Fake Smiles and Shaking Hands
Protection
(a few weeks later)
Me and Alex have grown quite close.
And I can tell Rian doesn't like it at all.
'Jack!' Alex says happily when I walk over to the bike sheds,
'Hey buddy.' I smile, ruffling his hair as I sit down, 'hey lovebirds.' I wink at Zack and Rian and Zack chuckles but Rian just glares at me,
'Uh, Jack can we go have a word privately?' Alex sighs and I nod, he stands up and helps me up, we walk away from the bike sheds and Alex sighs, 'I'm so fucking sorry about him.' he sighs,
'Its fine Alex. I'm used to being treated like I'm not there.' I shrug,
'No it's not. It's stupid. I know he's trying to protect me but you wouldn't hurt me... You wouldn't hurt me... Would you?' he says quickly, looking up at me with wide eyes,
'Never.' I whisper and he smiles,
'Exactly. So I don't get why he's being such a dick.' he says quietly,
'He just cares about you Lex.' I sigh,
'I know but it's annoying! It's not like I'm his kid. I can look after myself.' he says defensively,
'Can you Alex? Can you really?' I say softly and he looks at me with scared eyes,
'No.' he whimpers,
'Hey, it's okay. That's why you have Rian and Zack, Lex.' I whisper,
'And you.' he smiles and wraps his arms around my torso, I smile and wrap my arms around his shoulders and rest my chin on his head, 'you're far too skinny.' he whispers,
'Leave it.' I sigh and he nods against my chest.
(later on)
From: Rian (16:38): I don't know what game you're playing at but if you hurt Alex I will personally kill you
To: Rian (16:39): for gods sake Rian. I'm not going to hurt him! Sure, I've only known him a few weeks but we are friends. You don't need to be so protective, it annoys him
From: Rian (16:41): I'm sorry... I just care about him. I take it you know about everything? x
To: Rian (16:42): anxiety-wise? I think so... x
From: Rian (16:43): okay maybe you don't. He'll tell you everything when he's ready, I'm sure x
To: Rian (16:44): okay. That's understandable. I do care about him Rian and I won't hurt him x
From: Rian (16:45): you better fuckin not x
(a week later)
To: Alex (17:56): hey, you okay? x
From: Alex (17:57): no, I'm home alone and scared x
To: Alex (17:58): do you want to come round mine? It's just me x
From: Alex (17:59): yes please xx
To: Alex (18:00): do you need picking up? x
From: Alex (18:01): I'll walk, fresh air will calm me down x
To: Alex (18:02): okay bud, you know where you're going, right? x
From: Alex (18:03): yeah xx
-
'Hey, you okay?' I ask when I open the door and Alex wraps his arms around my waist and I hug him gently, 'it's okay. You aren't alone now.' I whisper and he nods against my chest, 'let's go upstairs.' I sigh and pull him inside carefully.
-
'Here.' I say softly, handing Alex a plate with pancakes on,
'Thank you.' he grins, I smile and sit back down on my bed with him,
'Jack, you promised you'd have some.' he sighs,
'Im not hungry.' I shrug,
'Jacky... Please.' he whispers, offering me a small fork-full of syrupy pancake,
'I hate you.' I breathe and lean forward and eat it,
'Y-you hate me?' he asks,
'Oh no, no Alex, I don't, I was only joking.' I whisper, rubbing his arm gently,
'Oh okay. Good.' he smiles.
'Sorry, I should really choose my words more wisely.' I say softly,
'I'm sorry I'm so paranoid.' he sighs,
'Dont apologise buddy.' I smile at him.
-
I watch as Alex gets up and walks over to my dressing table,
'Sorry but your CDs are driving me insane.' he chuckles and starts straightening my CD collection,
'Its fine.' I smile, watching him rearrange everything so it's neat, I chuckle as he completely moves everything so it's in order and neat. He picks up a CD and then goes rigid, 'Alex?' I ask and he turns, a small piece of metal between his fingers, my eyes go wide, I left a blade out. He drops it on the counter and starts breathing heavily, learning against the dressing table, 'Alex, Alex please calm down.' I beg and he rushes over and climbs onto my bed before wrapping his arms around my shoulders and kissing my hair repeatedly, I wrap my arms loosely around his waist and sigh,
'Jack, you can't do this to yourself, please, you are far too perfect.' He whimpers, still kissing my hair,
'I am not perfect Alexander. I am fucked up. Fat. Ugly. Completely unlovable. Not even my own mother loves me Alex. I'm not perfect.' I whisper,
'You are perfect to me Jack. I've never met someone, other than Ri and Z that I feel so comfortable around. I can't risk losing you.' he says softly, hugging me tightly,
'I'm not gonna go anywhere Lex.' I sigh,
'You say that.' he says, pulling away, 'I said that too when I started, but I still tried.' he says softly, pulling his sleeve up and showing me some scars and a large scar over his veins,
'Alex!' I gasp,
'It's okay. I'm a year and a half clean. But I'm just proving a point. You might say you don't want to die, but things get to a point where you can't take it anymore.' he says slowly,
'You're staying very calm. I'm proud of you.' I whisper,
'I'm doing it for you. I need you to get through this Jacky, please.' He breathes,
'Okay, I'll try to stop. But only for you.' I say softly,
'Promise me.' he whispers, holding his pinkie up, I wrap mine around his and he kisses mine softly,
'I promise.' I whisper.
-
'That's my mum.' Alex mumbles, getting his phone out his pocket, 'Hey Ma... Yeah I'm fine, I'm at a friends, no, neither, I'm at Jacks. Don't you remember, I met him a few weeks ago, he's one of my best friends now-' I smile at that, '-Yeah, Im fine... Last one was yesterday... Uh, yeah, probably, if it's okay with him. Okay, I love you too mama, bye.' he hangs up and smiles at me,
'You're cute when you talk to your mum. If whats okay with who?' I ask,
'If its okay with you if I stay round?' he says sheepishly,
'That's fine Lex, of course it's okay with me.' I smile, he smiles back and lies down with his head on my thigh,
'Hi.' he giggles,
'Youre adorable.' I smile and pet his head,
'You're perfect.' he shrugs and I sigh quietly.
Me and Alex have grown quite close.
And I can tell Rian doesn't like it at all.
'Jack!' Alex says happily when I walk over to the bike sheds,
'Hey buddy.' I smile, ruffling his hair as I sit down, 'hey lovebirds.' I wink at Zack and Rian and Zack chuckles but Rian just glares at me,
'Uh, Jack can we go have a word privately?' Alex sighs and I nod, he stands up and helps me up, we walk away from the bike sheds and Alex sighs, 'I'm so fucking sorry about him.' he sighs,
'Its fine Alex. I'm used to being treated like I'm not there.' I shrug,
'No it's not. It's stupid. I know he's trying to protect me but you wouldn't hurt me... You wouldn't hurt me... Would you?' he says quickly, looking up at me with wide eyes,
'Never.' I whisper and he smiles,
'Exactly. So I don't get why he's being such a dick.' he says quietly,
'He just cares about you Lex.' I sigh,
'I know but it's annoying! It's not like I'm his kid. I can look after myself.' he says defensively,
'Can you Alex? Can you really?' I say softly and he looks at me with scared eyes,
'No.' he whimpers,
'Hey, it's okay. That's why you have Rian and Zack, Lex.' I whisper,
'And you.' he smiles and wraps his arms around my torso, I smile and wrap my arms around his shoulders and rest my chin on his head, 'you're far too skinny.' he whispers,
'Leave it.' I sigh and he nods against my chest.
(later on)
From: Rian (16:38): I don't know what game you're playing at but if you hurt Alex I will personally kill you
To: Rian (16:39): for gods sake Rian. I'm not going to hurt him! Sure, I've only known him a few weeks but we are friends. You don't need to be so protective, it annoys him
From: Rian (16:41): I'm sorry... I just care about him. I take it you know about everything? x
To: Rian (16:42): anxiety-wise? I think so... x
From: Rian (16:43): okay maybe you don't. He'll tell you everything when he's ready, I'm sure x
To: Rian (16:44): okay. That's understandable. I do care about him Rian and I won't hurt him x
From: Rian (16:45): you better fuckin not x
(a week later)
To: Alex (17:56): hey, you okay? x
From: Alex (17:57): no, I'm home alone and scared x
To: Alex (17:58): do you want to come round mine? It's just me x
From: Alex (17:59): yes please xx
To: Alex (18:00): do you need picking up? x
From: Alex (18:01): I'll walk, fresh air will calm me down x
To: Alex (18:02): okay bud, you know where you're going, right? x
From: Alex (18:03): yeah xx
-
'Hey, you okay?' I ask when I open the door and Alex wraps his arms around my waist and I hug him gently, 'it's okay. You aren't alone now.' I whisper and he nods against my chest, 'let's go upstairs.' I sigh and pull him inside carefully.
-
'Here.' I say softly, handing Alex a plate with pancakes on,
'Thank you.' he grins, I smile and sit back down on my bed with him,
'Jack, you promised you'd have some.' he sighs,
'Im not hungry.' I shrug,
'Jacky... Please.' he whispers, offering me a small fork-full of syrupy pancake,
'I hate you.' I breathe and lean forward and eat it,
'Y-you hate me?' he asks,
'Oh no, no Alex, I don't, I was only joking.' I whisper, rubbing his arm gently,
'Oh okay. Good.' he smiles.
'Sorry, I should really choose my words more wisely.' I say softly,
'I'm sorry I'm so paranoid.' he sighs,
'Dont apologise buddy.' I smile at him.
-
I watch as Alex gets up and walks over to my dressing table,
'Sorry but your CDs are driving me insane.' he chuckles and starts straightening my CD collection,
'Its fine.' I smile, watching him rearrange everything so it's neat, I chuckle as he completely moves everything so it's in order and neat. He picks up a CD and then goes rigid, 'Alex?' I ask and he turns, a small piece of metal between his fingers, my eyes go wide, I left a blade out. He drops it on the counter and starts breathing heavily, learning against the dressing table, 'Alex, Alex please calm down.' I beg and he rushes over and climbs onto my bed before wrapping his arms around my shoulders and kissing my hair repeatedly, I wrap my arms loosely around his waist and sigh,
'Jack, you can't do this to yourself, please, you are far too perfect.' He whimpers, still kissing my hair,
'I am not perfect Alexander. I am fucked up. Fat. Ugly. Completely unlovable. Not even my own mother loves me Alex. I'm not perfect.' I whisper,
'You are perfect to me Jack. I've never met someone, other than Ri and Z that I feel so comfortable around. I can't risk losing you.' he says softly, hugging me tightly,
'I'm not gonna go anywhere Lex.' I sigh,
'You say that.' he says, pulling away, 'I said that too when I started, but I still tried.' he says softly, pulling his sleeve up and showing me some scars and a large scar over his veins,
'Alex!' I gasp,
'It's okay. I'm a year and a half clean. But I'm just proving a point. You might say you don't want to die, but things get to a point where you can't take it anymore.' he says slowly,
'You're staying very calm. I'm proud of you.' I whisper,
'I'm doing it for you. I need you to get through this Jacky, please.' He breathes,
'Okay, I'll try to stop. But only for you.' I say softly,
'Promise me.' he whispers, holding his pinkie up, I wrap mine around his and he kisses mine softly,
'I promise.' I whisper.
-
'That's my mum.' Alex mumbles, getting his phone out his pocket, 'Hey Ma... Yeah I'm fine, I'm at a friends, no, neither, I'm at Jacks. Don't you remember, I met him a few weeks ago, he's one of my best friends now-' I smile at that, '-Yeah, Im fine... Last one was yesterday... Uh, yeah, probably, if it's okay with him. Okay, I love you too mama, bye.' he hangs up and smiles at me,
'You're cute when you talk to your mum. If whats okay with who?' I ask,
'If its okay with you if I stay round?' he says sheepishly,
'That's fine Lex, of course it's okay with me.' I smile, he smiles back and lies down with his head on my thigh,
'Hi.' he giggles,
'Youre adorable.' I smile and pet his head,
'You're perfect.' he shrugs and I sigh quietly.