Calming the Beast
Calming the beast
Calming the beast
By Aaron Ducker
Dedicated to Nicola Nesbitt
Hello, my name is Nathaniel Blake and I am a werewolf. Fuck. I sound like a fucking AA meeting... i wish there was AA for this sort of thing, being a werewolf isn't nearly as glamorous as the TV makes it, its not about romping sex, wild freedom and rudey nudey forest dwelling. Its lonely, its painful, its debilitating.
you've got questions I'm sure, so i'll start with the million dollar one, how did I become a werewolf. I was just a dumb kid, I'd been out for a pint, stumbling home I lost me way... out of no where, a creature the size of a man but the shape of a wolf jumped me, his body pinned me down, he stared at me, hunger and desire in his eyes, he didn't acknowledge me as anything but meat. Suddenly he tore into my neck, his teeth tore thru the skin as if it were butter, it hurt like hell but at the same time i felt nothing. Fear had become my anaesthetic. I was to become that fear.
Suddenly some voices from a far sounded out into the night. The beast spooked, he fled into the night, as I lay there blood pouring out of me I thought this is it, I'm going to die, my life flashed before my eyes and it was quick, I had nothing... there was no major achievements, I was ordinary, I was completely unexceptional, damn I had nothing to live for. Death never took me, The hospital did, for some reason I lived... My hospital visit was shot, I checked myself out... well to tell you the truth, it was full moon and the wolf inside me jumped thru a second story window... didn't even check to make sure it was open, picking glass outta my skin wasn't how I planned to spend the first day of my new lease on life.
What became of the wolf that turned me? well there's a reason werewolves don't hunt in packs, I found his scent, his hunting ground if you will, and I tore the fucker limb from limb. I'll never know who he was, I checked the missing persons the new couples of days. Was he the missing married geography teacher that was loved by all his students and mourned by his family, or the teenage pizza boy who's mother was left distraught... or even they shady drug dealer who was missing and wanted for questioning by the police. In the end it doesn't matter, when I was done with him he was unrecognisable, not even his own mother could have identified the shreds of meat that remained.
You may call me immoral, but you have to understand, the wolf knows morality, theres no right or wrong to something so primitive, there's only instinct and hunger. Instinct wins out against human morality any day, do I feel bad about what the wolf does? Fuck of course I do, but I can't control it, so I stay away from people, I live in the shadows... I can't afford to get close, I thought i'd end up hurting someone, until I met her.
Its always about a girl, its what all stories break down to, I was drinking trying to forget, numb the pain. When she sat beside me, She smelled like heaven and sex. She looked across to me, she had beautiful brown eyes, like honey wrapped in chocolate. She smiled and said, "You come here a lot, You're always alone"... "I like it that way." I snarled. "You know what day it is?"... "20 questions day?' I snarked. She was beautiful, she had red hair flowing down her shoulders, like a strawberry waterfall flowing over her shoulders. "Its valentines day... no one should be alone on valentines day"... "What if some people wanna be alone" I retorted. "You don't wanna be alone, No one wants to be alone" She stated matter afactly... "Listen, people get hurt around me, so just leave me alone" I snapped. "No, The truth isn't that you're afraid of hurting people... its that you don't wanna get hurt yourself." "What are you fucking Doctor Phil?" I snarked
"Your names Nathaniel right?' "Give the lady a prize... Nathaniel Blake at your disservice" She just stared at me, unflinching... "Louise Colins, and I'm gonna have a drink with you whether you like it or not" She professed. "I don't but, if it gets you off. But make it quick I gotta get outta here" It was a full moon, I don't know about you, but turning into a supernatural creature in the middle of the pub, i don't find to be good for business.
"I've seen you every day in here, theres something about you... something sad, lonely... I decided, since its valentines day, i'll finally work up the spine to come ask you for a drink".... "Be careful, Working the spine up can lead to brain damage and paralysis" My snarky sarcasm was slowly transforming into witty charm, I don't know what it was about this woman, but for once... never mind. "you're cute... you try to be all bad ass, but its not working" she said. "Hey i am plenty bad ass... I can watch the green mile without crying!" "you man, you" she smiled, when she smiled her eyes lit up a little more, they say the eyes are the windows to the soul, if thats true, she must have had the most beautiful soul on earth. "Why do you always look so sad." She blurted out. "Its... we all have our curses I guess." I stated solemnly... "Whats yours?" I could have told her, but how do you tell someone your something that shouldn't rationally exist. You can't. "If I told you I'd have to kill you" yes, go for a joke.
Suddenly, I felt the change going thru my blood, its how it starts, my heart rate accelerates first. The change is excruciating, my bones twins and turn, my skin stretches in ways it never should... its like having every bone in your body broken.. and reset have your skin torn off then burned back onto your bones... the change is agony, I guess thats why they call it a curse.
I ran out of the pub, fleeing to the woods, my clothes tore as the wolf started to come out. The change only last for minutes, but the agony feels like it lasts for hours, I'm still aware of everything i'm doing, but its not me in control, I feel like I'm trapped inside the wolf, a brain screaming for help. The human side can do nothing for the wolf. After my change I turned around, there she was the girl from the bar, Louise. I should have torn her apart, normally I would "SO this is your secret" She said... "well, thats better, I thought you had one testicle or something"... "its... its beautiful"... every part of the beast wanted to tear her apart, she was meat... but instead, I walked towards her... and stood infront of her. She looked into the beast, but she didn't look with fear or hatred, she looked straight thru the beast, into me. Suddenly the wolf just laid at her feet, she knelt down, and stroked my fur. I fell asleep in her arms, and when I awoke, she was still there. Every day since that day, every change, she's been there, and I always awake in her arms. I guess a curse isn't so bad, if you've got a treatment, Love conquered the beast. She tamed the wild creature within me. She is the reason that I can feel human again and I will wake up in her arms til the day we both die.
By Aaron Ducker
Dedicated to Nicola Nesbitt
Hello, my name is Nathaniel Blake and I am a werewolf. Fuck. I sound like a fucking AA meeting... i wish there was AA for this sort of thing, being a werewolf isn't nearly as glamorous as the TV makes it, its not about romping sex, wild freedom and rudey nudey forest dwelling. Its lonely, its painful, its debilitating.
you've got questions I'm sure, so i'll start with the million dollar one, how did I become a werewolf. I was just a dumb kid, I'd been out for a pint, stumbling home I lost me way... out of no where, a creature the size of a man but the shape of a wolf jumped me, his body pinned me down, he stared at me, hunger and desire in his eyes, he didn't acknowledge me as anything but meat. Suddenly he tore into my neck, his teeth tore thru the skin as if it were butter, it hurt like hell but at the same time i felt nothing. Fear had become my anaesthetic. I was to become that fear.
Suddenly some voices from a far sounded out into the night. The beast spooked, he fled into the night, as I lay there blood pouring out of me I thought this is it, I'm going to die, my life flashed before my eyes and it was quick, I had nothing... there was no major achievements, I was ordinary, I was completely unexceptional, damn I had nothing to live for. Death never took me, The hospital did, for some reason I lived... My hospital visit was shot, I checked myself out... well to tell you the truth, it was full moon and the wolf inside me jumped thru a second story window... didn't even check to make sure it was open, picking glass outta my skin wasn't how I planned to spend the first day of my new lease on life.
What became of the wolf that turned me? well there's a reason werewolves don't hunt in packs, I found his scent, his hunting ground if you will, and I tore the fucker limb from limb. I'll never know who he was, I checked the missing persons the new couples of days. Was he the missing married geography teacher that was loved by all his students and mourned by his family, or the teenage pizza boy who's mother was left distraught... or even they shady drug dealer who was missing and wanted for questioning by the police. In the end it doesn't matter, when I was done with him he was unrecognisable, not even his own mother could have identified the shreds of meat that remained.
You may call me immoral, but you have to understand, the wolf knows morality, theres no right or wrong to something so primitive, there's only instinct and hunger. Instinct wins out against human morality any day, do I feel bad about what the wolf does? Fuck of course I do, but I can't control it, so I stay away from people, I live in the shadows... I can't afford to get close, I thought i'd end up hurting someone, until I met her.
Its always about a girl, its what all stories break down to, I was drinking trying to forget, numb the pain. When she sat beside me, She smelled like heaven and sex. She looked across to me, she had beautiful brown eyes, like honey wrapped in chocolate. She smiled and said, "You come here a lot, You're always alone"... "I like it that way." I snarled. "You know what day it is?"... "20 questions day?' I snarked. She was beautiful, she had red hair flowing down her shoulders, like a strawberry waterfall flowing over her shoulders. "Its valentines day... no one should be alone on valentines day"... "What if some people wanna be alone" I retorted. "You don't wanna be alone, No one wants to be alone" She stated matter afactly... "Listen, people get hurt around me, so just leave me alone" I snapped. "No, The truth isn't that you're afraid of hurting people... its that you don't wanna get hurt yourself." "What are you fucking Doctor Phil?" I snarked
"Your names Nathaniel right?' "Give the lady a prize... Nathaniel Blake at your disservice" She just stared at me, unflinching... "Louise Colins, and I'm gonna have a drink with you whether you like it or not" She professed. "I don't but, if it gets you off. But make it quick I gotta get outta here" It was a full moon, I don't know about you, but turning into a supernatural creature in the middle of the pub, i don't find to be good for business.
"I've seen you every day in here, theres something about you... something sad, lonely... I decided, since its valentines day, i'll finally work up the spine to come ask you for a drink".... "Be careful, Working the spine up can lead to brain damage and paralysis" My snarky sarcasm was slowly transforming into witty charm, I don't know what it was about this woman, but for once... never mind. "you're cute... you try to be all bad ass, but its not working" she said. "Hey i am plenty bad ass... I can watch the green mile without crying!" "you man, you" she smiled, when she smiled her eyes lit up a little more, they say the eyes are the windows to the soul, if thats true, she must have had the most beautiful soul on earth. "Why do you always look so sad." She blurted out. "Its... we all have our curses I guess." I stated solemnly... "Whats yours?" I could have told her, but how do you tell someone your something that shouldn't rationally exist. You can't. "If I told you I'd have to kill you" yes, go for a joke.
Suddenly, I felt the change going thru my blood, its how it starts, my heart rate accelerates first. The change is excruciating, my bones twins and turn, my skin stretches in ways it never should... its like having every bone in your body broken.. and reset have your skin torn off then burned back onto your bones... the change is agony, I guess thats why they call it a curse.
I ran out of the pub, fleeing to the woods, my clothes tore as the wolf started to come out. The change only last for minutes, but the agony feels like it lasts for hours, I'm still aware of everything i'm doing, but its not me in control, I feel like I'm trapped inside the wolf, a brain screaming for help. The human side can do nothing for the wolf. After my change I turned around, there she was the girl from the bar, Louise. I should have torn her apart, normally I would "SO this is your secret" She said... "well, thats better, I thought you had one testicle or something"... "its... its beautiful"... every part of the beast wanted to tear her apart, she was meat... but instead, I walked towards her... and stood infront of her. She looked into the beast, but she didn't look with fear or hatred, she looked straight thru the beast, into me. Suddenly the wolf just laid at her feet, she knelt down, and stroked my fur. I fell asleep in her arms, and when I awoke, she was still there. Every day since that day, every change, she's been there, and I always awake in her arms. I guess a curse isn't so bad, if you've got a treatment, Love conquered the beast. She tamed the wild creature within me. She is the reason that I can feel human again and I will wake up in her arms til the day we both die.