Fake Smiles and Shaking Hands
I don't wanna lose you
-Jacks POV-
(a few days later)
From: Alex (14:37): hey you xxxxx
To: Alex (14:38): hi xxxx
From: Alex (14:39): what's wrong? Xxxx
To: Alex (14:40): you know how my mum has been so nice recently? Well, for one, she's getting remarried. She's replacing my dad Alex. She's replacing my dead dad. How can she do that? And two, she's started being a bitch again because he's moved in xxx
From: Alex (14:42): fuck baby. I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me about your dad babe? I'm so, so sorry. Do you want to come stay round for the weekend? xxxx
To: Alex (14:43): yes please... Um, lex... I fucked up... Are you disappointed? Because if you are I won't bother you by comin round xxxx
From: Alex (14:45): I'm not disappointed baby. I'm upset. But I'll never be disappointed. I love you. I'm proud of you for going so long xxxx
--
'Come here you.' Alex sighs when he opens his front door and hugs me tightly, 'I love you so much.' he whispers,
'I love you too.' I breathe,
'Do you want a hot chocolate?' he asks, knowing it calms me down,
'Please.' I whisper,
'Mums in the kitchen. I'll see if she'll make us some. Hers is the best.' he smiles and takes my hand,
'Hey mumma.' Alex smiles,
'Hey baby, oh, hello Jack... What's wrong sweetie? You look so sad.' she gasps and hugs me tightly,
'Ma, can you make us a hot chocolate?' Alex asks, 'You can tell her what's going on if you want babe.' he says to me,
'Of course i can. Please tell me sweetie, I don't want to see you sad.' she says softly and starts getting the stuff for hot chocolate out, when she gets the sugar out, Alex steps forward and puts it back, getting the sweetener out instead, she raises an eyebrow but doesn't say anything,
'My mums a bitch.' I sigh and Alex puts a hand on my back, 'My dad died when I was 7 and she promised me no one would ever replace him and it will just be us to in the future. She became an alcoholic. She's a hideous drunk. But she had been nice for the past few weeks and it turns out she got a new boyfriend and they're getting married. She's replacing my dad and since this new bloke moved in. She's been horrible to me again and getting drunk. My house is a living hell.' I explain while Alex rubs my back comfortingly,
'Oh baby. I'm so sorry Jacky. I hope you know that you are always welcome here Jack. I don't care if you stay for weeks on end. You always have a place here.' Isobel says softly as she finishes off our hot chocolates,
'Thank you Isobel. It really means a lot.' I smile softly and she looks back and smiles at me,
'Youre like family Jack. Don't forget that.' she whispers.
Me and Alex sit down on his bed with our hot chocolates and I quickly put my two marshmallows into his mug, he sighs and kisses my cheek, 'my mum means it, you know? You really could stay here for weeks and she wouldn't mind.' he says softly,
'Shes the best. I might be staying a lot now he's moved in. I don't even know he's name Alex. I just home and he was there. His stuff all over the house.' I sigh,
'Thats just not right. She has no right to do that's to you.' he whispers,
'She doesn't care.' I shrug.
'Can I show you?' I ask,
'Baby, it's completely up to you. I'm not going to judge you at all.' Alex whispers and I sigh, taking my hoodie off slowly, Alex bites his lips when my arms become exposed, and he shuffles closer and starts kissing down my right shoulder. My scars literally cover my entire arms. It's hideous. He kisses furthur down my arm rubbing my hip soothingly, when he gets to me wrist he sits back up and pecks my lips,
'I love you. You're so beautiful.' he breathes,
'Im not beautiful Alex. I'm a wreck. A bony, scarred wreck. I'm not beautiful. I've never been beautiful.' I sigh,
'You are beautiful to me. In my eyes you are the most stunningly beautiful human being and you are mine and I love all of you.' he whispers,
'Thank you for being here Alex. I'm so glad you didn't leave when you tried to. Because if you did, I wouldn't be here.' I say quietly,
'You told me you weren't going to try...' he sighs,
'Im not and I wasn't. But I think I probably would if I hadn't of met you and the guys.' I say softly and stroke his hair lovingly,
'I won't ever leave you if you don't ever leave me. Both physically and emotionally.' he whispers and kisses me softly,
'You know what gives me the strength to leave the house in the morning? Your poem. I read it every morning as soon as I get out of bed.' he whispers,
'Um... Hang on.' he mumbles and gets off his bed and walks over to his perfectly neat desk, and flicks through a notebook, 'I wrote you this.' he says softy and rips a sheet out the book and hands it to me,
Dear Jack, if I could, I would.
Dear Jack,
If I could gather all your pain and condense it into a bottle,
I would.
If I could put it in the ocean and sail it away,
I would.
If I could climb every rib and every withered bone,
I would.
If I could work my way into your mind and sew up the fraying ends,
I would.
Dear Jack,
If I could raise your hand above our heads and tell you to be proud,
I would.
If I could scream that one day, it'll all be okay,
I would.
If I could go back in time and take away all of your heartache,
I would.
If I could make the world a good place,
I would.
Dear Jack,
If I could only tell the world how much I love you.
I would raise you above the rooftops.
I would hold your hand to my beating heart.
I would let you feel the anxiety cursing through my veins.
Dear Jack,
You are my fight or flight, my anxiety kicker.
Let me be your saviour, the light in your darkness.
Dear Jack, if I could, I would.
But I can't.
I'm just me.
I'm no angel.
No saviour.
I need you here forever.
So we'll stand side by side,
Hand in hand.
The anxious boy and the one who's sad.
'Fucking hell Alex, you're incredible.' I whisper,
'Thanks?' he chuckles,
'how do you write stuff like this? It's so beautiful.' I sigh happily, hugging it to my chest,
'I've got to express myself one way or another.' he shrugs and I grab his hand and pull him into me, laying back so he's lying on my chest.
(a few weeks later)
-Alex's POV-
I sit down and quickly curl into Rian's side and his arms wrap around me tightly, 'What's wrong? Where's Jack?' he asks, Zack moves so he's in front of us and touches my knee lightly,
'I don't have a clue. He hasn't turned up. I'm worried. He won't answer his phone or reply to texts.' I cry,
'Have you got his home number?' Zack asks,
'Yeah, but I'm too scared.' I mumble,
'Okay, give me your phone.' he sighs.
-Zack's POV-
'Hello? I'm Zack, I'm a friend of Jack's.'
'Hi, what can I do for you?'
'Yeah, um, I was just wondering where he is?'
'Is he not at school? He's probably with Alex.'
'No, he's not, Alex is worried.'
'What? Hang on, I'll go see if he's upstairs.'
I wait for a minute before a scream comes from down the over line,
'Jack what have you done!? Hang on baby! Zack, he's taken pills. He's breathing, but I'm gonna ring an ambulance, okay?'
'Oh my god. Shit!'
'Bring Alex to the hospital. Okay hun? Bye.'
'Fuck, okay, yeah. Bye.' I hang up and give Alex his phone before standing up, 'get up and into Rian's car now. I'll explain while we're driving.' I say and help Alex stand up.
I close the back door and lean into Rian, 'Jack's tried to kill himself. We need to go to the hospital.' I whisper and he gasps, 'just get in and drive baby.' I whisper and peck his lips before getting in next to Alex.
'Alex, please do not freak out, but we're going to the hospital. Jack has taken some pills. His mum has only just found him but she's rung an ambulance. He's okay. He's breathing and still conscious but they need to get the pills out before he isn't okay.' I explain calmly and alex starts breathing heavily and tears start rolling down his cheeks,
'He promised me. He promised me.' He sobs and I hug him tightly,
'He'll be okay. I promise.' I whisper.
-Alex's POV-
'Alex, you can go in now.' Joyce says softly and I blank her completely and rush to Jack's room,
'You promised me.' I whisper,
'I'm sorry. Come here, I'll explain.' he sighs and I dash over and he hugs me,
'He hit me Alex. He hit me and hit me and hit me and told me if I screamed he'd kill me. I didn't want it anymore. I wanted out.' he whimpers,
'Sshh baby, it's okay, I'm here. You're gonna come live with me. I don't care what anyone says.' I whisper, stroking his hair,
'I was so scared. I don't even know why I did it, I just took the pills and started swallowing them. I didn't even think.' he croaks,
'Its okay. You're okay.' I sigh.
(a few days later)
They let jack out of the hospital today. I've spent the past few days sorting my... Our... Room out. I think it's perfect.
Joyce wasn't actually against him moving in with us. She said it be best for everyone.
'Come see our room. I've fixed it all up!' I grin, pulling jack upstairs, he laughs at me and let's me drag him along, 'Ready?' I ask and he nods so I open the door and let him in, me and mum bought a double bed for us to share, a new chest of drawers and other various bits and bobs. I also hung his memory board on the wall,
'Oh wow.' he smiles, 'this is so cute. I get to live with the love of my life!' he grins and hugs me,
'Please don't give me a scare like that again Jacky. I don't wanna lose you.' I whisper, rubbing his back,
'I won't. I'm so sorry.' he sighs,
'I love you.' I breathe and pull away slightly and kiss him softly.
(a few days later)
From: Alex (14:37): hey you xxxxx
To: Alex (14:38): hi xxxx
From: Alex (14:39): what's wrong? Xxxx
To: Alex (14:40): you know how my mum has been so nice recently? Well, for one, she's getting remarried. She's replacing my dad Alex. She's replacing my dead dad. How can she do that? And two, she's started being a bitch again because he's moved in xxx
From: Alex (14:42): fuck baby. I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me about your dad babe? I'm so, so sorry. Do you want to come stay round for the weekend? xxxx
To: Alex (14:43): yes please... Um, lex... I fucked up... Are you disappointed? Because if you are I won't bother you by comin round xxxx
From: Alex (14:45): I'm not disappointed baby. I'm upset. But I'll never be disappointed. I love you. I'm proud of you for going so long xxxx
--
'Come here you.' Alex sighs when he opens his front door and hugs me tightly, 'I love you so much.' he whispers,
'I love you too.' I breathe,
'Do you want a hot chocolate?' he asks, knowing it calms me down,
'Please.' I whisper,
'Mums in the kitchen. I'll see if she'll make us some. Hers is the best.' he smiles and takes my hand,
'Hey mumma.' Alex smiles,
'Hey baby, oh, hello Jack... What's wrong sweetie? You look so sad.' she gasps and hugs me tightly,
'Ma, can you make us a hot chocolate?' Alex asks, 'You can tell her what's going on if you want babe.' he says to me,
'Of course i can. Please tell me sweetie, I don't want to see you sad.' she says softly and starts getting the stuff for hot chocolate out, when she gets the sugar out, Alex steps forward and puts it back, getting the sweetener out instead, she raises an eyebrow but doesn't say anything,
'My mums a bitch.' I sigh and Alex puts a hand on my back, 'My dad died when I was 7 and she promised me no one would ever replace him and it will just be us to in the future. She became an alcoholic. She's a hideous drunk. But she had been nice for the past few weeks and it turns out she got a new boyfriend and they're getting married. She's replacing my dad and since this new bloke moved in. She's been horrible to me again and getting drunk. My house is a living hell.' I explain while Alex rubs my back comfortingly,
'Oh baby. I'm so sorry Jacky. I hope you know that you are always welcome here Jack. I don't care if you stay for weeks on end. You always have a place here.' Isobel says softly as she finishes off our hot chocolates,
'Thank you Isobel. It really means a lot.' I smile softly and she looks back and smiles at me,
'Youre like family Jack. Don't forget that.' she whispers.
Me and Alex sit down on his bed with our hot chocolates and I quickly put my two marshmallows into his mug, he sighs and kisses my cheek, 'my mum means it, you know? You really could stay here for weeks and she wouldn't mind.' he says softly,
'Shes the best. I might be staying a lot now he's moved in. I don't even know he's name Alex. I just home and he was there. His stuff all over the house.' I sigh,
'Thats just not right. She has no right to do that's to you.' he whispers,
'She doesn't care.' I shrug.
'Can I show you?' I ask,
'Baby, it's completely up to you. I'm not going to judge you at all.' Alex whispers and I sigh, taking my hoodie off slowly, Alex bites his lips when my arms become exposed, and he shuffles closer and starts kissing down my right shoulder. My scars literally cover my entire arms. It's hideous. He kisses furthur down my arm rubbing my hip soothingly, when he gets to me wrist he sits back up and pecks my lips,
'I love you. You're so beautiful.' he breathes,
'Im not beautiful Alex. I'm a wreck. A bony, scarred wreck. I'm not beautiful. I've never been beautiful.' I sigh,
'You are beautiful to me. In my eyes you are the most stunningly beautiful human being and you are mine and I love all of you.' he whispers,
'Thank you for being here Alex. I'm so glad you didn't leave when you tried to. Because if you did, I wouldn't be here.' I say quietly,
'You told me you weren't going to try...' he sighs,
'Im not and I wasn't. But I think I probably would if I hadn't of met you and the guys.' I say softly and stroke his hair lovingly,
'I won't ever leave you if you don't ever leave me. Both physically and emotionally.' he whispers and kisses me softly,
'You know what gives me the strength to leave the house in the morning? Your poem. I read it every morning as soon as I get out of bed.' he whispers,
'Um... Hang on.' he mumbles and gets off his bed and walks over to his perfectly neat desk, and flicks through a notebook, 'I wrote you this.' he says softy and rips a sheet out the book and hands it to me,
Dear Jack, if I could, I would.
Dear Jack,
If I could gather all your pain and condense it into a bottle,
I would.
If I could put it in the ocean and sail it away,
I would.
If I could climb every rib and every withered bone,
I would.
If I could work my way into your mind and sew up the fraying ends,
I would.
Dear Jack,
If I could raise your hand above our heads and tell you to be proud,
I would.
If I could scream that one day, it'll all be okay,
I would.
If I could go back in time and take away all of your heartache,
I would.
If I could make the world a good place,
I would.
Dear Jack,
If I could only tell the world how much I love you.
I would raise you above the rooftops.
I would hold your hand to my beating heart.
I would let you feel the anxiety cursing through my veins.
Dear Jack,
You are my fight or flight, my anxiety kicker.
Let me be your saviour, the light in your darkness.
Dear Jack, if I could, I would.
But I can't.
I'm just me.
I'm no angel.
No saviour.
I need you here forever.
So we'll stand side by side,
Hand in hand.
The anxious boy and the one who's sad.
'Fucking hell Alex, you're incredible.' I whisper,
'Thanks?' he chuckles,
'how do you write stuff like this? It's so beautiful.' I sigh happily, hugging it to my chest,
'I've got to express myself one way or another.' he shrugs and I grab his hand and pull him into me, laying back so he's lying on my chest.
(a few weeks later)
-Alex's POV-
I sit down and quickly curl into Rian's side and his arms wrap around me tightly, 'What's wrong? Where's Jack?' he asks, Zack moves so he's in front of us and touches my knee lightly,
'I don't have a clue. He hasn't turned up. I'm worried. He won't answer his phone or reply to texts.' I cry,
'Have you got his home number?' Zack asks,
'Yeah, but I'm too scared.' I mumble,
'Okay, give me your phone.' he sighs.
-Zack's POV-
'Hello? I'm Zack, I'm a friend of Jack's.'
'Hi, what can I do for you?'
'Yeah, um, I was just wondering where he is?'
'Is he not at school? He's probably with Alex.'
'No, he's not, Alex is worried.'
'What? Hang on, I'll go see if he's upstairs.'
I wait for a minute before a scream comes from down the over line,
'Jack what have you done!? Hang on baby! Zack, he's taken pills. He's breathing, but I'm gonna ring an ambulance, okay?'
'Oh my god. Shit!'
'Bring Alex to the hospital. Okay hun? Bye.'
'Fuck, okay, yeah. Bye.' I hang up and give Alex his phone before standing up, 'get up and into Rian's car now. I'll explain while we're driving.' I say and help Alex stand up.
I close the back door and lean into Rian, 'Jack's tried to kill himself. We need to go to the hospital.' I whisper and he gasps, 'just get in and drive baby.' I whisper and peck his lips before getting in next to Alex.
'Alex, please do not freak out, but we're going to the hospital. Jack has taken some pills. His mum has only just found him but she's rung an ambulance. He's okay. He's breathing and still conscious but they need to get the pills out before he isn't okay.' I explain calmly and alex starts breathing heavily and tears start rolling down his cheeks,
'He promised me. He promised me.' He sobs and I hug him tightly,
'He'll be okay. I promise.' I whisper.
-Alex's POV-
'Alex, you can go in now.' Joyce says softly and I blank her completely and rush to Jack's room,
'You promised me.' I whisper,
'I'm sorry. Come here, I'll explain.' he sighs and I dash over and he hugs me,
'He hit me Alex. He hit me and hit me and hit me and told me if I screamed he'd kill me. I didn't want it anymore. I wanted out.' he whimpers,
'Sshh baby, it's okay, I'm here. You're gonna come live with me. I don't care what anyone says.' I whisper, stroking his hair,
'I was so scared. I don't even know why I did it, I just took the pills and started swallowing them. I didn't even think.' he croaks,
'Its okay. You're okay.' I sigh.
(a few days later)
They let jack out of the hospital today. I've spent the past few days sorting my... Our... Room out. I think it's perfect.
Joyce wasn't actually against him moving in with us. She said it be best for everyone.
'Come see our room. I've fixed it all up!' I grin, pulling jack upstairs, he laughs at me and let's me drag him along, 'Ready?' I ask and he nods so I open the door and let him in, me and mum bought a double bed for us to share, a new chest of drawers and other various bits and bobs. I also hung his memory board on the wall,
'Oh wow.' he smiles, 'this is so cute. I get to live with the love of my life!' he grins and hugs me,
'Please don't give me a scare like that again Jacky. I don't wanna lose you.' I whisper, rubbing his back,
'I won't. I'm so sorry.' he sighs,
'I love you.' I breathe and pull away slightly and kiss him softly.