I'm Just Fine

The auditorium was filling up fast as Flynn and his partner Rose waited in the wings of the stage. They had spend most of second semester junior year and all of senior year on this project and now they were showing it to the school, board, and community. The pair paced until the Dean of Science announced them. Both froze and stared at each other until they physically had to force themselves onto the stage. As Flynn took the microphone, Trinity, Rico, and Scorch gave words or rubs of encouragement. Taking a deep breath, Flynn began his presentation. "Hello everyone, my name is Flynn Tempest and I am a Senior Psychology major." He passed the mic to Rose and she introduced herself. Once she did, she passed it back to him. "Today we are here to present our senior honors project that has taken over a year to complete. For my part of the project I researched all the disorders compiled in the video, researched the statistics on most of them, performed a survey and complied the data of over 500 students, and interviewed six of the seven participants." He paused and in a strong voice continued on, "These individuals have taken a risk in talking about who they are. I ask you, once you watch this video do not judge them beyond who they are as a person. As everyone does, they have lived and learned how to navigate through this world but they have some... extra baggage that comes with them. Due to the nature of this project we kept the participants to either Juniors or Seniors. Please be respectful because they are humans and deserve it. Thank you."
Flynn passed the the mic once more to Rose. "My part of the of the project was to film, edit, and work beside Flynn for this video project. I research different media, styles, lighting, techniques and what would be the best way to record this video. I incorporated everything I had learned as a filming major into this film. Thank you, it was a pleasure to work along side Flynn and these brilliant people who are willing to stand before you and talk about their lives." She bowed her head at the audience and the pair stepped aside. The lights dimmed and the video started.

The Story in Their Heads: Living with a Disorder
It started with people milling about. First in a mall setting, then on the streets, and finally on a college campus. Statistics popped up intermittently through the different scenes about being diagnosed with a mental disorder. It was quiet. No music played, no narrator spoke, nothing. The audience watched as people laughed, talked, interacted, and lived. Then the screen froze on seven people, their faces unseen but acting in ways that seemed a little strange. One had a fist full of shirt and an arm pulled back. The man about to be punched was covering his ears, looking off to the side. A young woman was leaning into the angry man with a seductive grin while stealing from a girl who was pushing food away while cringing. A woman was knelt down arranging objects by color, type, and in rows of three. To her left was a girl cowering with her arms over her eyes, trying to protect herself from something that wasn't there. The last person was a man scratching his head as he left a book by its corner. Above them all was the title: THE STORY IN THEIR HEADS: LIVING WITH A DISORDER. The image faded to a room that had a white wall and a person sitting on a stood.
Flynn off screen: Hello, please state your name and year.
?: My name is Marty Smith and I'm a senior.
Flynn: What have you been diagnosed with?
Marty: Anger Management
Flynn: How long have you been diagnosed?
Marty: Um... I don't know. Probably since I was ten. Or at least that's when my parents couldn't handle me anymore.
Flynn: How do you manage your anger? Do you have a treatment plan set up with your doctor?
Marty: I take meds to curb the anger, talk to a therapist, and do activities to release excess energy. I work out and play sports. When I'm pis- mad, I try and do something productive with my anger like as I said before, work out, play sports, run...
Flynn: Can you give us a brief history of your childhood? What it was like growing up with your anger management problems?
Marty: I grew up like any normal kid I guess. My parents worked, I went to school, I had friends, whatever. Nothing really set me up to be angry all the time. I guess it was a slow process at first. I'd get mad at stupid things like my parents working or not being able to sharpen my pencil at school. Stupid petty things.
Flynn: Most kids get mad at petty things though. What made your behavior different?
Marty: Do you want my story or not? *pause* Anyway, to answer your question, unlike most I started acting out. I'd punch things, break things. At first it was just objects, but around third grade I think, I started beating on kids. They pis- made me mad, I'd beat them up. Some called me a bully, but you couldn't really call me that. I didn't demand money or food, I just beat someone up if they *bleep* me off. I lost a lot of friends and made some bad ones. People feared me, my parents feared me. Finally when I was ten I was too out of control for them and they took me, by force after I smashed someones car, to a therapist to try and figure out what was wrong. After a dozen annoying tests, my psychologist told my parents that I had anger management issues. No *bleep* Sherlock and I started meds and ways to calm me down. Didn't help much and I was expelled from school for hospitalizing a kid. I was placed in a boarding school for kids just like me where they could keep an eye on me. Nothing really changed until I entered the high school portion and I made some real friends who helped me. We actually made my anger productive and I helped a guy go from a skinny little dweeb to someone who could hold their ground in a fight. My anger's been pretty good ever since, though I still have... episodes where I get into fights. Those usually only happen when someone's being a *beep* to one of my friends or hurting someone else.
Flynn: How would you say living with your disorder has been?
Marty: *looking off screen like Flynn's an idiot* Hard. No kid wants their parents to look at them in fear, I don't exactly take joy in beating the *beep* out of people, and having virtually no friends was isolating and sucked. But I guess it's better now, I don't hate myself anymore for not being able to step back and not hurt someone.
Flynn: Who knows that you have this disorder?
Marty: Other than all the people watching? Probably anyone who has heard about me. Officially diagnosed though are my friends and most of my family.
Flynn: Thank you. Any words you'd like to say before you are done with the interview?
Marty: Yeah, don't *bleep* judge us, you have no right. We're working on living a life, but not everyone can be 'normal.' *Fade out with him leaving*
*Fade in with new participant*
Flynn: Welcome. Please state your name and grade.
?: Samantha Martina, I prefer Sam and I am a Junior here.
Flynn: Hi Samantha, thank you for participating. Please state what you have been diagnosed with.
Sam: I have PTSD or Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.
Flynn: How long have you had it?
Sam: Since junior year of high school.
Flynn: How do you manage PTSD? Do you have a treatment plan?
Sam: I take some medicine to manage it from day to day and I do group therapy sessions with people who also have PTSD. Oh, and when I'm experiencing an episode I usually call someone to talk me through it until someone can be with me.
Flynn: Can you give me a brief history before you had PTSD?
Sam: *nods* Um, I come from a large family. I have two older siblings and three younger. I lived with my parents in South Dakota until I was about eight and then we moved here. I guess I was like any other girl. I had friends. I played with my siblings, tormented the youngers ones. My childhood was pretty much normal. We were happy. I was happy.
Flynn: *Gently* Can you tell me what happened that caused you to develop your disorder and how you are living with it?
Sam: *Bites lip* It might take a little while.
Flynn: That's okay, take your time.
Sam: We- my father, sister Lizza, and I were on our way home from the market. It as foggy, but... but my father could still see. *pause, sniffling* We were about five minutes from our house. *Crying, voice a little broken* And out of nowhere- *pause* Suddenly there were bright lights. My dad blared the horn, while Lizza *Pause* Lizza screamed and-*brief cut, Sam's a little more together* Next thing I knew I was waking up to shouts and sirens. I was confused and didn't understand what the people outside the car was saying. I started *pause, eyes glaze* I started calling to my dad. I could see him but he was slumped forward, his seat belt locked in place. I called to him and tired to unbuckle but couldn't. My hands kept slipping and when I looked down... They were covered in blood. I remember screaming, but not the sound. When I looked over, Lizza-*pause, sniffling* Lizza was unconscious with a branch through her shoulder. I don't remember much after that. I was told I freaked out a lot and wouldn't calm down. They had to sedate me.
We all recovered physically, but I had nightmares and would freak out every time I went into a car. My parents were given sedative every time I had to go for a car ride. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy because I wouldn't get in cars or moving vehicles. I bought a bike and rode everywhere. That was really the only form of transportation I was comfortable using. My parents brought me to a psychologist and after an extensive session I was diagnosed. We've been working on getting me back into cars, but it's still hard. Sometimes I only need to have the door open and I'll freak out. It's especially bad around the anniversary or on foggy days. It's limited me a lot in my life because I can't really go anywhere far. My dream was to go to Harvard, I even got in but I had no way of getting there. So I'm here. Not that this school isn't great, but it's not where I want to be. I'm still coping with that night, but it's getting a little easier. I'm able to at least sit in a car without having a full blown melt down.
Flynn: Who knows about your disorder?
Sam: Most of my friends and family. I don't like telling people because I know they'll look at me as if I'm crazy. The only time I will tell someone new is if I have to get in a car to go somewhere, then I'll make it sound like it's more of a phobia. They usually understand once I say "I was in a bad car accident and cars still freak me out."
Flynn: Thank you Sam for telling your story. Do you have any last words you'd like to say?
Sam: *pause, look at camera* We are no different than anyone else. We've all had traumas and experiences that have changed us. Just... some of us have more permanent scars than others, but we are still humans. We are still people with feelings. *Audio mutes, fades as Sam talks to Flynn*
*Fade in with third participant*
Flynn: Good morning. Please state your name and year.
?: Do I have to say my legal name?
Flynn: Yes.
?: Fine. Hi my name is Nymphadora 'Nymph' Lillis and I am a senior at this wonderful school.
Flynn: Thanks Nymph.
Nymph: Anytime babe. *Wink*
Flynn: What have you been diagnosed with?
Nymph: I am a certified recovering kleptomaniac and nymphomaniac. Just love those -maniacs.
Flynn: How long have you been diagnosed?
Nymph: Let's see I've been a certified klepto since I was about.... 13 and same for being a nympho.
Flynn: What is your treatment plan?
Nymph: I go to a weekly session with my psychologist, keep a journal for each of my diagnoses, and I have wonderful friends to keep me in line so I don't go too crazy. *Wink, kisses in Flynn's direction*
Flynn: *sigh* Please give us a brief history of what you were like before your days as a kleptomaniac and nymphomaniac.
Nymph: Anything for you Flynn, but it'll be short. I lived an okay rich child life. I had every toy I wanted, went to a prestigious school, had a pack of dogs because I wanted them, my nannies were usually lovely, and I rarely saw my parents. They were usually in some foreign country which gave me free reign over my life.
Flynn: Why did you start stealing?
Nymph: Because I wanted attention. Well, it started that way. I rarely saw my parents so I started acting out. It started with small things. Candy. Food. Cheap toys you find at the grocery store or gas station. Those did nothing for me, though. Not only was it not exciting, but I got away with it. When I was ten I started shoplifting. That was where my real taste for it began. It was thrilling! Every time I got away with it, it was like going down a roller coaster. My adrenaline was up and I felt pride in the fact that no one caught me. My stealing ways went from trying to get my parents to recognize me to chasing the thrill. I became amazing at it, but the thrill ebbed and I still felt hollow. The few times I got caught my parents waved their hands in annoyance and went about their work. Stealing became a habit and eventually lost it's glamour. I was twelve when I first lost my virginity. I'm allowed to say that right?
Flynn: Yes.
Nymph: Good. Anyway I lost my virginity and the thrill I once felt for stealing returned and this time it came with an extra perk. I started experimenting with sex and fell in love with the act. I didn't particularly care who I did it with. Girl, boy, someone my age, someone older, all I wanted to do was have it. My promiscuous ways were ended when I was doing it with the junior boy down the street and my parents walked in on us. I was thirteen and rid- *chuckle* anyway, my parents finally had enough of me. They had been called too many times about me being caught with someone in a compromising position or having stole something. So they shipped me off to a psychologist to see if they could put me on something. I ended up at a boarding school to try and curb my wild ways. Didn't really stop me though. I still found someone to have sex with or steal from. Made me more angry if anything. Until I met a certain boy who did more to help me than any of the sessions or meds the school tried to put me on. We became best friends, blood siblings you could say, and now I'm down to a weekly meeting with my doctor instead of checking up with him everyday.
Flynn: What's it like living as a recovering kleptomaniac and nymphomaniac?
Nymph: *grin*It's exciting. *pause, face softens* But mostly it's lonely. Very few want to be friends with someone who steals. They fear that I will steal from them all the time. Until I moved into college I had a single because everyone else refused to room with a klepto. Now I have a roommate who understands that I won't and even stops or makes me return anything I take no matter how small when my fingers move on their own.
Not only is it lonely but you have to have a lot of self-esteem and confidence if you are going to be a nymphomaniac. People don't respect you, or at least many don't. They think they can walk all over you or call you a slut or whore because you sleep with a new person almost every night... But they don't have any right. They don't now me. They don't know why I do it. *pause* One person understood though. Out of the hundreds of people I've met only one person really understood.
Flynn: Do you want to try and have people understand?
Nymph: *pause* Because it's like an addiction, but it's more than that. Stealing, sleeping with people is thrilling and it's hard to stop. You want to take more, you want to sleep with another person because you need it. You can stop for a while, but if you become lenient once and you relapse and you have to start the stopping process all over again. It's so easy to fall back into old habits. I'm having a bad day, I'll sleep with someone and feel better. That person made me mad, I'll ruin their day by stealing their new purse. I failed an exam, the junior in the seat four down from me will probably want to have sex. Anything bad can be made better by stealing or having sex. My body is rewarding me for stealing that person's wallet or causing that man to have the best orgasm of his life. Why would I stop something that feels good? You get addicted to the hormonal releases for these acts and nothing compares to it when you stop. As I said though, it's more than that. *pause* I want attention. I am still looking for the attention I never received as a kid. I may never get it, but I'm still looking. I steal because eventually someone will notice and call me out. As the saying goes even negative attention is better than none. For that minute or hour I am the center of whoever is yelling at me universe. Or when I'm having sex with someone, I am that person's only attention. They are looking only to me, and only me to satisfy them. And hey, I'm pretty good at it.
But I get looked down upon for my actions. I get called names on a daily basis. I get blamed for ruining relationships even though the other person was just as much to blame. I am called an embarrassment because people don't know how to handle me and this country is still very puritanical. Living with my disorders is hard, frustrating, and solves very little in reality.
Flynn: Who knows that you are diagnosed?
Nymph: My friends and of course me parents *sigh*
Flynn: Any last words?
Nymph: I live with my problems everyday, just like everyone else. I am stronger because of them, just like all the men and women who also have disorders or aren't textbook 'normal.' It's hard enough being different, people don't need to make it any harder on us. We are not the only ones with faults.
Flynn: Thank you, Nymph
Nymph: My pleasure, pretty boy. *Grin, fade out as Nymph stands and goes to hug Flynn*