Status: complete

Guilty Pleasures

Guilty Pleasures chp 20

The next day and the day following that, Kit's mood suggested he didn't want to interact with me. He'd answer if I spoke to him, but he didn't initiate any conversations. Today, he left after I got home from work, stating he needed to talk to his agent. I had no reason not to believe him, but something seemed off.

After I turned on the TV, I sat on the couch and put my feet up. I wished Ann would call and give me information on Dawson. I'd hoped Kit would have voiced by now what he thought about us living here. I suppose I should be out looking for child friendly neighborhoods.

I flipped the channel and half-heartedly watched the news. I couldn't stand the waiting anymore. I needed to ask Kit tonight what his thoughts and feelings were. No, I shouldn't rush him to make up his mind. My cell phone rang and I eagerly fished it out of my pocket thinking Ann or even Kit was phoning me. It was neither.

"Hi Richard, How are you?"

I rested my head on the back of the couch and crossed my legs, grinning at the familiar cheerful voice that once made my body hum. "I'm doing well, Wil. How are you?"

"Not too bad. How's it going raising the kid? Kit, that is."

"We're good. Thanks for asking." I smiled.

"So? Are you a father?"

Nosey bastard! I laughed, overjoyed. "Yes I am, of a sweet three year old that looks like me when I was his age. I couldn't believe it when I met him. His name is Dawson Appel and his mother, Olivia, died in a car accident."

"He sounds adorable, but what a shame about his mom. Is he okay?"

"He kept asking for her. It's heartbreaking." I sighed. I couldn't be his mom, but I'd strive to be the best dad to my capability.

"You always wanted a child. You'll be a great father." I heard the smile in Wil's voice.

"Not at the cost of another person's life."

"I didn't mean it that way. How's the kid taking the new situation?"

"Kit?" I chuckled. "He's fine so far. He'll come to a decision soon, I'm sure."

"Huh?" Wil asked. "What decision?"

"Oh, um," I'd spoken without thought. I didn't want to embarrass myself, but I'd mentioned Kit's dilemma already. "Whether he wants to continue to see me or not. He's only nineteen. Having a toddler around will alter his lifestyle. Mine too, but I chose this. I want to raise my son."

"He doesn't know if he wants to be with you? If you want to move back—"

"No. I'm not moving back. I'll never regret being with you. You and I had something special, but we drifted."

Wil broke out in song. "We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun. But the hills that we climbed were just seasons out of time."

I began to sing along and laugh despite the song's sad lyrics. The front door closed, louder than normal. Kit arrived home and I waved at him, still singing with Wil. He looked at me quizzically and went to the kitchen.

"You won't move back here with Dawson? Have you thought maybe we needed a child to help make us a family?"

"I can't move back to L.A. as much as I love it there. Besides, Dawson can't be the glue to hold two people together. You and I didn't work and adding a child would've been a catastrophe. I love ya, but you and I know it wouldn't have helped us stay together."

Kit plopped next to me on the couch, a hardened look on his face with jaw muscles clenching. He grabbed the TV remote from my lap, flipped the channel to a music video channel, and turned up the volume. I'd been made to leave the room so I could hear Wil.

"What was that noise? Are you having a party?"

"The TV, Kit's here." I explained.

"Ah, teenagers are belligerent," Wil said, as if I didn't know who I was dating. "They're into fast music, cars and boys." He snickered.

"So it seems." In the kitchen, I took out the makings for homemade vegetable pizza and drained the sliced sun-dried tomatoes first. I stacked the basil and rolled it up horizontally, ready to slice the roll in thin strips when Kit came to the counter as I chuckled into the phone at Wil.

"Kane asked me out. I told him no." Wil sighed loudly. Did he want permission to move on?

"You and Kane make an adorable couple. I always felt he had a thing for you. You should go for it," I said, looked up, and smiled at Kit. He pointed at me and what I was pinching between my fingers. He asked cheerfully, "Is that a joint?"

Wil began to laugh in my ear. "Are you into drugs, Richard?" More laughing.

"It's basil, Kit. This is what you do with it; chiffonade it." I showed him and after a few slices I unraveled it, creating ribbons.

"Cool." Kit popped a mushroom in his mouth.

Wil spoke through a chuckle, "I'll let you get back to babysitting and teaching him his A.B.C.'s."

I tsked at his 'joke'. "It's nice hearing from you again."

"You too, I'll have to fly out for a visit and see you and your son. God, it sounds so weird saying that. Your son, wow."

"It's going to take some getting used to, but l like the sound of it. I'm really excited." I admitted with a grin. "I'll talk to you soon. Tell Kane I said hello, and go out with him! Bye." I ended the call and continued to slice the basil.

"I take it you were talking to Wil?"

"Yes. He wanted to say hi."

"What else?"

Kit's fingers neared the mushrooms again and I tapped his hand. "That's for the pizza." He snagged one anyway and gave me a shit-eating grin.

I couldn't help but smile back at him. "If you're going to touch them, you may as well cut them up. Grab a knife, please."

"You didn't answer me. What did Wil want?" He took a knife from the drawer.

"Nothing much, just to talk."

Slicing the white buttons, he stated in a matter-of-fact tone, "I overheard you talking. Are you thinking about taking Dawson and moving back to L.A.?"

I set my knife down and wiped my fingers on a towel. Taking him in my arms, I replied, "I am not going anywhere, except tonight. I'll go to my hotel room so you can have the night to yourself."

"I don't mind if you stay over."

"Not tonight, kitten. I want you to think about our future." I smiled and kissed his forehead.

"Our future? I'm not ready to get married!" He'd said in a ridiculously, high voice.

"That wasn't a proposal. Kit, do you see us as friends or as a couple. Think hard because it's up to you. You know where I stand."

"Sure, lay it all on me," He muttered sarcastically and ducked his head.

"It is on you." I lifted his chin. "It's essential for you to be absolutely certain of your decision and that means no input from me."

"Alright," he whispered, gazing at my lips.

I'd have picked him up and carried him to the bedroom, but I couldn't be bothered at the moment. He wanted me; that look in his eyes constantly on display.

"Get back to work." I released him and picked up my knife.
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I had a tough time breathing at the children's store. I'd purchased toys, now I was here for the important things. Every direction I looked overwhelmed me: highchairs, beds, toys galore, changing tables, clothing, medical supplies, swings, ten brands of diapers, strollers, and things I'd never seen before, filled the spacious building. Crying children and frustrated parents were down every aisle and now, I'd be labeled one of them.

I looked from one row to the next, insufficiently prepared for this shopping spree. What does one buy for a three year old? Ann said she'd bring his clothes, but he'd need everything else. I walked to the aisle marked 'car seats' and stood open mouthed and wide eyed. There were dozens of seats. How was one supposed to choose? I cursed my lack of research on the subject and glanced around with a heavy sigh.

"You look a little lost. Maybe I can help, seeing as you're alone. Is the wife at home with the baby?"

I spun around, relieved, and came face to face with a young mother and a baby in a pouch just below her breasts. I ignored the wife query and said, "I'd appreciate any help." I smiled and held out my hand. "I'm Richard. How old is your baby?"

"I'm Jean. She's two months old. I have a six-year-old boy at home too. Shopping with him can be upsetting. He wants everything." The blond mother smiled brightly at me. "So, you're looking at seats?"

"Yeah, well, I started here but now I'm not so sure." I scratched my head and glanced around at the other aisles. "It's endless. How do you know what to buy?"

Jean took my arm and led me down the car seat aisle. "First, tell me about your child."

"He's beautiful. He has—"

"No," she interrupted and laughed. "I'm sure he's beautiful. I meant how old is he?"

My cheeks tinged pink. "Three. I just met him. His mother died recently. I'm fortunate to be able to raise him."

Her hand flew to her throat. "Oh my! How tragic, but how wonderful you are to take over." Jean blinked several rapid times at me. Was she flirting?

"Thank you."

"So you'll need the whole shebang?"

"Everything but clothes, I think."

She nodded at me and raised her hand. "Excuse me!" she called out to someone behind me.

A fresh faced young man appeared. "Yes ma'am?"

"We're going to need one of those large platform carts to put his haul on." Jean said, holding me by the arm, and showed me the top rated car seats. With her knowledge of children, we chose one that fit Dawson now, and converted into a booster seat for when he was older.

Next, she led me to the diapers and butt ointment, then we looked at cartoony little plates, sippy cups, and utensils. We strolled down the medical aisle because she said I absolutely had to have the latest thermometer for accurate readings of temperatures, and special salve, and Sesame Street bandages for boo-boos. I also bought bestseller kid's books, crayons, coloring books...

She appeared to be having fun spending my money, but I was grateful for the help. My entire purchase cost me a pretty penny, but worth every dollar. I thanked her after I checked out. She was nursing her baby at this point and held out a piece of paper.

"My number for when you need parenting advice or someone to talk to. Call if you want to meet for a play date, the kids I mean, unless you would want one with me?" She raised one thin brow at me, adding a flirtatious smile to better her chances.

Her fearlessness shocked me. I put the paper in my pocket and nodded. "Thanks."
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It took me a long time to unload my car and stack Dawson's things against one wall so I had room to walk between the bed and the TV to get to the bathroom.

Dawson could sleep with me, but I gathered he'd be scared. I'd ring the staff to bring me a crib. Did three year olds even sleep in cribs? I should have bought a book to inform me what children like and how they sleep and eat. I opted for a twin-sized cot and a staff member delivered it almost immediately.

I undressed and sat on my bed in my boxers when my cell went off. I bent over and dug in my jeans pocket to get it and saw the name on the screen. "Hello Kit, why aren't you sleeping?"

"'Cause you're not next to me. I'm cold and lonely." Seduction fell from his words like thick syrup.

"I'm beat. I went shopping. It was ridiculous. The woman that helped me tried to pick me up." I lay on the bed facing the ceiling. Cobwebs threatened to fall on me. Ugh!

"Ha! Fat chance. Come over."

To get him off the topic of me traveling to him, I mentioned, "You're supposed to be considering Dawson and me and what you want. Take your time." I bit my tongue from saying, 'I'd appreciate a response soon.'

He sighed in my ear as if he were right here, blowing in it. "I know my answer," Kit replied, his words barely audible.

He didn't have to say it aloud; I'd heard it in his voice. Although I figured this would happen, I wasn't prepared for it. A lump rose in my throat. "I understand. I really do."

"It's just ... I'm young. I don't want a child. I want to go out and have fun and party and-," his voice broke. "But you came all this way to be with me, and I ..." His voice trailed off as he lost his composure.

Tears wet my cheeks. "Don't give it another thought. I've asked a lot of you. I'll be okay and so will you."

I heard him whimper, trying to suppress his cries. Again, I tried to comfort him. "Kit, you have your whole life ahead of you. I'm not going to hold you back. Thank you for the short time we were together." I laid my arm on my forehead. A shaky exhale left my lungs. "Kit?"

He sniffled and made gurgling sounds in his throat. I heard him begin to say my name, then he hung up. I turned my phone off. A clean break would be best for him.

So much for being tired. I'd become wide-awake at having lost him. I was deeply hurt, but it was unfair to ask Kit to upend his way of life for me.

The floor wore down where I paced the narrow pathway from the bathroom to the door. I'd lost a person I loved and gained another. They both make me very happy, but I reasoned I'd always choose blood over a lover—no matter how attractive, sweet, and loving Kit was in my eyes.

I tossed and turned, hit my pillow, rolled over, and counted endless amounts of sheep. Whoever thought that morsel of advice helps sleep come easy was clearly nuts. I summarized the phone call with Kit and it finally hit me. We were really over. He and I were finished before we got out of the gate and it caused me more pain than when Wil and I broke up. After an emotional hour that including crying, blowing my nose and holding myself, I lay my wet cheek on the hotel pillow and fell into an exhaustive sleep.
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I went to work with dark circles and bloodshot eyes. I looked drunk. I sat at my desk and gazed vacantly at the screen of my computer. That's it. I stared at the screen. The first day I started here, I'd uploaded a gorgeous picture of Kit and put it as my screen saver: his image, topless and smiling at me. I'd cropped it because the original showed him wearing a tiny, white bikini and his partial erection. I was unable to take my gaze off him back then and I couldn't now. I missed him.

"Good morning, Richard." Gregg, my coworker, sang in a chipper mood, making me jealous there were people in the world that got what they wanted and I'd been stuck with the daunting task of choosing between Dawson or Kit. Definitely a no brainer on my part, but I wished Kit was older and more settled to accept Dawson. I told myself again that I wasn't being fair to expect him to be eager about me having a child.

"It sounds like you had a good night." I tore my stare from Kit's face to look sideways at him.

"A great night!" He chuckled. "Me and the wife went out to eat, drank wine and came home and—" He made an open O with one fist and then with his middle finger on the other hand, thrust it back and forth into said curled fist. "If you get my meaning."

"I do." I smirked.

"Say, what happened? Rough night?" He pointed at the features on my face.

"You could say that. I didn't sleep well." As if to prove it, I unintentionally yawned.

"Did you have a hot little babe in your bed too?"

"No. I was alone. Just a hard night. It happens." I smiled politely and swung my gaze back to my computer.

I worked all morning, focusing on pictures to send to the editor for approval. Funny, I'd taken hundreds and only a few would be good enough for the magazine. I settled on fifteen with Gregg's help and sent them via email to one of our editors. I rolled my chair back and hoisted myself up to take my lunch break. I'd found a quaint deli within walking distance weeks ago and headed there as my cell phone rang.

Kit. My heart stalled in my chest. "Pull it together." I murmured and answered with a modest hello.

"Richard? It's Kit." His voice was raw and rough like he'd been crying.

"I know, I have caller I.D." I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Umm." Kit faltered awkwardly. After a long pause, I finally had to step in.

"How are you?"

"I'm …not sure—shitty—but that's not why I called."

My body tensed and my heart raced. "Why did you call?"

"Can you come over after work?"

The poor kid sounded as if he were doubtful I'd want to see him. "Yes. Yes, I'll come." I didn't want to sound too eager and yet I had.

"Good." Relief flooded his voice. "See you then."

"See you." I hung up before I let the sappy side of me come out. My thoughts were premature, but I was sure he'd come to a different verdict regarding me and Dawson. I assumed he'd want to say to my face that he wanted me to be in his life, not over the phone.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
Gregg and I were called into Ms. Johnson's office and debriefed on the trip she'd planned for us at the Zion National Park in Utah. The jaunt would be a weekend at a hotel near the park and we'd meet the man who rappelled. We'd take pictures of him and get to see some of the more intimate sights off the beaten path that held wondrous beauty.

"Isn't that illegal?" I asked. "The park is protected. I don't want to be arrested." I had Dawson to keep in mind. Jail time would make me look like a bad father.

"Me either. I can't spoil my clean record." Gregg grinned.

Ms. Johnson stared at my coworker, then she replied curtly, "The young man is a ranger. He has the authority to check on wildlife and perform studies, so he has the right to wander into the places that visitors cannot." She tuned to me with a sparkle in her eyes, exuding flirtiness. Marked with a suggestive smile, she confidently touched my arm. "You're both excused."

"Thank you." I told her, her playful fingers stroked my forearm. I consciously forced myself to relax.

"You're welcome, Richard." Her voice was slow and quiet. Gregg took his exit with a smirk at me. I stood before my boss awkwardly, sensing she wanted me to stay.

Ms. Johnson tucked a few strands of her hair behind an ear with a slender finger and polished nail. Her chest seemed to pop out at me when she arched her back. My gaze darted to her face, seeing her ruby lips curved again to give me an appealing smile that might entice some men. I blushed at the way she eyed me while blinking frequently. I nodded nervously, turned, and left. My jerk of a coworker snickered when I arrived back at my desk.

"She sure likes you." He announced while making smooching noises with his lips. The man could pluck the humor out of any type of situation, but this wasn't one of those times.

I wrinkled my brow at his pursed lips and the sounds coming from his mouth. "It's a one way street. I don't return the feelings."

"You don't have to marry the bitch, just fuck her. Maybe she'll give you some perks like a raise. You could be her shiny, new toy."

"Has she had many toys?"

"Here and there. Nothing really panned out, but it could for you." Gregg laughed again. "I've never seen her taken with someone as she is with you. You've seen her stand at the door looking in, haven't you?"

The people working around us were oblivious of our talk so I felt free to listen to gossip. "Not really. My job requires me to keep focused on what I'm doing."

"Well she stares. When I catch her, she pretends to be looking around, but she's gazing at you. As a boss, she can't approach you, but you could approach her and start a quiet sordid affair."

The huge grin on his face made me frown. "I wouldn't do that. I have standards."

"She's beautiful and young and has a nice rack. What kind of standards don't include those qualities?"

My criterion happened to be very different from his. To get him off my back I stated, "I'm not on the market. I'm in love with someone."

"Is she pretty?" Gregg became animated and leaned toward me with his brows high and questioning. "Long legs and nice titties?"

I rolled my eyes. Christ, my friend's nose was in my business today. "Long legs, gorgeous face and body, and much younger than the boss."

"Ahh," he sighed. "You got it good. I have to meet this babe. What does she do for a living? Please say she's in porn so I can check her out."

I choked on a laugh. Kit had been on the Internet against his will because Dirk released their sex tape. I could imagine Gregg's expression if he saw it. Fortunately for my coworker, Dirk took the video down at Kit's insistence. "No, underwear model turned swimwear slash clothing model." I'd gone too far, giving my co-worker the wrong idea. He thought I was dating a female. "We should get back to work," I ended the conversation abruptly.

"We ought to go out, the four of us, your girl and my wife. What's your babe's name?"

I didn't look at him when I answered. I blew out a puff of air. "Kit."

"Sweet. Let me know when you two are free to have dinner. I'll make reservations."

"Sure." I kept my concentration on the computer.

I cleaned up my area and shut down my computer at the end of the day, excited to arrive at Kit's place. I made a quick stop first. When I got to his apartment, I knocked instead of using the key he'd given me. I couldn't contain the smile on my face when he opened the door.

He looked good. What a day makes, I thought. His jeans were pale and tight, hugging him around his hips, and he wore an old shirt with faded lettering.

I undid the top two buttons on my dress shirt one-handed and addressed him, "These are for you." I held out a dozen burgundy-wine colored roses.

Kit gasped. His face turned the color of crimson. "Um, come in." he said, eyeing the roses.

"Do you have something to put them in?' I put them near my face and inhaled the heady fragrance.

"Yeah, maybe." Kit walked backwards before he spun around and went to the kitchen. He was looking through the kitchen for a vase when I joined him. "I have this." He held out a glass pitcher.

"I guess that will have to do." I laughed.

He faced away from me and filled the pitcher with water before setting it on the counter. I cut the rubber band that held the stems together, removed the clear cellophane paper, and threw it away while he placed the roses in the water.

My arms surrounded him and I kissed his shoulder. "I'm glad you called. I was a wreck last night." He remained rigid and unmoving and my heart skipped up to my throat. I braced myself. Something wasn't right. Swallowing hard, I pulled away from him. He was glassy-eyed and his face revealed the hardship he'd gone through to come to a decision.

"Oh," I whispered. "I misunderstood your call." My heart plummeted. I fished my keys out of my pocket and took his apartment key off the ring. I handed it to him, but he didn't move, so I set it on the counter. Was he going to say anything? I suppose I should get out of here before I broke down and begged him to take me back just as Wil had done to me. Now that the circumstances were reversed, I understood how devastating a break up felt; one I hadn't initiated.

The key held his gaze as his lips parted. "I'm not ready. I d-don't know what to do."

"Do you want a trial period? We'll take it slow," I suggested with the hopes he'd be willing. He may find out he liked Dawson.

"Here?" Kit sounded appalled. His gaze broke from the key to my eyes.

Annoyed and offended, I replied, "No. Dawson and I will live in the hotel until we can get a place of our own."

"Oh. Yeah, right." Kit nodded and visibly relaxed at the idea Dawson wasn't going to live here.

I was going to leave when he uttered, "I want to be with you, but I want you to myself. It sounds terrible and selfish, but that's how I feel."

"Kit," I spoke softly, "Dawson is my son. I'm not going to give him up."

"I get it. I do. I was thinking last night. Aren't there grandparents or aunts or uncles he can stay with? You could visit him. He doesn't have to live with you, he doesn't even know you."

If I could, I'd have slapped some sense into him. "He. Has. Me." I put a hand on the counter and leaned on it, watching Kit's movements closely. He fidgeted with the bottom of his shirt, rolling it partially up and down.

"I should go," I mentioned after five minutes of silence and watching his nervous actions.

"Wait. I want to keep seeing you, but I don't want to go out on a date with a baby accompanying us."

His request was hard to swallow, and despite my feelings on the matter, I agreed. "Okay, I can do that. I have to find a babysitter though. Maybe we should wait until he's used to him or her. He lost his mom and I don't want him to think I'm abandoning him too."

"The elderly lady next door babysits. I see a young girl go there after school."

I winced at the thought of an eighty-year-old frail woman watching an energetic child. "I don't think an elderly woman would have the energy to keep up with a three year old."

"You could meet her and decide for yourself."

"How old is she?"

"Uhh... I think fifty something."

"Fifty?" I laughed. "I'd love to meet her."

"Next time I see her, I'll mention it." A furrow appeared between his eyes and I wanted to brush my finger over it to erase it.

"Is something else wrong?" I asked with apprehension and folded my arms across my chest.

"No. Not really."

"Kit," I paused. "We have to be completely honest with each other. If we don't have that, we have nothing."

"Okay, I'll be blunt." He finally looked at my face. "If this doesn't work I'll tell you. If it turns out that's the case, I can't see you ever again. It'd be too painful."

"You're already assuming it won't work."

"No, I'm saying if it doesn't work," he defended.

He didn't share my point of view. He'd jumped ahead and already believed with conviction we weren't going to be together. There was nothing I could do or say to him. He had his own opinion, and by reading his determined expression, he wouldn't be convinced otherwise. I shrugged and walked away, heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" He touched my shoulder, wheeled me around, and put his arms around my neck.

"I'm leaving. Sadly, it seems we have nothing in common. We both want different things out of life."

His lips neared mine. "I want you," he spoke gently before he attached his lips to mine and pulled me along to the bedroom.

Once there, he began unbuttoning my shirt. I broke the kiss to ask, "What are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm getting you undressed." He chuckled and pulled my shirt down off my arms, then worked on my belt and pants.

I'll admit I wanted him even if this was a bad idea so I said 'fuck it' and pulled his tee shirt up and devoured his shoulder with sharp nips and sucking, drawing his skin into my mouth.

He hissed, moaned, adored the slightly painful ministrations, and squeezed my ass hard, his nails digging in.

"Take off your jeans." I whispered across his skin.

Kit excitedly undid them and hurried to step out of them. "I want you inside me," he claimed as he rolled onto the bed.

I took the lube out of the drawer and set it on the pillow, then began kissing him from his toes on up to his chest where I took a pebbled nipple into my mouth and bathed it with my tongue while his chest rose off the blanket.

"F-Fuck! Oh God—" Kit exclaimed, his tone under the veil of lust and longing.

I pressed my mouth to his other nipple and sunk my front teeth into it.

He let out a shriek. "That stings!"

I smiled to myself and kissed the pain away, touching his soft skin with my tongue.

"Fuck me now," his tone characterized persistence.

The words rang in my ear and I pulled away despite my erection wanting to participate in fun. I'd set out to make love to him with diligence, but I couldn't—not again.

I sat up, gave Kit an apologetic look, then retrieved my clothing from the floor.

"What are you doing?!" He'd sat up, anger written over his face. "Where the hell are you going?" As well as bellowing in his voice.

I rubbed my nose and stood tall. "Wil and I tried with sex and it doesn't work. It's worse actually."

"This is bullshit. You said we'd have a trial period, don't deny it," Kit yelled.

"A trial period once Dawson lives with me. I was under the impression he was the deciding factor whether you'd want to be with me or not. Sure, we could fuck all we want before I get him, but what happens then? If you decide you can't deal with me being a father and devoting time to my son, then what? We'd have wasted our time, that's what."

"NO," he said loudly, then more calmly, he stated, "We wouldn't have wasted our time. We would have been together."

"Regardless, I want to wait." Those five words were the hardest ones I'd uttered in a long time. Kit intrigued me and I'd fallen in love with him, but I wasn't going to let him dictate the situation.

Kit hung his head and shook it. "Can't we just enjoy each other now, while we have the time?"

He sounded so distressed that I almost let my guard down. I began to dress while answering him. "I can't perform now anyway."

He balled up his fists, tipped his head back so he was looking at the ceiling, and snarled, "Then go."

He'd lashed out at me, but I took it in stride. I cupped his cheeks after I put my shirt on and kissed him on the forehead. "You know how I feel about you. Call me if you change your mind regarding Dawson." Then I curled my fingers in his hair for a moment before I let go and said softly, "You're so beautiful." A sorrowful smile appeared on my face. I left him in the bedroom and that was the last time I'd seen or heard from him.