The Beginning

Olli walked into the dark apartment. He hated living by himself but everyone on the team either lived with a roommate or had a family. It was lonely for Olli when he returned to Pittsburgh. That wasn’t to say he was single. In fact, he had been dating a fantastic girl named Jenna since he was drafted in 2012. She was attending college in Pittsburgh so that they could stay together. She always had her books with her and was always studying for some test or quiz. Olli completely understood Jenna’s dedication to her studies. She went to all of Olli’s home games though and that made Olli feel special. He sent her a quick text saying that he was home.

In the morning, Olli woke up to the smell of coffee. He tiredly walked out to his kitchen to find Jenna standing busily over the stove.

“Jenna, shouldn’t you be in class?” Olli asked as he wiped the sleepiness from his eyes.

“It’s snowing like crazy outside, silly. Class was cancelled. I thought you’d want to see me,” Jenna said as she peeked over at him.

Olli walked over to her and peeked over her shoulder. She was cooking scrambled eggs and sausage, Olli’s favorite breakfast foods. He placed a kiss on her cheek before returning to his room. He dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt before sitting down at the island in his kitchen.

On his plate were eggs, sausage, and toast. He poured himself a cup of coffee and a glass of orange juice.

“Jenna, this is wonderful. Why haven’t I had your cooking before? You could be a chef,” Olli said with a mouthful of food.

“You never asked me to cook for you. I don’t share my talent with everyone,” Jenna replied with a smile.

After breakfast, Olli offered to clean the pans and plates. He wanted to help after he ate so much of the delicious food. He tried his best to hurry so he could spend as much time with Jenna as possible. He had the day off, but he still never had an entire day to spend with Jenna.

“What did you want to do today? We’re snowed in,” Olli said.

Jenna smiled and pulled him onto the couch with her. Olli wrapped his arms around her and hugged her close. God did he miss her. He missed her laugh and the way her nose wrinkled. He missed how soft and warm her skin felt against his.

“I wish we could be like this all the time,” Jenna mumbled.

---

Jenna stared at the TV screen as she listened to Olli’s light snores. Days like this were few and far in between but she loved them nonetheless. She got to be with her man and she got to see the real him. There was no doubt that she loved watching him play. She was there when he was drafted to the Penguins and every step since. She loved seeing Olli play the sport he was born to play. But she also missed just having days where they were free to do whatever their hearts wanted.

She sighed and changed the channel for the tenth time. She couldn’t keep her attention on any show or movie that played. She wanted to talk with Olli.

“I can’t nap when you keep fiddling,” Olli mumbled tiredly.

Jenna looked up and saw Olli’s blue eyes staring down at her. She blushed and apologized. She finally was able to stop fiddling once Olli laid down and put his head in her lap. She played with his blonde hair as she listened to the news. For a big bad defenseman, he was a ball of mush in her hands.

Jenna bit her bottom lip as she began to think about what she was hiding from Olli. She hated keeping such a big secret from him. It tore her heart to pieces just thinking about how hurt he’d be to find out. There were so many times that she wanted to call him up and tell him the truth.

After two hours of thinking, Jenna woke Olli up and tried to form the thoughts into words.

“Jen, you look worried. Is everything okay?” Olli asked as he laced his fingers with hers.

She felt tears well up in her eyes as she looked down at their fingers. She took a deep breath. She needed to remain calm and just be honest with him.

“Olli, I’ve been keeping something from you for a few months now. You have to promise me you won’t get mad at me,” Jenna whispered.

“Why would I get mad at you?” Olli asked.

Jenna stood up and began to pace behind the couch. She started to bite her nails as her eyes glossed over with tears. She couldn’t help but let them fall. She was tired of hiding her terrible secret from the only guy she ever loved.

“Olli, I’m sick,” Jenna whimpered.

She heard Olli get up and come over to her. His arms wrapping around her let her know that she had to continue.

“I…um…I throw up after I eat anything. I’ve lost, I think, twenty pounds as of today. I’ve been hiding it with sweaters and make-up and stuff,” Jenna finished.

---

It was silent as Olli understood what Jenna was telling him. She was sick. He didn’t notice her weight loss until he stared at her now. The sweaters she wore had hidden her illness very well. He tilted her head up so that he could look at her face. It was tear-stained and her lip was blood red from her biting it. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips before wiping her tears away with his thumbs.

“Jenna, whatever you want me to do so that I can help you, I’ll do it. I’ll pay for you to see a doctor. I’ll take you to a center. Tell me what you need and I’ll do it,” Olli said.

He didn’t have to hesitate. Jenna was his responsibility in Pittsburgh and he wasn’t going to go on like this never happened. His girlfriend needed help and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to help. He held her close as she babbled about being scared of going to college so far away from home and about their relationship being on the rocks lately.

“I’m so sorry, Olli. I know you’re busy with the Penguins and going to Sochi. I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Jenna rambled.

Olli hushed her with a kiss. It was all he could do to get her to stop. He put all of his emotion into the kiss. He wanted her to understand that his job meant nothing to him if she wasn’t there to support him. She was everything to him.

He brought her back to the couch and they went searching on the internet for a therapist that Jenna could see. They finally found one that was close enough that when Olli was home, he could go with her. They migrated to his bedroom and their lips once again found each other’s. They had their best talks when their lips were together. It didn’t take words for Olli to feel Jenna’s fear and sadness.

“We’ll get through this together, Jen, I promise. Can I ask you to do something for me?” Olli asked in a hush tone.

“Anything,” Jenna replied.

“Tell me why you were so afraid to tell me sooner,” Olli said.

He wanted to know what he was doing wrong. He wanted to know if he could fix it. He wanted to put the pressure on himself and off of her.

“I saw how happy you were with the Penguins. You’re going to Sochi soon to be in the damn Olympics. I didn’t want you to know because I didn’t want to ruin your happiness. You have so much going for you here. I don’t even know what I want to be when I graduate. You’re so successful and I’m just…here,” Jenna whispered.

“Jenna, I can’t tell you how wrong you are. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. You’ve been my anchor since we started dating. I wouldn’t be the player I am if I didn’t have you supporting me at home games. It’s okay to not know what you want to be yet. You’re a sophomore. You have time. I just wish you would have told me sooner. I’d have talked to Shero and Coach Dan. Don’t ever think that you aren’t important to me,” Olli said.

It was one-hundred percent true. He’d be nothing if he didn’t have Jenna standing behind him all the way. She kept him going when things were tough. Her encouragement kept him skating and disciplining himself so that he was ready to be drafted.

---

The following day, when the roads were safe to drive on, Jenna sat with Olli at the therapist’s office. She was nervous and worried that Olli wouldn’t want to stay with her. Luckily, Olli had offered to let her spend the night with him. She needed his warm and safe embrace or she would have cried herself to sleep.

“Welcome Jenna, what can I do for you today?” Dr. Bailey asked with a smile on her face.

“I…um…I think I have an eating disorder. I throw up after I eat anything and I eat too much as it is. I weighed myself yesterday before I went to see my boyfriend, Olli, and I think the scale said one hundred and fifteen pounds. I started at about one hundred and thirty-five pounds. I finally told Olli yesterday and he wants to be here with me so that he can help me get better,” Jenna explained.

She watched nervously as Dr. Bailey wrote down notes and nodded as she spoke. Olli laced their fingers together and ran his thumb over hers in order to help keep her calm.

“What is it that you’re afraid of?” Dr. Bailey asked.

“Being a failure. Olli’s a pro hockey player and I’m just a sophomore in college. I have no idea what I want to be yet. He’s going to Sochi soon and I’ll be here. He’s got so much going for him and I’ve got nothing going for me,” Jenna answered.

“And how do you think the eating disorder would help with that?”

“I don’t know…I never really thought about it,” Jenna admitted.

They spoke for an hour. Jenna would be completely honest and think hard about her answers. It was never her plan to become a bulimic. She just wanted to be happy and content with her life and with Olli.

“All right, Jenna, I want to see you twice a week for an hour each appointment. I don’t usually let partners in our sessions but because Olli is going to be the driving force of your recovery since your family is so far away, he can come whenever he’s available. I do recommend that you let the team know. They might have wives, girlfriends, or sisters who have felt the same way. I also want you to start a food journal. Write down anything that you put in your mouth whether it’s a piece of gum or it’s a four course meal. Can you do these things?” Dr. Bailey asked.

Jenna nodded and looked at Olli. His smile told her that he’d be there for here no matter what.

In the car, Olli was the one who broke their silence.

“Do you want to go to practice with me? We could tell the team after I’m sure that they would want to help,” Olli offered.

Jenna shifted in her seat and looked at Olli. She was scared of being judged by the team. She wasn’t one to bring attention to her life. She didn’t want the team to feel sorry for her. She didn’t want the team to think she was looking for attention.

“Olli, I think we should keep it to ourselves. The team doesn’t need to know my business,” Jenna admitted.

“But they would want to help. Babe, if you’re worried about them judging you, they won’t. They are a good group of guys,” Olli reassured.

Jenna sighed and looked at the entrance door in front of them.

---

Olli walked off the plane from Sochi. He was tired from the games and the flight. He wanted to see Jenna. She said she was waiting for him at the terminal. She said she had a surprise for him.
He looked for her dark hair that was more than likely in a messy bun on her head.

“Olli!” he heard over the cheering and clapping.

He found her and put down his bag to pick her up. She was still so light to him but then again, he could always pick her up. He held her close as he felt her fingers against his scalp. He set her down and looked into her blue eyes. They were filling with tears. Olli prayed that they were from joy.

“I’ve missed you. Never go to Russia ever again. I can’t stand having to get up so early to watch you win bronze,” Jenna joked as she wiped her eyes.

“I won it for you, Jenna babe,” Olli replied.

“No, you deserve it. You played your heart out. Your mother will be so happy and proud,” Jenna said as she looked at the medal.

Olli smiled and took her under his arm. He wanted to go rest.

At his apartment, he changed out of his suit. He found Jenna shirtless and looking at herself in the mirror. He could see her ribs and hip bones. He worried himself to exhaustion while he was gone. Sure, they Skyped and would text each other. But he couldn’t talk to her about her progress.

“I’ve gained five pounds. Dr. Bailey said that I’m doing better. I had a setback though…I’m sorry,” Jenna said.

Olli walked up to her back and stared at her reflection. He kissed the nape of her neck a few times.

“Setbacks happen, baby. You’ve gained though. I can see your glow again. Has talking with Vero helped at all?” Olli asked.

While he was away in Sochi, Vero had offered the guest bedroom of the Fleury residence to Jenna so that she could help her. Olli was unbelievably thankful for his team and their families being so kind and understanding towards him and Jenna. He owed them so much for their prayers and kind words.

He took her to the bed and pulled her close once she was in her pajamas. He whispered little secrets into her ear and relished in her laugh.

“I still can’t believe we said the L word to each other over Skype,” Jenna whined.

“I liked it. Hearing you say it kept me from catching the first flight back here after each game so I could be with you. I’m glad we finally said it to each other,” Olli admitted.

“Olli, I know that I owe you so much for helping me and taking care of me. The things you have given me, I just don’t know how I could repay you. You’ve been my rock, my best friend, my lover, my family. Since I started my recovery, I try not to count the pounds. I try to count how many times you make me smile or laugh. I’d rather have a bad day that ends with us laughing than a good one that ends with me binging. I’d do anything for you and us. Thank you so much, my love,” Jenna whispered in his ear.

Olli smiled and felt his face redden. He placed a finger under her chin and maneuvered so their lips met. The kiss did the talking for them. He would bring her every star in the sky if Jenna had asked him to. He was deeply in love with the Canadian woman. It didn’t take someone close to them to see the love they shared for each other. It was youthful but true. This was just the beginning of their new and adventurous lives together.