Status: RE-WRITE of my original: edited, revised, etc. Complete!

Daughter of Kellin Quinn

This Is Not What It Is, Only Baby Scars

*Tony’s POV*

Damn it. I screw everything up. I hate how I acted. But I did mean to punch that kid in the face and break his FUCKING RIBS! Calm down, Tony. Calm the fuck down. Ugh. Now Copeland hates me. She really hates me. She wants me dead and never wants to see me again. Did she really mean that? I hope not. I…I don’t think I should die now. Should I? I won’t let that get to me. But what I will let get to me is that fact that he slapped her and she said that he didn’t do anything. Who the fuck covers up for that shit?! That’s abuse! And she said that she still liked him? HA! I would never cover up for some whore! If a bitch hit me, I would dump her fake ass and move on. That’s not a relationship. But she said they weren’t dating. I want to apologize so badly. But for what? I didn’t do anything. But I think I ruined their friendship.

I’m wasting my time. She doesn’t want to see me. I can’t text her, call her, or anything. She won’t take any action of replying or answering her calls anyway so why try?

It’s a Sunday afternoon and I have nothing to do. I guess I’m going to just practice some notes on my wonderful guitar I bought last year. This green and black guitar really matches my love for turtles. And……and the pajamas I let…I let Copeland borrow.

------

It’s been three weeks and she still hasn’t talked to me. I haven’t been able to visit her either. I tried calling her and she won’t answer. I texted her a couple times and she hasn’t texted me back. I went over her house during the night a week ago. I snuck at her window and threw a stone, but she didn’t budge to even come by the window to see who it was. I don’t know what to do. Maybe it’s time for me to apologize. BUT I DIDN’T FUCKING DO ANYTHING! Why do I keep assuming I did something so damn wrong when I didn’t. I was trying to protect her from getting her ass beat to death. One slap was nothing. But if he hits her once, what’s gonna stop him from hitting her harder again? Nothing.

*Copeland’s POV*

It’s been three weeks and I still didn’t want to talk to Tony. He really pissed me off that day. But why can’t I forgive him? Something is stopping me from forgiving him.

I went to school like nothing happened with me and Bryan. He yelled at me and pushed me away. So he hates me now.

For two weeks straight, every day, I had a shitload of people come up to me and ask for an autograph! So my fucking secret is out. He told everyone he knew. I can’t believe he did that, even when I apologized a billion times. I didn’t do anything to him. And it’s all because I didn’t kiss him. But it didn’t feel right. It makes me sad that he went and told everyone. But now I don’t mind that much.

The school students come up to me on and off asking for autographs from me and my dad. I go home each day and ask my dad to make like 20 signatures for them. He doesn’t mind making them, but his hand gets tired after a while and we start up again hours later.

Yeah, so Bryan doesn’t like me at all. He gives me dirty looks when he’s with his friends. Either if he’s sitting with them at the lunch table or walking down the hall. It’s always dirty looks. But I see something else when I look in his eyes. He’s not mad. He just looks disappointed, that’s all. He acts like every single girl is expected to say yes or kiss him back. It doesn’t work like that. Not everyone feels the same. But I still like him…I want to forget about him because he doesn’t talk to me now. But what if I can’t forget him? He runs in my mind all day long. I'm starting to forget about him slowly.

I hate this. I wish I could just go back and kiss him and everything would be perfect. We’d probably be dating and having a cute relationship like everyone else in the school. I’m so lonely and I have no one. I can’t even turn to Tony anymore because of what happened. It sucks. But the other day, I saw Bryan holding hands with a girl I didn’t know. She was super gorgeous and very attractive. I’m just saying. I could see why he liked her. She had long dark hair that included a different colored bow everyday to match her expensive looking outfits. She would wear these short tops that showed her lower stomach. She was skinny and had a perfect body. Her jeans were tight on her legs. So I guess she’s rich, but I could be wrong. But I’ve been wrong before…and it was proven three weeks ago.

Tony was right. Boys really are assholes. Especially Bryan. Why didn’t I see it coming? He tried to make a move on me that night at the party. And all because I didn’t kiss him back, he slaps me? I’m not taking that shit anymore. I think it’s time that I apologize to Tony. I can’t stay mad at him forever. I was wrong and he was right. And I never meant what I said about him dying or never seeing him again.

Oh my God, I just realized something. The reason I didn’t kiss Bryan is because…is because….I’M SO IN LOVE WITH TONY! That’s why I felt so guilty if I kissed him! That’s why I don’t care if Bryan ever talks to me again. I have Tony! Tony is the reason why I get the fuck out of bed everyday! He’s the reason why I keep going everyday! I love Tony Perry! So damn much! Why didn’t a catch this before?! I’m so stupid for not realizing this sooner. I just have to apologize now! I’m not waiting any longer. Okay, I’ll have to wait until morning because it’s late.

I’m concerned that he’s not going to accept my apology. I’m a little scared. But he told me not to be scared if I ever have to tell him something. Yup, I’m going to tell him. Now I’m confident that he’s going to take the news well. The news that I was wrong and he was right! I should've listened to him. I am still a child. I'm a terrible person. I can't wait to tell him though. But I’m going to have to wait until tomorrow.

Time to hit the sack, as Jaime would say. I love my friends. And by that, I mean Pierce the Veil.

-----

I walked out of school on a Monday afternoon wearing my hair tied back in a pony tail, longer than Kim Kardashian’s pony tail. Yeah, that felt great to say, it really did. I had on purple skinnies, yes I said purple, and my pink Vans.

I’m smiling like a loser to myself, walking in the bus and parking my ass in a seat. I’m going to Pierce the Veil’s place to make up to Caesar. Fuck, I mean Tony! God, we’re reading Julius Caesar in my English class and it’s so frustrating! Shakespeare is a douche face. How the hell did he even understand what he was writing? And Tony’s name is Caesar so that just fucked my mind up. I understood the comedy Twelfth Night and Romeo and Juliet, but Julius Caesar? Fuckery squared... fuckery cubed! I don’t fucking know! Calm down, loser because you’re not getting no place fast.

The bus reached my destination and I quickly hustled off, almost tripping on my own feet. I walked in my house and saw my mom making herself a snack.

“Hey, mom!” I smiled widely.

“Hi, baby, how was school?”

“It was…great actually,” I said throwing my backpack over the couch.

“Good! Do you want me to fix you a snack?” she asked politely.

“Umm, no thanks. I was just wondering if I can go over to Pierce the Veil’s place? I have to talk with Tony for a little.”

“Sure, but don’t come home late. Be home before seven please.”

“I’ll only be a half hour, not five hours.” I started for the door.

“Would you like me to drive you?”

“I can walk. It’s not too hot outside so I’ll be fine.” I walked outside and headed for Pierce the Veil’s bus. I actually like the idea of the Mexican stache right under the head lights. It makes me laugh every time I happen to pass by it.

After about ten minutes of walking, I arrived at their bus. I saw Mike standing outside, hitting up on his stupid cigarette. I’m so tempted to just jump on his back and strangle him to the ground, snatching it out of his hand. Those things are going to kill him one day.

“Mike,” I whispered, hiding behind the bus like a creep. I should fuck around with him a little bit. This is going to be fun.

He looked side to side and ignored it. But this time…

I whispered again in a creepy tone, “Miiiiichaelll…Chrissstopheerrr….Fueeennntessssss…..” I extended the ‘s’ on his last name. Okay now I’m regretting doing this to him. He threw his cigarette on the concrete and pulled out his……fuck. I didn’t realize at the time there was a bulge in his back pocket. He swiftly pulled out his gun and loaded it.

I stared at him from the back window of the bus. “Show yourself. I’m serious! I will blow your fucking head off!” He paused for a second. "Vic?..... Jaime? THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"

I moved from behind the bus. “Hey,” I said to him grinning a little.

He rotated his body around. “Copeland?! Stay behind me. There’s some jackass trying to scare me.”

“Umm, that jackass was me,” I laughed.

“You’re not cool doing that.” He unloaded his gun and shoved it in his back pocket.

“I’m sorry,” I laughed again. “I was just messin' with ya.”

He smiled and gave me a hug. “Is Caesar home?”

He gave me confused look. “You mean Tony?”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

“Uhh, no, you said Caesar, darling,” he laughed.

I gave him an annoyed expression. “My bad, we’re reading Julius Caesar in class and I just..ugh… never mind. Is he home?”

“Yeah, he’s inside. But he’s been really quiet lately.”

“He’s always quiet though. So what’s the difference?” I asked, cocking my head to the side.

“I mean he’s extra quiet and he doesn’t wanna talk with anyone.”

Why do I feel like this is my fault? “I’m guessing that it’s my fault he’s not talking lately,” I admitted while hiding my face.

“Why?” he said reaching in his pocket for another cigarette.

“Well, we had an argument about three weeks ago. I said I didn’t want him to contact me. It made him really upset when he was just trying to help me.”

“Can I ask what the situation was?” he said, puffing on his cig and inhaling it through his mouth.

“I’d rather not say,” I said turning away.

“Alright, well he’s inside. He could be sleeping. I’m not sure. Beware of him changing though. Don’t just walk in the room, knock first or something. He’ll throw a fit if you walk in on him naked.” I laughed aloud. “No seriously, I’ve walked in on him. I’ve experienced it. He’s gonna bitch and groan and probably slam the door in your face.”

I laughed again. I smiled and hugged him. Before I opened the door, Mike said, “Oh yeah, my bro and Jaime aren’t home so no need to worry about them.”

He took another puff before I walked in the bus. I huddled over to the air conditioner coming up from the vent. It was pretty fucking hot outside now. The whole bus was dead silent and cold. The heat wave outside was blazing like crazy. The sun wasn’t out when I was walking over here. It was hiding behind the small clouds.

I huddled my way to the room I suspected Tony to be in because the door was shut. I quietly knocked on the door, just in case he was stripping himself down. No answer. Not a single sound came from the room. I slowly cracked open the door to find a huge bump under a Star Wars blanket. Damn, he’s sleeping. I wanted him to wake up, but I don’t want to disturb him. I’ll just let him rest. He probably had a bad day yesterday and I don’t want to put him in a pissy mood or ruin his nap.

I pulled open the drawers in search of a pen and note paper. I’ll just write down all my thoughts instead on saying them aloud. I won’t remember everything I have to say anyway. I could choke up out of nowhere in the middle of talking to him.

I began to write.

Tony,

You were absolutely right. I was so wrong and I’m sorry. Really, I am terribly sorry. I didn’t know what I was thinking, sticking up for that dick head. I hate myself for this and I hope that you will accept my apology. Please? I’m so sorry! Ugh! Boys really are assholes and I should’ve listened to you. I’m so dumb for not realizing earlier that…that…it doesn’t matter. You already know it so there’s no point in repeating it. So please forgive me? When you get this letter, please text me, okay? I miss talking to you and seeing your beautiful face. So text me, Tone. I’m soo soo sorry! I’m soooooo fucking sorry! I don’t even like Bryan anymore. He has a girlfriend now. Fucker. Okay so I’m still so sorry a billion times, multiply that number by a billion more times and also…you get the picture. Text me so we can talk!

Love,

Cope(:


I placed the note next to his bunk and walked out, closing the door behind me. I hope he takes into consideration that I was wrong. If he doesn’t forgive me, I’ll understand. I’m stupid and worthless. All I ever do is make mistakes and screw everything up. Speaking of mistakes and being worthless, I peered down at my arm. All the those scars that I had the day I… the day I… cut. I started to tear up from the memory I had from it. That day I felt something different. It…hurt. But it felt so good to get all those emotions out by self harming. My goal is to never do it again. But I can’t guarantee it.

*Tony’s POV*

I woke up to a loud Jaime yammering my name, telling me to come eat. Excuse me, not telling, fucking screaming at the top of his lungs! He’s such an ass! Why can’t he check on me first? Dumbfuck.

I forced myself out of bed and slipped on some boxers. Yes, I sleep completely naked. It feels good…so yeah. I rubbed my tired eyes and hopped out of bed. My vision was still a pinch blurry from drinking like a camel yesterday night. I had the worst headeache earlier so I decided to nap for a little. Some rest was just what I needed.

I slowly wobbled my way into the kitchen. “You’re so inconsiderate, Hime. I was sleeping,” I said angrily, slouching myself into a chair.

“Sorry,” Jaime laughed, not looking at me.

We all pulled up a chair at the table and dug into some KFC Vic and Jaime brought for us.

“Damn it, Vic! We’re Mexican, not Black. Taco Bell is the more preferable choice,” Mike added, digging his teeth into a drumstick and ripping a chunk out of it, chewing on it harshly.

“You seem to be taking pleasure in eating it, you skinny fatass,” Vic argued, scooping up a spoonful of mashed potatoes. “I brought this home so shut up and eat your corn.”

I’m enjoying these two brothers argue. I think it’s hilarious!

He shook the now bitten drumstick in his brother’s face. “Never take homeland food away from me. I need it to live properly.”

I chuckled at Mike saying ‘homeland food.’ He’s such a douche. We gathered our plates and rinsed them in the sink. Mike walked up to me.

“Did you see the note Copeland left you?”

What? Copeland? Note? She was here?! When? What the fuck?! “Noooo…..I didn’t know she visited today.”

“Cause you were sleeping…..beauty,” he laughed aloud.

“You’re not funny, dumbass,” I added to his stupid comment about princesses. They think they’re so damn cute and badass because they have people to do shit for them. Princesses my ass! I think that they are actually ugly. Okay, after all that bullshit I just said, Jasmine and Bell are total babes. Just saying.

“I am too! You’re just jealous because you didn’t think about it first,” he said, sticking out his tongue toward me.

“Get lost, Fuentes.” I walked into my room, remembering what Mike said, and briefly sighted a note laying on my drawer. I read it and it made my eyes fill with tears. This is actually touching that she wrote an apology letter. But I’m not going to call or text her. I’m gonna do it old school and show up at her house. That’s the more proper thing to do.

---

“So you’ll forgive me?” Copeland asked with a nervous expression on her face.

“Of course I will, Cope,” I said pulling her body into a hug. “Listen, I’m not mad at you for not listening. I know you’re still growing and learning from your mistakes. So don’t think that I’m upset because I’m not, alright?”

“Alright. Thanks for understanding. I honestly thought you were going to be, like, super crazed and not talk to me anymore.”

“Don’t think that. Remember when I said you could tell me anything? I’m open to talk to you, even if there’s a problem between us. We can always fix it. Everything is just temporary madness.”

She smiled and hugged me tightly. I rubbed comforting circles around her back and leaned my head on her shoulder. We swayed back and forth a little. She slightly tilted her head and faced me. Her eyes shined into mine as the sun from the window reflected on them. She began to lean in closer and closer to my face. Our lips were about to touch. I’ve been waiting for this moment forever. But…I leaned away and stared out the window, letting the impact of the sun clash my face.

Oh God, I hate this. One day. Just one day, I’ll have the courage to just go in for the kill. I want this kiss to be perfect. She told me she never gotten her first kiss before. But I want her to be with someone special. Not me. I’m nothing special. All these emotions accelerate through my body when we’re so close to each other physically and mentally. I guess I’m going to wait for a while. I turned to her.

“I’m sorry. I…can’t now,” I said, staring at my shoelaces.

“It’s okay. It’s my fault. I leaned in.”

“No, it’s not your fault. It’s never your fault.” It‘s mine.
♠ ♠ ♠
*Title Credit: Of Mice and Men!
*Caraphernelia reference;)
*Andy Biersack reference
*Hey Babe, Here's That Song You Wanted reference...sort of. the whole pancakes part but instead i used corn :D
GUY I'M GOING TO WARPED ON FRIDAY AND I'M SOOOO EXCITED TO SEE OF MICE AND MEN, ATTILA, THE COLOR MORALE, AND FALLING IN REVERSE THE MOST! ah!