Gensokyo 20XXIII: Revelations and the War Amongst Fantasy Lands

I awoke to Reimu crying and reaching her arms out. I looked around and found and Yukari was gone. She didn't even leave a note or any sort of sign that she was even leaving or where she was going to, she just vanished. I wondered where it was she had gone to or why she had left and what will happen to her. My heart broke when I thought of the possibility that she might have left to die, freeing up resources. After that, Reimu needed something to cling to and took to clinging to anything she could get hold of and she never seemed to let go. The only thing she didn't cling to was her birth-mother. With barely any food, I really had nothing to feed them and had resignated my time to cuddling my babies, Reimu, my beloved, and Chen. We spent most of our time that way, with nothing else to do. Apparently, this is the beginining of the end and it seemed we were to die.

We waited awhile but there was no sign of Yukari. Maybe she really did leave to die and probably wanted to die alone. If that was the possibility for Yukari, then it would likely that any of us would go off and do the same. After awhile, the air felt even colder and, soon, snowflakes started to fall but there were still no signs of Yukari. In light of winter coming, Sakuya did come out of her catatonic state but was in an immense amount of sorrow. We all knew she wanted to die and wondered why it is she hadn't ended her life by this point. If she had, we would have understood her reasons. Of course, that would mean our numbers would be even lower than before but, then again, it isn't really doing her any good remaining alive just because those precious to her who have died would have wanted it. If anything, they wouldn't have wanted her to suffer but Sakuya still persists. I feel horrible for her and I can only wonder how much it is she suffers. In the end, we're all suffering just as much as she is. Sadly, I came to the realization that she, like Reimu's mother, wasn't to last very long because conditions would have been too harsh for them. Also, like Sakuya, Reimu's mother's hair started to fall out but Sakuya doesn't at all seem to be suffering from a fever or sore throat.

After awhile, I started to spend some periods of the day, sitting in Yukari's room, hearing her voice and responding to it.

"Good night, Ran...."

Goodnight, Yukari, sweet dreams.
***
"I wonder, Yuuka?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think society is still intact?"

"No, dear."
***
I want nothing more than to offer some comfort to Sakuya but I doubt I really can. She is so sad and had lost just about everything she's had. Oh, it is even sadder knowing she wants something to live for and isn't really living for anything. Poor thing, she is. Without anything to really live for, she is no more than walking corpse with very little hair. Life is funny that way, really, and humans are such strange creatures. Nevertheless, I cannot help but to wonder how long she'll even last. She is but a human and her clock will stop someday. With conditions being so harsh as they are, there is a farely good chance that she'll die as soon as they are at their peak. Of course, she might die of the fallout disease or she might grow those things that Eirin called tumors or lesions, what have it.

In wanting something to live for, she started hold out hope for the no longer existant emergency services, even asking if society was even intanct. I felt awful telling her the truth but it would be cruel to deny her the truth. She was in tears afterwards and I felt horrible for crushing her hopes. I suppose it was cruel to crush her hopes and, yet, it would be crueller to withold the truth. I feel even worse crushing her hopes when she is searching for a reason to live. Crumbs! I almost forgot, where is on earth has Yukari gone to? According to Ducksie, she seems to have vanished and she didn't even tell anyone where she was going. It's not like her to leave and not tell anyone where she might be going, not during these times. Then again, she isn't right in the head, so she may have wandered off. No, this isn't like her at all. I am quite sure she will have told someone she was leaving and, if she had wandered off we will have already found her or she would have come back.

Could it be that Yukari has left to die? No, she couldn't have, no, not her. She'd suffer pain and suffering along with or for us before she'd ever decide to leave us. Then again, with so little resources, maybe she just wanted to be one less mouth to feed. Oh, I do believe my heart has broken.
***
"Oh, hey there kid."

"Sukka."

"Come 'ere kid, you can sit with me for a long time."

"Mind if I sit here, too?"

"Sure, come 'ere, Chen."
***
I'm sober but I ain't not alone. Not this time. I don't mind being sober, so long as I'm not alone. It's cold outside but I'm fine. I have company and, no matter how cold it is, I always feel warms. Especially since Reimu and Chen are by my side. They haven't been feelin to happy, especially since fatass left. As we sat together, Chen asked me if fatass was gonna come back to which I responded, "Hmm, I don't know kid but I'm pretty sure she's gonna come back for ya's." I dried her tears with my hair, telling her that fat ass isn't that sort of person to leave without a reason and that she'll definately come back. I also told 'em I didn't know when she'll come back but when she does, things will be better. I knew deep within fatass was gonna come back and when she does, things will indeed get better.

Can't wait to see ya' again, fatass.
***
"Big sister, Ran's crying out again."

"Yes, yes, she is."
***
Day and night, we could hear Ran crying out for Yukari. Her cries were so full of anguish, the very sounds of a broken heart. I still wonder where is it Yukari has gone. I guess we'll never find out and we may never find out her reasons. She left without telling anyone where it was she was going or why she was leaving. Even though she is mentally unstable, she still will have told someone or, at least, gave a hint. Instead, she did neither. Still, that didn't stop Ran from crying out for her. I'm surprised Reimu isn't crying out for her but, then again, Reimu probably is in her heart. The more I heard and the more I thought about those cries, the more I felt my heart break. My heart isn't the only that is broken. Apparently, Koishi's is as well and her condition has slightly worsened.

If it wasn't Ran's cries I could hear, it was Sakuya's thoughts. She hardly had any but I can tell by her thoughts she is miserable. In reading her thoughts, I continued to hear, "Live, you must live." There isn't any such thing as living if it means being no more than a shell. Sakuya, the once Perfect Elegant Maid, was now no more than a shell. In the end, we are all no more than shells when we there is no purpose to go on living without any sort of reason or when hope has been lost.

I suppose that is the way things should be in the winter that enfolds.
***
The world is
without sunshine and the only season that
became is winter

The world is at winter's mercy and it has no sunshine