Fake Smiles and Shaking Hands
4 months
(a few days later)
-Jack's POV-
I sigh as I continue rolling around mine and Alex's bed. He's at Zack's, practising his final music assessment piece and I'm bored as fuck.
'Hey you... why are you rolling?' Alex laughs,
'Because I'm boooored, I wish you'd let me come here you rehearse.' I whine and he laughs again and flops down on the bed next to me,
'Zack and my music teacher are the only people that have heard me sing. I plan on keeping it to just those two.' he smirks and puts an arm over my waist,
'But you love me.' I pout,
'How about you come down when I record? I think Rian's gonna be there too.' he sighs,
'Can I?' I ask excitedly and he nods,
'Yay! I love you.' I smile,
'I love you too babe.' he whispers.
--
Alex watches sadly as I push my food around my plate,
'Do you not like it Jacky?' Isobel asks,
'No, no, it's lovely... It's just...' I trail off slowly,
'Jay, I think you should tell her.' Alex sighs,
'Alex... help me.' I whisper,
'Mumma, Jacky's... um... Jacky suffers from anorexia...' he says quietly and Isobel sighs and runs a hand through her hair,
'I knew there was something not right. You're so goddamn skinny Jack. How long have you been like this Jay?' she asks,
'Few years.' I mumble,
'Oh honey... You've got to let me and Lex help you.' she sighs,
'I know I need help. It's just scary.' I whisper,
'But we're right here for you. Me especially. Don't forget that.' Alex says softly, squeezing my hand,
'I know.' I breathe,
'How about you eat a few more bits of chicken and some veg and then we can have some fruit or something, yeah?' Alex asks and I nod awkwardly and start eating slowly.
--
I smile as Alex kisses down my bare chest, his hands gripping my hips, 'You really are beautiful.' he whispers against my protruding ribs,
'Skeletons aren't beautiful.' i sigh,
'So you're admitting you're not fat?' he asks,
'I know I'm not fat. But I'm not perfect.' I say and he sighs and kisses along my ribcage,
'Perfect to me... Jay... Let me show you how perfect I think you are.' he whispers.
(the next day)
I wake up with Alex in my arms, him sleeping soundly, I smile and kiss his hair, thinking about last night.
'Morning.' Alex mumbles about ten minutes later,
'Morning baby boy.' I whisper, nuzzling into his hair,
'We should probably get up for college.' he sighs,
'Yeah. You're recording today.' I smile and he chuckles and sits up,
'Oh bloody hell.' he mutters,
'Sore honey?' I ask and he scowls at me,
'Shut up.' he smirks.
(later on)
'He looks so nervous.' I mumble and Rian slings an arm over my shoulders,
'He'll be fine. Zacky says he's incredible.' he smiles,
'Yeah, I don't doubt that for a second, but I just hate seeing him scared.' I sigh,
'I know. Me too. But he'll be alright in a minute.' Rian shrugs.
Alex smiles nervously at me as Zack starts playing guitar before shutting his eyes. I was not expecting such a beautiful voice to fall from his lips.
'I've always been a boy of critical nature,
I question my own mind day by day,
I've never been one to give a straight answer,
Why the hell have you stayed?
I'll never feel free, to speak my opinion,
I'll keep it bottled up until I break,
All I want to do is scream from the rooftops,
Hold my hand, for both our sake.
I don't want to let you down, it's 4am and I should be alone,
But you're here, beside me darling, don't let me fall, please don't ever let me go.
Hold me up, and carry me through,
Write yourself a story, a whole new direction,
Rewrite the old and live the true.
I've always had to hide, get away from my demons,
But they only swim faster as I drown,
But I'm just a knife, against the bullet of your guns,
Kick and scream, they hold a constant frown.
Fight or flight, I'll crumble all the same,
I'm a broken boy, but my hearts yet to break,
There's a lion in my heart waiting to be tame,
Hold my hand, for both our sake.
I don't want to let you down, it's 4am and I should be alone,
But you're here, beside me darling, don't let me fall, please don't ever let me go.
Hold me up, and carry me through,
Write yourself a story, a whole new direction,
Rewrite the old and live the true.
My hands are shaking and panic rising,
But I'm too in love to really care,
All I need is a hand to hold on to,
Don't let me fall, don't you dare.
I don't want to let you down, it's 4am and I should be alone,
But you're here, beside me darling, don't let me fall, please don't ever let me go.
Hold me up, and carry me through,
Your eyes shine, under the moon light,
Now I know love and beauty is true.
Don't let me go, baby don't let me go.'
I stare at Alex as he takes his headphones off,
'Wow.' Rian breathes next to me, Alex walks out of the recording booth quickly,
'well?' he asks and my eyes go wide before I rush over and lift him up,
'Youre fucking amazing. Oh my god baby.' I whisper, spinning him round, he giggles and hugs me tightly,
'I wrote that for you.' he whispers,
'I thought so. Can I have the lyrics when we get home?' I ask softly and he nods, kissing my forehead as I put him back on his feet,
'Yeah darling.' he smiles.
(a few days later)
'Wheres Z?' I ask when Rian sits down,
'Don't know.' He mumbles,
'Is everything okay between you two?' Alex asks and Rian shakes his head sadly,
'What happened RiRi?' my boyfriend asks,
'He accused me of cheating.' Rian says shakily,
'You didn't... Did you?' I whisper,
'You both know I would never even dream of that. I love him.' he exclaims,
'I'll go find him.' I sigh and stand up.
'There you are.' I whisper and hug Zack from behind,
'Hi.' he sighs,
'Do you seriously think he would cheat on you?' I ask,
'No. It's not about that anymore. I know he would never cheat on me. I'm angry at myself because I actually thought he was. I don't understand how I even accused him of cheating. I don't deserve himme Jay. He's far too good for me.' he explains sadly,
'No Zacky. Rian loves you so much. He's really upset. You are perfect for one another.' I whisper,
'He doesn't hate me?' He asks,
'No buddy. He's with Alex now and he's so sad.' I sigh,
'Come on. Let's go.' Zack whispers.
Me and Jack watch Zack and Rian hug before walking back over to us and sitting down,
'Sorted?' I ask and they nod, 'Good. You two belong together.' I tell them and they both smile and at me,
'Thanks Jack.' Zack says softly.
(later on)
'Hey you. Mum went straight to work after dropping me home, so she told me to give you a kiss.' Alex smiles as he walks over and kisses my cheek, 'so thats from her. And this is from me.' he grins and presses his lips to mine roughly, I pull him onto the bed and he wraps his arms around my neck, 'I love you.' He whispers,
'Love you too darling. Where did you and your mum go?' I ask,
'I knew you didn't know.' he chuckles,
'Know what?' I whisper,
'It's our four month anniversary babe.' he whispers back, pecking my lips,
'Shit. I'm sorry baby.' I sigh,
'It's absolutely fine babe. How about you go downstairs... I'll meet you there in a second.' He breathes,
'You're annoyed.' I groan,
'I'm not babe. Honestly I'm not, go downstairs.' He chuckles and I nod, moving him off my lap and getting up.
-Alex's POV-
I quickly get changed into my tightest black skinny jeans and my new red and black checkered shirt, I check my hair in the mirror quickly before rushing downstairs, Jack is stood in the lounge door way, his hands over his mouth,
'You like?' I ask, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind,
'I love you so much.' He giggles and turns round, 'oh wow, you look hot.' he grins,
'Thanks darling. Go sit down. I'll get our drinks.' I smile and jog to the kitchen, when I come back with the champagne and glasses, Jack is sat on the couch, looking at the food on the coffee table, I put the glasses down and sit next to him, 'I made everything myself and wrote out all the calories for you babe, just incase you don't feel like you can eat.' I say quietly and hand him the little bit of paper,
'Fuck the calories. My beautiful, amazing, perfect boyfriend made this. I'm fucking eating it!' he exclaims and throws the paper behind him,
'Wow Jack. I'm proud of you. That's an amazingly big leap.' I grin and kiss him softly.
'That was amazing.' Jack groans happily, putting his plate on the coffee table,
'Glad you liked it babe. You can open your present now if you want.' I smile and he reaches for the box, I watch as he opens it and smile at the look on his face,
'I love you!' he gasps, I got him a camera. A good one at that.
'Love you too. Glad you like it.' I chuckle,
'Thank you so much Lexy.' he whispers, I smile at him an he leans forward and pokes the tip of his tongue into my cheek,
'Gross.' I whine,
'Your dimples the fucking cutest.' he giggles.
-Jack's POV-
I sigh as I continue rolling around mine and Alex's bed. He's at Zack's, practising his final music assessment piece and I'm bored as fuck.
'Hey you... why are you rolling?' Alex laughs,
'Because I'm boooored, I wish you'd let me come here you rehearse.' I whine and he laughs again and flops down on the bed next to me,
'Zack and my music teacher are the only people that have heard me sing. I plan on keeping it to just those two.' he smirks and puts an arm over my waist,
'But you love me.' I pout,
'How about you come down when I record? I think Rian's gonna be there too.' he sighs,
'Can I?' I ask excitedly and he nods,
'Yay! I love you.' I smile,
'I love you too babe.' he whispers.
--
Alex watches sadly as I push my food around my plate,
'Do you not like it Jacky?' Isobel asks,
'No, no, it's lovely... It's just...' I trail off slowly,
'Jay, I think you should tell her.' Alex sighs,
'Alex... help me.' I whisper,
'Mumma, Jacky's... um... Jacky suffers from anorexia...' he says quietly and Isobel sighs and runs a hand through her hair,
'I knew there was something not right. You're so goddamn skinny Jack. How long have you been like this Jay?' she asks,
'Few years.' I mumble,
'Oh honey... You've got to let me and Lex help you.' she sighs,
'I know I need help. It's just scary.' I whisper,
'But we're right here for you. Me especially. Don't forget that.' Alex says softly, squeezing my hand,
'I know.' I breathe,
'How about you eat a few more bits of chicken and some veg and then we can have some fruit or something, yeah?' Alex asks and I nod awkwardly and start eating slowly.
--
I smile as Alex kisses down my bare chest, his hands gripping my hips, 'You really are beautiful.' he whispers against my protruding ribs,
'Skeletons aren't beautiful.' i sigh,
'So you're admitting you're not fat?' he asks,
'I know I'm not fat. But I'm not perfect.' I say and he sighs and kisses along my ribcage,
'Perfect to me... Jay... Let me show you how perfect I think you are.' he whispers.
(the next day)
I wake up with Alex in my arms, him sleeping soundly, I smile and kiss his hair, thinking about last night.
'Morning.' Alex mumbles about ten minutes later,
'Morning baby boy.' I whisper, nuzzling into his hair,
'We should probably get up for college.' he sighs,
'Yeah. You're recording today.' I smile and he chuckles and sits up,
'Oh bloody hell.' he mutters,
'Sore honey?' I ask and he scowls at me,
'Shut up.' he smirks.
(later on)
'He looks so nervous.' I mumble and Rian slings an arm over my shoulders,
'He'll be fine. Zacky says he's incredible.' he smiles,
'Yeah, I don't doubt that for a second, but I just hate seeing him scared.' I sigh,
'I know. Me too. But he'll be alright in a minute.' Rian shrugs.
Alex smiles nervously at me as Zack starts playing guitar before shutting his eyes. I was not expecting such a beautiful voice to fall from his lips.
'I've always been a boy of critical nature,
I question my own mind day by day,
I've never been one to give a straight answer,
Why the hell have you stayed?
I'll never feel free, to speak my opinion,
I'll keep it bottled up until I break,
All I want to do is scream from the rooftops,
Hold my hand, for both our sake.
I don't want to let you down, it's 4am and I should be alone,
But you're here, beside me darling, don't let me fall, please don't ever let me go.
Hold me up, and carry me through,
Write yourself a story, a whole new direction,
Rewrite the old and live the true.
I've always had to hide, get away from my demons,
But they only swim faster as I drown,
But I'm just a knife, against the bullet of your guns,
Kick and scream, they hold a constant frown.
Fight or flight, I'll crumble all the same,
I'm a broken boy, but my hearts yet to break,
There's a lion in my heart waiting to be tame,
Hold my hand, for both our sake.
I don't want to let you down, it's 4am and I should be alone,
But you're here, beside me darling, don't let me fall, please don't ever let me go.
Hold me up, and carry me through,
Write yourself a story, a whole new direction,
Rewrite the old and live the true.
My hands are shaking and panic rising,
But I'm too in love to really care,
All I need is a hand to hold on to,
Don't let me fall, don't you dare.
I don't want to let you down, it's 4am and I should be alone,
But you're here, beside me darling, don't let me fall, please don't ever let me go.
Hold me up, and carry me through,
Your eyes shine, under the moon light,
Now I know love and beauty is true.
Don't let me go, baby don't let me go.'
I stare at Alex as he takes his headphones off,
'Wow.' Rian breathes next to me, Alex walks out of the recording booth quickly,
'well?' he asks and my eyes go wide before I rush over and lift him up,
'Youre fucking amazing. Oh my god baby.' I whisper, spinning him round, he giggles and hugs me tightly,
'I wrote that for you.' he whispers,
'I thought so. Can I have the lyrics when we get home?' I ask softly and he nods, kissing my forehead as I put him back on his feet,
'Yeah darling.' he smiles.
(a few days later)
'Wheres Z?' I ask when Rian sits down,
'Don't know.' He mumbles,
'Is everything okay between you two?' Alex asks and Rian shakes his head sadly,
'What happened RiRi?' my boyfriend asks,
'He accused me of cheating.' Rian says shakily,
'You didn't... Did you?' I whisper,
'You both know I would never even dream of that. I love him.' he exclaims,
'I'll go find him.' I sigh and stand up.
'There you are.' I whisper and hug Zack from behind,
'Hi.' he sighs,
'Do you seriously think he would cheat on you?' I ask,
'No. It's not about that anymore. I know he would never cheat on me. I'm angry at myself because I actually thought he was. I don't understand how I even accused him of cheating. I don't deserve himme Jay. He's far too good for me.' he explains sadly,
'No Zacky. Rian loves you so much. He's really upset. You are perfect for one another.' I whisper,
'He doesn't hate me?' He asks,
'No buddy. He's with Alex now and he's so sad.' I sigh,
'Come on. Let's go.' Zack whispers.
Me and Jack watch Zack and Rian hug before walking back over to us and sitting down,
'Sorted?' I ask and they nod, 'Good. You two belong together.' I tell them and they both smile and at me,
'Thanks Jack.' Zack says softly.
(later on)
'Hey you. Mum went straight to work after dropping me home, so she told me to give you a kiss.' Alex smiles as he walks over and kisses my cheek, 'so thats from her. And this is from me.' he grins and presses his lips to mine roughly, I pull him onto the bed and he wraps his arms around my neck, 'I love you.' He whispers,
'Love you too darling. Where did you and your mum go?' I ask,
'I knew you didn't know.' he chuckles,
'Know what?' I whisper,
'It's our four month anniversary babe.' he whispers back, pecking my lips,
'Shit. I'm sorry baby.' I sigh,
'It's absolutely fine babe. How about you go downstairs... I'll meet you there in a second.' He breathes,
'You're annoyed.' I groan,
'I'm not babe. Honestly I'm not, go downstairs.' He chuckles and I nod, moving him off my lap and getting up.
-Alex's POV-
I quickly get changed into my tightest black skinny jeans and my new red and black checkered shirt, I check my hair in the mirror quickly before rushing downstairs, Jack is stood in the lounge door way, his hands over his mouth,
'You like?' I ask, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind,
'I love you so much.' He giggles and turns round, 'oh wow, you look hot.' he grins,
'Thanks darling. Go sit down. I'll get our drinks.' I smile and jog to the kitchen, when I come back with the champagne and glasses, Jack is sat on the couch, looking at the food on the coffee table, I put the glasses down and sit next to him, 'I made everything myself and wrote out all the calories for you babe, just incase you don't feel like you can eat.' I say quietly and hand him the little bit of paper,
'Fuck the calories. My beautiful, amazing, perfect boyfriend made this. I'm fucking eating it!' he exclaims and throws the paper behind him,
'Wow Jack. I'm proud of you. That's an amazingly big leap.' I grin and kiss him softly.
'That was amazing.' Jack groans happily, putting his plate on the coffee table,
'Glad you liked it babe. You can open your present now if you want.' I smile and he reaches for the box, I watch as he opens it and smile at the look on his face,
'I love you!' he gasps, I got him a camera. A good one at that.
'Love you too. Glad you like it.' I chuckle,
'Thank you so much Lexy.' he whispers, I smile at him an he leans forward and pokes the tip of his tongue into my cheek,
'Gross.' I whine,
'Your dimples the fucking cutest.' he giggles.