The Babysitter

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Ava got up out of the bed, reaching for a pair of jeans and a tee shirt she forwent any kind of bra or underwear, deciding she didn't feel like digging for it. Her memory of the night before was stilted. She remembered speeding away from Billie's house, sneaking back into her house and borrowing some of Cara's clothes. Then getting to the club. After that it started going hazy. She vaguely remembered Tre's phone call. She remembered dropping acid.

She padded down the hallway looking for signs of life. The door to Billie's bedroom was open and she could hear him rummaging around. “Billie?” He stalked out of the bathroom, a carry on bag in one hand and her magenta colored hair dryer in the other. She furrowed her brow. “What're you doing?”

“Tre and Cara went to get your car.” He tossed the bag on the bed, in went the hair dryer and he zipped it up, going to the closet he came back with a duffel bag. He was halfway out the door before he stopped, reaching into the bedside table he grabbed a white box wrapped in a blue ribbon. He tossed it to her negligently, “That was supposed to be for graduation.” And then he was out the door.

Ava followed, undoing the ribbon as she went. She let it flutter to the floor and opened the box as he turned into the guest bedroom.

The bracelet was a heavy piece of copper with a deep red garnet in it's center. Just something Ava would have picked out for herself with a Hindi design etched all in it. She turned it over and winced, he'd had it engraved. Wherever you go, I'll be there .

“Billie-”

He was stuffing clothes in the duffel bag.

“What're you doing?”

“Packing.”

“The bracelet's gorgeous.”

“They wouldn't take it back.” He went back to shoving clothes into the bag.

“Can we at least talk about this?”

He sighed, dropping the clothes and sitting on the bed, arms crossed over his chest. He raised his eyebrows, his entire face condescending. “So? Talk.”

She put the box down on the table, then worried her left thumb with her right hand. “Are you really going to kick me out for partying with Cara?”

His eyes widened and he stared at her for a second, then he laughed. It was a raw sound and Ava winced. “Are you really going to stand there and pretend that's what all this is about?” He rolled his eyes, getting up and going back to packing, “Jesus, Ava!”

“What're you talking about? What did I say?” She grabbed the tee shirt out of his hand, “Would you stop doing that for a second and talk to me?”

“Are you really going to stand there and tell me you didn't suck off your ex-boyfriend last night?”

She paled. “What're you talking about?”
“Matt Parker, Ava. When Tre found you, you were fucking topless on some table his... spunk all over you and you're going to stand there and tell me-”

“Matt was there?” She thought back, trying to remember. Billie waited, watching her face a she sifted through memory, noting the exact moment when comprehension dawned. “Oh. My. God. Billie I'm so-”

“Don't you dare tell me you're sorry.” He glared and she felt the prick of tears. “Don't stand there and cry, and expect me to just get over it. Because I'm done with this teen angst bullshit. I told you not to go. I told you something like this would happen and instead of listening to me-”

“I'm sorry okay? What would you have done? You were treating me like a kid!”

“You are a kid, Ava! You're a fucking kid!” He laughed, “And last night you went off to do what kids do and-”

“I don't remember it, Billie! I know it happened, but I don't fucking remember-”

“And that makes it worse!” He ran a hand through his hair, ignoring how her eyes were glittering. He never could take her crying. “Dammit, Ava, I should-of- But you're so young and I was pissed and it was Tre instead of me and-”

She sighed, “Are you mad because I gave my ex-boyfriend a blow-job, or are you pissed because it was somebody else who rescued me?”

He turned back to the bag, not commenting and Ava mad ea frustrated noise. She reached around him, pulling out a stack of clothing and throwing them back on the pile. Billie didn't look at her, throwing the same stack back into the duffel. She repeated the action and so did he. It went on like that for a full minute before he cursed, grabbing her by the upper arms and forcibly moving back from the bed.

“I'm not letting it end like this,” she said finally, struggling against his hands. He tightened his hold and she struggled harder.

He shook her, hard. “Ava, stop it.” Then released her, going back to what he was doing. She stared at his back for one beat, then two before launching herself at him, her arms going round his waist, her cheek pressed to his shoulder blade. He stood, frozen. Waiting for her to move.

“You still love me, I know you do.”

He put the clothes on the bed and gently disentangled her, “Finish packing your stuff. I”m going to wait for Tre.”

She watched him walk away, her emotions warring. He'd never been especially angry with her before. They'd had spats, sure, but nothing anywhere near this. She sighed, the fact that she could go down on Matt and not remember it made her sick. Literally she could feel her stomach roiling, but the fact that Billie could get so angry with her, especially considering... She made a decision and followed after him at an almost dead run.

He was in the kitchen, pouring himself a healthy dose of Jim Beam. She stopped in the doorway and he capped the bottle. “What.”

“I'm not letting it end like this.”

He sighed, taking a swig of the bourbon. “It already has, kid.”

“I could forgive you anything, you know that, right?” She crossed her arms and leaned against the door jam. He rolled his eyes.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

Ava sighed, knowing it was a low blow, but also knowing that it'd been festering for a while. “I know I screwed up, Billie. I should have never gone off with Cara. But what happened with Matt- it would never have happened if I'd been sober-”

“What's your point Ava?”

“How long do you want me to keep pretending you're not still having sex with Adrienne?”

He froze, the glass halfway to his mouth.

“I told you they'd be fighting!” Cara's voice crowed from the doorway and Ava whirled. Her friend waved. Tre and Billie were doing that boy-telepathy thing with their eyes.

“Yeah...” he grabbed Cara's wrist, “I think Good Morning America's still on.”

“Are you nuts? I want to watch this!”

“Cara, come on.” Tre was already manhandling the blonde down the hall to the rec room. Ava could hear them fighting even after they'd rounded a corner.

Billie waited until he heard doors slam before she saw any kind of reaction and Ava took a second to marvel at his control. “Say that again?” He murmured quietly, giving her a chance to take it back, maybe.

“You heard me,” and she was proud of how her voice didn't shake.

It was almost funny, she watched the anger shiver through him. He tightened his hand on the glass, then calmed, then the glass was arching through the air and shattering in the sink. Ava almost stumbled back a step when he started toward her, but no, she'd said it and damned if she was taking it back.

Tre and Cara were gone, but she wondered if they'd come if she yelled. He was so close now she could smell the bourbon on his breath. “What the hell does Adrienne have to do with any of this?”

“I'm not stupid, Billie.” She spoke softly because she didn't trust herself not to shake. “That trip to Disney before we got together?”

His hands clenched to fists and his breath hitched.

Ava crossed her arms under breasts and her breath sighed out. She hated this, hated talking about it because somewhere, deep in her heart of hearts, she believed he had the right. Was justified even. But that didn't make it hurt any less. “Or that two weeks in March? Jake told me, Billie!” She didn't even try to check the tears anymore, “He was so happy because it was like you guys were like a family again and I was happy for him-- really I was-- but it hurt so much because you weren't returning my calls and then you were back and pretending like it never happened and nothing was wrong and it h-hurt that you'd lie!”

She shoved past him, no longer afraid. Maybe no longer caring. But ti didn't matter because all the fight had left him. “Ava-”

She wiped her eyes surreptitiously and then promptly teared up again. “I know what you say, Billie,” she turned back to him and tried to ignore the way he looked pained. Concerned even. Because if she paid attention then she'd let it go because the last thing she wanted was for him to be worried about her. “How am I supposed to believe you, though? You say you love me- but you'll be with h-her. How am I supposed to believe that this is anything real? That it means... anything?”

She couldn't look at him, close to sobbing outright she forced herself to take slow, even breaths. Billie stared at her shaking shoulders, tried to muster the strength to say that it was different. That he was allowed. He tried to remember all the excuses and justifications he'd come up with at the time.

He touched her shoulder and she jerked away from him. That hurt. “Ava, please,” her hands gripped the edge of the counter, her body tense, but her head was turned away from him and he knew how much the careful control cost her. “Baby, please, Ava don't cry,” she finally let him hold her. Defeat like salt in the back of her throat.

But it felt so good to have him hold her again. And to finally, finally feel like it was just them and not her and him and this other thing hanging between them. “I just don't want to lie anymore,” she bit out finally, her arms snaked around his neck, her face pressed to the pulse there.

He made a sound in the back of his throat, arms tightened around her waist he lifted her, holding her tighter before setting her back on her feet. “I should have told you, baby,” he murmured against her neck. “It should never've...” He sighed, “I'm so sorry.”

“I just don't understand why,” she murmured finally. He winced.

“Because- it was familiar, I guess. Because I could be with her who I've always been and because she understands me.”

Ava sighed against his neck. That was painful. She wanted to argue that she understood too. And she did. But it was different. Hers was understanding born of absolute trust. Adrienne understood him because of shared experience. And Ava was jealous as hell. “I told you from the beginning I wasn't going to try to be your wife.”

He disentangled her arms from his neck, taking her by the shoulders he shook her gently, forcing her to look him in the eye. “I haven't been with her since March. I realized- I didn't- dammit, kid it was a stupid mistake.” He rolled his eyes, “It's not happening again.”

Ava arched an eyebrow in a look that he knew well.

“We had the exact same problems we'd had in the first place.”

“So do we, Billie,” she sniffed, wiping her eyes and sighing. “I'm still seventeen. I do seventeen year old things and I'll keep doing them until I'm eighteen.”

He sighed, “You really scared me last night, you know.”

She nodded, “I know,” she lifted a shoulder, “But it's just as much who I am as what you're used to.”

He kissed her, deep and thorough. Ava gave herself over to it, moaning. Grateful his anger had abated. His lips were more urgent, his fingers skimming down her sides and under the shirt. When he broke the kiss, setting her on her feet he grinned, noting her eyes were glassy with desire.

“Last night wasn't you,” he said confidently, “It was Cara,” he kissed her again, then pecked her nose, “Let's get you unpacked.

He turned to go and Ava gaped at him. “You're serious?”

“What?” He stopped at the door, obviously confused.

“Billie... how can you not-” she ran a hand through her hair and waved the other one at him, “Hello! Girl who randomly gets tattooed on trips to New York and changes her hair color like every other week!”

“So?”

“So- last night with Cara-” she sighed, “I felt free. I didn't have to worry about did or you and it was nice just being me- doing what I wanted to do how I wanted to do it and I didn't have to worry about the look on your face when I was done, either.”

“Are you telling me that you're a different person when you're around me?” His arms were crossed over his chest and his voice was soft.

“Yes-No! ... Dammit, I don't know.” She sighed, “It's just ever since-” she didn't want to say Adrienne's name, but she knew he knew, “It's just always been in the back of my head. If I screw up, then that's it.” And the last of it, the thing that scared her bone deep, “I just don't wanna lose you, Billie.”

He was silent, the sparkling tile of the kitchen spread between them. Separating them. “If that's how you feel...” his hand passed over his face and he shook his head. “I can't do this, I'm sorry.”

And then he was gone.