Letters From Octavius
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Dear Susanna Wagner,
I miss you more as the days pass by without me even realizing. I hate that I’m on the other side of the country. The only thing that seems to be getting me through these months is the fact that I will get to see you again in four months. I have so much to tell you about Los Angeles.
It’s days like today that make me like Los Angeles. It’s sunny, and the wind isn’t blowing too hard. It almost makes me think that you are here with me, but I know you are in Augusta where you work. The sound of your voices rings in my ears telling me to make the most of this, but how can it be good that I’m missing you? I don’t get to wake up to your warm smile anymore.
I missed the smell of the coffee brewing, so I’ve started drinking coffee. It hasn’t helped me, but I think of you as I drink the brown liquid. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I miss you and wish you were here.
Sincerely Yours,
Octavius Foxe
I leaned back against the bed frame. I missed Octavius, and I loved him. It wasn’t something that I had planned, but I guess it’s one of those things. I had to stay here and take care of my priorities, making it hard for me to go with him. He even understood that as much as he hated being away from me.
It was him that decided to write the letters. He knew there would be a time difference, and he didn’t want to wake me up or interrupt something. He suggested, “We could write letters. No one does that anymore.”
There were more letters from him thrown across the bed next to me. He wrote to me once or twice a day. It appeared to be a ritual for him. Of course, I wrote to him as often, but not with the same enthusiasm.
I read the letter again as my heart melted with each word. I hated myself in that moment. The guilt always came along with the letters. I couldn’t wait for him as much as I loved him. I was cheating on him with my neighbor, Daniel, who was in the kitchen cooking me lunch. I was afraid that he would be the one to cheat on me, but I was the one who couldn’t keep my legs closed for three months. I still had five more months to go before Octavius came home.
I was the one going to bed with another man as much as I despised myself. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew that I was hurting Octavius, but it never deterred me from letting another man into my house. I was letting another man to go in between my legs, and I would enjoy it.
I tried to tell myself that Octavius will never have to find out, but how can I hold back the truth? I knew the moment I saw Octavius I would tell him all about Daniel and the nights I shared with him. I would tell him about how Daniel was a better lover and how much I tried to fight off the strange feelings towards my neighbor. I would lie and say that I was thinking about him, but that wouldn't be true. I never thought about Octavius while I was under the covers with Daniel. I would try to comfort Octavius as much as I could, but he wouldn't be able to look at me the same way.
Every time I went to my neighbor; I was more disgusted with myself, but I couldn’t stay away. Daniel was like some kind of drug for me. He had all the right words to make me forget about my boyfriend in LA, and I would let him push me on the bed. It made me realize how little self-control I had. There were times that I told him to go home, but as soon as Daniel was out the front door, I called him back. There were times that I cried myself to sleep after Daniel was over because I knew that I was hurting Octavius. The worst part of it was that I didn't care how much I was hurting my boyfriend. I just wished that I could have waited.
With each letter that Octavius sent me, the more guilty I felt. He was still in some world where he was dreaming of me being faithful. He probably even hoped that I would find the chance to go across the country to see him, or that he could come home sooner. He was naïve and in another state far from Maine.
I had tried to tell Octavius about my unfaithful acts, but I couldn’t even start the letter. The words would never come to me without being too harsh. What needed to be said seemed more painful on paper than spoken aloud. If anything, I was afraid to tell him that I loved him, but not enough to be faithful for him. Not enough to wait for him.
I also knew that it would have to be something I told him in person, not on a piece of paper. He needed closure. I even thought that I could break it off with Daniel when he came back, but I knew I would never be able to step away from Daniel like I wanted to. Not completely. Daniel knew all the right words to pull me back to him. I would still live next to him, and I would still feel the temptation to walk those ten feet to those doors and throw myself onto the man even if Octavius was here or not.
Even if I did break it off with Daniel, I would still have to live with the fact that I was cheating on Octavius. It wasn't something you could easily forget. Not only that, Daniel would have something to hang over my head when he wanted something. He would even be tempted to say that just to get rid of Octavius.
Daniel had made it clear that he wants me to himself. I was more than happy to agree when he told me. He knew that I wasn't going to break up with Octavius in the letters, but Daniel knew that I was going to tell Octavius when he came back.
I sighed as I grabbed a pen and paper and began to write my reply. I sat up and began to tell him what he needed to think. He didn’t need to think about me in bed with some other man. He just needed to know how much I missed him and how much I cared about him. I could only hope that he wasn’t going to see through my written façade.
I leaned against the bed frame as I read it over and over. I thought about just telling him then not to come home, but Augusta was his home as well. He needed to see his family as well. As if on cue, Daniel joined me in the bed with an envelope. He knew what I was doing in here. His blue eyes told me that he knew everything as he moved the other letters to the bedside table.
I miss you more as the days pass by without me even realizing. I hate that I’m on the other side of the country. The only thing that seems to be getting me through these months is the fact that I will get to see you again in four months. I have so much to tell you about Los Angeles.
It’s days like today that make me like Los Angeles. It’s sunny, and the wind isn’t blowing too hard. It almost makes me think that you are here with me, but I know you are in Augusta where you work. The sound of your voices rings in my ears telling me to make the most of this, but how can it be good that I’m missing you? I don’t get to wake up to your warm smile anymore.
I missed the smell of the coffee brewing, so I’ve started drinking coffee. It hasn’t helped me, but I think of you as I drink the brown liquid. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I miss you and wish you were here.
Sincerely Yours,
Octavius Foxe
I leaned back against the bed frame. I missed Octavius, and I loved him. It wasn’t something that I had planned, but I guess it’s one of those things. I had to stay here and take care of my priorities, making it hard for me to go with him. He even understood that as much as he hated being away from me.
It was him that decided to write the letters. He knew there would be a time difference, and he didn’t want to wake me up or interrupt something. He suggested, “We could write letters. No one does that anymore.”
There were more letters from him thrown across the bed next to me. He wrote to me once or twice a day. It appeared to be a ritual for him. Of course, I wrote to him as often, but not with the same enthusiasm.
I read the letter again as my heart melted with each word. I hated myself in that moment. The guilt always came along with the letters. I couldn’t wait for him as much as I loved him. I was cheating on him with my neighbor, Daniel, who was in the kitchen cooking me lunch. I was afraid that he would be the one to cheat on me, but I was the one who couldn’t keep my legs closed for three months. I still had five more months to go before Octavius came home.
I was the one going to bed with another man as much as I despised myself. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew that I was hurting Octavius, but it never deterred me from letting another man into my house. I was letting another man to go in between my legs, and I would enjoy it.
I tried to tell myself that Octavius will never have to find out, but how can I hold back the truth? I knew the moment I saw Octavius I would tell him all about Daniel and the nights I shared with him. I would tell him about how Daniel was a better lover and how much I tried to fight off the strange feelings towards my neighbor. I would lie and say that I was thinking about him, but that wouldn't be true. I never thought about Octavius while I was under the covers with Daniel. I would try to comfort Octavius as much as I could, but he wouldn't be able to look at me the same way.
Every time I went to my neighbor; I was more disgusted with myself, but I couldn’t stay away. Daniel was like some kind of drug for me. He had all the right words to make me forget about my boyfriend in LA, and I would let him push me on the bed. It made me realize how little self-control I had. There were times that I told him to go home, but as soon as Daniel was out the front door, I called him back. There were times that I cried myself to sleep after Daniel was over because I knew that I was hurting Octavius. The worst part of it was that I didn't care how much I was hurting my boyfriend. I just wished that I could have waited.
With each letter that Octavius sent me, the more guilty I felt. He was still in some world where he was dreaming of me being faithful. He probably even hoped that I would find the chance to go across the country to see him, or that he could come home sooner. He was naïve and in another state far from Maine.
I had tried to tell Octavius about my unfaithful acts, but I couldn’t even start the letter. The words would never come to me without being too harsh. What needed to be said seemed more painful on paper than spoken aloud. If anything, I was afraid to tell him that I loved him, but not enough to be faithful for him. Not enough to wait for him.
I also knew that it would have to be something I told him in person, not on a piece of paper. He needed closure. I even thought that I could break it off with Daniel when he came back, but I knew I would never be able to step away from Daniel like I wanted to. Not completely. Daniel knew all the right words to pull me back to him. I would still live next to him, and I would still feel the temptation to walk those ten feet to those doors and throw myself onto the man even if Octavius was here or not.
Even if I did break it off with Daniel, I would still have to live with the fact that I was cheating on Octavius. It wasn't something you could easily forget. Not only that, Daniel would have something to hang over my head when he wanted something. He would even be tempted to say that just to get rid of Octavius.
Daniel had made it clear that he wants me to himself. I was more than happy to agree when he told me. He knew that I wasn't going to break up with Octavius in the letters, but Daniel knew that I was going to tell Octavius when he came back.
I sighed as I grabbed a pen and paper and began to write my reply. I sat up and began to tell him what he needed to think. He didn’t need to think about me in bed with some other man. He just needed to know how much I missed him and how much I cared about him. I could only hope that he wasn’t going to see through my written façade.
I leaned against the bed frame as I read it over and over. I thought about just telling him then not to come home, but Augusta was his home as well. He needed to see his family as well. As if on cue, Daniel joined me in the bed with an envelope. He knew what I was doing in here. His blue eyes told me that he knew everything as he moved the other letters to the bedside table.