Staring at Each Other

Hilary Donovan stood in the middle of Brad’s living room, watching him watching her. The night had been different, the air charged, words unspoken. Two days earlier his best friend had been traded and her best friend had shot him down hard. Now, here they stood, eyeing each other unsure what was to happen next.

She knew what she wanted. She had wanted him since the minute her eyes locked on him. She had been waitressing two summers earlier when he was seated in her section. At the time, she hadn’t realized he was a big deal, just thought he a cocky son of a bitch with a napoleon complex. Then he'd been back the next day, and the day after that before asking for her number. She had given it to him without hesitation. That was how they had started.

Over the course of two years, the parameters of their relationship changed and shifted. That first year it was mostly casual and she knew he flirted with other women, slept with other women. Once she knew what he did, she knew what came with the association. She knew she wasn't the only one but she hoped that one day, maybe he’d see things differently.

Slowly, things did change and that past year, it felt more exclusive. She knew she was the only girl in Boston that had his attention, but she never asked about the road. She let it be, happy for what she had. She knew it made her seem desperate, maybe even a gold digger but she didn’t care. She knew what she felt and she knew she wasn't those things, knew that he knew she wasn't those things.

She was hopelessly in love with Brad Marchand and she would wait a hundred years for his heart to catch up with hers if that’s what it took.

She had seen Tyler and Brad walk in that night, observed a conversation between them, the earnest look in Tyler’s eye as he spoke. When he disappeared and Brad made his way towards her, she smiled and lifted her hand to wave at him. He enveloped her in his arms as soon as he reached her, pulling her into a mind numbing kiss that lasted longer than necessary for the public setting they were in. She didn't care. She wanted this. She wanted all of him. And with whatever Pressley and Tyler had going on slipping away, her heart reminded her brain that it could be the same for her one day.

“What are we doing, Brad?” Hilary finally asked to break the silence.

He shook his head, as if to shake away a fog. “What are we doing?” he repeated.

“Yeah, me and you. What are we doing? Are we or aren’t we? I’ve waited for you but is that worth my time? Should I be waiting? Should I have given up already?”

He closed the distance between them swiftly. “Don’t give up on me,” he said as he pulled her body into his. “Please don’t give up on me.”

Ever since Pressley had joined them that night at the bar and told them about the conversation with Tyler, he had felt the pull at his heart. What if it were Hilary? What if it were her saying those things to him? He understood in an instant what Tyler had been trying to say when they had arrived at the bar and it was then, as Pressley had rolled her eyes, laughing as she recounted to them the things Tyler had said that he knew.

He knew he had been a complete and utter jackass for two years to a woman who didn’t deserve that, to a woman he didn’t deserve. He wanted to fix it, to make it right, to give himself to her.

“I’m an idiot, Hils. I was too stupid to realize what I had, right here, with you. I don’t even know that I deserve a chance with you, not after all the shit I’ve done.”

She kissed him swiftly, silencing his thoughts. “I don’t want to know about that.”

“I owe you the truth.”

“Here’s the truth I want to know....do you want to be with me?”

“Yes.”

“Only me?”

“Fuck yeah.”

“Do you promise to be faithful to me, to give up whatever has happened on the road, here in Boston, for me?”

“Will you promise to be patient with me and help me be a better person?”

“I can promise that.”

“Than I can promise you that I’m all yours....I just don’t know how to do that exactly.”

Hilary laughed. “At least you’re honest.”

“I’ve never not been honest with you, Hils. If you had ever asked, I would’ve told you anything you wanted to know.”

“I know that, but I didn't want to know so I didn’t ask. I love you, Brad. And I know you’re not there but that’s okay. Maybe I should have said something sooner, but I was scared to lose you so I didn’t. I took whatever I could have because that’s how much you mean to me.”

“I don’t want what happened to Tyler to happen to me and you. I want to make this work.”

“Good news,” Hilary giggled. “I think you are redeemable. Presley however does not share the same idea about Tyler. She thinks you’re both toxic. I think you’re just misunderstood.”

“At least you get it,” he grinned. “Now if only everyone else could see it your way.”

Hilary laughed. He loved her laugh. How had he not realized this before? “How did I not realize this before?” he said out loud. She laughed again.

“Because you’re a boy,” she answered him. “I was hoping you’d come around eventually.”

“I don’t know why you waited.”

“I wanted to.”

“I’m glad you did.”

She smiled at him. “Clean slate, starting right now. This is the beginning for us, this is the night we started dating, became a couple. Agreed?” She stuck her hand out to him and Brad shook it.

“Our first night,” he smirked, picking her up in his arms and carrying her up the stairs. “Our first time,” he whispered.

FIN