Fix Me

It was late night and it was raining hard. Simon hadn't been able to go to sleep, he was still wide awake, all sprawled out in front of the fanciest thing in the room, the flat LCD TV, searching a channel that would catch his attention. Jordan and Maia were out on what he thought would be a date together and they hadn't come back. The lights inside the room were dimmed and he was laying lazily on the sofa. There was a channel that almost interest him, but then there's this one vampire character that popped out of nowhere and he just didn't know whether to laugh at how ridiculous it was or cringe. When someone knocked at the door, he almost jumped out of the sofa, but then again, he did hear a faint sound of someone coming. Simon hadn't expected someone to visit him this late, so he thought it was Jordan and Maia, coming back from their date, but Simon thought wrong. Once he opened the door, the sight of a girl wearing a simple t-shirt, jeans and sneakers made his eyes widened. She was wet from the rain, he assumed, and her eyes looked pretty bloodshot.
"Isabelle?" Simon looked puzzled with her being there and her appearance.
The girl answered a simple 'hi' that sounded more like a mumble. Even when some parts of her body got wet by the raindrops, her hair still looked flawless.
"Wow," as Simon took a deep breath at the girl's appearance in front of him, he continued again with a single gesture at Isabelle's body, "I never knew you had those,"
Isabelle looked down at herself and smiled, "what? Sneakers?"
"Basically… t-shirts, jeans and sneakers," Simon replied which Isabelle responded with a chuckle. He tilted his head to see Isabelle's face which was now facing down, as if she was trying to hide something. When he took a good look at her, he finally asked, his voice so stern and worried. "Izzy, have you been crying?" he didn't need a response to finally grab her by the arms and take her inside the room. Once they're inside the room, the boy lifted one hand up to brush some hair out of Isabelle's face and tilted her head. His eyes were staring straight to hers, examining the sad look on her face. "What happened?" Simon frowned.
Izzy felt Simon's stare a bit too overwhelming, so she turned her gaze down, looking at the floor beneath them. Knowing that she didn't really want to answer, Simon pulled her into a hug, a tight one, where he put an arm around her torso and the other lost in her hair, pushing her softly against his body. The girl's body shuddered under Simon's arms, and she hugged him back so tight as she buried her face in his neck.
"Isabelle," he whispered to her ears, "please talk to me,"
Izzy only let out soft sobs against Simon's body and answered, "just hold me a bit longer," in between her sobs.
And that's what they did.
They were back in the living room, Simon sitting casually on the sofa, his thigh supporting Isabelle's head as a cushion pillow for her to lay on. She had an arm across her eyes, covering it to try to shut it close, in hope it could stop the tears from coming out, but in reality, she kept sobbing and shuddering, the breaths that she inhaled were sharp. Whatever it was that Isabelle had on her mind or whatever it was that's happened to her must've shook her pretty bad. Bad enough to make Simon that was softly stroking her hair feel as if his heart--that's not beating anymore--shatter into pieces inside his rib cage. Seeing Isabelle cry is a very rare sight to see. She's a tough, powerful and independent shadowhunter that's been taught to fight for as long as she could remember. She fights demons all the time, for God's sake, and seeing her being so small and weak like this... Simon hated it, but it's also fluttering that she came all the way from the Institute to his (or Jordan's) apartment to be with Simon, looking for his comfort. His hand stopped stroking Isabelle's hair and he gently placed it on her temple, rubbing it so softly with his thumb, as if her skin might get torn. He felt the heat that vibrated from her skin to his palm.
"Iz, I'm afraid you've caught fev--"
"I had a nightmare." Isabelle finally spoke up, even though she had to cut Simon's words. She inhaled a deep breath and continued, "I was in the Institute and we were all hanging in there. Max, Alec, mom and dad," she held up the arm that was covering her eyes and dropped it to her side, her gaze was directed straight to what's in front of her. "Everything was so perfect, we were all happy and laughing and it just felt so right… But, of course, it was too good to be true."
Everything came falling down. The Institute came crumbling down and there was fire everywhere, everyone was gone as if like they've vaporized into thin air, everyone except for me and Max." She tried to get up to sit with support from one of her hands. "His foot was stuck under a big rock that just fell down, and he was screaming, it was so loud. He screamed for my help, and I tried to run to him--I really did, but I couldn't move. I screamed his name so hard that my throat felt like it was also on fire, but I still couldn't lift my feet. Then the fire surrounded him and… and he looked so scared, Simon, and I couldn't do a thing about it." Isabelle felt like she just swallowed rocks down her throat, she could feel her eyes swelling with tears once again. When tears did stream down her face, she hadn't even realized Simon's hands wrapped around her or whether that she was already sitting straight.
Simon tugged her hot feverish body close against him. Her scent of soap and smoke--probably from the vehicles on the street when she was on her way here-- struck his nose. "Oh, Isabelle…"
"The building collapsed on him," she sobbed as she put her hands around Simon's back. "He must've hate me, I was the only one who was there and I couldn't help him, Simon…" the sound that came out sounded more like a whisper, as if she spoke it louder, it might hurt her even more. The thing that Isabelle had said wasn't related to the dream anymore, she was speaking about the real incident.
The boy squeezed her tightly, in hope it could pull the girl in his arms' pieces all back together, make all the sadness go away. "There's no way Max hated you, Isabelle. You're his beloved sister, and what happened was nowhere near it being your fault,"
Isabelle replayed what Simon'd said in her mind, hoping all of it would sink in. "I miss him… I'm losing memories of him actually being happy, of his smile and I'm scared," she whimpered.
"I know you do miss him, and for that… You need to stop remembering-- or imagining him…" Simon tried to search for the right words and continued, "right before the incident with Sebastian, you need to let go, Isabelle," for a moment, she kept crying anyway. This was Isabelle. Simon knew that she was sad and needed to let go of all that, but Simon wished she'd just be happy again. He loosened his hold around Isabelle a bit, he then lifted Isabelle's head up and tucked her hair that was covering most of her beautiful face behind her ears. "Oh, Isabelle…" he sighed and that's when he started to nuzzle his face on the nape of her neck. His breath was warm and ticklish on Isabelle's neck. He left thousands light kisses on it, then moving up to her jawline, her cheeks that were wet with tears then a quick peck on her warm lips.
Once Isabelle had calmed down, she finally looked up to Simon. He wiped the tears out of Isabelle's face with his thumb, caressing her cheeks gently. Her temperature hadn't cooled down a bit, so Simon stand straight up. "You've caught fever, Izzy, I'm gonna look for some meds for you in the kitchen for a while, okay?" He got up and before he walked away to the kitchen, he kissed Isabelle's temple for a moment, making Isabelle felt warmer than she already was.
She examined the boy who she used to thought as a total nerd, just another scrawny, annoying, little mundane boy making his way towards the kitchen, but too much had changed in the past few months. He was always around whether she wanted him or not and she guessed he had grown on him, yet there were days where she couldn't push the thought of him away. Couldn't and didn't want to. Too lost on her thought, she had not heard Simon--that she was staring at--offering her a hot chocolate. Isabelle answered, the sound she gave away sounded more hoarse than what she had wanted. "Don't bother, Simon."
As if he didn't hear what Isabelle had said, or just didn't care, he continued to make the drink, anyway. He came back with a glass of water along with a little pill on his right hand, the other holding another cup that's filled with steaming hot chocolate. Putting both glasses down on the table, he gave the pill to Isabelle and gave her the glass of water. "There you go, Princess,"
Isabelle could only smile and gulped the pill along with the water.

Simon threw himself into the chair, making the other side of the sofa leaped up, Isabelle almost spilling the water off the glass. An arm sneaked up behind Isabelle--definitely Simon's arm--and pulled her closer to him. He couldn't help but to notice a rune on the nape of her neck, the deflect rune. His forefinger traced the dark shape of it carefully, his other hand was already gripping one of Isabelle's wrists. Feeling her pulse quickened by his simple gesture, he grinned with amusement. As he looked up to meet the girl's eyes, he could see the tiredness from her eyes. He kissed her neck once again, right where the rune was marked and said, "you need to get some rest," his hand was inside Isabelle's palm and she placed it on her warm cheek that was flushed, probably from the fever.
"I don't wanna go back to sleep just yet," she answered with a shaky voice, the images from the dream she just had reappearing into her mind. "Please?"
He cupped Isabelle's face with the both of his hands. "Alright," then pecked the girl's lips. "But can we at least just hang out in my bedroom? I feel like getting all snuggly with my blanket,"
A smile crept into Isabelle's face, staying there for a moment longer. "You're such an idiot," she said. "You've got me over here and you wish to cuddle with your blanket? Your loss, then,"
Simon's eyes widened for a bit, "so would you like to cuddle with me, then?"
"You said you wanted to 'get all snuggly with your blanket', I'm not going to stand between you and it, Simon," despite her looking tired, she had a smirk plastered to her face.
"I take what I said back." The voice came out in such a rush, indicating his eagerness.
"I'm not getting into your bed, if that's what you mean," the sound in her voice sounded so confident, it made Simon happy to hear it again. "There's no way I'm giving you the pleasure of that."
Simon sighed in a defeated tone. "Fine," he stood up and offered his hand to Isabelle. "But you still need to get some rest, anyway," the look on Isabelle's face changed immediately after the sentence came out. "You don't have to sleep, you could just lay down and we could chat all night if that's what you want to do." Isabelle's hand in one hand and the hot chocolate that nobody had sipped on the other, they went to Simon's room.
The room was different than the one Isabelle had walked into before. It looked like it'd been decorated by some professional, everything was stacked up neatly. She could also see that he had upgraded his bed into a simple white single bed and there were actually posters of bands that she had never heard before posted up high on the walls.

"Isn't this your old glasses?" Isabelle had a pair of glasses in her hands after she found it on top of a pile of clothes. She put it on, then turning to Simon.
When Simon glanced at her, there was a grin spread on his face. "Well, look at you. Sneakers, jeans, t-shirts and a pair of glasses," he said, sounding amused with himself. "What did you do to Isabelle?"
Isabelle scrunched her nose, "so, what? You'd rather have this version of me than the usual one?"
"Izzy, you could be naked for all I care and I would still be head over heels for you,"
The girl put down the glasses back to where she found it, her face looking all playful and teasing. "Oh, Simon, if I was naked you wouldn't be head over heels anymore," she stepped closer to him, "you'd be dead in a minute," she sounded so confident.
"Well, I'm already dead, Isabelle, we'll see about that soon, then?" He had never been this forward to a girl, he would've thought the conversation to be way over the line and embarrassing, but with Isabelle, he actually felt comfortable with being himself around her.
Simon gave Isabelle the hot--warm chocolate, then he put aside a case that he used to store his bass into to another corner of the room. She took a long sip of it then put it away on a small table nearest to her. While Isabelle was sitting on the edge of the bed, Simon threw himself to the bed right beside Isabelle, only the upper half of his body was actually planted to the bed. He covered his eyes with an arm slung across it, then took a quick peek at the sight of his girlfriend beside him. The girl was staring at him, she was leaning closer, some strands of hair fell to the arm that was blocking his sight, her lips colliding softly with his forehead. Right where the Mark of Cain was placed. He uncovered his eyes, looking straight at Isabelle. It's been very common of him to curse to himself over how lucky he's gotten when he started dating Isabelle Lightwood. The girl was perfect in any sensible way and he loved her. They both haven't said the L word yet, but sooner or later, one of them will probably spit the word out.
Isabelle placed herself on top of Simon now that he's laying fully on the bed. Simon quirked an eyebrow and asked, "whatever happened with you 'not getting into my bed' statement that you said earlier?"
She shrugged. "I'm not getting into your bed, I'm getting on /top/ of you on your bed, aren't I?" Both of her hands were beside Simon's head, some of her hair fell down onto Simon's sides of his face, tickling it a bit.
"Oh, just come here, you," he said as he placed both of his hands around Isabelle's waist.
Isabelle leaned down to press her lips to Simon's, the taste of the hot chocolate still taste-able from Isabelle's lips that he smiled against it because of it. They both opened their mouth a bit to let each other in, Simon tasting more of the bitter-sweet of it and feeling how hot her mouth is, remembering the fever. Still, they both gasped for air then continued it all over again, both of their hands wandering everywhere. Simon's were already caressing the back of Isabelle's body, the skin felt as if it was made of silk. Isabelle's hands on the other side, had gotten too weak and too tired from supporting the weight of her own body, that she fell directly onto Simon's body with a loud thump.
The boy chuckled lightly, his hands found its way around Isabelle's body once again, squeezing it tight as if she was a plushie doll. Isabelle tried to roll over so she could be beside Simon, instead of on top of him, but of course, Simon was too strong for her. "Just for a little longer, please?" Simon whispered directly to Isabelle's ear and she stayed, not denying that she also loved being held so tight by Simon.
"Can't you guys just use the iratze to cure you from fevers or any other kind of illnesses?" They were both laying on Simon's bed, both facing each other, only inches apart.
"It doesn't work that way, the iratze," Isabelle explained. "It could only be used to heal external damages, like getting cuts or exposure to demon's blood or stuffs like that,"
"Isn't there a rune that could be used to like make you levitate things so you don't have to get up and go get things by your own?"
With a sigh, the girl answered, "the runes are not that magical, Simon. The stele is not a magic wand, if you want to do that you could always be a warlock instead,"
"Yeah, I'm not really a big fan of looking like some cartoon character that just got into a glittery storm just so I could be a couch potato,"
"Speaking of runes," Isabelle started. "Once when we were still kids--Me, Alec and Jace--I once cried because of a rune."
This definitely got Simon's interest, looking back into Isabelle's life, especially when she was a child was definitely something that he wouldn't even miss for the world.
"We were still in training. In the mundane world, there are so many people wearing tattoos on their sleeves and I actually thought that they also used the stele to draw it on them. There were many interesting drawings on their sleeves and I was curious,"
Isabelle stopped to see Simon, which was grinning wide even though she had not finished the story.
"One time, before we were about to practice with Hodge, I drew a rune--well, not exactly a rune, anyway. I drew a puppy face on my upper arm," she placed a finger on Simon's upper arm, indicating the place. "And Alec caught me. He scolded at me, finally explaining that mundane tattoos and rune marks are different. I felt too terrified, he said he was going to report me to Hodge and said bad things to scare me like I could get turned into a puppy or even worse, a forsaken. Or even I could die from it, and that's why I cried." At this point Simon was already laughing at her story. "I didn't go to the practice after that and for a few days I wear long-sleeved clothes to cover the puppy drawing on my arm, it eventually disappeared, though, thank the angels."
"So you didn't get turned into a puppy? Or at least you didn't have the sound of a puppy or anything?" Simon asked, a tear on his eyes, from laughing too much.
Isabelle punched his arm. "Don't make me regret telling you this,"
He finally stopped laughing, took a deep breath and said, "Oh, God, Izzy, I love you."
The room fell silent for a moment. Then reality clicked back onto them, making the both of them yelled in unison.
"I SAID THE 'G' WORD!"
"YOU SAID THE 'L' WORD!"
Isabelle had her hands over her mouth, as if what Simon had said was something forbidden that should not be said at all. And with that, Simon felt his heart ache again. He had confessed his love for the second time and thought that he was also going to get rejected. For the second time. Looking terrified, he finally spoke up. "Well, yeah, I guess I do. Of course, I do. I don't know why, though, but, yeah,"
He looked so nervous and terrified, making Isabelle felt guilty. "Oh, Simon..."
The boy smiled, only to hide the embarrassment behind it. "I'm sorry if I'm being too forward," he sucked a sharp breath and continued, "I guess I'm not gonna take it back, because it is true. God, I'm such a hopeless romantic, I'm sorry," he turned to hide his face on the pillow.
Isabelle found one of her hands already tangled in Simon's hair as she moved closer to him. She planted a kiss on Simon's ear, her breath warm against his skin. She slowly moved his head to turn so she could see him, his eyes big, eyebrows furrowed. He caught her hand again, taking it by the wrist.
He once again felt the heartbeat of Isabelle getting faster than normal heartbeats, too fast, maybe. He sighed, "it's okay, Izzy, you don't have to say it back. I know how much the 'L' word mean to you," he lifted her hand up to his face then kissed the back of her hand, squeezing it tight.
Shaking her head, Isabelle changed the topic, trying to distract herself from her own mind. "You said the word 'God', Simon," she smiled faintly. "How did you figure it out?"
The boy himself was also surprised when the word came out from his mouth. "Raphael did say that it's all because the mindset of us, vampires, being a damned creature that made us not being able to say it. And I think I didn't feel damned at all, because of you," he shrugged as of it wasn't much of a big deal. "You actually made me feel as if I'm human again; I'm Simon."
"You were Simon when you were a human," Isabelle chose the word 'human' instead of 'mundane' because she thought it's not as mocking as the word 'mundane'. "And even now you're still Simon. I don't care what you are, or what you eat or which time you couldn't go outside just because the sun might burn you to ashes. You're Simon and--and..." She stopped, realizing what she was about to say. Of course. Of course she was in love with Simon. He was the one that she had always wished to be there whenever she goes, he was the one that she always thought of and he was the one who could finally occupy that hollow space inside Isabelle's heart. The place where she had not intended anyone to come closer, but with Simon, it felt like he didn't even need to fight his way in, he was just... There. So, she finally confessed. "I love you."
The words stung Simon's ears, his eyes wide after hearing it, glancing at the girl that's smiling in front of him. "Isabelle." He let out the worth as if he was exhaling it.
"You sounded so relieved,"
"Should I or should I not be relieved?"
Isabelle shrugged. "I don't know, I just love you," she said once again.
Simon's touched Isabelle's forehead with the back of his hand. "This is probably just the fever talking." He mumbled to himself.
Not really caring or she just chose to ignore what Simon'd said, she looked up to him. "Can you please hold me?" Her voice sounded more like a whisper.
This jerked Simon back, even though half of his mind still trying to process what Isabelle had said. He pulled her close against him, feeling the heat radiate from her body to his. She snuck her head beneath Simon's jaw, pressing her nose to his neck. Arms around the girl's body, Simon felt really comfortable, possible too comfortable in this position that he wished he could stay like this, Isabelle in her arms, forever. "Go to sleep, now, Isabelle. I'll be here when you wake up." He kissed the top of her head. "You know what, Isabelle? The first time I met you, I saw that you were perfect and I loved you,"
Remembering her break down earlier with Simon, she finally asked, "well, now that you know I'm nowhere near perfect, how do you feel?"
Simon squeezed Isabelle tight for a moment then answered, "Now? I love you even more."
Isabelle heard the words crystal clear, she was about to tell him that she loved him back, but sleep had taken her over, the meds making her eyelids heavy and with that, she drifted off to sleep.