Puma

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FRIDAY - DAY TWO.
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You guys, lemme tell you that Tylenol with codine in it is absolutely nothing compared to morphine.

I laid awake in my tiny bed, underneath the white and blue covers. My neck was also sore from sleeping on one pillow. I shifted to my side, balling up the singular pillow to prop up my neck. My sleep medicine and Tylenol had worn off around one in the morning. It was now four and I was able to feel every thread of the sheets and pillow case poking into my skin.

Poop.

I had to lay completely still with my eyes shut, trying to ignore the pain. I bet when I was numb to the pain, I would sleep like a contortionist because I didn’t know the hell it would feel like when I was sober.

That was evident from the fact that my entire body was aching, like I had slept in the shape of a pretzel.

I inhaled slowly and let it out, slowly and let it out. I repeated the breathing process until I was startled awake to the sound of a set of feet scuffling on the tile floor.

My eyes snapped open and I stared at the barred window across from me. The space occupying the length between the window and I was empty.

I decided to blame the noise on my mind playing tricks on me - or maybe Skip getting up and taking himself to the washroom. Skip’s respirator still roared loudly. It could’ve been that. But I – okay, I knew that was footsteps.

A nurse. Definitely. Skip’s dying slowly but surely. They were checking on him.

I let my eyes glide shut only to pry them open at the nagging feeling that someone was standing behind me. And at the sound of feet shuffling again, I sat up quickly just in time to see a shadow at the foot of my bed.

It crouched down then bolted towards the door. A sliver of light appeared then shrunk as they sprinted out into the hallway, leaving the door partly open.

I stared wide-eyed before turning my bedside lamp on hastily.

What the actual fuck?

I leaned up against the headboard and clutched my blanket under my chin, doing a double-take on Skip’s bed to find him sound asleep, oblivious to his breathing apparatus and the dilemma that just happened.

I knew someone had been in here. I just wish I knew who it was and for how long.

I stared at the ajar door, hesitating prior to hopping up quickly from the bed to grab the door handle. I poked my head out into the dimly lit hallway, looking to my right. I heard the faint sound of snoring and saw a nurse slouching in a swivel chair behind the counter of the nurse’s station. She was asleep. Definitely didn’t see who came running out of my room, me or her.

My head snapped to my left at a door clicking shut. I couldn’t tell which door it was.

I stepped back and slowly closed the door, the room returning to almost utter darkness. Feeling the door latch for a lock, I frowned when I couldn’t find one. I dashed back to my bed and hid under the blankets, leaving my lamp on.

Great. Someone’s being a straight-up creep and I can’t keep them out by locking the door.

This better not happen ever again.

I stayed wake and alert until 6:45 a.m. rolled around and I was startled by the door being creaked open by a nurse.

“Tyler? Tyler Williams?” she asked routinely. I pulled my head up to gulp in some fresh air, mumbling to her that I was awake. She whispered to me to wake Skip up before dunking out of the door.

I sluggishly got up and went over to stand at the side of Skip’s bed. I pondered on how she expected me to wake him up – I don’t think anyone would react kindly to me unhooking his respiratory – and went with poking him repeatedly against the forehead.

That did not work one bit.

I thought back to yesterday and how Nurse Debra woke him.

I brought my hands in front of his drooling face and slapped my palms together loudly. My hands tingled but it wasn't for nothing. Seconds later, Skip blinked awake and yawned. He removed his breathing mask and smiled at me.

“My Angel! Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes!”

Nurse Debra swished in moments later to help Skip up from his bed, saying to me that I could go on down to the main nurse’s office for my morning vitals.

I slouched my way to an empty chair and sat down. I was soon joined by ratchet blonde chick and, uh, the others I never got the names of. I was the first one called in. Head Nurse Jackie checked me for any new scars, changed my bandages, weighed me and checked my blood pressure and heart rate before telling me to have a good day and to eat.

I walked out a bit disappointed that my weight had only dropped .4 pounds.

Back in my room, I headed straight for the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. My skin was slightly greasy and pale. Under my eyes were dark circles forming. My hair was a big mess, and I wondered how Carter could even muster up an attraction towards me at all. He’s seeing me at my absolute worse.

I wondered how anyone could ever like me. I'm gross as shit. Personality-wise and as a human potato - I mean, appearance-wise.

I ran back out of the room momentarily to ask a nurse at the station if I could take a shower. She and a few other nurses followed me back to my room with a couple large buckets filled with water. One by one, they were dumped into the tub.

I thanked the nurses, watching them scamper out of the bathroom. One stayed. She told me I had to be supervised to make sure I didn’t try to drown myself or some shit like that. She waited on the other side of the door for me to undress and sit in the tub.

I felt like a child. I always had to be watched and told what to do here. It’s ridiculous. I knew it could be worse. I thought of the second season of American Horror Story: Asylum. They could be treating me like that.

It was still like that in some mental hospitals - apparently. I'm just going by what I've heard.

I really was in one of the nicer facilities. I got lucky.

The nurse (whose name I learned was Katie) flipped through a magazine until I was done bathing. I dried off and changed into a different set of clothes for the day. Jeans and a long sleeve shirt. The blue slippers I shimmied into made me look like such a chill, sleepy badass.

I handed Nurse Katie my old clothes I wore the day before and my scrubs I wore to bed.

After brushing my teeth and drying my hair, I had to go back to see Nurse Jackie so she could re-bandage my arms and neck.

Scratching at the tape that held the bandages to my neck, I exited to find my usual eating group waiting outside the elevator at the time I had expected - around 8:15. I snaked in with them and was guided down to the dinning room by the one, the only *drum roll* Debra.

I went through the line with Skip and five dollars in my possession. Today for breakfast was pancakes. It could always be that. This was my first breakfast here after all. I snatched a peanut butter biscuit for Skip yet again and followed him to our normal table.

I spotted Carter sitting at his table, eating his breakfast slowly. He stared intensely at his food as he appeared to be in thought. He never once glanced up to look at me during our morning meal. He seemed very distant and in his head. He didn’t even bother to make an appearance when I had gotten up to grab Skip a Jell-O.

It was a good thing I had money left over, because Carter wouldn’t have been there to pay for me.

It was weird. Really weird. Must be just one of those days.

I tried to keep the pesky suspicion that maybe the reason he was so distant right now was because he was the creep who snuck into my room this morning. He got caught and now felt guilty or uncomfortable.

No. I suppressed the thought. He wouldn’t do that, right?

‘You’re pretty cute when you sleep. I might stop by more often now.’

It was a joke. It didn’t mean anything.

I focused on my pancakes, but couldn’t get myself to eat more than half of them. I downed my water and sat in silence until breakfast was announced as over.

We were taken back upstairs, everyone branching off to go their desired locations. Ratchet blonde chick was accompanied by a different nurse and not allowed to go to her room.

Before Cassie walked off, I asked her, “What’s up with that?”

She followed my gaze and watched the blonde girl being led into the nurse’s office. “Who, Lily? I heard, after every meal, she’s goes into her room and pukes. Her roommate walked in after dinner last night and snitched on her. It’s all pretty dumb, if you ask me, ‘cause now she’s gonna be put one-on-one with a nurse three times a day. But like I said, that’s just what I heard.”

Cassie shrugged before going to sit on the couch in the community lounge.

That’s sad. Being snitched on by your roommate must suck, especially when it backfires like that.

I started to head for my room. That bottle of water I drank in five minutes was weighing down my bladder. Gotta empty the tank.

Inches before grabbing my room’s door handle, a nurse stopped me.

“Excuse me, honey, but you’re not allowed in your rooms after meals.”

That must be a new rule, because I was able to all day yesterday.

“Oh. I have to pee.”

“Well, try to hold it for fifteen more minutes. You can hang out in the ‘living room’ til then.”

I huffed out a sigh, but did as she said. Passing through the archway, I heard muffled crying coming from the nurse’s office. It had to be Lily. I tried to ignore her and continue into the lounge. Patients were everywhere. Some watched TV, either sitting on the couch, chairs or laid out on the floor. Others were sitting at the tables drawing, reading or talking.

I looked for something I could do. I wanted to go get a book from my room, but that was off limits. I relaxed at the sight of Hunter sitting over at a table, flicking through a colouring book.

I set my walk to her, pulling a chair out from next to her to sit in. She smiled at me nicely.

“Hi, Tyler.”

I tipped her a nod. “Hunter. Whatcha doin’?”

“Oh.” She moved her arm out of the way for me to glance at the pages in front of her. The drawing was already coloured, as was the one on the next page. She said, “Admiring the works of art. They’re all coloured in, so I’m just looking.”

I nodded in understanding, leaning my jaw onto the palm of my hand.

“Fun. I was gonna sleep right now, but ‘that’s not allowed anymore.’”

“Because of what that girl did, right? Poor thing. Worse that everyone knows now.”

I hadn’t thought of that, so I frowned.

“Right. It must be terrible.” I looked around the room and found Carter at one of the tables by the windows. He sat incorrectly in the chair, arm over the back of the chair. I asked Hunter, “Why isn’t he over here?”

She looked where I was looking and shrugged. “I don’t know. Sometimes he just likes to think - I've noticed that. Might not be upset, but just likes to think, you know? Be by himself for a bit.”

“Yeah.” Hunter grabbed a purple/pink-ish crayon from the pile scattered on the table and began outlining Princess Aurora’s dress. I had the urge to tell her about what had happened this morning when I had first woke up, the person in my room, but I was afraid she – I don’t know, would say some things that might lead me to believe it was Carter. Still, I wanted to tell someone about it and Hunter was my friend now.

“This is kind of crazy,” I said, sitting up straight, fidgeting with my fingers. Hunter glanced up.

“What is?”

“Well, I woke up last night at, like, one in the morning and I heard someone in my room, so I sat up and I saw this shadow at the foot of my bed.”

“No,” she said in disbelief.

“Yeah,” I confirmed in the same tone. “As soon as I saw them, they ran out the door. I got up to see if I could catch them, but they were gone. It was horrifying.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t a nurse? Apparently they check on patients in the middle of the night.”

I considered her suggestion, but shook my head. I contoured, “Maybe, but why would they boot it when I see them? Wouldn’t they just be like, ‘Hey, don’t freak out. Just doing a room check’?”

She scrunched her mouth and shrugged thoughtfully.

“True,” she said. “I’ve heard that there are some patients that do weird stuff like that. They’re, like, homicidal or something like that, and they’re totally peeping toms.”

“Oh, great. Thanks.”

“I’m just saying,” she laughed. “Maybe you’re got a stalker.”

“Maybe.” I was now feeling paranoid thanks to Hunter. A homicidal stalker. Just great. I sighed, looking for Carter again, but he was gone. “Where’s Carter gone?” Hunter took a glimpse at where he was seconds ago.

“Probably out smoking. He does that, too, after he’s done thinking - to go think some more.”

“Did he ever tell you why he’s here?”

“Nope.” She shook her head. “I didn’t want to bug him about it. Obviously it must not be a good reason, so I never asked.”

“Good point. It’ll probably come up soon.”

“Probably.” She picked up a yellow crayon to trace Princess Aurora’s hair, but stopped, asking me with a laugh, “Wait. You mean you don’t know?”

“Why would I?”

“Well, aren’t you dating? He hasn’t told you?”

“We’re not dating,” I said in a ‘derr’ voice. “He’s just - ”

“In love with you?” she teased, wiggling her brows at me. I gave her a look and she laughed. “Hey, maybe he’s your stalker.”

“Thank, Hunter. You always know just what to say.”

“Just trying to help you get to the bottom of this.”

“Uh-huh.”

I sat with Hunter for a little while longer until I got bored of other people’s artwork and reruns of Happy Days. I stood up from the chair and stretched with my arms over my head. “I’m gonna head down to the nurse’s station,” I informed her, stepping back to push in the chair. “Maybe get a job, so I can pay for my own lunch. I’ll see ya later, a‘right?”

I bent down to give Hunter a quick hug. She was fragile girl. Very adorable. But she was sad and needed hugs. I doubt she was going to tell me anytime soon why she was here. I’ll reassure her that I’m kind of maybe a bit trustworthy until she does.

Hunter laughed out an, “Alright. Later, Tyler.”

I sing-songed another goodbye to her and walked out to the hallway, stopping at the nurse’s station. Nurse Joy and Debra sat behind the desk, flipping through People magazines. When I leaned up against the counter, they both looked up.

“How may I help you, Tyler?” Joy asked sweetly. “Coffee? Answers?” I almost jumped on the offer of coffee, but remembered my bladder, and shook my head.

“Actually, I would like to apply for a little job to do around here. I need some money for food.”

“That’s just fine. Do you have any preferences? We need assistance with a lot.”

“Not really. Just whatever you’ve got.”

She looked back at Debra. Debra answered, “You can do room checks; if you show you’re responsible enough, you can act as a nurse and take people down to the cafeteria, or the pool and such. What else is there, Joy? I’m drawing a blank.”

I watched them laugh at the ‘irony’ and then trade job titles back and forth. I stopped listening when the lift chimed and its doors opened. None other than Carter waltzed out with Nurse something at his side.

To my surprise, upon seeing me, he smiled and came over to lean up against the counter. He let his elbow touch mine.

“Tyler,” he greeted, smirking slightly.

I acknowledged him like I did Hunter. I tipped him a nod.

“Carter.”

“What are you up to?” Carter asked, looking between me and the nurses.

“Looking for a job, so I don’t have to bug you anymore.”

“About time. Any ideas?”

“Not yet,” I said pouting, looking at Joy and Debra as they continued to coming up ideas.

“May I suggest one?” he asked smiling.

“No.”

“Oh, come on! What, don’t want to work with me?”

“Basically. Besides,” I said, leaning to stare at the cloud of coffee grounds forming at the bottom of the pot, “I talked to my psychiatrist and she said I could work for her, so.”

“Forget her?”

“Carter -”

“I’m just saying. It’s just so boring -”

I interjected with a laugh. “If it’s so boring why would I want to do that?”

“ – working all alone,” he finished.

“So you just want me to work with you so you’re not ‘bored and alone?’” I shook my head. “Thanks for the suggestion, but no thanks.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“You’re so stubborn,” he scowled at me teasingly. “Just work with me.”

“Can’t.”

“And why not?”

“Don’t want to.”

“You know,” Debra cut in. “that’s not such a bad idea. Work with him. We’re dispatching a lot of patients recently and getting new ones almost every day. The room services are falling behind.”

I began to protest at the sight of Carter’s smug smirk.

“But I -”

“That’s a smart idea, Carter,” Debra said smiling. “Why don’t you start – say – tomorrow?” I was about to object again when Joy struck gold in my brain.

“Five bucks per room,” she bargained. “Three rooms and you’ve got yourself enough money for an entire day’s worth of meals. Maybe two depending on how you spend it.”

“That’s a pretty good deal,” said Debra.

“Mighty fine,” Carter smiled. I looked at him, holding back my glare and then at Joy and Debra.

Five bucks. I didn’t stop to think how many rooms a day we’d need to clean out. I thought about food that I botched out on eating err’yday and the amount of times I’ve bought Skip Jell-O and biscuits. This way I could have enough money to buy my own food and spend the other five that Debra gives us on him.

My face’s expression turned into one of deep concentration and err-body looked at each other with brows raised. I noticed and snapped out of it, clearing my throat, reluctantly nodding.

“Yeah, alright. Why not?”

“Great!” Debra exclaimed. “You can start tomorrow morning. Meet up with Carter after breakfast and just ask if we need any rooms to be cleaned.”

I flinched slightly when Carter swung his arm over my shoulder and smirked.

“Can’t wait, buddy.”

I shook his hand off and backed away. “Yeah, well, I can’t wait to use the loo. My bladder’s about to explode.”

Joy checked the clock hanging up outside Nurse Jackie’s office.

“Breakfast is officially over. You may return to your rooms now.”

“Thank you.” I pushed a smile at them and Carter before I sprinted towards my closed door, flinging it open. I ran into the bathroom and peeeeeeed.

Ahh. Feelin’ good now.

I zipped up and dropped down onto my bed.

Damn him. Again. I was so close to getting a job that he wasn’t working. So close.

Gahhhh.

The time right now was only nine. Nothing was expected to happen until twelve-ish. I was gonna nap til then. Skip eventually was brought in and we exchanged pick-up lines in between mutual naps until lunch rolled around.

The rest of the day was repetitive, almost an exact copy of yesterday, including group therapy. Besides Hunter, Carter and I sitting next to each other, Mr. Von Matterhorn continued to push Hunter and me into participating, but neither of us budged. He went on to ask Carter if he was ‘improving.’

The received answer was vague as he glanced at me and refused to give any insight into his illness.

Lorenzo let it go and moved onto the next volunteer, soon running out, dismissing us seconds later. We were paraded back upstairs. Hunter and Carter followed me into the lounge where we talked until Nurse Joy came in to get me for therapy.

I shadowed her out into the hallway, stopping short when she headed for an ‘Emergency Exit’ marked door that I assumed led to a flight of stairs. I shifted my eyes between her and the lift.

“Uh.”

Flicking out a set of keys, she paused to look back at me, explaining.

“The elevator got stuck halfway in between the lobby and the first floor. Thankfully, no one was in it, but they’re working to get it fixed real soon. It should be ready when you’re done with your session with Dr. Kasler. For now, we’re to use the stairs.”

For some reason, I was reminded of New York and how that horrible, horrible woman had said to me that we were going a short cut then made me really sad. I gave Joy a cautious look but told myself to get over it.

If she does try anything, it’s been four years. I’ve been working on my scream.

Shrugging, I said, “Ah.” I waited for her to unlock the door, creaking it open. The instant we stepped in, we froze at the muffled sounds of one or two moans. Joy’s face matched my bewildered expression as she looked at me.

She whispered to me, “Is someone down here?”

“I reckon so.”

Joy gestured for me to shuffle out of the way so she could slowly close the door.

She brought her index finger up and pushed it against her lips. “Stay here,” she instructed quietly. Hell no. If two people are getting jiggy with it, I want to see their reactions to getting caught.

Plus, I’m like a fifteen year old boy on the inside when it comes to sex. You can’t not look at it. It’s fascinating. That’s why porn is a thing.

On that note, I dropped my guard and bluntly tailgated Joy as she steadily made her way down the flight of stairs in search of the noise. Only making it two steps down, I accidentally bumped into Joy, causing her to jump.

“Sorry,” I apologised in a hushed tone.

“What are you doing? I told you to stay back.”

“Yeah, right. Go.” She stood still, motioning for me to wait at the top of the stairs, so I pushed her to walk on. After an inaudible sigh from Joy, we halted when several more sighs and moans fluttered through the stairwell and someone’s belt or something or other clanked against the railing.

I shoved Joy again and she finally moved forward. We had to descend a staircase and a half before reaching the two lovebirds.

That guy with dreads and Barbie doll – I mean, Jess were legit fucking on one of the platforms between each staircase.

They ripped away from each other when Joy gasped loudly and I asked sarcastically, “Are they allowed to be doing that?” We both seemed to notice at the same time that neither of them had pants on. Protecting the sacred innocence, I cupped my hand over Joy’s eyes and hooked an arm around her waist, fleeing with her away from the mongrels.

“Shield your eyes, Joy! Don’t look! I don’t know which door to go through!”

I picked the next one we came in contact with and flung ourselves out of it - after screaming at Joy to frantically unlock it.

I let go of Joy and took a look around, almost instantly spotting the name plate that read: DR. CATHLEEN KASLER PhD/MD.

Oh. Right floor.

“What are you doing?” Joy hissed. “I have to deal with them.”

“They were just having sex, not making bombs.”

She placed her hands on her hips and said like she was reading off a pamphlet, “Rule number *makes up number*: ‘No physical contact with other patients.’ They’re breaking rules.”

I was then reminded that I really couldn’t give two fucks about what happened to them and shrugged indifferently.

“Well, whatever. Good luck with that. Later.” I departed from Nurse Joy, slumping to my psychiatrist’s door where another mundane session took place. I complained to her about being off morphine and getting a job. The thirty minutes went by and I was taken back upstairs with Joy by means of stairs. The lift was still broken, so blah.

Speaking of things being broken, Carter and I may have put our hands very close together during the film we watched during recreational therapy.

Breakin’ da law, breakin’ da law – those enforced by the hospital and Bible.

The film being showed was The Lovely Bones. I’ve seen it probs two times since it came out eighty-four years ago and read the first page of the book when I was at the bookstore, like, three years ago.

If you haven’t seen The Lovely Bones yet, I won’t go too far into detai - or into any detail at all. George Harvey is a creep. That's basically it. We got scolded at by the nurse for voicing our disgust multile times during the film.

When I was younger and I saw this movie, that part didn't really register to me. I just thought he was being weird. That was it. I didn't get that he not only killed her, but probably raped her before.

Oh, great. Now I felt ill.

Near the end of the film, Mr. Harvey got his, uh, 'comeuppances' by taking part in dropping that thun thun thun as he tumbled down the side of the hill. The whole room erupted with laughter, Carter and I being the loudest.

I got high hopes for this kid now. We’re both fucked up mentally.

But, I mean it was a good movie.The Lovely Bones. Check it out. I really recommend it. It’s awesome - but, uh, don't really think it's the type of movie they should be showing in a mental hospital. I mean, murder and rape?

Major PTSD. All I'm sayin'.

Do you guys think this is what it would’ve been like yesterday if I had chosen to join Hunter and Carter for the film instead of sleeping? I don’t hate Carter as much as I used to - or whatever the hell I felt towards him before was gradually being replaced by tolerance.

He has rough hands, tho. I noticed that every time he would cover my mouth when I started thinking out loud or made comments on the film. They also had that distinct smell of cigarette smoke to them, which made me crave a cigarette real bad.

I secretly hoped that Carter was one of the very few whose mouth wasn’t drenched with saliva after he smoked. I knew this chica who was a little bit of my girlfriend in, like, some year of high school. Every time she smoked cigarettes, all the spit in the world seem to be in her mouth. And she’d always try to kiss me, like…no. stop.

Or that might have just been because she apparently didn’t know how to swallow.

Hah. jk. She knew how to swallow, if ya know what I’m sayin’, hey-oh.

...Yeah, so I went back to my room after the film and am now laying on my bed in wait to see if Ally would come by today. (Spoiler alert: she does not.)

Hunter and Carter tried to blah, blah, blah, but no. You know what, I’m going to bed.

Good night, even though it’s three in the arvo. (That’s Australian for afternoon. Enjoy some slang. My sister’s not here so I can’t use it on her.)

Speaking of sister, I missed her too. No one was coming to visit me. What the hecky Padalecki.

I easily fall asleep after mumbling “Them bitches,” to myself.

Eh. The rest of the day was, as I had said, mundane and routine. I was awoken around five for dinner. That was boring; Carter yet again made no effort to flirt with me, ugh. I came back to my room and slept til night med time, then blacked out on sleeping pills.

What a new interesting life I led now, right?