Guilty Pleasures

"You need to dress up. I took out your suit for you to wear," Wil told me as I dried my hair, rubbing it with a towel. I walked to the bed from the bathroom in my briefs and saw him standing next to it, dressed in his own suit and tie.

"You look very handsome." I eyed his perfectly fitted clothing and tanned face.

"Thank you." Wil checked his watch and tapped it. "Hurry. We don't have much time."

"Where are you taking me?" I pulled up my slacks and reached for the light blue shirt he'd laid out for me.

"It's a surprise. You'll see soon."

He was impatient so I hurried and buttoned up, put my tie on and slipped on my jacket. "How do I look?"

"You always look good in a suit, Richard." Wil checked me out from top to bottom and stopped in the middle. "Better do your zipper unless you're waiting for me to do it?"

"Go ahead." I flirted. He sauntered to me and looked down when he reached me. I felt him tug up my zipper, then unzip it and pull it up again.

"Too bad we don't have enough time to get undressed and fool around before we go." Wil said, his eyes lifting to mine. I felt his breath on my face and then he turned with my hand in his and we walked out.

"We have tonight." I suggested.

"That we do." He chuckled and reached into the inside of his jacket and handed me two tickets. "I know you compromised last night by going to the comedy show, so I wanted to do something for you."

I halted abruptly and read aloud, "Welcome to the dance extravaganza with a tribute to Judy Garland'. I was absolutely astonished. "Really?"

"Yes." He gave me an adoring look. "Hey," He took my arm. "I shouldn't have fought with you. I do want to have a future with you, if you'll still have me after I've acted like a jackass."

I pretended to look doubtful, then laughed at his tense face. "As if I'd dump you. I love you, Wil. I can't see my life without you in it." I neared and pecked him on the cheek as a group of elderly people walked by. I worried that we'd hear words of contempt, but they minded their own business.

We took our seats at a small round table in front of the stage and waited anxiously for the show to start. Soft music played in the background as the seats filled up. A waiter took our drink orders and returned promptly with them. He'd get a great tip. He was cute, friendly, and flirty with each of us.

Wil sipped his alcoholic drink and set it down, running his finger up and down the side of the glass. "I wonder what the kids are doing."

I wasn't going to say anything, but I'd been wondering the same thing. We hadn't seen them all day, not even at dinner. "I don't know. Making another video?"

Wil chuckled. "How about you and I make another one? It's been years."

"I don't think so. If I want to watch us have sex, I'll look in a mirror when we're doing it." I chuckled deeply and lifted my glass to take a sip of my Mai Tai.

"Don't rule it out. At least think about it."

"I will." I knew I wouldn't. I was comfortable being behind a camera lens, not being the subject of the lens.
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We walked back to the room after an amazing performance by the singers and dancers. I'd been spellbound even though Wil was the Judy Garland fan boy. I loved her too, but my all-time favorites were Barbara Streisand and Cher. I'd kill to see an impersonator sing Cher's popular songs on the cruise.

Wil was a little tipsy so I undressed him and helped him into bed. I went to the bathroom and undressed, brushed my teeth and washed my face. Wil was sound asleep when I came back to the bed. The image of Dirk and Kit screwing remained at the forefront of my mind and made me hard.

I turned to Wil and whispered his name. He was out like a light. I went to the bathroom, started the shower, and took off my briefs. Stoking myself, I stepped into the tub and stood under the warm spray. I held my head back and wet my hair as I pictured the boys in compromising positions.

I tried to take it slow, but I couldn't. I came hard and strong to the image of Kit's face and the way he looked when he came in the video. When I was finished, I soaped up and wondered why I'd used him in my fantasy. True, he was good looking and had a beautiful body, but to think of him to get off made me feel I've cheated on Wil because Kit was here and accessible whereas Wil's dream guy was Ricky Martin—someone he'd never meet in person.

Toweling off, I convinced myself that I didn't have an attraction for the teen. I wanted to get off and I did, but the nagging in my head told me I wanted to get off because I'd been thinking of the sex video. I stared into the mirror and forgave myself. People have fantasies all the time. It didn't mean they were going to act on it. I scrubbed the towel over my head and then went to bed. I watched Wil sleeping and thought back to when he gave me the tickets to the show. It triggered the memory of why I fell in love with him eight years ago. He was generous and always considerate of me. He made me happy. Tonight was a turning point, the mark of a significant change between us. It was my turn to reciprocate his thoughtfulness.
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Wil's snoring woke me up early. We were to disembark today, Friday, at Kailua-Kona, Hawaii. I needed my sleep to feel refreshed and to have enough energy for hiking and walking around. I covered my head with my pillow without success of blocking out the noise. I nudged him to make him turn over, but he was dead to the world.

I got up and dressed in trainer shorts and an A-shirt to take a brisk walk with hopes that it would wake my body up. I snuck out of the room, walked to the deck, and began my trek around the ship. The sun was just coming up and I cursed to myself that I hadn't brought my camera on my walk.

I admired the beauty of the sunrise and the warm breeze off the ocean. Whatever the outcome of this trip, I was happy we took a cruise. This was one vacation I'd never forget.

"Hey."

I turned to the voice. "Hi Kit. Where's Dirk?"

"Sleeping. We had a late night. We went to a restaurant then dancing—with others. I didn't want to touch him. He thinks a blowjob is saying sorry and that I should forgive him." He covered his mouth with a fist and yawned.

"Yeah, that doesn't help things." I agreed. "Wil took me to a show last night. It was good." I smiled, worried that he'd given more thought about me watching that damn video. Was he angry with me too? He was acting blasé right now and hadn't returned my friendly smile. I frowned, asking, "Is there something wrong?"

He walked to me and begged with his eyes. "Will you and Wil come with us today to the island? I can't be alone with him. I'm still pissed off about the whole twinktube thing."

"Of course we will. By the way, I heard Dirk took your video down. That's got to be a relief."

"Yeah, but he shouldn't have put it up in the first place for others to watch. Some of the comments on there..." He hung his head. "He showed me a few of them. Some were good and a few were homophobic. Those assholes are called trolls. There were quite a few that addressed us both. They want us to be porn stars and make more videos professionally because then the camera can get close ups. I guess it really doesn't matter about the comments." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I didn't want anyone to see it. It's like he had no respect for me by posting it."

He was still miserable about the video. I bit my lip and looked at the deck. "I regret that I was one of those people that saw it. I should have known better."

"Doesn't matter now. What's done is done. Like Dirk says, I have to get over it, but it's hard." Kit muttered and put his hands in his pockets. He wore short cutoff jeans and a green shirt that was too small for him, showing about two inches of his waist. His long legs were tan and covered with light colored hair and he was barefoot. Never had I seen such perfect feet.

Their problems were miniscule compared to Wil's and mine. Granted, it was a shitty thing Dirk did to him, but my love life was on the line. They were teens. They'd have other lovers come and go, whereas, I was on the edge of forty and doomed to be alone the rest of my life if Wil and I split up. But, was that so bad, especially if we were better people apart from one another? The fear of being alone was a big factor for me. Yet, I knew that wasn't reason enough for me to stay. It was a piss poor reason at that. It was so damn easy to rationalize why we should stay together.

When I looked up at Kit's face, I saw him nibbling on his nail and caught sight of his watery eyes.

"Come here." I held my arms out for him. He came to me and I gave him a hug, breathing in the trace scent of his shower gel. "Don't cry. It's not worth it." I said gently near his ear. He pushed away from me and stepped back.

"I'm not crying." He denied and crossed his arms.

I could see the tears in the corners of his eyes and I wanted to kiss them away. "Okay, you're not crying. I jumped to conclusions," I stated apologetically and watched him wipe his eyes with his fingers, the tips of them smearing the moisture.

"You sound like my dad, always telling me what I'm doing or what I'm not. I'll do what I want, when I want."

He was stubborn, I'll give him that. "I'll leave you alone."

Kit studied my face and opened his luscious mouth. "I'm being a whiny bitch, aren't I?"

"You're entitled. Don't sweat it. Wil and I will meet you and Dirk in front of the 'Wild Style' clothing store at 7:30am to go to the island. I patted his shoulder and went on my way.
⩫⩫⩫⩫⩫⩫

Wil and I were waiting in front of the store with coffees in our hand. The aroma alone was strong enough to wake me up.

"Why did you invite them to come with us?" Wil asked and pulled his slim fit, button down shirt out of his chinos. "Not that I mind."

I answered between sips of coffee, "Kit told me he's having a hard time being alone around Dirk. I saw him when I took a walk this morning while you were sleeping."

"Are you sure this is a good idea? I thought you disliked them because of their age and immaturity." Wil sipped his coffee while staring at my face.

"I don't mind them anymore. I'm used to their antics." I glanced around to search for the boys. People milled about and were ready to get off the ship and onto dry land. There was no sight of the youngsters. "I'm happy to help Kit out. I feel obligated, we did watch their video."

"Yeah, I agree. It was hot at the time and then I felt awkward around them that night. Looking at teens having sex... I feel like a creep."

We laughed together. Wil raised his cup and pointed with his finger. "There are the porn stars now."

I punched Wil's arm and warned playfully, "Don't you dare say that in front of them." I had to smile at his choirboy expression.

"I won't," He whispered, then raised his voice, "Here you are," He said to Dirk and Kit, "You boys look great!"

I didn't know if they looked great. Both were dressed in long skateboard-type shorts and over-sized tee shirts. They looked ready to grind on a handrail—I heard the term on the news a month ago.

"Good to see you." I said to both of them, but I gazed at Kit the whole time and tried to gauge his mood.

His lips curved up when he smiled at me and he maintained eye contact this time. "Good to see you again too. Your shirt is very nice."

"Thank you, it's old but one of my favorites." We were speaking of my lavender sports shirt that I'd put on with my white jeans.

"How's it going guys?" Dirk posed the question to both of us.

"We're good. Are you ready for Hawaii?" Wil looked between the boys.

"Hell yeah!" Dirk exclaimed and took Kit's hand. I witnessed a twinge from a grimace on Kit's face and then it was gone.

I put my sunglasses on and took Wil's hand. "Then we're off," My coffee-soaked voiced declared. I was jittery from caffeine, but ready to do some heavy hiking. The four of us walked lightly on our feet, ready for adventure.

There were several white tour buses outside waiting for passengers. On the side of them written in blue were their destinations. I turned to Dirk and Kit. "We want to go to Volcanoes National Park. Would you join us?"

I thought I was clever by inviting them, that way Kit didn't have to explain why he didn't want to be alone with Dirk.

"Sure." Dirk leaned to the side and read the writing on the buses. "Over there." He pointed to the third bus.

"Let's go, daddy-o." Kit teased me and jogged ahead.

"It appears that he's back to his snarky self." Wil chuckled and held out his elbow. I hooked my arm through his and we approached the ticket stand on the other side of the road to ride the bus.
⩫⩫⩫⩫⩫⩫
The weather was perfect to sightsee and the air was full of fragrant flowers native to this land. The Kilauea Volcano was beautiful and so was the hike we took on the trails of volcanic craters. We only had until 5pm before our ship departed, so we ate at the 'Big Island Grill'. The food was fantastic and filling.

Since we were full and getting tired, we decided to do some touristy shopping. Dirk left with Kit and told us they'd meet us on the ship after they put their purchases in their room.

Wil and I visited with friendly resident vendors selling necklaces, rings and bracelets.

"I'm going to buy you one. Which do you prefer?" Bent over the table, Wil's eyes flitted about the display of jewelry.

"You don't have to. I'm not big on jewelry." I said and tugged at his shirtsleeve. I wanted to relax in our cabin because my eyes felt scratchy and I was worn down with sleepiness.

He stood up and looked around at the other huts. "What do you want then? A tee shirt?" His eyes came back to me.

"I honestly don't want anything."

"Not even a little something to decorate our place?"

"No." I didn't want a memory of him buying me something if we weren't destined to be, and I was leaning that way. It was becoming clearer and clearer that all we had in common was sex.

"Okay." he drawled as if I'd change my mind. "Last chance."

I folded my arms and gave him a superficial smile while I convinced him I didn't want anything.

"If you say so, but don't bitch at me once we're home saying you wished you would have let me buy you something."

"I won't, Wil, but if you want a trinket, by all means get one."

"I've got what I want right here." He put his hands on my hips and kissed me.

I was taken off guard and didn't kiss him back. He pulled away and asked, "Is something the matter?"

"No, I'm stunned, that's all."

He caressed my cheek and shook his head. "You're so red, didn't you put sunscreen on?"

I winced and felt my face. "Damn, I forgot."

"That's going to sting in a bit. I'll get you back to the ship and buy some Aloe Vera for you."

Cooling gel sounded like a fantastic idea since my face felt tight and drawn. Once again, I hadn't been thinking and forgot to put on the lotion barrier that would keep me from pain and agony and ugly blisters. I can imagine my face in two days, peeling and red with two spots of white where my sunglasses had protected my eyes. I'd have to hide in our cabin so I wouldn't be the laughingstock of the whole ship. I may as well stand on the comedian's stage and let people point and laugh at my face.

Tomorrow we were scheduled for a stop at Kauai, and the next day, Honolulu, then Maui. I prayed I would be able to go, but depending on my face, I wasn't sure. I hadn't looked at the damage yet, but I began to feel it.

Back on the ship, we saw Dirk and Kit waiting for us. They were talking and laughing with one another. I was glad they made up. Kit was a forgiving soul.

"Hi you two." Dirk said and gaped at me. "Dude! Your face!"

Kit giggled before joining in on the fun. "He's not that ugly."

Wil snickered and patted my back. "We're going to buy some aloe. What are you up to?"

Dirk informed us in a soft and measured voice, "We were going to go back to the room, but we're up for anything, right Kit?"

"Sure." Kit's large blue eyes flickered at me. "I have aloe. We could go to my room and get it and you can put it on."

"That's a plan." Dirk agreed. "Me and the old man here will walk around for a bit. We'll meet you in the candy shop in a while." He pecked Kit on the cheek and grinned up at Wil.

Wil joked, "I'll have the full right to spank you if you call me an old man again."

"That won't work. He's into spankings." Kit gestured with his head for me to follow him.

I shot Wil an astonished look over my sunglasses. He nodded, knowing I was referring to the video in which one segment involved Dirk's ass on the receiving end of Kit's hand.

"Hurry up, Ricky," Kit sang, already on his way to his room.

Ricky? I huffed, pushed my glasses up my nose, and mouthed 'goodbye' to Wil.

Kit entered his cabin. I stood in the doorway looking into a messy room. Their clothes were everywhere and both single beds were unmade. They must have gotten the cheapest room on the boat for as small as the room was.

"You can come inside."

I'd never cheat on Wil, not even for a hot, young man.

"I'll just wait here." Stepping inside invited feelings to edge their way into my heart, ones I didn't want to give acknowledgement to. I blamed the video.

I watched Kit rummage through drawers and suitcases.

"I think I know where it is, hold on." He stepped quickly into the bathroom, out of sight.

I leaned against the framework and watched him come out holding the green bottle of Aloe Vera for my sunburned face. He stepped past me smelling of sunshine and fresh air. We both stood in the hall as he closed the door.

"Thank you. I hope this works." I took the bottle and intended to walk to the candy store to meet the others despite being early. I had to escape the way my feelings inched closer to the center of my heart. I was afraid I'd succumb and appear weak.

"Can you show me your guys' room? We have plenty of time before we catch up with the others."

"Yeah, sure." I shrugged casually, going against the voice in my head telling me to say no. I convinced myself that I'd make this a quick stop. Our room was a bit bigger and had a small balcony and probably the same sized bathroom. I had this all thought out. Kit would peek inside and say, "nice," and go on his way. I'd put on the lotion and have a drink before I met Wil. Yes, that's just how it'd go. I nodded to myself, but anxiously scratched the nape of my neck.

I unlocked the door and told him he could enter. I followed, taking off my sunglasses and inspected the lenses for something to do before I tossed them on the dresser.

"Wooow."

"You like it?" It was obvious by the sound of awe in his higher than usual tone and his drawn out pronunciation of the word.

"Your bed is big." He turned to me. "Do you know how hard it is to fuck on a single bed?"

I chuckled. "Yes I do actually. In college, but why don't you and Dirk push yours together?"

They're nailed down or something. We tried. I guess if there are really bad waves, they wouldn't want the furniture shifting around."

"Ah, I didn't think of that." I squirted a fair sized bead of transparent green gel onto the tips of my fingers and dabbed it on my forehead. "Oh ouch, God that hurts."

Kit took the bottle from my hand and laid his hand on my chest causing me to take small steps backward. "Sit on the bed. I'll put it on for you."

"No, you don't have to..." I bumped the bed and plopped down unexpectedly. I gazed up at him as he came closer. I scrambled up my bed like a frightened child. I didn't know where my fear stemmed. I only knew that if he touched me, if his fingers encountered my skin and his eyes met mine, I wouldn't be responsible for the way I acted or what words and sounds would come out of my mouth.

"Are you all right? You're acting weird," Kit said, kneeling on the bed while reading the back of the lotion bottle.

"Yeah, fine." My voice was as jagged as if I'd taken a straight shot of rum that had scorched my throat.

He gave me a funny look that was also attractive. I felt the need to clear my throat and repeat what I'd said in a more appropriate voice.

"I'm fine, really." Had I said that to Kit to assure him or to convince myself?

"I'll take your word for it, but you don't look fine, Ricky." He came toward me on his knees and finally sat back on his heels. He studied my face, cocking his head one way and the other.

"That looks really painful. We could put your face in a bowl of ice."

I didn't know if he was teasing or serious, but I began to laugh, stretching the tightness in my face. Immediately I covered my face with my hands. "Shit, hurts," I hissed behind the walls of my hands.

I felt his hands cover mine and pull them down. I opened my eyes when he caressed my face lightly with the back of his fingers. Pulling in a breath to force myself to breathe, I whispered, "What are you doing?"

His touch lingered on my cheekbone and his eyes shifted to mine. "I'm checking out the damage. You really burned yourself bad. You should have worn protection."

"No shit," I said, disappointed that he wasn't touching me out of curiosity, but because he worried about my bonehead oversight.

He chuckled as he reached into his front pocket and pulled out a joint and a lighter and lit up.

"Um, I don't think you should be smoking in here." I told him strongly in a fatherly way.

He sucked in the aromatic smoke and held it in. "It's a smoking room, don't worry," he stated, strained, as he slowly exhaled. "Your turn." He held out the joint to me and nodded. "That's better than Tylenol, works immediately too. You won't feel a thing after a few hits."

I'd enjoyed getting high in my college years. Wasn't I too old to do this? Hell, I was on vacation. One hit couldn't hurt. "Gimme that." I smirked, brought it to my lips, and took a hit. I handed it back to him while holding my breath, nearly coughing, but I was able to contain it.

"That's it. Hey, you've done this before!" He said with an energetic grin. "It'll help take the edge off and to help you not to think so much. Enjoy my company instead of analyzing everything." At the end of the sentence, his smile sparkled.

I observed his lack of joking and being goofy and commented, "You're more mature when you're by yourself."

"I think of myself as carefree. Dirk and I love to fuck around a lot. It's not so fun when you're alone."

"You're not alone. I'm here."

"You know what I meant," His bright smile warmed my face hotter than the sun did. He added, "When I'm in the presence of an older person I act differently.

We passed the joint back and forth until it was just a cherry ball. He went to throw it in the toilet while I relaxed, completely wasted and resting against my headboard with second hand smoke swirling around my head. I hadn't felt this loose and uninhibited in a long time. I hadn't a care in the world. If I thought about Wil and me right now, I doubt I'd give a shit.

"There, now isn't that better, Mister Parker." Kit sauntered into the room heavy lidded and giggling.

"Definitely, but don't call me that." I patted the bed for him to come to me.

"You know if your name was Peter, you'd be Peter Parker." Kit rolled onto the bed and laughed hard, kicking his legs and flailing his arms.

"Yeah it would be." I stated, watching the antics of the kid.

"Peter Parker!" He sat up sober as day. "You don't get it!" he hooted. "Peter Parker is Spiderman."

"Oh." I snickered. "That would certainly be funny."

He hooted louder. "Just think, you'd have to wear the spidey suit! I'd love to see you in that!"

"I don't look good in tights; they make my hips look too big." I teased and cracked up.

"Awww fuck..." Kit slowed his laughter to sit up. "I gotta get this shit on your face before we go meet the guys."

"Are you sure? I can check my dresser, I may or may not have brought a pair of red tights, and of course I won't wear my purple sparkly thigh high boots with them. The colors would clash horribly."

"You're so cool." Kit laughed and slapped my leg.

"What's your real name? I'm sure it's not Kit."

"Kit is a nickname. My real name is Chrystopher. Chrystopher Corbin-Townsend. I have my mom's and dad's last names. No middle name. Weird huh?"

"It's a mouthful." I said which immediately brought to my attention that I was thinking I wanted a mouthful of him—of his young ripe cock.

"It is, so that's why I'm Kit."

"Kitten." I tried to grin, but I think I gave him a lopsided smile instead. I blinked heavily. "You're really good looking, clothed or naked."

WHAT? Why did I say that? I'm positive the last thing he wanted to hear was me bringing up that damn video.

He poked his tongue out at me and told me to shut the fuck up so he could help me out. He squeezed out some transparent gel onto his fingertips and let soft pads brush over my face. I sucked the air in through my teeth from the feel of icy cold gel on my face, but when I looked into Kit's blue eyes the heat of the burn now felt a hundred degrees hotter. An accidental low vibration came from my throat. My eyes widened and encountered his in a deep gaze. I raised my shaking hands and gently put them on the sides of his head and leaned forward. I didn't know what I was doing on a rational level, but I knew on a sexual level and that drive kept me going in the direction I was headed.

Kit's puzzled eyes got dark as he realized my intentions, but he didn't back away. I dampened my lips and opened my mouth slightly and then covered his plump, soft lips, and kissed him.

It wasn't enough for our lips to meet. I had to taste him. He opened his mouth when I opened mine a fraction wider. He slipped his tongue onto mine, circling it playfully. He tasted of warm sunshine and tangerines. I was about to deepen the kiss when suddenly I was hit with an image of Kit and Dirk. What was I doing?!

I reflexively pulled away to apologize. A nervous hitch in my voice came out, "I'm—" but Kit gazed deeply into my eyes. He raised his hands, cupped my jaw, and kissed me again. I physically responded to him and mashed our lips together while my arms surrounded his body and urged him on top of me. Our eyes communicated our needs without expressing them aloud or complicating the moment with words.

His tongue rubbed over the grooves of my polished teeth. I playfully bit his lip before I drew his tongue inside my mouth and sucked on it, drawing in the moisture and the sweet taste of marijuana. My hands journeyed over his shoulder blades and his back as we made out. I squeezed his ass when our kissing became more than just that. It was a tongue-fucking all-out war and neither one of us was winning.

I began to panic when I noticed our quickening breaths. I was sweating and my heartbeat ran rampant, but for some reason I couldn't stop.

He could. He unraveled himself from my body and backed off the bed looking at me as if he'd been hallucinating.

After a weighty pause, he muttered, "I have to go."

I sat up to get off the bed, but he held up his hand in the 'stop' gesture. "No, you stay here and put on the aloe, in fact, just keep it." He was walking backwards and nearly tripped over his own feet.

"Kit."

"Bye." He bumped into the door, spun around, and took a few seconds to turn the knob to escape me.

I stood up to say something, but he shut the door after himself.

I ran my fingers through my hair and cursed. "God-fucking-dammit!