Morning Calculations
1
This was supposed to be for Valentine's Day, but I had to go to work before was done with it. Loosely based on a post I saw on tumblr. Enjoy.
********
I often contemplated what I did in life for karma to place me in math first thing in the morning. It was bad enough being forced to learn about imaginary numbers and other useless math things that wouldn't help in life after high school, let alone trying to digest all the pointless information during an hour no normal human should be conscious. Despite this however, I also felt kind of lucky to be in this particular class. Lucky because I happened to be seated next to the most attractive person in the whole building, in my opinion anyways. His name is Zack Merrick, and he's the typical "jock" type, all muscles and popular, star of the football team, and someone who would never notice my tiny blip on their map of attention. Regardless of his popularity, Zack was a very quiet individual, sure, I'd seen him say few things while chatting with his friends, but he definitely was not the life of the conversation, and I'd never seen him talk to those outside of his friend group unless he needed to, which is why I know I had pretty much zero chance of catching his eye. It also didn't help that I was a guy, and judging by the loud blonde cheer leader that always seemed to be hanging off his arm, I knew he was at least 50% not into guys and 100% unavailable for me to find out, not that I could actually work up the nerve to speak to him even if the perfect circumstances all fell magically into place . In my mind, I liked to pretend I could though.
After so much thought about the object of my affection, I decided that it couldn't hurt to sneak a little glance his way. I let my eyes quickly flicker to the desk right beside me and noticed immediately the way his toned arms were folded on his desk, his head resting softly on top of them, and just my luck, I couldn't even enjoy this discovery because his face was on the other side, turned the direction opposite of me, giving me a view of only arms and hair. I huffed quietly and turned my attention back to the droning teacher, scribbling the lesson down in my notebook grumpily. I knew I was being a bit melodramatic, still though, if I couldn't have him, couldn't I at least sneak a peak? Soon I had lost myself in my wonderings again, and let my fingers stop scrawling down formulas I would never need, at least I was until I processed the form of Mr. Butler hovering right beside me. I tensed and gazed up, expecting to find him staring down at me about to launch into a tirade about not paying attention in class, instead I was once again greeted with the the back of a head, though I found myself infinitely more grateful for this one. Once I ruled out his presence next to me being for my own scolding, I realized that of course he'd prowled over not to give it to me over spacing out during his tedious lesson, but to awaken Zack, who seemed ever napping through the class. I turned my attention once again to the football player who was still peacefully asleep on top of his limbs.
"Mr. Merrick," he started in a slightly raised toned that succeeded in rousing Zack from his slumber, "glad you could join us in the world of the living, now sit up and start writing down the notes. And for your homework tonight I'm going to assign you a few extra problems, just to make sure that today's lesson has really gotten through your head. See me when the bell rings."
Mr. Butler smirked as Zack groaned, then he spun on his heal and marched back to the front to resume the lesson, shushing the the giggles sounding from around the room. I sneaked another glance at Zack and found him writing fiercely his eyes moving quickly between the board and his paper, trying to catch up to where that class had written to. Everyone else had finished their notes and were working on homework in hopes of not having to actually take it home, and he scrambled to take it all in before Mr. Butler decided to erase everything written just to spite him more. I finished jotting my own notes just as the bell sounded and sighed resignedly at the fact I was going to be stuck doing the problems at home. I spotted Zack sluggishly moving towards our unpleasant math teacher as I made my way to the door, and Zack chose that moment to look towards his window to freedom and caught me staring his way. I found my self frozen like a deer in head lights, my body exploding in tingling and butterflies, and unable to break the painfully awkward eye contact, until he raised his eyebrow, surely impressed at my seemingly unabashed staring. Then finally I was able to make the gears turn inside my body and dart out the door and towards my next class while face burst into embarrassed flames.
* * *
Eventually I had gotten over my extremely awkward encounter with the football player from our morning class earlier, but I found my self growing restless as I wandered to my last class of the day, English, which happened to be the only other class I shared with Zack. I hoped with everything in me Zack had let the incident slip, I knew he wouldn't confront me about it, or use it in a mocking way, I'd never seen him harass or bully anyone before, though I had seen some of his friends teasing kids lower on the imaginary social food chain, Zack never seemed comfortable when he was around them doing it, but I'd also never seen him step in and stop his friends from teasing either. I came to a halt before entering the classroom, instead studying the doorway in an attempt to procrastinate, hoping maybe the ancient structure would decide to give way and crush me before I had deal with an entire class of Zack being right behind undoubtedly judging me silently for being such a tremendous creep. Lost in my thoughts, I forgot I was standing almost completely in front of the doorway until I felt a body brushing by my arm. I snapped back to reality I discovered to my misfortune that Zack had been the body trying get past me staring hard at the door hinges. Now he definitely thought I was a creep, who stares at doorways? Jack Barakat does apparently.
Zack noticed I was aware of my surroundings again and looked flustered, "Sorry I- uh, um," he spoke quietly, and had on arm bent and placed around his neck, the other gesturing towards me and the door way, his eyes fixedly not looking at me. Maybe he was afraid we'd get stuck staring at each other forever because I would freeze once more and he would be too nice to tell me to stop and we'd never be able to move again, but that didn't stop me from thinking that he looked extra adorable all flustered like that. I told my mind to shut up and listen to Zack, because there was no way in hell he'd ever talk to me again after this, so I better enjoy it while I can. He was probably terrified I was a serial killer and had stared him down because I wanted to make a meat pie out of him, little did he know I just had the giant grossest crush on him, he probably wouldn't be able to decide which was worse. 'Focus Jack!' I reminded myself and watched as he continued to mumble softly, "you were uh, kind of in the way, I tried to get past with out bothering you, um, I'm sorry. You took up more space than I thought." he finished and I was amazed, I'd never heard him talk so much before in my entire life.
So of course my mouth ruined the olive branch he had extended and opened, my brain obviously short circuiting from actually communicating with the person I day dreamed of holding hands and other gross junk with, "did you just call me fat?" I blurted out, and I never wished to punch myself in the face as much I did right then.
"No!" he said quickly looking at me with wide eyes, horrified that I'd thought he'd said anything insulting, "no um, you're so skinny I thought I could just get past, but uh, yeah, um." I felt like the giant idiot I was, and since he couldn't figure out how to get himself out of the hole he thought he'd dug himself into, I decided to throw him a rope.
"Don't worry, I was just kidding, I know I'm the size of a piece of paper." I forced a chuckle and found myself growing a real smile. Zack didn't say anything else, just nodded quickly and and all but sprinted to his seat, seeming to forget I was seated right in front of him and there was no way to escape today's awkward encounters.
I ambled towards my seat, finding Zack in a similar position to the one he was in this morning, except his face was in between his arms, and I knew he was completely awake. I figured it was probably not a good idea to try and talk to him further, even though the brief conversation had me wanting to hear more of his soft voice. I slid myself into the chair and watched as the rest of the class filled in, scrambling to sit as the bell rang. Our teacher, Ms. Appleton, stood and walked to the front of her desk, leaning casually back against it as she addressed us, assigning us to write a story that would be due at the end of the week, "and if you're needing some inspiration, you could always use the upcoming holiday," she tacked on cheerily before directing us to open to page 375. Just when I had almost forgot, Ms. Appleton just had to mention the upcoming goo-fest that was Valentine's Day, a day I would spend curled under five blankets eating junk and watching Adventure Time and Futurama on netflix. Who needs a valentine anyways?
Once the bell rang and everyone was released for the day I stood and stretched my arms high above my head, making an exaggerated groan before lowering the limbs and turning to face the back of the classroom, and I swore I caught Zack staring at where my shirt had rode up, clearly I was delusional and needed snacks. Bearing this thought I scanned the room for my best friend Alex, who had been seated as far away from possible by Ms. Appleton because we had quite the reputation. It's not that we were intentionally trouble makers, we were just super obnoxious together. Speaking of which, Alex was making his way towards me with his arms outstretched, to which I opened my own with a wide grin.
"Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack" Alex wailed, capturing me in his arms while I wrapped my own around him, returning his wailing by doing the same with his name as well. I heard snickers from a few students as Ms. Appleton sighed and tried to ignore us. A moment later I felt our combined mass being jostled as some hurried past us, and we choose this moment to break apart. I looked towards the front to see who had needed to leave so badly right that moment that the needed to push past us, and found none other than Zack, looking particularly glum. I wondered why he seemed upset as Alex ushered me out door so we could actually leave the school building like most normal students did as soon as they possibly could.
* * *
The next morning I discovered to my dismay I would have wear my glasses to school, something I hadn't done since my first year in middle school. Unfortunately for me my contacts had been knocked down from their safe place on the bathroom counter, okay admittedly not the safest place but I was way too tired to expend the effort needed to actually lift my arm and put them in the cabinet, forcing me to wear the lenses today and for the next few days until I could get a new prescription in. I sighed as I slid the glasses on my face and frowned dramatically at my reflection before heading out the door into the rain, apparently today was just going to be one giant dump on me.
In math I found myself slumped over with one hand supporting my head while I lazily scribbled down notes. I continued this until I became aware of a pair of eyes on me, staring hard from my right side, which would make the offender none other than Mr. Zack Merrick. I wondered if had grown a second head because he'd been staring steadily for a few minutes now, before I came to the conclusion that it had to my glasses, god I must look like a super freak with them by the way he's been entranced. I decided after today I'd have to go blind for the rest of the week, there was no way I was going to give myself less of a chance with Zack, that would put me in the negative numbers. After notes were done and time was left at the end for homework and chatting I resolved to look at Zack who'd stop staring when the teacher has called his name to answer a question. I turned myself towards him and found him supremely focused on the empty piece of paper sitting on his desk.
"Did you not get the notes?" I asked stupidly, of course he hadn't, he'd spent half the class staring at my obnoxious, and apparently horror striking glasses, and here I was forcing him to look that them again after he'd been released from their reign of terror, and yet I couldn't keep my my shut because of my stupid gross crush causing my brain to derail and thinking it's okay to just suddenly start blabbing to the football player out of nowhere, "because if you didn't you can borrow mine," I let stumble out of my mouth after I realized how condescending my first dumb sentence sounded, "I mean if you can read my hand writing, it's really bad."
Again I wanted to punch myself in the face as I watched Zack stare at me with widened eyes, much the same as he did the day before. Zack's mouth opened and closed a few times, leaving him looking a bit like a fish out of water, albeit an adorable fish, trying to form words while being terrified of my glasses no doubt. A minute or so ticked by and Zack had still been unable to form words, but his face did manage to turn a color red I didn't think was humanly possible. Despite my better judgement I let my mouth open again.
"Zack, are you okay?" I asked reaching a hand towards him, though I didn't know what use it would serve.
Zack managed a nod and took a deep breath "Yeah, yeah I'm um, I'm good." he mumbled the words coming out rushed "Can I? Um, borrow you notes I mean, I can give them back in English." his face had returned to a healthy color again and I quickly agreed and handed over my borderline illegible notes as the bell sent us rushing to our next classes.
* * *
As promised, Zack handed over my notes during English, waiting till the end when there was free time, "Thank you. A lot, or um so much," he started getting flustered and looked away from me his hand still extending the notebook to me. God he was so amazingly adorable. When he'd tapped my shoulder it'd set of butterflies in my stomach and when his cheeks tinged pink they stirred up again.
"No problem, I'm just glad you could read them. I can't even read them." I said trying to shake the butterflies, and watching delightfully as he laughed, letting a large smile over take my face, my eyes had probably turned into actual hearts and I was disgusted by myself. How dare I be so gooey and gross over this soft spoken football player?
"You're handwriting really isn't that bad," Zack said smiling brightly for a moment, then looking perturbed again, "have, um, have you always had glasses? I've never seen you wear them before."
Just when I had gotten over being self conscious about my glasses, with a little help from Alex who'd given him a pep talk and then pointed out how no one had actually said anything to me about my them, at least not until this moment, I felt the feeling of looking freakish creeping back up again, "Yeah, well kind of, I mean" I cursed myself for stumbling over my words and tried to pull my shit together, which is incredibly hard when talking to someone who make you feel like tingly jell-o, "I usually wear contacts, but they got messed up so I have to wear my glasses until I can get new ones." I mentally patted myself on the back, happy I got a coherent sentence out.
"Are they really bad? I hate wearing them," I asked wanting to kick myself for bringing up the staring when he'd dismissed mine so generously, but the curiosity was killing me.
Zack was quiet for a minute, seeming to be thinking something over before speaking "No, they're uh, not bad. I like them. Um, a lot. They're nice." I was a puddle on the floor by the time he was done speaking, and I could feel the heat on my face, and I decided I was definitely not going blind this week. Before I could compose myself to respond, the bell rang and Zack bolted for the door. Alex found me as a pile of mush and smirked, dragging out of the door once again.
* * *
It was officially midway through the week and just two days until my junk food and netflix marathon, when Alex had informed me he would be breaking our tradition of doing this together to instead go and out and actually do Valentine's Day things with Lisa. I was still sour about receiving the news, and had taken to doodling aimlessly on my notebook. My eyes wandered to Zack of their own accord and I found him napping. Something possessed me, and I leaned over to doodle a small flower on the edge of his paper while the teacher wasn't looking. I leaned back to my own desk and admired my small doodle and leaned over once more when the teacher had turned again and doodled another flower, only this time Zack's eyes blinked open. Once he registered the hand on his desk that wasn't his, he looked over at me, his eyes still blurry from sleep. He blinked a few times and I retracted my arm, but I continued looking his way. After he'd blinked away his grogginess he smiled at me and then looked away. I felt like was going to explode.
I couldn't work up the nerve to look over again until the end of class, and when I did I noticed the corner of his paper was now filled with flowers and I felt a smile break across my face immediately. When he noticed that I was looking Zack scrambled to hide his pencil produced meadow and a pink blush dusted over his cheeks, and I was feeling like a pile of goo all over again. The lesson ran late and there was no extra time at the end of class before the bell, and when it sounded Zack took in a hurry and I pouted at his retreating form. In English I felt Zack's eyes burning a hole into the back of my head, and I knew he wanted to talk to me, probably to ask me why I had drawn flowers on his paper in the first place. I had no idea how I was going to respond and chose to ignore his eyes until I absolutely couldn't during the end. Luckily for me class ran late again, ad Alex was next to me the second the bell rang, grabbing my arm and chatting excitedly about somewhere he wanted to go as he pulled me away from Zack, who looked positively pissed off and I felt dread creep through me. I had royally fucked up by ignoring him the whole class, and now he was angry at me.
* * *
Though I was now feeling dejected, I stilled tagged along with Alex to the skate park. He'd decided he wanted to learn how to skate after buying a cheap skateboard at a pawn shop, and it was unusually warm and sunny, despite the time of year. I followed behind him gloomily as we entered the park, not noticing him suddenly halting in front of me, causing me to walk straight into his from with an 'umf.'
"Dude," I said in the form an accusation, looking up and side stepping so I could look at him when suddenly he jumped into motion and dragged my behind the bathrooms.
"Jack, that guy you like is here." he said once we were out of view of the other people here and I felt my heart leap in my chest.
"Zack? Are you serious?" I deadpanned, making it clear I would not be fucked with.
Alex nodded and pointed back to where the skaters were, "Yes look, but it doesn't look like he's with anyone else that he usually hang out with, just a bunch of skaters." Alex brought his hand to his chin in thought for a moment and then shoved his skateboard into my hands, "Here, take this, I'm gonna go to Lisa's instead, text me later." he turned me around and pushed me back into public view before turning and striding off to his car and driving away before I could murder him.
I stood paralyzed, staring at the skaters and indeed spotted Zack, whom was mid-trick. Once he'd landed it, he stepped off and one of his friends leaned over to him, whispering and pointing at me. Zack turned and looked, shocked at my presence, and then treaded over to where I was holding a death grip on the board Alex forced upon me. Zack stopped and folded his arms when he reached me, seeming to loom over me, though I knew I had a few inches on him. His imposing figure stood still and he raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to explain myself. Fucking Alex.
"Um, hi Zack, you might be wondering why I'm here," I began brilliantly, "well you see I came with Alex, because he wanted to learn ho to skate, but then he had to leave because, uh, his mom needed his car because her's broke down, and he didn't want her to know he was trying to take up skate boarding and so-"
"Jack shut up." Zack said, causing my mouth the clamp shut and I suddenly felt like the biggest idiot in the whole world, and I was definitely going to kill Alex.
"Sorry, I ramble sometimes," I provided helpfully, "so um, I don' know how to skate either, so I'm just gonna head home, see you tomorrow?" I asked, hoping he wasn't still pissed about in what happened English.
He stayed silent and I took that as my queue to leave, turning on my heal about to stride away, until I felt a hand grip my shoulder and holding me back, "wait," Zack said quickly and I turned back to face him, waiting for him to continue, watching as he drew back his hand and grew nervous, but then a look of resolve washed over his face and he looked from the ground to me, "stay, I can teach you, I mean if you want to?" he eyed me and waited for my answer.
I was convinced I was dead. I had to have died on the way here with Alex, because there was no way this was real. Zack continued to watch and wait, growing reserved again, I realized he probably felt dumb for asking, and I decided I should probably answer him, "okay," I said grinning, "and sure, yeah, you can teach me. I didn't even know you skated." I was starting to ramble again so I clamped my jaw again in an attempt to be less awkward, which seemed impossible to do around Zack.
Zack returned my grin, "Awesome, and yeah I've skated pretty much my whole life, my parents said as long as I kept up with a sport then I could skate in my free time." he said looking radiant and down right beautiful. There was no way I was going to survive today.
* * *
It turned out I was a terrible skater, and Zack was trying to teach a lost cause, because seriously, I could barely stay on the board. The other skaters had cleared out a little while ago, since it had started getting colder again, and only Zack and I were left in the park. Realizing this, Zack closed the distance from where he'd been trying to direct my wobbling form and stopped a few inches from where I was wiggling across what was surely a cursed board; I'd have to let Alex know it was haunted and unusable, there was no way it was possible to be this crummy. I did my best to balance myself and peered down at the boy wondering what he wanted to try now, or of he was going to tell me how shitty I was at this and he could never like someone this awful at his passion. Maybe I was being a little dramatic.
"Jack I wanna try something different, um just don't freak out okay?" oh god, was he going to preform some kind of sacrificial ritual to make me a better skater? Why would I freak out? Instead of voicing my perhaps overzealous thoughts, I nodded my head in agreement and waited. Zack step around to the other side of me so he was facing my back and I only grew more confused, until he secured his hands on each of me hips, then my whole body felt like it was on fire. I was going to die, of course I was still pretty sure I was already dead. Zack stood statue still, waiting for me to freak out, and when I didn't he let out a breath, "is this okay then?" he asked timidly and I managed to squeak out an affirming "yeah."
"Good," he stated, squeezing his fingers lightly, leaving me tingly all over, "okay, I'm gonna guide you, I'll give you extra balance so you can't fall, I'll be like your training wheels."
Before I could reply we were moving, and I'd never felt more like child, what 17 year old needs to be guided along on a skate board? This one apparently. But I also couldn't care less because Zack was holding me, and I was trying my hardest to not just wrap my self around his built form. We moved around for a while and then I felt Zack's head come to rest against my back, causing my breath to hitch. He pulled back like lightning and I lost balance, falling backwards into him and toppling us onto the cold cement, and I was totally content to stay there for the rest of my life. After a moment I realized Zack was holding completely still like he was scared I would take off like a scared rabbit if he moved.
I moved to sit up and positioned myself so I was beside him, my legs bent under my chin as I looked down at him, marveling at the way he looked with the sunset reflecting off his skin. Zack stared back and we were quiet for a while before he spoke up, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, um, I guess I just got lost in the moment." he turned away and looked sadder than I'd ever seen him and it set of a pang in my chest.
"You didn't scare me," I told him immediately, "I just wasn't expecting it." I was quiet again, at a loss for what to say next, before I elected to just be direct about it, "do you like me Zack?"
I watched as his eyes widened and his mouth did the fish thing again, before he finally nodded and closed his eyes, still looking downhearted, "yeah," he breathed, "but that doesn't matter does it?"
"Why wouldn't that matter? Of course it matters." I voiced, growing confused, why did he think his feelings wouldn't matter to me?
"Well, it's not like I can do anything about it, you're dating Alex aren't you?" he turned his head back towards me his eyes big and melancholy, and I couldn't help but laugh.
I noticed he looked hurt so I explained myself "Dude. Me and Alex. Really?" I questioned, raising a brow.
"Wait, you mean you're not?" Zack sounded confused so I attempted to explain farther.
"No, dude. Alex has a girlfriend. You know, Lisa? That girl he's always making out with in the hallway?" I chuckled again and watched emotions play across Zack's face as he processed the information I just fed him.
Suddenly Zack shot up and grabbed my arms, "So, just to make this perfectly clear, you're single?"
I nodded and then spoke, "But wait, don't you have a girlfriend? That loud cheerleader that's always dangling from your arm?" I waited for his response, I needed answers too.
Now he laughed, "Tiffany? She wishes. And tries." he made a disgusted face a moment making us both laugh.
"So," I began, "does this mean we can make out, or have I read this conversation completely wrong?"
Instead of replying, Zack pulled me into his lap and crashed our lips together, but then my body had the nerve to shiver violently from the cold and Zack pulled us back apart, "Are you cold?" he asked running his hands up and down my arms.
"That depends," I said leaning closer and resting my head on his chest, "if I say yes will you come to my house and kiss me some more?"
Zack laughed and wrapped his arms around me for a moment, and then like the big jerk he is made me stand up so we could walk to his car, but at least we got to hold hands the whole time. Our hands stayed tangled together while we were driving, and I thought maybe this year for Valentine's Day I would do something different, or maybe I would make Zack be apart of my tradition, except with more making out. As I thought about this I remembered what Alex said earlier and fished out my phone with my free hand and sent him a thank you text. His replied arrived in seconds.
";)"
I smiled and shoved my phoned into my hoodie pocket, and then looked at Zack when he asked which directions to my house. I pointed to roads as they came and before long we were pulling into my drive way and met around the front of his car, "So I guess I should ask you if you want to be my boyfriend." Zack said with a smirk grabbing me around the waist and pulling me to him.
"Nah," I said straight faced, "I thought we could do the whole thing where we do couple things but deny it when people ask if we're dating." I returned Zack's smirk and then let out a noise of surprise as Zack lifted me off the ground.
"I guess I'll just have to hold you up here until you agree to date me." he said, watching my face.
I wrapped my arms and legs around him and set my forehead against his, "I guess I have no choice then. Yes Zack Merrick, I will be your boyfriend." he smiled widely and then we were kissing again. I really was lucky I had math first thing in the morning.
********
I often contemplated what I did in life for karma to place me in math first thing in the morning. It was bad enough being forced to learn about imaginary numbers and other useless math things that wouldn't help in life after high school, let alone trying to digest all the pointless information during an hour no normal human should be conscious. Despite this however, I also felt kind of lucky to be in this particular class. Lucky because I happened to be seated next to the most attractive person in the whole building, in my opinion anyways. His name is Zack Merrick, and he's the typical "jock" type, all muscles and popular, star of the football team, and someone who would never notice my tiny blip on their map of attention. Regardless of his popularity, Zack was a very quiet individual, sure, I'd seen him say few things while chatting with his friends, but he definitely was not the life of the conversation, and I'd never seen him talk to those outside of his friend group unless he needed to, which is why I know I had pretty much zero chance of catching his eye. It also didn't help that I was a guy, and judging by the loud blonde cheer leader that always seemed to be hanging off his arm, I knew he was at least 50% not into guys and 100% unavailable for me to find out, not that I could actually work up the nerve to speak to him even if the perfect circumstances all fell magically into place . In my mind, I liked to pretend I could though.
After so much thought about the object of my affection, I decided that it couldn't hurt to sneak a little glance his way. I let my eyes quickly flicker to the desk right beside me and noticed immediately the way his toned arms were folded on his desk, his head resting softly on top of them, and just my luck, I couldn't even enjoy this discovery because his face was on the other side, turned the direction opposite of me, giving me a view of only arms and hair. I huffed quietly and turned my attention back to the droning teacher, scribbling the lesson down in my notebook grumpily. I knew I was being a bit melodramatic, still though, if I couldn't have him, couldn't I at least sneak a peak? Soon I had lost myself in my wonderings again, and let my fingers stop scrawling down formulas I would never need, at least I was until I processed the form of Mr. Butler hovering right beside me. I tensed and gazed up, expecting to find him staring down at me about to launch into a tirade about not paying attention in class, instead I was once again greeted with the the back of a head, though I found myself infinitely more grateful for this one. Once I ruled out his presence next to me being for my own scolding, I realized that of course he'd prowled over not to give it to me over spacing out during his tedious lesson, but to awaken Zack, who seemed ever napping through the class. I turned my attention once again to the football player who was still peacefully asleep on top of his limbs.
"Mr. Merrick," he started in a slightly raised toned that succeeded in rousing Zack from his slumber, "glad you could join us in the world of the living, now sit up and start writing down the notes. And for your homework tonight I'm going to assign you a few extra problems, just to make sure that today's lesson has really gotten through your head. See me when the bell rings."
Mr. Butler smirked as Zack groaned, then he spun on his heal and marched back to the front to resume the lesson, shushing the the giggles sounding from around the room. I sneaked another glance at Zack and found him writing fiercely his eyes moving quickly between the board and his paper, trying to catch up to where that class had written to. Everyone else had finished their notes and were working on homework in hopes of not having to actually take it home, and he scrambled to take it all in before Mr. Butler decided to erase everything written just to spite him more. I finished jotting my own notes just as the bell sounded and sighed resignedly at the fact I was going to be stuck doing the problems at home. I spotted Zack sluggishly moving towards our unpleasant math teacher as I made my way to the door, and Zack chose that moment to look towards his window to freedom and caught me staring his way. I found my self frozen like a deer in head lights, my body exploding in tingling and butterflies, and unable to break the painfully awkward eye contact, until he raised his eyebrow, surely impressed at my seemingly unabashed staring. Then finally I was able to make the gears turn inside my body and dart out the door and towards my next class while face burst into embarrassed flames.
* * *
Eventually I had gotten over my extremely awkward encounter with the football player from our morning class earlier, but I found my self growing restless as I wandered to my last class of the day, English, which happened to be the only other class I shared with Zack. I hoped with everything in me Zack had let the incident slip, I knew he wouldn't confront me about it, or use it in a mocking way, I'd never seen him harass or bully anyone before, though I had seen some of his friends teasing kids lower on the imaginary social food chain, Zack never seemed comfortable when he was around them doing it, but I'd also never seen him step in and stop his friends from teasing either. I came to a halt before entering the classroom, instead studying the doorway in an attempt to procrastinate, hoping maybe the ancient structure would decide to give way and crush me before I had deal with an entire class of Zack being right behind undoubtedly judging me silently for being such a tremendous creep. Lost in my thoughts, I forgot I was standing almost completely in front of the doorway until I felt a body brushing by my arm. I snapped back to reality I discovered to my misfortune that Zack had been the body trying get past me staring hard at the door hinges. Now he definitely thought I was a creep, who stares at doorways? Jack Barakat does apparently.
Zack noticed I was aware of my surroundings again and looked flustered, "Sorry I- uh, um," he spoke quietly, and had on arm bent and placed around his neck, the other gesturing towards me and the door way, his eyes fixedly not looking at me. Maybe he was afraid we'd get stuck staring at each other forever because I would freeze once more and he would be too nice to tell me to stop and we'd never be able to move again, but that didn't stop me from thinking that he looked extra adorable all flustered like that. I told my mind to shut up and listen to Zack, because there was no way in hell he'd ever talk to me again after this, so I better enjoy it while I can. He was probably terrified I was a serial killer and had stared him down because I wanted to make a meat pie out of him, little did he know I just had the giant grossest crush on him, he probably wouldn't be able to decide which was worse. 'Focus Jack!' I reminded myself and watched as he continued to mumble softly, "you were uh, kind of in the way, I tried to get past with out bothering you, um, I'm sorry. You took up more space than I thought." he finished and I was amazed, I'd never heard him talk so much before in my entire life.
So of course my mouth ruined the olive branch he had extended and opened, my brain obviously short circuiting from actually communicating with the person I day dreamed of holding hands and other gross junk with, "did you just call me fat?" I blurted out, and I never wished to punch myself in the face as much I did right then.
"No!" he said quickly looking at me with wide eyes, horrified that I'd thought he'd said anything insulting, "no um, you're so skinny I thought I could just get past, but uh, yeah, um." I felt like the giant idiot I was, and since he couldn't figure out how to get himself out of the hole he thought he'd dug himself into, I decided to throw him a rope.
"Don't worry, I was just kidding, I know I'm the size of a piece of paper." I forced a chuckle and found myself growing a real smile. Zack didn't say anything else, just nodded quickly and and all but sprinted to his seat, seeming to forget I was seated right in front of him and there was no way to escape today's awkward encounters.
I ambled towards my seat, finding Zack in a similar position to the one he was in this morning, except his face was in between his arms, and I knew he was completely awake. I figured it was probably not a good idea to try and talk to him further, even though the brief conversation had me wanting to hear more of his soft voice. I slid myself into the chair and watched as the rest of the class filled in, scrambling to sit as the bell rang. Our teacher, Ms. Appleton, stood and walked to the front of her desk, leaning casually back against it as she addressed us, assigning us to write a story that would be due at the end of the week, "and if you're needing some inspiration, you could always use the upcoming holiday," she tacked on cheerily before directing us to open to page 375. Just when I had almost forgot, Ms. Appleton just had to mention the upcoming goo-fest that was Valentine's Day, a day I would spend curled under five blankets eating junk and watching Adventure Time and Futurama on netflix. Who needs a valentine anyways?
Once the bell rang and everyone was released for the day I stood and stretched my arms high above my head, making an exaggerated groan before lowering the limbs and turning to face the back of the classroom, and I swore I caught Zack staring at where my shirt had rode up, clearly I was delusional and needed snacks. Bearing this thought I scanned the room for my best friend Alex, who had been seated as far away from possible by Ms. Appleton because we had quite the reputation. It's not that we were intentionally trouble makers, we were just super obnoxious together. Speaking of which, Alex was making his way towards me with his arms outstretched, to which I opened my own with a wide grin.
"Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack" Alex wailed, capturing me in his arms while I wrapped my own around him, returning his wailing by doing the same with his name as well. I heard snickers from a few students as Ms. Appleton sighed and tried to ignore us. A moment later I felt our combined mass being jostled as some hurried past us, and we choose this moment to break apart. I looked towards the front to see who had needed to leave so badly right that moment that the needed to push past us, and found none other than Zack, looking particularly glum. I wondered why he seemed upset as Alex ushered me out door so we could actually leave the school building like most normal students did as soon as they possibly could.
* * *
The next morning I discovered to my dismay I would have wear my glasses to school, something I hadn't done since my first year in middle school. Unfortunately for me my contacts had been knocked down from their safe place on the bathroom counter, okay admittedly not the safest place but I was way too tired to expend the effort needed to actually lift my arm and put them in the cabinet, forcing me to wear the lenses today and for the next few days until I could get a new prescription in. I sighed as I slid the glasses on my face and frowned dramatically at my reflection before heading out the door into the rain, apparently today was just going to be one giant dump on me.
In math I found myself slumped over with one hand supporting my head while I lazily scribbled down notes. I continued this until I became aware of a pair of eyes on me, staring hard from my right side, which would make the offender none other than Mr. Zack Merrick. I wondered if had grown a second head because he'd been staring steadily for a few minutes now, before I came to the conclusion that it had to my glasses, god I must look like a super freak with them by the way he's been entranced. I decided after today I'd have to go blind for the rest of the week, there was no way I was going to give myself less of a chance with Zack, that would put me in the negative numbers. After notes were done and time was left at the end for homework and chatting I resolved to look at Zack who'd stop staring when the teacher has called his name to answer a question. I turned myself towards him and found him supremely focused on the empty piece of paper sitting on his desk.
"Did you not get the notes?" I asked stupidly, of course he hadn't, he'd spent half the class staring at my obnoxious, and apparently horror striking glasses, and here I was forcing him to look that them again after he'd been released from their reign of terror, and yet I couldn't keep my my shut because of my stupid gross crush causing my brain to derail and thinking it's okay to just suddenly start blabbing to the football player out of nowhere, "because if you didn't you can borrow mine," I let stumble out of my mouth after I realized how condescending my first dumb sentence sounded, "I mean if you can read my hand writing, it's really bad."
Again I wanted to punch myself in the face as I watched Zack stare at me with widened eyes, much the same as he did the day before. Zack's mouth opened and closed a few times, leaving him looking a bit like a fish out of water, albeit an adorable fish, trying to form words while being terrified of my glasses no doubt. A minute or so ticked by and Zack had still been unable to form words, but his face did manage to turn a color red I didn't think was humanly possible. Despite my better judgement I let my mouth open again.
"Zack, are you okay?" I asked reaching a hand towards him, though I didn't know what use it would serve.
Zack managed a nod and took a deep breath "Yeah, yeah I'm um, I'm good." he mumbled the words coming out rushed "Can I? Um, borrow you notes I mean, I can give them back in English." his face had returned to a healthy color again and I quickly agreed and handed over my borderline illegible notes as the bell sent us rushing to our next classes.
* * *
As promised, Zack handed over my notes during English, waiting till the end when there was free time, "Thank you. A lot, or um so much," he started getting flustered and looked away from me his hand still extending the notebook to me. God he was so amazingly adorable. When he'd tapped my shoulder it'd set of butterflies in my stomach and when his cheeks tinged pink they stirred up again.
"No problem, I'm just glad you could read them. I can't even read them." I said trying to shake the butterflies, and watching delightfully as he laughed, letting a large smile over take my face, my eyes had probably turned into actual hearts and I was disgusted by myself. How dare I be so gooey and gross over this soft spoken football player?
"You're handwriting really isn't that bad," Zack said smiling brightly for a moment, then looking perturbed again, "have, um, have you always had glasses? I've never seen you wear them before."
Just when I had gotten over being self conscious about my glasses, with a little help from Alex who'd given him a pep talk and then pointed out how no one had actually said anything to me about my them, at least not until this moment, I felt the feeling of looking freakish creeping back up again, "Yeah, well kind of, I mean" I cursed myself for stumbling over my words and tried to pull my shit together, which is incredibly hard when talking to someone who make you feel like tingly jell-o, "I usually wear contacts, but they got messed up so I have to wear my glasses until I can get new ones." I mentally patted myself on the back, happy I got a coherent sentence out.
"Are they really bad? I hate wearing them," I asked wanting to kick myself for bringing up the staring when he'd dismissed mine so generously, but the curiosity was killing me.
Zack was quiet for a minute, seeming to be thinking something over before speaking "No, they're uh, not bad. I like them. Um, a lot. They're nice." I was a puddle on the floor by the time he was done speaking, and I could feel the heat on my face, and I decided I was definitely not going blind this week. Before I could compose myself to respond, the bell rang and Zack bolted for the door. Alex found me as a pile of mush and smirked, dragging out of the door once again.
* * *
It was officially midway through the week and just two days until my junk food and netflix marathon, when Alex had informed me he would be breaking our tradition of doing this together to instead go and out and actually do Valentine's Day things with Lisa. I was still sour about receiving the news, and had taken to doodling aimlessly on my notebook. My eyes wandered to Zack of their own accord and I found him napping. Something possessed me, and I leaned over to doodle a small flower on the edge of his paper while the teacher wasn't looking. I leaned back to my own desk and admired my small doodle and leaned over once more when the teacher had turned again and doodled another flower, only this time Zack's eyes blinked open. Once he registered the hand on his desk that wasn't his, he looked over at me, his eyes still blurry from sleep. He blinked a few times and I retracted my arm, but I continued looking his way. After he'd blinked away his grogginess he smiled at me and then looked away. I felt like was going to explode.
I couldn't work up the nerve to look over again until the end of class, and when I did I noticed the corner of his paper was now filled with flowers and I felt a smile break across my face immediately. When he noticed that I was looking Zack scrambled to hide his pencil produced meadow and a pink blush dusted over his cheeks, and I was feeling like a pile of goo all over again. The lesson ran late and there was no extra time at the end of class before the bell, and when it sounded Zack took in a hurry and I pouted at his retreating form. In English I felt Zack's eyes burning a hole into the back of my head, and I knew he wanted to talk to me, probably to ask me why I had drawn flowers on his paper in the first place. I had no idea how I was going to respond and chose to ignore his eyes until I absolutely couldn't during the end. Luckily for me class ran late again, ad Alex was next to me the second the bell rang, grabbing my arm and chatting excitedly about somewhere he wanted to go as he pulled me away from Zack, who looked positively pissed off and I felt dread creep through me. I had royally fucked up by ignoring him the whole class, and now he was angry at me.
* * *
Though I was now feeling dejected, I stilled tagged along with Alex to the skate park. He'd decided he wanted to learn how to skate after buying a cheap skateboard at a pawn shop, and it was unusually warm and sunny, despite the time of year. I followed behind him gloomily as we entered the park, not noticing him suddenly halting in front of me, causing me to walk straight into his from with an 'umf.'
"Dude," I said in the form an accusation, looking up and side stepping so I could look at him when suddenly he jumped into motion and dragged my behind the bathrooms.
"Jack, that guy you like is here." he said once we were out of view of the other people here and I felt my heart leap in my chest.
"Zack? Are you serious?" I deadpanned, making it clear I would not be fucked with.
Alex nodded and pointed back to where the skaters were, "Yes look, but it doesn't look like he's with anyone else that he usually hang out with, just a bunch of skaters." Alex brought his hand to his chin in thought for a moment and then shoved his skateboard into my hands, "Here, take this, I'm gonna go to Lisa's instead, text me later." he turned me around and pushed me back into public view before turning and striding off to his car and driving away before I could murder him.
I stood paralyzed, staring at the skaters and indeed spotted Zack, whom was mid-trick. Once he'd landed it, he stepped off and one of his friends leaned over to him, whispering and pointing at me. Zack turned and looked, shocked at my presence, and then treaded over to where I was holding a death grip on the board Alex forced upon me. Zack stopped and folded his arms when he reached me, seeming to loom over me, though I knew I had a few inches on him. His imposing figure stood still and he raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to explain myself. Fucking Alex.
"Um, hi Zack, you might be wondering why I'm here," I began brilliantly, "well you see I came with Alex, because he wanted to learn ho to skate, but then he had to leave because, uh, his mom needed his car because her's broke down, and he didn't want her to know he was trying to take up skate boarding and so-"
"Jack shut up." Zack said, causing my mouth the clamp shut and I suddenly felt like the biggest idiot in the whole world, and I was definitely going to kill Alex.
"Sorry, I ramble sometimes," I provided helpfully, "so um, I don' know how to skate either, so I'm just gonna head home, see you tomorrow?" I asked, hoping he wasn't still pissed about in what happened English.
He stayed silent and I took that as my queue to leave, turning on my heal about to stride away, until I felt a hand grip my shoulder and holding me back, "wait," Zack said quickly and I turned back to face him, waiting for him to continue, watching as he drew back his hand and grew nervous, but then a look of resolve washed over his face and he looked from the ground to me, "stay, I can teach you, I mean if you want to?" he eyed me and waited for my answer.
I was convinced I was dead. I had to have died on the way here with Alex, because there was no way this was real. Zack continued to watch and wait, growing reserved again, I realized he probably felt dumb for asking, and I decided I should probably answer him, "okay," I said grinning, "and sure, yeah, you can teach me. I didn't even know you skated." I was starting to ramble again so I clamped my jaw again in an attempt to be less awkward, which seemed impossible to do around Zack.
Zack returned my grin, "Awesome, and yeah I've skated pretty much my whole life, my parents said as long as I kept up with a sport then I could skate in my free time." he said looking radiant and down right beautiful. There was no way I was going to survive today.
* * *
It turned out I was a terrible skater, and Zack was trying to teach a lost cause, because seriously, I could barely stay on the board. The other skaters had cleared out a little while ago, since it had started getting colder again, and only Zack and I were left in the park. Realizing this, Zack closed the distance from where he'd been trying to direct my wobbling form and stopped a few inches from where I was wiggling across what was surely a cursed board; I'd have to let Alex know it was haunted and unusable, there was no way it was possible to be this crummy. I did my best to balance myself and peered down at the boy wondering what he wanted to try now, or of he was going to tell me how shitty I was at this and he could never like someone this awful at his passion. Maybe I was being a little dramatic.
"Jack I wanna try something different, um just don't freak out okay?" oh god, was he going to preform some kind of sacrificial ritual to make me a better skater? Why would I freak out? Instead of voicing my perhaps overzealous thoughts, I nodded my head in agreement and waited. Zack step around to the other side of me so he was facing my back and I only grew more confused, until he secured his hands on each of me hips, then my whole body felt like it was on fire. I was going to die, of course I was still pretty sure I was already dead. Zack stood statue still, waiting for me to freak out, and when I didn't he let out a breath, "is this okay then?" he asked timidly and I managed to squeak out an affirming "yeah."
"Good," he stated, squeezing his fingers lightly, leaving me tingly all over, "okay, I'm gonna guide you, I'll give you extra balance so you can't fall, I'll be like your training wheels."
Before I could reply we were moving, and I'd never felt more like child, what 17 year old needs to be guided along on a skate board? This one apparently. But I also couldn't care less because Zack was holding me, and I was trying my hardest to not just wrap my self around his built form. We moved around for a while and then I felt Zack's head come to rest against my back, causing my breath to hitch. He pulled back like lightning and I lost balance, falling backwards into him and toppling us onto the cold cement, and I was totally content to stay there for the rest of my life. After a moment I realized Zack was holding completely still like he was scared I would take off like a scared rabbit if he moved.
I moved to sit up and positioned myself so I was beside him, my legs bent under my chin as I looked down at him, marveling at the way he looked with the sunset reflecting off his skin. Zack stared back and we were quiet for a while before he spoke up, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, um, I guess I just got lost in the moment." he turned away and looked sadder than I'd ever seen him and it set of a pang in my chest.
"You didn't scare me," I told him immediately, "I just wasn't expecting it." I was quiet again, at a loss for what to say next, before I elected to just be direct about it, "do you like me Zack?"
I watched as his eyes widened and his mouth did the fish thing again, before he finally nodded and closed his eyes, still looking downhearted, "yeah," he breathed, "but that doesn't matter does it?"
"Why wouldn't that matter? Of course it matters." I voiced, growing confused, why did he think his feelings wouldn't matter to me?
"Well, it's not like I can do anything about it, you're dating Alex aren't you?" he turned his head back towards me his eyes big and melancholy, and I couldn't help but laugh.
I noticed he looked hurt so I explained myself "Dude. Me and Alex. Really?" I questioned, raising a brow.
"Wait, you mean you're not?" Zack sounded confused so I attempted to explain farther.
"No, dude. Alex has a girlfriend. You know, Lisa? That girl he's always making out with in the hallway?" I chuckled again and watched emotions play across Zack's face as he processed the information I just fed him.
Suddenly Zack shot up and grabbed my arms, "So, just to make this perfectly clear, you're single?"
I nodded and then spoke, "But wait, don't you have a girlfriend? That loud cheerleader that's always dangling from your arm?" I waited for his response, I needed answers too.
Now he laughed, "Tiffany? She wishes. And tries." he made a disgusted face a moment making us both laugh.
"So," I began, "does this mean we can make out, or have I read this conversation completely wrong?"
Instead of replying, Zack pulled me into his lap and crashed our lips together, but then my body had the nerve to shiver violently from the cold and Zack pulled us back apart, "Are you cold?" he asked running his hands up and down my arms.
"That depends," I said leaning closer and resting my head on his chest, "if I say yes will you come to my house and kiss me some more?"
Zack laughed and wrapped his arms around me for a moment, and then like the big jerk he is made me stand up so we could walk to his car, but at least we got to hold hands the whole time. Our hands stayed tangled together while we were driving, and I thought maybe this year for Valentine's Day I would do something different, or maybe I would make Zack be apart of my tradition, except with more making out. As I thought about this I remembered what Alex said earlier and fished out my phone with my free hand and sent him a thank you text. His replied arrived in seconds.
";)"
I smiled and shoved my phoned into my hoodie pocket, and then looked at Zack when he asked which directions to my house. I pointed to roads as they came and before long we were pulling into my drive way and met around the front of his car, "So I guess I should ask you if you want to be my boyfriend." Zack said with a smirk grabbing me around the waist and pulling me to him.
"Nah," I said straight faced, "I thought we could do the whole thing where we do couple things but deny it when people ask if we're dating." I returned Zack's smirk and then let out a noise of surprise as Zack lifted me off the ground.
"I guess I'll just have to hold you up here until you agree to date me." he said, watching my face.
I wrapped my arms and legs around him and set my forehead against his, "I guess I have no choice then. Yes Zack Merrick, I will be your boyfriend." he smiled widely and then we were kissing again. I really was lucky I had math first thing in the morning.