Guilty Pleasures

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Prologue

Richard held the hand of his lover of eight years and waved to the people on the platform below. A structure that extended out to shore supported by pillars had provided them with access to the Sapphire Princess, their home away from home for the next two weeks.

He didn't know what compelled him to decide that two weeks on the open seas with Wil Davis would help their relationship. It certainly wasn't the thought, 'we can't get away from each other on this rowboat in the middle of the ocean, so we'll be forced to stay together to work out our problems.'

'Where's my respite? My reprieve?' Richard wondered.

Nonetheless, they were both all for getting away from coworkers, family, and friends who had nothing but crappy advice for reconnecting the pair, to bring the embers back to life.

'Stay in bed together all weekend,' was one suggestion. On a Friday night, they went to bed and made love, and it was passionate and loving. Exactly one hour to the second from when they pulled the blankets back and got into bed, they were finished and bored. Wil went to his computer and Richard clicked on the TV.

They even had a threesome with a willing friend. It was fun, entertaining, and new, but the next day, Wil and Richard felt awkward for going through with it. It made get-togethers with the third man, Kane, uncomfortable. Richard couldn't even speak to him. His mouth became dry and full of cotton and his mind drew a blank as to what to say to him. What could he say to Kane? 'I loved watching you suck my boyfriend's dick and the way your ass tastes.' No. When he saw Kane in a regular setting such as a restaurant, he envisioned him naked with a hard on, wet lips, and an eager look in his eyes.

'Buy new sex toys, something you haven't tried before,' or, 'Come up with a brand new position.' The pair turned to sex books. They tried positions that looked interesting with a new toy—a dick pump.

Richard and Wil tried different poses and postures, tiring and uncomfortable, and in most cases, laughable. If anyone could have seen them, they'd be labeled perverted and deviant. The wheelbarrow position didn't work well and neither did the one where Wil was upside down; his elbows and head supporting his body. Richard stepped over Wil's leg and held up his other leg while entering him. The position didn't hold out well. Wil tipped over taking Richard with him. His back was out for three days due to the fall.

And really, it wasn't only the sex that needed spicing up. They rarely spoke of feelings. If one mentioned going to a movie, the other just went along with it because there was nothing better to do. They were in a rut and it was something both of them acknowledged. Hence, Richard researched cruises while Wil looked into other types of trips. They got together one night after the research was finished and talked about the pros and cons of each suggestion.

A cruise is something neither of them had experienced and sounded reasonable; at least compared to Wil's suggestion of White Water River rafting in South Africa, climbing Mount Khuiten in Mongolia, or surfing in Indonesia. Richard was exhausted just thinking about doing any of those activities. This was supposed to be a vacation, not a strenuous workout. They'd need a vacation after the vacations Wil suggested. It wasn't that they weren't in shape, but the things Wil suggested were experiences Richard would have appreciated in his twenties. As it was, they were in their late thirties and Richard was more careful about stretching his limits. He wasn't about to challenge his mortality rate by chancing death defying feats.

A cruise it was and here they were.

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Guilty Pleasures

My dark haired boyfriend, Wil, turned me and settled his lips on mine. I'd love to say that I felt that overwhelming sensation of love bursting forth. I'd love to say that his touch lifted me off my feet and sent me soaring. I would love to say that I was unequivocally in love with him, but I couldn't. I do love him, but we've grown apart and now we act like very good friends. Neither of us has brought up a trial separation and it's because we're too comfortable with what we've fallen into, even if it doesn't make either one of us happy. We're glorified roommates with benefits and the obligation of monogamy; something we both strongly feel is important, except when we invited Kane into our sexual life, which was a mutual agreement and a stupid idea.

"Do you really think this will re-awaken our passion?"

I raised and lowered my brows. "I hope so." I answered.

"What if it doesn't, Richard? What if we're doomed? I love you, but something needs to change. We need to change."

My eyes wandered to the other passengers as the horn went off, long and loud. People young and old and in between, gay, straight, lesbian and families surrounded us. I gazed into Wil's brown eyes. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"There's always counseling."

Wil's eyes left mine, roaming out to the ocean. He clutched the railing and heaved a sigh.

"I thought we decided another person's advice wouldn't be able to help us?"

"I know, but I really want to do something to make this work. I don't want to give up."

I didn't either. I had so much invested in this relationship. We had a house together, furniture, the works. It would be a messy breakup to divide our things. Yet, one I hoped would be cordial and friendly at best if it came down to it.

"Now is not the time to talk about this. We're on a cruise to relax and figure our shit out." Yes, I became irritated. This always happened with us. We got on each other's nerves when we were around one another for too long. His open-mouthed gum chewing, forgetting to replace empty toilet paper rolls, and spending so much time on the computer irked me. My laughing at my own jokes, bossiness, and spending money on unneeded items angered him.

We departed Los Angeles, where we live, and were on our way to the Hawaiian Islands and back home again. Waiters dressed formally in black tuxedos walked about with glasses of champagne or refreshing fruit drinks on silver trays, politely wishing us all a wonderful trip as they stopped briefly to allow us to take a glass. Waitresses in the cliché 'little black dress' made the rounds with trays of hors devours including pan seared sea scallops with wasabi ginger sauce or seared steak lettuce cups.

The four hundred or so crowd dispersed, some went inside to see what the liner offered in ways of shops and restaurants or to look at their rooms. Others headed to the other decks to see what the boat presented in ways of outdoor games, pools and hot tubs. Wil and I stayed where we were in silence. I debated going to our cabin to check out the size of the room and I'm sure he wanted to go have another drink in one of the bars and lounges inside.

I looked at him, really stared for the first time in a long time. He was good looking and had a great body. We both ate right and limited the amount of junk food in our home.

His khaki covered ass was a mound of bubbliness, as was mine, but his was one of the best I'd ever encountered and sadly, right now, I couldn't even appreciate it because of the ambivalence I felt toward him. The dark curly hair on his legs crept all the way up to his chest; I could see it poking out from the top of his A-shirt. He was facing the sun, which glinted off the few grey hairs he had on his temples, and brought out the silvery, curly ones among the dark ones on his chest.

We'd met through a mutual girl friend that set us up and it was love at first sight for each of us. We were surprised at the rate we moved in our relationship. It was an ideal situation up to a year ago when I sensed he was bored, and frankly I was too.

He was always on his computer, he often didn't come to bed, opting to sleep on the couch, and our conversations dwindled. At first, I was happy he was occupied with the computer and didn't come to bed because I didn't have to talk to him or look at him. I didn't have to feign interest in his job or what he had for lunch and who he talked to. We'd grown apart emotionally. There were still the physical motions to go through and even that had become predictable and mundane.

That led us here.

"I'm going to walk around and check out the ship. Do you want to accompany me?" I put my hand on his back to await his answer. He was slow to reply.

"Nah, I think I'll stay here and catch some sun."

He pushed himself from the railing and faced me. "I'll meet up with you in the cabin before dinner."

"Okay."

"It's formal, right?"

"Just this first night."

"And we're assigned a table with how many other people?"

He asked with hope because he and I knew it would be better to converse with others than be alone with one another at a table with nothing to say.

"If I recall correctly there's you and I and four others. We won't know who's with us until we're seated." I wrung my hands regarding the next sentence. "So, you don't want to catch lunch with me later?"

He shook his head. "I may fall asleep on one of the chaise lounges. I didn't sleep well last night."

Neither had I. We'd packed after work and ordered take out, then we did our normal routine; he was on the computer and I was in the bedroom watching television halfheartedly while contemplating what might happen when this cruise was over. I have to say it did worry me. Losing Wil would be comparable to losing that comfort item you'd want with you on a deserted island, but would tire of it after a while. We had to come away from this closer than before. We just had to.

"See you later then." I kissed his sun-warmed cheek and smiled before I walked away, my sandals clipping on my heels with every step. It was a warm sunny day and I took my mirrored sunglasses that I'd hooked into the top of my shirt when we boarded and put them on.

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After I'd walked nearly the whole ship, inside and out, and glanced around the souvenir and retail shops, lounges, the dining area, salon, art gallery, and several showrooms where we'd catch a performance, I headed for one of the nightclubs. I'd definitely get Wil to come here. Dancing can be sexual without being obvious and it just might get us to that place we needed to be in to continue our relationship after several hours of dancing 'foreplay'.

I took a seat at the bar regardless of the time. I had to change for dinner soon, but I needed a stiff drink first, not that I rely on alcohol for strength or courage. I needed to take the edge off my anxiousness. Wil and I would be sleeping together in the same queen bed for two weeks, unless he found somewhere else to be. I could see him wanting to sleep under the stars on deck. If he was going to mention that, I was going to remind him why we're here—to find ourselves back to one another. I shouldn't assume he'd say or do that, but we were in this together and this was our last shot for happiness.

I ordered a shot of Tequila and swallowed it in one gulp, paid the bartender, and headed to our cabin. We'd paid for one of the nicer rooms because we figured we may as well live in a comfortable room if we were to be on the ocean for fourteen days—and we could afford it.

I fished my room key/credit card out of my wallet, slid it through the slot, and walked into our room. Wil was in his underwear, still wet from his shower.

"How was your tour?" He asked without turning from the closet. He must have come here early to unpack. He'd sorted our clothes, hung up the shirts and dress pants, and put the casual wear in the dresser.

"This is a nice ship. I think we'll enjoy ourselves." I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed the nape of his neck. "Do you like this?" I whispered near his ear and kissed him again.

"Yeah."

I stepped away, but he came at me.

"I mean yes. I do, Richard. I want this to be the way we used to be. I want you and me to get back what we've lost."

He tugged me close and hugged me tight. I hugged back solemnly and took hold of those mounds I so loved at one time, the same ones that years ago I couldn't stop touching, kneading, or tasting.

He moaned and I felt him growing harder against me. I reacted too and soon I was undressed and his clean underwear was askew on the top edge of the bathroom door. Despite my continuous fluctuation of feelings for Wil, I made love to him.

Sex does not heal, it's merely a Band-Aid, but it's one we need because that's the only way we connect and communicate nowadays; through a series of moans and desperate groans and eager fingers and hands grasping slippery skin to hold onto as if the fragility of our relationship could be sewn together with cries of love and encouragement.

It was a temporary repair on a large wound, but it did the trick for a while. We coveted each other and basked in the heat we'd created by friction. I kissed him and told him that I loved him, and I do. I do love him. I'm just not in love with him anymore. He returned the kiss and proclaimed to love me too. For a few blissful, worry free minutes, it seemed that this was the answer to our problems. This cruise could really make us whole again.

I smiled and he returned one before he told me he hadn't felt more alive with me in a long time—excluding Kane. We both felt very alive then, but bringing another person into an already failing relationship spelled disaster. It didn't break us, but with three people, there's always one that doesn't get as much attention. It's as though you're watching porn instead of participating and you're left wondering if he would rather be with the 'extra' man than with you.

I rolled out of bed to shower while he dressed. He chose my clothes for the evening because I had no time to sift through the closet to find my formal wear.

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He and I took the stairs to the main deck. Since I'd meandered around and checked out the place earlier, I knew where to go. My stride quickened and I heard Wil.

"Wait."

I slowed and glanced over my shoulder. He took one running step, landed beside me, and clutched my hand, then he grinned and nodded forward, indicating that we should continue. His fingers enter the spaces between mine and we both squeeze simultaneously. This was good. It felt right and a flutter rose in my stomach that had long been weighted down by vacillation. I understood now that his attention was something I've missed greatly. I returned it as I know I haven't paid him much in the past year. Happily, we swung our arms and approached the main dining room.

We had our choice of restaurants, but dining here was free, included in our cruise package, and we'd get to meet other passengers at our table. The friendly maître d' escorted us to our linen covered, round table with a vase of carnations next to crusty bread in a basket already placed in the center. I'd skipped lunch, unless you count the shot of alcohol I'd had, and I was starving.

Wil and I took our seats. I sat next to the man that was there with a woman and Wil sat next to me. Time for introductions.

I reached forward. "Hello, I'm Richard Parker and this is my partner, Wil Davis."

I was pleased when the man shook my hand and introduced himself and his wife. "I'm Daniel Thorne and this is my wife, Amy."

"How long have you been married?" Wil asked what I would have, if given a second.

"Twenty five years. This is our anniversary gift to one another."

Daniel glanced at his wife who was smiling and pecked her on the lips. They were a handsome couple and I wondered how they had stayed together so long when Wil and I couldn't even get past eight years.

Amy's eyes caught mine. "How long have you been married?"

It was an innocent enough question. I heard Wil chuckle and answer, "We're not married."

I saw Amy's face darken in embarrassment and I tried to save face. "We're actually taking this cruise to spend more time together." I glanced at Wil and smiled, showing I was committed to working hard on it.

Amy spoke up then. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude."

I waved her off. "You haven't, we're also here to get to know other people and enjoy ourselves." I set my hand over Wil's in plain sight on the table to show her.

Daniel talked about his job in advertising and Amy spoke of her charity work and gardening. By the way they dressed and held themselves we could see they were from money. Wil and I aren't bad off, but the diamonds in Amy's ears, on her necklace and in her four karat diamond ring said they were rich.

Amid Wil's explanation of his job description as writer for a sports magazine, the maître d' had walked to our table and interrupted.

"Pardon me, the rest of the party is here. Enjoy your meal and thank you for being patient." He turned abruptly and left the two young men with brown hair, one longhaired and the other shorthaired, staring dumbfounded at the four of us.

One turned to the other and whispered. All I could hear was the word 'old', then they both laughed quietly to each other. Sure, we were older than these 'kids', but half the passengers on the ship were older. If they wanted younger company, they should have gone to one of the clubs or bars to eat and hang out with the younger crowd. Besides, they weren't even dressed properly to eat here! Jeans and half a shirt didn't make you look respectable, they were messy and irresponsible according to my perception.

I noticed Wil staring, so I checked them out too as they pulled out their chairs and took a seat.

"Uh, I'm Dirk Ryan."

Dirk was cute with large doe-like brown eyes and short brown hair. He was probably in his mid-twenties, as was the other one.

"And I'm Kit."

Kit didn't offer a last name, but that was ok. I was busy staring. He wasn't merely cute, he was really good looking. His light brown hair was an organized shaggy mess. His blue eyes darted around the table at each one of us and his pink lips were frozen in a half smile. I'd noticed the younger generation was in much better shape than I was when I was their age due to the gyms on every street corner and the array of healthy bistros and restaurants, but something told me these two didn't need to watch what they ate. They were fit and muscular and age hadn't made them succumb to diets and workout regimens yet.

The rest of us introduced ourselves, then we sat in silence until Dirk made a comment, looking at us all, one at a time.

"We didn't mean to interrupt your conversation."

"No problem. We were talking about work, which should be banned from all conversations while one is on vacation." Wil said and chuckled. I studied my boyfriend's face. He was looking right at Dirk. My eyes drifted to Kit to see where his gaze had settled; it was on me. I gave him a hasty smile and patted Wil on the leg to get his attention and that's when the waiters appeared with our plates of delicious smelling food.

Dialogue of where we were from and other aspects of our lives were exchanged between bites of tender steak, buttery baked potatoes, and crisp green beans. Dessert came with flavored coffee or an after dinner drink. After our plates were removed, we chatted a bit more, then we all stood up and pushed our chairs in.

Daniel and Amy excused themselves to gaze at the sunset out on the upper deck of the ship. I'd enjoyed their company and agreed to catch up with them again. That left Wil and I with the young men. It appeared as if they weren't sure if they should leave or stay.

Dirk was fidgeting and Kit was gnawing on his lower lip, both staring at the table.

Wil and I shared a look, then he spoke up. "We're going to a club. You're welcome to tag along with us old men if you want to."

I knew he was teasing. We'd both heard the 'old' remark the young men had whispered about. We weren't so old that our hearing was gone.

"Which club?" Dirk asked, looking right at Wil, who in turn, questioned me with his eyes for the answer; I'd been to all three after all.

The one where I had a drink seemed the most gay friendly, so I mentioned it. "The Blue Iguana had a lively crowd." I was wondering if I'd made a mistake by assuming they were gay instead of merely friends, but it was confirmed they were together as a couple when Kit took Dirk's hand, leaned in, and spoke in his ear.

Dirk was first to reply. "Sure. We'll go for a while. We can show you old-timers how people dance. No one does the Jitterbug or the Charleston anymore."

My mouth dropped open and the young ones began to laugh.

"I wasn't even alive in the nineteen-thirties." I claimed in a high voice from shock.

Wil added his two cents. "Just how old do you think we are? What is old to you?"

Kit shrugged with a shit-eating grin. "Anyone over thirty." He slapped Dirk's arm, laughing.

I rolled my eyes back before they settled on the two smart-asses, whereas Wil took the bait, chuckled, and made a joke of his own.

"I'll bet your parents gave you a curfew. Perhaps you should go back to your room and go to bed."

"How old are you boys?" I used the term boys to put them in place and to show that I thought they were young and immature.

"We're here together. We're both nineteen."

Again, my mouth dropped open. Twenty years younger than Wil and I. I heard Wil blow out a breath.

"What about you two?" Kit asked, gazing at Wil, then at me.

"I am old enough to know not to answer that question." I replied with a snarky tone and a smile.

"Bet you're my dad's age." Dirk was the one with the mouth. Teasing or not, I really felt old now. Nonetheless, I think they could be fun and Wil and I would regain some of our youthfulness, not that we couldn't be fun and carefree, but I assumed we both wanted to experience what the youth thought was exciting in this day and age.

"Let's go old-timer." Dirk said to Wil.

"You're gonna be in trouble if you keep that up." Wil countered.

"You gonna put me in time-out?" Dirk flirted outwardly and stepped closer to him while snickering.

Wil shook his head in disbelief. Was shamelessly flirting a common thing nowadays?

Kit narrowed his eyes at me and smirked. "Show us where this club is, daddy-o."

Oh man... this kid was asking for it. "Is Kit your full name or is it short for Kitten?" Dumb comeback, I know, but kitten was a feminine term and I'd hoped I'd embarrassed him. No such luck, he purred at me!

Had he been trying to seduce me? Kids these days, you didn't know whether they were serious or making fun of you.

Wil and I walked behind the two jokers who were holding each other around the waist.

"Funny guys." I said to Wil.

"Definitely. I feel decades younger already." Sarcasm was one of his specialties.

Kit and Dirk laughed about something and intentionally bumped into each other.

"I didn't think they were gay when they first came to the table."

Wil showed amusement with a chuckle. "You didn't? All you had to do is look at how they're dressed. No straight man would wear a yellow and pink tank and feel confident in it."

"You're right, but with youth today, one never knows what they're thinking. Do you think we're old?" I asked with a wariness that made me sound insecure.

"Nah." He kissed my cheek as a gesture of reassurance and turned straight ahead with a smile on his face. We both watched the boys walk with a bounce in their step.

"The club is up ahead on the left." I told them, seeing the neon sign and a blue iguana curled around the letters of the club's name. Before we even entered, we could hear dance music. Surely, I'd end up with a headache by the time the night was through due to the blare from obnoxious beats. And, as if by some telepathic signal, Dirk turned.

"I think this is too loud for you guys."

"We'll be fine." Wil answered him and said to me, "The nerve of that punk."

"They're kids, they're having fun by teasing us. We shouldn't let it get to us. Let's just have fun and enjoy the night." Now I had to convince myself of that very thing. I squeezed his ass as we walked up to the bouncer to show our I.D. and get a stamp so we could have alcohol to drink at the bar.

"I'm glad we didn't have kids." I remarked out of the blue.

Wil never wanted kids and I had. I'd finally come to terms with not having children. I loved my independence. A baby would complicate things and make our relationship worse off. We'd both be tired and irritable all the time from nighttime feedings, baby illnesses, and not being able to rest. Therefore, what I did was donate to a sperm bank as an open donor four years ago. I felt productive by helping a couple or one person that longed for a baby like I had at one time.

I pocketed my photo I.D. and went inside. Laser beams from above and pumping colored lights of the dance floor shone in my face. I wished I'd brought my sunglasses. Squinting, I saw Dirk and Kit engaged on the edge of the crowd closest to us. Dancing certainly was more sensual than it had been when I was their age. Grinding and thrusting, touching skin under shirts and kissing seemed to be the norm here.

"I guess we should try to fit in." I turned to Wil who had his eyes fixed on several couples nearly having sex over their clothes while dancing.

"I've only seen this in movies. I didn't think people really danced like this."

"Don't be intimidated. There are older men and women in here, as well as the young generation." The place was crawling with gay males and females as well as straight couples.

"Intimidated? Pfffft. Do you honestly believe we can do that?" He pointed to the couple we'd had dinner with. Dirk was behind Kit, grinding his groin on his boyfriend's ass while Kit moved his ass in slow circles, and somehow they were still dancing.

"Maybe not that, but we can dance. Let's go." I took Wil's hand and turned him once we were next to Dirk and his partner.

"Hey! There are the old guys!" Dirk laughed. "We thought you got lost."

"No, we're here." I said, wrapping my arms around Wil. It had been a while since we'd went out to dance and a long time since my arms circled his waist for more than mere seconds.

It wasn't more than four dances later that Wil and I went to the bar to wet our mouths.

"I'm having trouble keeping up with them." He told me, looking back to the kids as he wiped his forehead.

"We're used to dancing, but between songs you usually get a break with a slow dance. This club music never ends and this gyrating business is tiring."

Wil elbowed me gently. "But you sure know how to swivel your hips. You were sexy out there."

"You weren't so bad yourself..." I stopped speaking because the youngsters approached us.

"Dance?" Dirk asked Wil.

He checked me to see if it was all right. "Go ahead. Have fun." I didn't mind, in fact, I wanted to watch. I set my empty glass on the bar and glanced at Kit when he addressed me.

"Let's go out there too, or is it past your bedtime?"

Ooh!! I wanted to say something back to him, but I couldn't think of a single thing other than having to change his diaper and shoving a bottle in his mouth. I kept quiet so as not to feed his teasing.

I followed him until our feet were standing on colored lights. He tamed his moves and I was actually enjoying myself. Wil was too by the look of it. I could tell Wil and I would end up repeating what we'd done before we had dinner; if we weren't too worn out and tired at the end of the night. We'd certainly been rejuvenated and reborn by these two kids.