If Only Until Morning

For as smart as my grades and other people would tell you I am, I sure am a dumbass sometimes. Like heading automatically to the booth when I know Alison is there and I know she's not doing her job like she's supposed to.

I was coming to hate merch booths, despite the many wonderful people I met who worked them and the many entertaining hours I'd spent working merch for the guys before I joined the band. Did I not mention that? They even bought me a shirt that said "I'm with the band" and made me wear it during shows.

We really knew how to push each other's buttons.

But narrative diversions aside, I was walking to the booth and in doing so heard Alison's high-pitched, not-quite-maniacal laughter from halfway down the row of booths. Rolling my eyes I waved to Hayley and the guys and said, "Hark! The sound of merch bitchery! I must away."

Alison was keeping herself up on the table, laughing fit to burst. No one else was around, except for a girl who looked quite unhappy--almost to the point of tears, in fact-- beneath her fuzzy white hat, which had bunny ears on it. So I assumed there wasn't some hilarious joke I just barely missed.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Is she giving you trouble?"

The girl turned to me and blinked in surprise. "She made fun of my hat!" she exclaimed in a choked voice, "And she won't sell me anything!"

I rolled my eyes and rounded on Ali, nearly composing herself. "What the hell have I told you about being polite to fans?" I reprimanded, though I knew it was in vain. "I don't care what your opinion of people is, keep them to yourself and do your damn job!" I smiled at the girl, who couldn't have been older than I was, and asked in a friendly voice, "So what is it you wanted?"

She smiled a little more as I rounded the table. "Hey, thanks, man. Um, I wanted those green shirts with the band logo." She seemed unperturbed by my sudden change in attitude, and thank God for that. Scaring fans is not high on my priority list.

I dug one out of the box in her size and sent her another smile. "Anything else?"

"Um... how about a sticker?"

I grabbed one of the stickers Jesse drew and slapped it onto the shirt I'd "neatly folded" on the table. "Want anything signed?" I asked, taking her money and sticking it in the cash box.

The chick seemed in a much better mood now. "Yeah, the sticker." Her face brightened in realisation. "Oh! And my shoe, please?"

I laughed as she bent down to untie her shoe. "Get a lot of musicians to sign your shoes, then?" I asked, sitting down in one of the plastic chairs.

She slapped a purple Converse trainer with rainbow laces onto the table and grinned. "As many as I can manage to run into," she replied.

Alison scoffed in disgust, and I shot her a dark look. "Why don't you go take a fifteen minute break, Alison?" I suggested coldly before she could comment. "And make sure it's only fifteen minutes. Any over, and I'm docking pay for every minute." She flicked hair off her shoulder and jerked my chair in getting around. I leaned over and shouted at her retreating salon-tan back, "And stay the hell away from Panic's bus!"

I sat back down and rolled my eyes at the girl still in front of me. "Hopeless," I muttered before smiling again. "Nice shoes, and I dig the hat." She beamed at me as I scribbled my signature along the edge of the canvas. "So what's your name?"

The girl's expression wavered for a minute. "Spek," she told me cheerfully.

I raised an eyebrow at her from signing the sticker. "Nice to meet you, Spek. I'm Penelope. What's your real name?"

Her expression turned sour. "Stacey," she muttered, like the name left a bad taste in her mouth. "I hate it so much."

I laughed. "Spek it is."

Spek and I--I promise we won't form a superhero team-- hung out at the booth for the rest of the afternoon, getting to know each other. Apparently Penny Dreadful was the only band she'd come to see today. Remind me to lord that information over more accomplished musicians.

When the guys finally came by, with Ali in tow to my chagrin, they hardly reacted to seeing a strange girl sitting in the booth with me. "You make friends way too easily," Matt said, squeezing behind the table and pulling me onto his lap.

And that was all they said aside from complaining about how many people there were in the booth. Matt pinched me when I suggested in a mutter that we could kick Alison out.

As the crowds passing by the booth began to thin out, Spek sighed and said, "I guess I should be going. I have to take the bus home."

The guys, who seemed to have taken to my new friend rather nicely, protested. "Aww, c'mon," Jesse encouraged, shutting cardboards boxes of shirts. "A bunch of us are going to have a party later. I'm sure no one'll mind a new face or two."

She looked hesitant. "I don't know. I don't want to intrude or anything..."

"Nonsense," Sean said, standing up. "If it runs late, you c'n either sleep on our couch or we'll find someone who'll bring y'home."

The four of us waited in anticipation of her answer--Ali looked, as the guys weren't looking, like she really hoped she would say no-- and we must have looked like little kids begging our parents for cookies because Spek laughed and said, "Okay, okay! No need to break out the puppy eyes!"

Spek had never been on a tour bus before, and luckily it kept her entertained long enough for me to change into something a little more festive. Shesnorted scoffed. "Skank," she accused in a laugh.

"It is seventy-four degrees outside," I argued lightly, ignoring the jacket I would've put over the corset I'd had Aromi lace up. "And it's night time. So heat plus no sun multiplied by party equals Ange in a tank top."

"My math's never been great, but the answer's always been you," Matt said with a grin.

I probably should have-- and would have-- rolled my eyes at that, except that it was a good line, so I wrote it down in my flipbook and kissed him on the cheek. "Grazie, Matt."

Somehow someone (coughWentzcough) had gotten permission (coughhadgottensecuritytolooktheotherwaycough) to fence off a little area with tables so some of the guys could have a few beers and enjoy themselves. Except "some of the guys" included many people who were underage. And girls.

Lucky me for being both!

"Don't drink," Aromi advised me. "Your brothers hear and they'll kill me."

"Wishful t'inking," Sean said. "Plus i's not like anyone here would tell 'em."

"Don't get table-dancing drunk," Jesse amended before laughing.

In response, I scoffed. "I'll table-dance sober and you'll like it."

They all laughed. "But that's beside the point of drinking," Matt put in. "Just don't do anything stupid."

"So nothing you'd do," I translated. "Gotcha." While he glared, Spek and I grinned at each other.

The six of us looked around for a minute at the scene: drinking games, music on the stereo, laughing, more drinking. Matt and Jesse took off towards ATL and some others doing shots, while Sean and Aromi went off in search of more sane company. What gentlemen, leaving the two girls to their own devices.

Spek seemed to realise this-- and the fact that she as surrounded by familiar faces she'd never met-- and I tugged on one of her bunny ears. "C'mon," I said with a smile, "I'll introduce you to Panic!"

That certainly made her happy. I'd discovered in our hours of sitting at the booth that Spek, much like Aromi, was absolutely in love with Brendon. Chislett was also up there on the list, but he would come later; the vast expanse of personalities would be easier to take into stride after I'd had a drink.

But the guys and Spek seemed to hit it off pretty well. Well, the guys minus Ryan, who made himself scarce once he saw me coming over with a friend. Spencer and Brendon loved her hat, and Jon's a laid back dude, so he and I pretty much sat back and watched.

He wouldn't give me a drink though. Stupid morals. Stupid Ryan being not 21 and an argumentative, untrusting douche bag.

Okay. Time to hit someone else up for happy juice.

I told them I'd be right back, for Spek's reassurance mostly, and sauntered off. I smiled and greeted people as I passed, scrutinising each one of them for known ages, sobriety, and likeliness to make a move on me. The last one knocked several whole bands out.

At last I came upon Saporta, Vicky-T, Wentz, Trohman, and Beckett. Three of them were holding beers, and I suddenly got an idea. I walked up and fixed Gabe with a narrow-eyed look; he looked wary while Trohman just snickered. I pointed at the beer in his hand. "How many have you had?" I asked suspiciously.

"A couple," he answered with a shrug. "Why?"

"Not reassuring." I turned to Bill next to me. "How about you, Lamppost?"

"Just started my third," he replied casually.

I smiled. "Oh good." Then I swiped it out of his hand and took a sip, smiling victoriously.

Vicky laughed, applauding, and Bill eyed his empty hand. "You just got played," Joe informed him. I grinned at him, nodding.

"Hey, hey," Pete protested as I took another swig. "You're not twenty-one."

"Well-spotted," I observed, reading the label. "But this is only one beer, which I procured through more honest means than Gaskarth's fake id." Which I'd discovered in going through his wallet to entertain myself.

"I don't think stealing my beer is very honest," Bill argued, leaning his elbow on my shoulder.

"I'll make it up to you with a dance later."

Gabe held out his beer. "You want mine?" he offered with a grin.

I rolled my eyes at Vicky and laughed, turning to stroll away. "Maybe later, sugar," I said esoterically. Avoid and conquer: it's how we roll.

It's hard to avoid someone, though, who calls your name and an offer in a loud voice: "Hey, Pen, come do a shot with us!"

A man after my own heart. Er, liver.

"What was that little conversation about table-dancing earlier, Matt?" I reminded, coming up to lean on his shoulders.

He grinned up at me; he'd had more than a few. "I said nothing to deter you from partaking."

"Are you gonna dance for us?" Farro the Lesser asked excitedly.

I slipped into the circle, onto the lap of Jesse, who was wearing a bandanna that looked suspiciously like one of Merrick's, and raised an eyebrow at him. "No," I said shortly.

"Wouldn't it suck if she were straight-edge?" Jack proposed, hiccoughing in the middle.

"Or she's too much of a light-weight to drink with real men like us," Alex said challengingly.

Matt and Jesse laughed, a sign of foreboding for Gaskarth. I snatched a full shot glass off the table and stood, downing it in a second. I put it firmly top-down on the table and smirked at him. "There is nothing about your statement that is true," I declared, "Neither am I a light-weight, nor are you a real man."

As the rest of the group howled and yelled, "Burn!" I walked away, remembering that I'd left Spek with Brendon, Jon, and Spencer, which can be hazardous to one's health. I should know.

Unfortunately, they weren't in the last place I left them. So I turned and scanned the crowd. A girl in a bunny hat shouldn't have been as hard to find as she was. Hell, any girl in this crowd would've been easy to find. Ali certainly was; I'd never seen a dress more spangly or headache-inducing in my life, and I hoped I never would again.

"Fucking slut," I muttered, heading into the throng. I figured, with my luck, someone would find me first and that would lead me to Spek. Somehow. It never failed me before.

"Wouldn't it suck if you lost your friends and were wandering all alone?"

I smiled wryly and looked over my shoulder. "Only Jack is cute enough to get away with that, Alex."

Alex shrugged. "Worth a shot." He grinned and slung an arm around my shoulder, stumbling as I continued to walk. "Stop moving."

"Stop touching me," I retorted offhandedly, still searching.

"You know what I think?" he asked rhetorically, finding his footing and managing to keep his arm around me. "I think you need to come have another drink with me."

"You don't need another drink, kid." Dammit, where could she have gone?

Alex's hand slid lower and he pulled me closer to him by the hip. My eyes darted up, catching his lazy grin. He'd be so hot if he... didn't know it as much, I thought to myself. "I could stand another one," he said.

"You can hardly stand period." We both turned and saw Ryan observing us with his arms crossed. "You almost face-planted when she kept walking."

"Hey, back off, man. I was here first."

Now, if there's one thing I've discovered that I can't stand, it's a guy calling dibs on me in any form. And "I was here first" certainly fell under calling dibs. All you had to do was reverse a word and take away an e.

I pried Alex away with a forceful elbow to the ribs and gave him a stony glare. "I am neither a place to be first nor a thing to be possessed," I informed him darkly as he rubbed his ribs. "You'd do best to remember that."

Head held high, I stalked away and noticed almost immediately that Ryan had followed. "My gramercy for presenting the opportunity in which to ascertain the verity of his objective," I said without expression. Now I just wanted to find Spek, take her home, and crawl into my bunk with my iPod.

"You're welcome," he said simply, "And I don't blame you for being scared. He's uncontrollable when he's drunk."

I rounded on him, crossing my arms. "What gives you the intellection that I am at all perturbed by that instance?"

Ryan gave a slight grin. "The fact that you're talking like a dictionary again," he pointed out.

Well... bullocks. I shrugged, my sign of giving up that particular argument. "Have you seen Brendon and the guys?" I asked, changing the subject. "They stole my new friend."

Ryan nodded and offered his elbow, which I took before I could think; however by the time I realised it, we were already walking. He led me through groups of people doing their own thing, and somehow I hoped none of them noticing my clutching his arm.

I opened my mouth to inquire where the hell they'd taken Spek when I saw her talking to Chislett with pink cheeks and a mostly-covered dreamy smile. And that made me happy, so I couldn't interrupt the moment. Instead, I turned to Spencer and Sisky. "What time is it?"

"Ten twenty-five," Spencer replied, looking at his watch.

"Oh my god!" Spek exclaimed, joining the conversation. "The last bus runs in five minutes. I have to go!"

"I don't think you'll make it," Sisky said.

Spek sighed. "Me neither." She smiled hopefully at me. "Can I stay on your bus?"

"I c'n take you home," Michael offered. Spek grinned at him, and he smiled back. "I'll borrow a car from someone. S'long as y'don't fall asleep. I don' know where I'm goin'."

I smiled and leaned back on a nearby table as they walked away. "She looks happy," Ryan observed, leaning next to me.

"She was pretty happy with Brendon too," Spencer laughed as Bren pulled a sad face.

"Too bad for you both she's a few months younger than I am," I said before yawning. "I think I'm gonna be lame and hunt some zees."

"Isn't the phrase 'catch some zees'?" Sisky asked.

"Yes, but catching them is not guaranteed." Then I realised how dumb of a thing that was to say, because someone would inevitably ask why I wasn't sleeping.

Ryan nudged my shoulder. "Want me to walk you to your bus?"

The guys all cooed and I rolled my eyes at them. "You all are idiots," I stated. "Sure, Ry."

But just as we made to finish our round of goodbyes, the two-carat human came bouncing up. Girly needs to learn to stop trying to make her silicone chest jiggle like real girls' do. "Ryan," she squealed, pouting. "Come dance with me."

"Actually I was going to turn in," he declined, glancing at me. I had schooled my features to be completely blank as soon as she sparkled her way into view.

"Oh, don't be such a party-pooper!" she begged, pulling him by the hand. Ryan looked back as he was dragged away, only seeing my expressionless face before disappearing.

"Guess I'm walking alone," I said softly after a moment. I sighed. "I hate walking alone in the dark."

"~Sometimes I still feel I'm walking alone~," Matt sang, leaning on my shoulder.

I chuckled. "Trust you to pull a me and quote other musicians when you're drunk."

He grinned blithely and pulled me into a hug. "I'll walk with you if you sing that song," he bargained.

Now I laughed outright as he slung an arm around my shoulder. "You've got yourself a deal, Sundance." I supported him around the waist. "Jeezy, you boys really hit it hard tonight, didn't you?"

Matt shrugged. "Maybe." He grinned. "I don't hear you singing."

I smiled as we neared the end of the party and the area around us drew darker. "~Come together like a foot in a shoe~," I sang softly. "~Only this time I think I stuck my foot in my mouth...~"

I don't mind playing Mommy for a really good hug from Matt.