Guilty Pleasures

Ms. Johnson came to my desk Monday morning, summoning me to her office before I'd settled in. My so-called-friend snickered loud enough for me to hear. I shot him a 'shut up, damn you' look. I'd fall victim to him later; he'll joke about my boss and I getting it on all day, and tonight at the bar. My only recourse was to get him stinking drunk so he'd forget. I smirked. He wouldn't know what hit him and he'd suffer tomorrow with a hangover. Serves him right.

I followed my boss to her office, her hips swaying in a blatant way. She closed the door and waved me to her desk. I sat in the chair across from her and set my hands in my lap. Her office smelled like her: flowery and feminine. I didn't mind it, but it permeated my skin and undoubtedly, when I sat back at my desk I'd get teased about smelling like the boss, as if I'd been intimate with her.

She flipped her hair and smiled at me as she reached into a small purse. Her eyes met mine through the fringe on her forehead, then she opened a compact and a tube of lipstick, drawing my attention to her lips. I watched her apply the rosy color, gliding the stick slowly over her partly open mouth—all for show.

"Ms. Johnson," I said, and like a bird attracted to shiny things, she looked up at me the way Kit does when he wants me. Shit.

"Call me Debra. I think we're past formalities."

We were? "Did you have a chance to look at the pictures I took over the weekend?"

"I did." She rolled her chair back and stood up, walked around her desk and leaned against the front of it with her bare legs stretched before me, thighs sprouting from a short skirt. "I looked at them first thing this morning. You're extremely talented. I'm lucky to have you." The smile she gave me would turn on any straight man. She really was beautiful, but she was barking up the wrong tree.

"Thank you." I wet my lips and glanced away from her probing eyes. The silence that followed was uncomfortable. A strong sense that she was waiting for me to ask her out fell on my shoulders.

"Richard," she spoke my name in a breathless whisper, "Are you free for lunch?"

At first, my mind scattered in shock, then I found myself lying, "Today? No, I've made plans to meet with a friend. Why?"

A sad smile bowed her lips down. "I wanted to talk to you."

"We can talk now. I'm not doing anything." I tried to sound upbeat and oblivious.

"No, I'll catch you another time. Do you like it here?"

"In your office?" I asked, feigning stupidity and put on a clueless expression.

"At your job." She giggled with a rosy blush high on her cheeks. "Do you like working here?"

"Oh yes, I love it here." I set my hands on the armrests of the chair, ready to push myself up and leave. She sidestepped and stood in front of me.

"If you have questions or concerns, I want you to come to me right away. I'll drop what I'm doing and we'll have a few drinks and talk somewhere private. It's very important to me that you're happy here."

I pressed my back to the chair to get some distance between us. I crossed and uncrossed my legs, coming close to accidentally kicking her on the shin.

"Are you married?" she asked, watching me act like an idiot.

"Me? No." I shook my head. "Engaged once, but it didn't work out."

"Girlfriend?" She smirked at the way she had control over me, trapped in the chair blocking my way.

"No," I answered a little too forcefully. This line of questioning had nothing to do with my job and she was keeping me here against my will. "I have work to do. Excuse me." I stood up abruptly to show I wasn't intimidated, and brushed past her. I didn't care if she got a feel of my body against hers. I had to get out of there.

I sat at my desk wondering why the man next to me wasn't making jokes or drilling me about what our boss wanted. It came to me when I looked at my screen. I ripped the post it note off and gazed at a halfway decent picture of me naked with Ms. Johnson on her knees sucking my dick. He'd drawn size 38XXX breasts on her that made my balls look like an gnat's sac in comparison. I began to laugh and crumpled up the paper. "Good one, but only in your dreams, man." I tossed the paper, hitting him on the head.

He continued to type and stare at his screen. "What did she want now?"

"Me."

"Of course she does. Are you going to do something about it?"

"Yeah. I'll be working now." I smiled to myself. "Before I forget, where are we going tonight?"

"Strip club, so bring plenty of ones. This place has the best appetizers in the city."

Oh brother. I rolled my head to loosen my neck and got down to business.

Ms. Johnson made it a point to walk around our desks, mine mostly. She'd put her hand on my shoulder and lean in to talk in my ear, or park her rear on the corner of my desk, and watch me. By lunch, I wanted to announce I was gay just so she'd leave me alone. Since I had an hour to fill, I went to Kit's. I'd let myself in if he wasn't home and scrounge around for something to eat. Riding the elevator to his floor, I decided I'd knock. Using the key he gave me and walking in on him watching TV or cooking felt wrong at this time. I'd work my way up to it.

Blaring music came from behind his door. I had no choice but to use the key. My rapping wouldn't be heard over the music. I turned the key and the handle and opened the door. I stood in the doorway staring, unknowing what was coursing through me. Lust, anger, confusion? Do I flee or stay?

Kit glanced to me from the living room and waved. A squeak left my mouth as I used my foot to push the door closed, my gaze never leaving Kit. He wore a pair of black sequined underwear and a wispy scarf wrapped once around his neck. That. Was. All. I was vaguely aware of others around him laughing and singing to the music. I walked to him and asked, "What is going on?" Now I looked around. Eight guys were in the same state of dress, give or take a scarf. Three were on the couch bent over the coffee table sharing a rolled up fifty dollar bill to snort lines of coke. Kit had a joint between his fingers and handed it off to someone else.

"I started the party early." He put his forearms on my shoulders and ran his nails over my scalp. "Wanna join?"

"I'm on my lunch break." My gaze darted to two men dancing suggestively. "Who are these people and why are they doing drugs in your apartment?"

They're the guys I model with, except that guy." Kit pointed to one of the 'snorters'. "He's an actor. Have you seen the TV show 'Supernormal'? He's the star. I met him and the cast at a club a while back. He likes to party."

The actor bumped the beer bottles and they went clanging to the floor. He brought his arm up to pinch his nose closed and didn't bother trying to clean the mess he'd made. No one did. Kit laughed, but I went to the kitchen and grabbed a towel to wipe the spilled liquid.

"Leave that." Kit took my arm and pulled me away.

"Why are you nearly undressed?" I tugged on his scarf.

"We're trying on the underwear Fusion sent me today. It's not very conventional and you can't wear it beneath jeans, but it's pretty, isn't it?" He shook his hips side to side, the sequins changing color with the movement.

"It's okay." I shrugged and looked back to the people in the living room. If his party started this early and went into the evening, how high, drunk and coked-up would he be by 9pm? I worried about his safety. Trying to remain nonjudgmental, I gazed into his red, glassy eyes and asked, "Do you do coke?"

I received a high quirked brow, and one corner of Kit's mouth had risen. "I only smoke pot. I don't do the hard stuff. Someone else brought that. I admit I tried it when I was younger, but I don't do anything but smoke and drink."

I continued to look around at the mess his friends were making. My fingers itched to clean up, but it wasn't my home.

"Say something." He grinned, putting his fingers between mine and holding my hand.

At that moment, the door opened and five girls and two more guys came in, laughing and cussing each other out. They parted, revealing Dirk bringing up the rear. Great. He acknowledged me with a smile and jumped on the couch with the other three. I turned to Kit. "Make sure he's in a cab on his way to the airport today."

"I will." Kit giggled and pecked me on the cheek. "Hungry? I bought every treat in the junk food aisle at the grocery store. And, since you were coming over tomorrow, I bought sliced roast beef from the deli and pita bread."

"Perfect. I'll make myself lunch and leave. You can-" I flapped my hand at the crowd in the living room.

"I don't give a shit about them right now. I want to talk to you while you're here," Kit said and fetched the items for my lunch. He watched me put together a sandwich, his elbows on the island and his hands holding his head up. I'd opened my mouth to speak, but two of the guys and one girl interrupted.

"Ya got somethin' better 'n beer, and we'all wanna know what ya got for chow."

I ground my teeth together to keep from correcting her improper English. Kit laughed and gave her a brown grocery bag filled with candy and chips. "Dig in," he said and watched her saunter away. The two guys took the bottles of whisky from Kit. Facing me again, he said, "Those people that came in with Dirk are groupies. I don't know why he brought girls, but the more the merrier, huh?"

"Just keep track of your belongings," I warned.

"You're all I care about and no one can take you from me." He circled my waist and squeezed. "Right?"

"If you want to get technical ... yes, someone could. My boss, my coworker, God..."

"Asshole. Don't you like it when I'm romantic?" Kit pinched my ass—hard—making me jump and screech. He laughed and pulled me close to him again. "Kiss me."

I glanced to the living room to see if anyone was watching. Nope, not when there were drugs, alcohol and food around. We tilted our faces and kissed for a few beats.

"I'm going to take my lunch to go. I'd get fired for smelling like marijuana."

Pouting, Kit reluctantly let me free of his arms. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

I nodded, picked up my sandwich and pecked him on the nose with another warning, "Kick them out if they get too rowdy and don't be afraid to tell them to go if you want to be alone. And, don't let them get too drunk."

"Yes dad." Kit smirked. "Now for you. Don't let your friend touch you, kiss you or make googly eyes at you tonight."

"He won't." I laughed at the image of my friend's googly eyes. "You just worry about these people."

"We'll be fine." He kissed me and I left, looking back once at him in his fancy underwear.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
My coworker kept feeding me beer and very spicy hot wings. My stomach had felt like the round belly of an overstuffed wood stove—heat engulfing it. When the cab dropped me off at my hotel, the burning fire of that meal combination inflamed my esophagus as I knelt before the porcelain toilet. I wish someone would tell me why I went out last night.

Damn him, I thought with a glance at him. He's sitting there happy and smiling at me and I'm feeling the effects of an upset, no, an infuriated tummy and a drumming headache. I'd get him back. That was a promise.

"A little off today, buddy?"

"I'm fine," I lied. Had to or he'd get the better of me and tease me all day. Did I say I'm not a good liar?

"Sure you are."

I heard him cackle and tuned him out. I stayed to myself and thanked someone above that Ms. Johnson hadn't come in today. She had some field appointment with another photographer. By noon, my headache was waning thanks to sweetened coffee and a turkey sandwich from the deli down the block. My thoughts turned to Kit. I'd forgotten he wanted to go out tonight to dance at some go-go club.

"Something wrong?"

I glanced over, seeing genuine concern in his eyes. Confused by his words, a quizzical "Hm" vibrated in my mouth.

"The way you sighed just then, sounds like you're carrying a lot of weight on those shoulders. I'm a good listener."

"I'm supposed to go out tonight with a friend of mine. And I don't really feel like making a public appearance." Especially with Kit's model friends. I'd have to be cordial and fit in and I wasn't feeling it.

"Tell your friend that you don't want to go out, that you'd rather stay in and snuggle." He laughed. So much for sensitivity.

"I think I'll text them now." I held my phone and messaged Kit.

Don't want to go out. Still want to see me?

Yes! Get your ass over here right after work.

First, are there any people there
from the party last night?

No. Last one left at 9am.

OK. And Dirk is gone too?

Yessss! Now I can fuck you on the couch.
Or in the kitchen if I want to. :)
Are you up for THAT tonight?

Are you kidding? You've got me hard
right now. Not a good look to sport
at work. But I'm sitting at my desk and
no one can see.

Can your friend see your hard on?

No. HAHA Why?

No reason. I'll see you later <3

Bye

"All done. I'm free and clear." I leaned back in my chair and laced my fingers behind my head. Tonight Kit and I would relax and have sex and make dinner together.

"You're looking..."

I sat up, my gaze on him. I became warm, as if I were sitting in a pot of boiling water. My face felt ready to break out in a sweat. "I look what?" I stammered, bumping my elbow on my desk and hitting my funny bone.

After I yelped, he replied, "Are fucking blushing, Rich?" He snickered and shook his head as he teased, "I was going to say you're looking thoughtful—not handsome or adorable."

"I know." I replied dryly and excused myself to head to the bathroom. On my return, I kept focus on my job, only joining in on the banter minimally. At exactly five, I left, driving as fast as traffic would allow, which was at a snail's pace.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
Kit's apartment door was open partway when I arrived. Gently, I pushed it in and called out, "Kit?"

He came running at me wearing shorts and a tight pink A-shirt and jumped at the last second. I caught him. He wrapped his legs and arms around me and gave me a kiss that promised many more to come. "How was your outing last night?" he asked, fingering my hair.

"Fun, but I'm glad it's over. How was your party? Everyone behave?"

"Eh," Kit slid down and put his feet on the floor, his arms still around my neck, grinding his body against me. "For the most part. The rug cleaners just left. Someone threw up in the living room and there were alcohol spills." He checked me out. "Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Making that disgusted face at me. You've been that drunk before, I bet." He grinned up at me.

"I make it to the toilet more often than not." I ruffled his hair and kissed his nose, hearing a familiar sound. I set Kit out of my embrace to retrieve my cell phone from my front pocket.

"So it's your phone that's pressed so hard against me!" Kit laughed. "I thought you were coming on to me."

I put my finger to his lips to signal that he be quiet while I said hello into the phone.

"Hello yourself, Richard. How are you?"

I'd been distracted by Kit and didn't detect whether Wil's tone was sarcastic or teasing.

"I'm fine, thanks. How are you? How's work?" I asked and turned away from Kit. I walked into the living room and sat on the chair looking out the window to a beautiful view of twinkling lights.

"I'm well. Work is demanding as always ... deadlines you know."

While he paused, Kit plopped sideways onto my lap and put his legs over the arm of the chair to let them dangle. One arm wrapped around my neck and the other fooled with the buttons on my shirt.

"Same here," I told Wil and I covered Kit's hand with mine and pulled it down, holding it so his wandering fingers wouldn't distract me.

"I earned a raise!" He said. In my mind, I could see his face light up with the great news.

"Fantastic!" I gushed. "You are a valuable asset to the sports magazine and I know you have so much more potential." His dream was to have his own sports TV show.

"Thank you for saying that."

"It's true."

"It's still nice hearing it from you." A sigh escaped Wil's mouth. "I called to tell you that I just talked to a lawyer. Her name is—"

Kit took my hand and lowered it to his crotch, successfully interrupting my concentration. "Hang up," Kit whispered while trying to kiss my neck. I pulled my hand out if his and covered the phone. With a warning look in my eye and adding a firm frown, I whispered back, "No."

"Why?" He mumbled in a whiny tone. He wanted attention all the time and it was flattering, but also tiring.

I heard Wil in my ear. "Richard? Hey, you there?"

"Hold on, Wil. I need privacy." I eyed Kit, who rolled his eyes and got to his feet. I spanked his butt lightly and went to the bedroom, closed and locked the door, and stood next to the window. "I'm here, alone and undistracted."

"What do you mean alone and undistracted? Are you at work?"

"No, um, I've-" I hesitated, knowing I'd have to tell him about Kit. There was no better time than now.

"Um? Um, what?"

"I looked up Kit when I moved here. We're seeing each other." I tamped down the ill at ease feeling and waited for him to reply.

"I see. I suppose I expected you to date, but not him. Then again, not everyone is lucky enough to date someone twenty years their junior."

I hadn't detected resentment, just a flicker of jealously.

"Onto a different subject-"

I cleared my throat, feeling a pang of nostalgia hit me at hearing Wil's sweet, kind voice as he spoke to me for a few minutes. I couldn't help but miss him and the comfort that came with knowing Wil for so long.

I shook my head clear when he asked, "What do you think?"

I blushed at my lack of listening skills, squeezed my eyes shut, and inquired, "Sorry, what was that again?"

"How much did you hear me say?" He didn't sound annoyed, but I detected he was under a time constraint.

"Repeat it all. Please."

And he did. I plunked heavily onto the bed after we ended the call and gulped, turning my phone over and over in my hand. With no time to think, I made a decision and called the number Wil recited to me. I asked for Ann James. The secretary put me on hold and during that time, my stomach quarreled with my head: fear, excitement and nausea.

"Babe, are you still on the phone?" Kit called through the wooden door.

Instead of yelling back, I opened the door and faced him. "Yes, I'm on hold. This call is important. I need time alone to talk, listen, and process it."

"What is it about? Did Wil do something?" His boyish face was laden with curiosity, so I threw him a bone.

"I'm waiting to talk to a lawyer." I'd spoken rapidly, witnessing his eyes get round and wide. I couldn't imagine what he could be worried about.

"What did Wil ... Is everything okay?"

"I'm not sure. It's complicated." I reached to touch his face, but a voice spoke in my ear. I shooed him out and closed the door.

"Yes, Ms. James. I'm here." I spoke with more control in my voice than I felt in my whole body and paced the bedroom while she explained the need to talk to me in technical terms. I asked questions and she had all the answers. We'd been talking the better part of an hour when she suggested a meeting for tomorrow. I'd have to ask for a half day at work, but I'm sure it was doable. I hung up and rubbed my temples in small circles to fend off the impending headache. I contemplated my life in general and how it was about to be upturned yet again. Knocking brought me out of the reflections on my life and the choices I've made.

"Come in, it's unlocked." I glanced to the door when he walked in. His young body mesmerized me, always did. Only he could get away with showing his long, lean legs in those shorts. My skin tingled at the thought of nibbling on the inside of his thighs, nudging his balls with my nose, and tonguing his hole.

"Can I sit with you?" He walked to the bed, pointing to the spot next to me. I nodded. He settled near me with wariness. "So, are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Later." My husky voice told him as I laid a hand on him and stroked his thigh, going higher and higher in small increments. His smile enchanted me and I kissed his lips as I eased him onto his back.

"Mm, daddy, fuck me." Kit's fingers made quick work of my button down.

My stomach hardened in a tumult of agitation. I frowned and lifted my head, stating crisply, "Don't call me that." My sexual desires evaporated when he called me by that name. I lost all romantic feelings for him.

"Where are you going?" Kit asked when I stood up and buttoned my shirt.

"I forgot I have to go shopping." I evaded his eyes by focusing on tucking in my shirt.

"Can I come?" Kit hopped up from the bed, took my hands, and tried to look into my eyes.

"Not this time."

He dropped my hands and hooked his thumb into the belt loops on the front of his shorts. Shrugging, he questioned, "Buy me some red licorice, oh and orange juice and vodka. I'll make us fuzzy navels."

"I'm not going to the grocery store. How about you make supper while I'm out. There's tilapia in the freezer. You can make it with lemon rice and asparagus."

"What kind of shopping are you going to do?"

"Kit, please follow directions. I don't have time to explain right now." I put my wallet in my back pocket and held my keys. "I won't be long." I added on my way to the door.

"Don't I get a kiss goodbye?"

"Oh sure." I turned from the door.

"You're acting weird. I don't like it." Kit's pinched expression and crossed arms annoyed me. I didn't like having to defend myself.

"I'll fill you in later; right now I have to go." My sharp tone set him aback.

"Fine, go. Keep your fucking secret."

He spun away and I grabbed his shoulder. "Give me a kiss first."

Kit twisted around, tossed his hair back with a smug smile on his face, and pointed to his mouth. "Right here."

I gave him a very nice kiss so he wouldn't be suspicious of me. "I'll be back in a bit. Eat without me if it gets late." The sigh he exhaled that followed my announcement conveyed frustration. I decided to leave before he questioned me further.