I'm Not Insane
I'm Not Insane
Six Months Later—
"Come on Constance, you have to open up," Valerie Carlyle the nursing aid cooed as she held a small cup of water in my face and a plastic pill bottle that held two pills the color of pee in it.
"Right," I mumbled barely auditable as I grabbed both cups harshly from her and downed them both.
Anxiety pills. Anti-depressants. Muscle relaxers.
Basically, I don't have to put up with you if you take this pills, and they gave them to me twice a day, nine in the morning and nine at night. "Good girl Constance," she cooed again as I walked away, I felt like a zombie most days here, here would happen to be Cutler Mental Hospital.
"Shove it up you're piehole lady," I murmured as I grabbed hold of a pillow from the couch and sat down with it over my stomach, my arms latched around it. Ever since that day of telling Cordelia, I haven't told a soul about it again. No one would have believed me even if I did, just upped my crazy pills and told me to lie down and take a nap. That was the basic schedule around Cutler's Hospital, take you're medicine, lie down. Eat breakfast, nap. Eat lunch, use the bathroom, and lie down. Eat dinner, eat dessert, go to sleep. There was no in between living in hell.
The worst part, was the treatments if you didn't behave or showed signs of getting worse, I hadn't had one yet because I stayed quiet, accepted my medicines without protest, smiled when needed and talked when talked to. It was life now; there was no happiness, not since six months ago, not since my grandfather was alive. "Constance Tantos?" the male attendee asked walking over to me, I looked up at him silently. Watching as his red hair lightly swayed when he walked and how his green eyes brightened, or how the white classic crazy house helpers uniform fit him well. "I've been asked to show you to you're new room on fifth floor, they need yours for a new patient, and you'll be in a bedroom by yourself."
That's like heaven in a place like hell, contradicts the whole matter with the help of the help. At least he was polite about it, I just wished everyone would stop talking to me like I'm actually mentally unable to talk, or listen. I'm classified borderline crazy, not stupid. "Show me where Scotty," I mumbled as I stood up and sat the pillow back down, I hated what they made you wear in this place, sweatpants and sweatshirts for winter, tank tops of white and blue elastic shorts for summer, it was winter now. And I was stuck in a white sweatshirt that was severely stained, but who in the hell cares. Literally. And the black sweatpants weren't any better, whoever done laundry went on overkill with the bleach.
"My name's Daniel," he smiled after figuring out I could communicate without sounding like a wounded animal or drooling all over myself. "Don't worry Miss Tantos; fifth floor is better than first."
"So I've heard," I mumbled, I truly was happy that I wasn't stuck in a twenty by twenty foot room that was made out of cement blocks painted white and a steel door. That made even the smallest space loving people cringe, the lack of oxygen after the doors close is pretty pitiful, and no wonder most people go crazy on first floor.
"Well, come with me. All you're belongings have been put in you're new room, room 125 to the left," he explained as he pushed the up bottom for the elevator. "I will warn you, the people up there are slightly crazier than down here, they like to be loud."
"I can deal," I droned looking at the closing door after we walked in, he sighed patiently after I stopped all conversation, it wasn't something I was good at. Never have been, never will be.
"Here we are," his voice was cheery, and overly used. It was like a well rehearsed line in Broadway, ones where people stand up and leave because it's so painfully pathetic. I wanted to slap the fake smile off his face, but knew he didn't mean it, it was his job and he had to. Probably not what he wanted too though, we walked towards the left down a white painted cement block hallway until we reached a white painted door that had no bars and defiantly wasn't steel, big upgrade. "Come on in Miss Tantos and get situated, if you feel like making new friends walk down the hall to the right where there is an entertainment room full of board games and a TV set."
"Yeah thanks," I set my jaw and looked away from him as I walked into the door, I heard him walk away as I looked around the spacious room. Two beds could fit the room, one on each side of the room if needed, but only one on the left, metal of course with two bedside dressers on each side and plain white walls of wood. "Well, its better."
I blinked away the tears that threatened to fall, I hadn't cried in a long time and I wasn't going to start again. I just wished maybe that I could and not get caught and shocked with the electrical technique they provided for their crazies here atCutler Hell. I looked away from the room and exited through the same door I entered through, I took the Daniel or David guys' advice and went down the right hallway, after walking past the elevators I reached a room big as the entertainment room on the first floor, but filled with more people. "Can I help you?" A male attendee with blondish brown hair lightly bouncing when he walked from the nurses desk, his blue eyes shined amazingly, and the white classic crazy house helpers uniform fit him perfectly unlike David.
"I'm Constance Tantos," I relived those lyrics like a song I once knew. "I was transferred from first floor."
"I'm Thomas Kincaid, I'll be you're attendee," he held his hand out; it stunned me how he treated me normal, so much that it took me a minute to function back.
"It's nice to meet you Thomas," I whispered and then froze.
Once again a vision fogged my sight and faded everything out, it was the same vision I have seen ever since my grandfather's funeral where there is a girl in a white room with a white straightjacket screaming Tommy but this time, there was more. The girl was crying and said You said you wouldn't let them hurt me and then slowly, it faded away and Thomas stood there staring at me. "Are you okay Constance?"
"Come on Constance, you have to open up," Valerie Carlyle the nursing aid cooed as she held a small cup of water in my face and a plastic pill bottle that held two pills the color of pee in it.
"Right," I mumbled barely auditable as I grabbed both cups harshly from her and downed them both.
Anxiety pills. Anti-depressants. Muscle relaxers.
Basically, I don't have to put up with you if you take this pills, and they gave them to me twice a day, nine in the morning and nine at night. "Good girl Constance," she cooed again as I walked away, I felt like a zombie most days here, here would happen to be Cutler Mental Hospital.
"Shove it up you're piehole lady," I murmured as I grabbed hold of a pillow from the couch and sat down with it over my stomach, my arms latched around it. Ever since that day of telling Cordelia, I haven't told a soul about it again. No one would have believed me even if I did, just upped my crazy pills and told me to lie down and take a nap. That was the basic schedule around Cutler's Hospital, take you're medicine, lie down. Eat breakfast, nap. Eat lunch, use the bathroom, and lie down. Eat dinner, eat dessert, go to sleep. There was no in between living in hell.
The worst part, was the treatments if you didn't behave or showed signs of getting worse, I hadn't had one yet because I stayed quiet, accepted my medicines without protest, smiled when needed and talked when talked to. It was life now; there was no happiness, not since six months ago, not since my grandfather was alive. "Constance Tantos?" the male attendee asked walking over to me, I looked up at him silently. Watching as his red hair lightly swayed when he walked and how his green eyes brightened, or how the white classic crazy house helpers uniform fit him well. "I've been asked to show you to you're new room on fifth floor, they need yours for a new patient, and you'll be in a bedroom by yourself."
That's like heaven in a place like hell, contradicts the whole matter with the help of the help. At least he was polite about it, I just wished everyone would stop talking to me like I'm actually mentally unable to talk, or listen. I'm classified borderline crazy, not stupid. "Show me where Scotty," I mumbled as I stood up and sat the pillow back down, I hated what they made you wear in this place, sweatpants and sweatshirts for winter, tank tops of white and blue elastic shorts for summer, it was winter now. And I was stuck in a white sweatshirt that was severely stained, but who in the hell cares. Literally. And the black sweatpants weren't any better, whoever done laundry went on overkill with the bleach.
"My name's Daniel," he smiled after figuring out I could communicate without sounding like a wounded animal or drooling all over myself. "Don't worry Miss Tantos; fifth floor is better than first."
"So I've heard," I mumbled, I truly was happy that I wasn't stuck in a twenty by twenty foot room that was made out of cement blocks painted white and a steel door. That made even the smallest space loving people cringe, the lack of oxygen after the doors close is pretty pitiful, and no wonder most people go crazy on first floor.
"Well, come with me. All you're belongings have been put in you're new room, room 125 to the left," he explained as he pushed the up bottom for the elevator. "I will warn you, the people up there are slightly crazier than down here, they like to be loud."
"I can deal," I droned looking at the closing door after we walked in, he sighed patiently after I stopped all conversation, it wasn't something I was good at. Never have been, never will be.
"Here we are," his voice was cheery, and overly used. It was like a well rehearsed line in Broadway, ones where people stand up and leave because it's so painfully pathetic. I wanted to slap the fake smile off his face, but knew he didn't mean it, it was his job and he had to. Probably not what he wanted too though, we walked towards the left down a white painted cement block hallway until we reached a white painted door that had no bars and defiantly wasn't steel, big upgrade. "Come on in Miss Tantos and get situated, if you feel like making new friends walk down the hall to the right where there is an entertainment room full of board games and a TV set."
"Yeah thanks," I set my jaw and looked away from him as I walked into the door, I heard him walk away as I looked around the spacious room. Two beds could fit the room, one on each side of the room if needed, but only one on the left, metal of course with two bedside dressers on each side and plain white walls of wood. "Well, its better."
I blinked away the tears that threatened to fall, I hadn't cried in a long time and I wasn't going to start again. I just wished maybe that I could and not get caught and shocked with the electrical technique they provided for their crazies here atCutler Hell. I looked away from the room and exited through the same door I entered through, I took the Daniel or David guys' advice and went down the right hallway, after walking past the elevators I reached a room big as the entertainment room on the first floor, but filled with more people. "Can I help you?" A male attendee with blondish brown hair lightly bouncing when he walked from the nurses desk, his blue eyes shined amazingly, and the white classic crazy house helpers uniform fit him perfectly unlike David.
"I'm Constance Tantos," I relived those lyrics like a song I once knew. "I was transferred from first floor."
"I'm Thomas Kincaid, I'll be you're attendee," he held his hand out; it stunned me how he treated me normal, so much that it took me a minute to function back.
"It's nice to meet you Thomas," I whispered and then froze.
Once again a vision fogged my sight and faded everything out, it was the same vision I have seen ever since my grandfather's funeral where there is a girl in a white room with a white straightjacket screaming Tommy but this time, there was more. The girl was crying and said You said you wouldn't let them hurt me and then slowly, it faded away and Thomas stood there staring at me. "Are you okay Constance?"
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