One Last Touch

He could see her. She was glowing and laughing with all her friends surrounding her. He knew it was her by the way her shoulder length dark hair had one single wave in it. She always left it natural, saying she liked it like that and didn't have time to do anything with it anyway. Her soft pink lips and white teeth were parted as she smiled.

James wanted to kiss her. Kiss her until she forgot about all the hateful and nasty things he said to her had erased from her memory. He came home over summer, yet he never saw her. He figured this year would be the same, picking up women, drinking, and sitting by his pool with his friends. Apparently the universe had other plans for him.

He wasn't even sure what he'd say if she approached him, but then, why would she even talk to him? She hated him, or at least James thought. The things she told her friends afterwards made him think that. He deserved that though, he knew it was right for her to ignore him when he was trying to apologize. He would have probably done the same thing.

"Who ya staring at?" Steven Stamkos asked and looked to where James was looking. "Oh... oh!" Steven basically shouted and glanced back over to James.

He sighed. "I fucking know. Why is she here?"

"Well, she does have her own life." Leave it to Steven to be on her side. They were always friends and kept it touch since he got drafted and she went off to college. "I think I'm going to say hi."

James rolled his eyes as Steven sauntered up to her and she happily threw her arms around his neck. They talked for a while, and James nearly fell out of his chair when Steven pointed back to him.

Kara actually smiled. She gave a little wave, which James didn't return. When he just continued to look at her with a blank expression, he could see her make a face before turning back to Steven. She gave him another hug before sitting back down with her friends.

James twirled his finger around on the table, avoiding Steven's gaze when he returned. James hadn't thought about her in a while, which he immediately regretted; it seemed like all the thoughts he missed were surfacing. Soon, all his friends left and when he looked up he saw the only ones left in the bar were himself, Kara and a few of her friends he didn't recognize. He figured she had met them when she went to college.

It didn't surprise him that she had new, hot friends. She had always been so nice to everyone, and that made his gut twist to think of what he had done.

"You don't mean a thing to me."

He groaned and rested his head against the table. Not expecting to fall asleep, he jumped when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. His head spinned as he looked into her light grey eyes next to him. He never thought he would be this close to her again.

Kara sat across from him and cleared out the empty beer bottles. Obviously James had drank a lot that night.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled and reached for her hand, but she moved it to her lap.

"Don't be so hard on yourself," she said when she noticed James swallow five times in a row and look down at the floor. His ears perked up when he heard a slight Australian accent laced in her soothing voice. "You're better than that."

James knew she didn't talk to him looking for answers. She was just genuinely kind to everyone, and even seeing her rude ex slumped over a table in a bar with beer bottles scattered around him, she had to help somehow.

"Well, it was nice seeing you." Sighing, she hopped out of the chair and to the front of the building.

***

No later than a week after he started the hardcore camp with a few other players and longtime friends. James worked his ass off in the mornings, and chilled the rest of the day. On weekends they would be able to act as normal, rich, mid twenty year olds and party.

After that night in the bar, James had forced himself not to think of Kara. It was obvious she didn't want him back, otherwise she would have made an effort to. What had she meant by, 'don't be so hard on yourself'? James hadn't thought he was taking everything hard, and he had been excelling in hockey, so he simply didn't understand. She may not want answers, but he sure did.

Steven was the only one who had contact information on her, and James knew he wouldn't give it away. So, James just hoped that if fate was on his side, she would just show up one day.

As he spread peanut butter on his two pieces of bread -a peanut butter and jelly sandwich- he remembered that Michael Del Zotto stole the strawberry jam and he was jamless now. He furrowed his eyebrows together and bit into the sandwhich. He reached into the fridge, going where the bottled water should have been, and cursed.

"Why the fuck do they steal all my food?" He was plotting to take all of their food the next time he was over at their house.

Once he slipped on his shoes he jogged to his car and hopped in. A trip to the grocery store would be good, he was running low on a lot of things anyways. Now he just had motivation to go.

He had been to this store plenty of times over the years, so he knew exactly where everything was. When he felt a tap on his shoulder, he expected one of the owners to be standing there with their arms open, but he was surprised to see Kara. She was looking down at her list with a basket looped in her arm.

"Where are the spaghetti noodles?" She looked up and was taken back slightly. James was somewhat hurt that she couldn't tell it was him, spending fifteen years together he thought she could tell him apart from everyone.

He nodded his head for her to follow him, and once they were standing in front of the noodles she thanked him and put one in her basket. "No problem."

Neither of them made a move. Kara looked down at her chipping red nail polish and switched from foot to foot. Seeing James two times within a week was weird. Not to mention heartbreaking. He looked better than he had five years ago, the last time she saw him in person.

His muscles were bigger and bulkier. His biceps basically ripped through his thin t-shirt, not to mention the abs that molded through his shirt. He was pale, but he had been living in an ice rink in Pittsburgh for seven months. His hair was longer and it looked darker. It curled at the tips.

"How are you?" Kara asked to break the silence. She had to stop thinking about him.

James bit his lip, thinking he should be the one asking her. It was like reverse psychology. She was the one that was suppose to be thinking about him everyday, wondering and begging to see him again. "I'm good." Now he had to ask a question. "Why do you have an accent?"

She laughed. "I went to college in Australia after we broke up. Home reminded me to much of everything."

Kara sounded absolutely okay with being driven out of her house, even when James was the one leaving. She smiled up at him and shrugged, like it meant nothing. Like he meant nothing.

It was quiet again and at the same time, they both blurted out, "I'm sorry."

They laughed nervously. "You first," James insisted, hoping he would get the answers he was looking for. These questions he had just began to think of consumed him, and he began to wonder that when he was gone, was he the one being lonely and sad when she was actually having the time of her life.

"Oh, I guess I'm just sorry for never really talking to you after. I should have answered you're calls, but I thought running away was better at the time."

At the time, James wondered. He hoped silently that she wished to be wrapped up in him again like he did.

"And," her strained laughed and glistening eyes when she threw her head back gave away that she was on the verge of tears. "I act like everything is fine seeing and talking to you right now, but all I can think about is what you said. I know you're great and I know that I still love you but I also know that it still hurts. I can't look you in the eyes anymore.

"I thought about you 24/7. Everything in this town reminded me of you, and the one place I had left to think? There was our initials engraved on a tree from when we were little. You made me leave. Maybe not physically, but you did. I had to leave my fucking life behind for you and I wasn't even going to see you again."

And James let her yell and express her feelings to him. It hurt, every word she said was like getting stabbed in the heart. When she was finished, or at least he hoped she was, he jumped in.

"Well I'm sorry for what I had done to you. You've heard my apologies before, but I just want you to know and hear in person, I am sorry. I still can't believe I let a beautiful girl like yourself just walk away. Well, like you said, I made you leave. I know I'm stupid and a fucking complete idiot for leaving the girl I loved for so many years. I can't change that though, I don't have a time machine to go back and save everything."

They both wiped their eyes and sniffed. They avoided each others gaze and stood awkwardly, not sure if they should just leave. Crying with even more sadness than when they came in didn't seem like the right decision.

Kara took a step forward, already smelling James cologne, and wrapped her arms around his torso. She buried her head in his chest and he quickly responded by holding her and pressing his head to her shoulder. They stood there in the middle of an aisle in a grocery store, crying and hugging. It had to be a scene for people passing by.

They savored every bit of it. James hoping that he would be able to hug and kiss and love her again like he had before. Kara already knowing that she couldn't go back and set herself up for heartbreak again. She drew in a deep breath, she knew this would be the last time she would see him. Kara stood back, got up on her toes, and pressed a gentle kiss to James' lips.

"Goodbye, James."