Sequel: Fallen Embers ›
The Fire
The Beginning
Sabrina awoke with a start in the room which was filled with morning light. She shook her head gently in an effort to clear the cobwebs from her eyes. The 44 year old 5’ 7” womanly blonde looked around and groaned at the thought of falling asleep on the couch yet again. She glanced at the floor and saw the scattered pictures of her childhood. Spying one picture in particular, she reached down and picked it. The picture was of a man lying on the floor with a little girl about 1 year old. She closed her eyes and remembered the dream of the old man. Tears escaped her tightly shut eyes as she remembered the words the old man spoke.
”Yes my child, I am proud of you. Everything you have been, done before, loved and lost, I have seen. I watched you grow and learn the life that you lived.”
Sabrina tried to swallow back the tears as she thought about her life as it was today. She was alone with many notches in the failed relationship belt; the last being almost four years ago. She thought about the death of her son who through her own bad decision didn’t live more than 36 hours. She hated the fact of having to play music that she didn’t like and only doing it due to contractual obligations. Her life was just peachy keen she thought; something to be proud in.
The year was early 2005 and the 44 year old Sabrina Sanders was a complicated person. She, along with her cousin owned the very successful Hopeful Farms, inc. which was a multi million dollar horse racing and breeding business. She also was the voice of the highly successful band Derringer, which had been on the top of the pop music charts since their first single in 1983. Sabrina also was an accomplished solo performer and had helped write some of the biggest hits ever for her friends. But that winter day in March, she never felt so cold and alone.
The quiet was shattered by her cell phone erupting with the song ‘I’m too sexy for this shirt... too sexy for this shirt... so sexy it hurts...’ Sabrina grinned and flipped it open in a practiced motion.
“Hey there boss,” a male voice greeted the singer.
“Hey Toby, You must have ESPN since I was checking my watch to see the time difference and call you up.”
“That’s why you pay me the big bucks boss,” Toby chuckled.
Sabrina groaned at her best friends’ comment. Toby Mann started out with Sabrina as a personal assistant when he had just turned 18 and she was 21. He was hired as a personal assistant and to help her with rehab in 1982 as she recovered from a near fatal horse racing accident. He was recommended by a good friends’ sister. Through the years she came to depend on him more and more as her life got more hectic, so it was just a natural thing to promote him to manager over 19 years ago.
“You sound tired Boss. What’s wrong?”
“I am just depressed today Tobe. I just feel like I’m travelin’ thru this life. Maybe I am finally having that mid-life crisis that everyone thinks I am having.”
“Well you did just drop off the face of the Earth more than 3 years ago Sabrina. People wonder and talk. I get a call every single week from this magazine or that magazine wondering what happened to you and if you still are living. They want to know when the next Derringer CD will be done, and what you are going to look like for it. How are you or between you and me should I say, how is Rick going to re-invent you this time?”
“Ugh,” Sabrina muttered. “I don’t even want to talk about that Tobe.” Neither of them said anything for a minute and out of the silence Sabrina asked, “Ever wonder what the meaning of life is? Why you are here on this earth? What were you supposed to be and accomplish?”
“That sounds like a serious thing Sabrina,” Toby said sounding concerned for his best friend.
“Well I have been thinking about things for a while Tobe, I’m not happy with myself and my life. I just wrote this song last night about how I feel. Let me put you on speaker and play it for you.”
Sabrina put down the cell phone and reached for her acoustic guitar. Softly she started the soulful blue grassy sounds of her new song.
Well I can't tell you where I'm going, I'm not sure of where I've been
But I know I must keep travelin' till my road comes to an end
I'm out here on my journey, trying to make the most of it
I'm a puzzle, I must figure out where all my pieces fit
Like a poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I'm just a weary pilgrim trying to find what feels like home
Where that is no one can tell me, am I doomed to ever roam
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' on
Questions I have many, answers but a few
But we're here to learn, the spirit burns, to know the greater truth
We've all been crucified and they nailed Jesus to the tree
And when I'm born again, you're gonna see a change in me
God made me for a reason and nothing is in vain
Redemption comes in many shapes with many kinds of pain
Oh sweet Jesus if you're listening, keep me ever close to you
As I'm stumblin', tumblin', wonderin', as I'm travelin' thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru
Oh sometimes the road is rugged, and it's hard to travel on
But holdin' to each other, we don't have to walk alone
When everything is broken, we can mend it if we try
We can make a world of difference, if we want to we can fly
Goodbye little children, goodnight you handsome men
Farewell to all you ladies and to all who knew me when
And I hope I'll see you down the road, you meant more than I knew
As I was travelin', travelin', travelin', travelin', travelin' thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin'
Drifting like a floating boat and roaming like the wind
Oh give me some direction lord, let me lean on you
As I'm travelin', travelin', travelin', thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru
Like the poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I'm just a weary pilgrim trying to find my own way home
Oh sweet Jesus if you're out there, keep me ever close to you
As I'm travelin', travelin', travelin', as I'm travelin' thru
As the last of the notes faded and became lost in the silence of the room, Sabrina heard a sigh come from the phone. “Wow, Sabrina. You really aren’t in a good place at the moment. You really need a change of pace and scenery,” Toby said. He was starting to worry. His good friend had problems in the past that required in-patient stays at a hospital all of which started with a suicide attempt. He didn’t want her traveling down that road again. Once was scary enough for him. “Hey I have an idea Sabrina, have you heard of the American Idiot CD by Green Day yet?”
“Good god Toby, the worlds’ problems can not be solved by listening to a Green Day CD,” Sabrina chuckled. She heard her friend growl at her and she quickly answered his question. “No, I haven’t heard it yet, which is surprising since you have been a huge fan of them since they were Sweet Children; which I just chalk that obsession up to you having grown up in Berkeley, and still having friends and family there.”
“Sabrina, I’m being serious here. I think you need to listen to that cd. It might help you feel better. ‘Ask questions’ is like their favorite saying. Maybe it might help clear your head. Just download it from iTunes and take a listen. Wait... I forgot, you like CDs in your hand. Get to the mall and pick it up from Sam Goody and have a listen. It sounds like anything is worth a shot to help feel better.”
“Yea, you’re right Toby,” she grudgingly admitted. “Maybe a change of pace might help and a little of retail therapy might not hurt either.”
“That’s the spirit boss. Call me when you listen through the CD. Let me know what you think.”
“K, Tobe; I’ll check you out later.”
”Yes my child, I am proud of you. Everything you have been, done before, loved and lost, I have seen. I watched you grow and learn the life that you lived.”
Sabrina tried to swallow back the tears as she thought about her life as it was today. She was alone with many notches in the failed relationship belt; the last being almost four years ago. She thought about the death of her son who through her own bad decision didn’t live more than 36 hours. She hated the fact of having to play music that she didn’t like and only doing it due to contractual obligations. Her life was just peachy keen she thought; something to be proud in.
The year was early 2005 and the 44 year old Sabrina Sanders was a complicated person. She, along with her cousin owned the very successful Hopeful Farms, inc. which was a multi million dollar horse racing and breeding business. She also was the voice of the highly successful band Derringer, which had been on the top of the pop music charts since their first single in 1983. Sabrina also was an accomplished solo performer and had helped write some of the biggest hits ever for her friends. But that winter day in March, she never felt so cold and alone.
The quiet was shattered by her cell phone erupting with the song ‘I’m too sexy for this shirt... too sexy for this shirt... so sexy it hurts...’ Sabrina grinned and flipped it open in a practiced motion.
“Hey there boss,” a male voice greeted the singer.
“Hey Toby, You must have ESPN since I was checking my watch to see the time difference and call you up.”
“That’s why you pay me the big bucks boss,” Toby chuckled.
Sabrina groaned at her best friends’ comment. Toby Mann started out with Sabrina as a personal assistant when he had just turned 18 and she was 21. He was hired as a personal assistant and to help her with rehab in 1982 as she recovered from a near fatal horse racing accident. He was recommended by a good friends’ sister. Through the years she came to depend on him more and more as her life got more hectic, so it was just a natural thing to promote him to manager over 19 years ago.
“You sound tired Boss. What’s wrong?”
“I am just depressed today Tobe. I just feel like I’m travelin’ thru this life. Maybe I am finally having that mid-life crisis that everyone thinks I am having.”
“Well you did just drop off the face of the Earth more than 3 years ago Sabrina. People wonder and talk. I get a call every single week from this magazine or that magazine wondering what happened to you and if you still are living. They want to know when the next Derringer CD will be done, and what you are going to look like for it. How are you or between you and me should I say, how is Rick going to re-invent you this time?”
“Ugh,” Sabrina muttered. “I don’t even want to talk about that Tobe.” Neither of them said anything for a minute and out of the silence Sabrina asked, “Ever wonder what the meaning of life is? Why you are here on this earth? What were you supposed to be and accomplish?”
“That sounds like a serious thing Sabrina,” Toby said sounding concerned for his best friend.
“Well I have been thinking about things for a while Tobe, I’m not happy with myself and my life. I just wrote this song last night about how I feel. Let me put you on speaker and play it for you.”
Sabrina put down the cell phone and reached for her acoustic guitar. Softly she started the soulful blue grassy sounds of her new song.
Well I can't tell you where I'm going, I'm not sure of where I've been
But I know I must keep travelin' till my road comes to an end
I'm out here on my journey, trying to make the most of it
I'm a puzzle, I must figure out where all my pieces fit
Like a poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I'm just a weary pilgrim trying to find what feels like home
Where that is no one can tell me, am I doomed to ever roam
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' on
Questions I have many, answers but a few
But we're here to learn, the spirit burns, to know the greater truth
We've all been crucified and they nailed Jesus to the tree
And when I'm born again, you're gonna see a change in me
God made me for a reason and nothing is in vain
Redemption comes in many shapes with many kinds of pain
Oh sweet Jesus if you're listening, keep me ever close to you
As I'm stumblin', tumblin', wonderin', as I'm travelin' thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru
Oh sometimes the road is rugged, and it's hard to travel on
But holdin' to each other, we don't have to walk alone
When everything is broken, we can mend it if we try
We can make a world of difference, if we want to we can fly
Goodbye little children, goodnight you handsome men
Farewell to all you ladies and to all who knew me when
And I hope I'll see you down the road, you meant more than I knew
As I was travelin', travelin', travelin', travelin', travelin' thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin'
Drifting like a floating boat and roaming like the wind
Oh give me some direction lord, let me lean on you
As I'm travelin', travelin', travelin', thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru
Like the poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I'm just a weary pilgrim trying to find my own way home
Oh sweet Jesus if you're out there, keep me ever close to you
As I'm travelin', travelin', travelin', as I'm travelin' thru
As the last of the notes faded and became lost in the silence of the room, Sabrina heard a sigh come from the phone. “Wow, Sabrina. You really aren’t in a good place at the moment. You really need a change of pace and scenery,” Toby said. He was starting to worry. His good friend had problems in the past that required in-patient stays at a hospital all of which started with a suicide attempt. He didn’t want her traveling down that road again. Once was scary enough for him. “Hey I have an idea Sabrina, have you heard of the American Idiot CD by Green Day yet?”
“Good god Toby, the worlds’ problems can not be solved by listening to a Green Day CD,” Sabrina chuckled. She heard her friend growl at her and she quickly answered his question. “No, I haven’t heard it yet, which is surprising since you have been a huge fan of them since they were Sweet Children; which I just chalk that obsession up to you having grown up in Berkeley, and still having friends and family there.”
“Sabrina, I’m being serious here. I think you need to listen to that cd. It might help you feel better. ‘Ask questions’ is like their favorite saying. Maybe it might help clear your head. Just download it from iTunes and take a listen. Wait... I forgot, you like CDs in your hand. Get to the mall and pick it up from Sam Goody and have a listen. It sounds like anything is worth a shot to help feel better.”
“Yea, you’re right Toby,” she grudgingly admitted. “Maybe a change of pace might help and a little of retail therapy might not hurt either.”
“That’s the spirit boss. Call me when you listen through the CD. Let me know what you think.”
“K, Tobe; I’ll check you out later.”