall would probably be a better chauffeur to Cheshire. "I need to ask you a favor?"

"Yeah? Anything. Louis and Liam escorted Harry home, I was walking around trying to find something to eat since I'm a little bit carless."

"Great. Find food and get it to go, because we're going to Holmes Chapel. It's my dad's anniversary and I- I just need to be there for my mom, alright? Can you come with me?"

"You don't want Harry?"

"He probably doesn't want to see me right now..." I trailed off, driving back in the direction of the studio.

"Yeah, that'll be fine. I'll call you once I've found something quick to eat and you can come pick me up."

"Thanks, Niall." I said, before hanging up the phone. I sat in a vacant parking lot waiting for Niall to give me a ring as I thought about the letter from Jack. Not only was I plagued with the thought of his suicide, but the fact that he's blaming his suicide on me...