Jack Is Deaf

Jack had always been aware that his hearing wasn't as good as everyone else's. He wasn't sure how his parents hadn't picked up on it, but they hadn't, and now Jack was twenty-five and almost deaf in both ears.

Alex was talking to him, Jack realised, watching his best friend's lips moving, and he hadn't been watching his lips. As subtly as he could, he moved so his right ear was catching some of what Alex said.

"...so cool Jack!"

Jack nodded, although he'd missed most of what Alex had said, but, judging by the big grin on Alex's face, he assumed it was something good.

He watched as Alex walked away from him, towards Rian. It made him sad that he couldn't hear his friends properly.

###

Jack forced himself to relax. He was always got slightly nervous before shows. The earpieces combined with the noise from the crowd plus his hearing loss made him unable to hear anything his band mates said, let alone what came through the earpieces.

Running a hand through his hair, Jack took a deep breath before exiting the bathroom where he'd holed up.

"Hey Jack, why'd you go in there?" Alex asked.

Listening carefully to his own voice, Jack replied, "You ask every time."

Jack watched Alex's lips as he responded, "Yeah, I do, because you always go in there before a show."

"Because, because..." Jack couldn't force himself to say it, so instead he said, "Let's go!"

How Jack managed to inject so much enthusiasm into his voice when he was dreading going on stage was beyond him. But Alex's face lit up in a grin, so it was worth it, he guessed.

###

Jack was on stage, and he couldn't hear a thing. He had to rely on lip-reading, which was hard to do if he was playing his guitar at the same time. He couldn't be seen looking directly at his band mates lips, otherwise people would find out. And he couldn't take that risk, not after so many years of perfecting the art of being 'normal'.

"Jack," Alex said, although Jack didn't hear a word, "They want us to kiss."

"Ok." Jack said, praying that his voice was normal.

Alex walked over from his spot towards Jack, and Jack suddenly felt warm, soft lips against his. He kissed back for the fans. Alex pulled away, and Jack heard a slight buzzing in his ears.

Oh God, not now, he thought, hoping that it wasn't going to happen.

As they started to play their next song, the buzzing in Jack's ears intensified and then, just as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. Except now, Jack couldn't hear anything at all, not even the smallest sound of their music or the screaming crowd.

He felt the urge to run off stage and go and hide in his bunk, where social interaction wasn't needed, where hearing wasn't a necessary part of life. But, despite the urge, Jack stayed put and did the rest of the show. They owed it to the fans.

###

As soon as the show finished, Jack bolted to his bunk after a super-quick shower.

He pressed his face into the pillow, forgetting about the world. After a minute or two, he lifted his head and rolled over onto his back.

Once or twice a month, Jack would hear buzzing in his ears and then his world would go completely silent for roughly two days. It was torture, one day being able to hear some things and then to wake up the next day completely deaf. He wasn't sure how he'd managed to hide from Alex, Rian and Zack for all these years, but he had, and for that he was grateful. He wasn't sure if he was able to cope with being known as the 'deaf one' in the band.

If someone found out, then everyone would treat him differently, talking slowly and loudly with exaggerated lip movements. Jack didn't want to treated differently, which is why he chose to hide his hearing loss.

Out of the corner of Jack's eye, he saw the curtain being pulled back. It was Alex.

"Why did you go?" Alex asked.

Jack shook his head, he didn't like talking when these... episodes happened to him, simply because he hated talking when he couldn't hear himself.

"You're not going to tell me Jack?" Alex said in a wounded voice.

Oh God, now he'd offended Alex. That's the last thing he wanted to do, so he tried to talk, painfully aware that he was probably shouting.

"Because... Because..." Jack took a breath to calm his nerves, "Because I'm basically... Basically..."

"Yes?" Alex questioned, "Basically what?"

"Basically deaf." There he'd said it now, there was no way of taking it back, no matter how much he wanted to. It would change the way Alex acted and spoke to him, and Jack was going to hate it.

Alex cocked his head, "What do you mean 'basically deaf'?"

"I mean that..." Jack gave up with talking and reached for his phone, intending to type the rest of his explanation.

Normally, I'm almost deaf, but when I have one of these... episodes, I go completely deaf and it's freakin' horrible. I don't like it Alex. Jack typed and then passed it to Alex, who read it, his brown eyes scanning the screen.

"Jack, I, I - Why didn't you tell me? Or one of the others?" Alex asked, passing Jack's phone back to him.

Jack shook his head, erasing the last note and typing, Didn't want to be known as the 'deaf one' in the band.

"Jack, you would not have been known as that," Alex said heatedly, "Honestly, I would've made sure of that."

Jack looked at him hopefully, typing, Really? You're sure of that?

Alex nodded.

###

Jack was hoping that Alex would do good on his promise. He had to tell Rian and Zack now, and all he could focus on was the noise, or the lack of it, and the feeling of Alex's fingers as they gently massaged his palm. It did a lot towards reducing his nervousness, though Alex didn't know it.

"So, Alex said you had something to tell us?" Rian said, though Jack had to read his lips.

Jack nodded, his stomach doing somersaults.

"What is it?"

Jack gulped and began speaking, though he loathed doing it when he was completely deaf, "Well, I'm kind of deaf? I guess that's the best way to describe it, but most of the time I can hear little bits of what people say, but when this," He gestured to his ears impatiently, "Happens, I can't hear anything at all. It only lasts for about two days but it's terrible."

Jack had the urge to run away from their stares.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Zack said finally.

Jack just shook his head, turning around to Alex and burying his face into Alex's chest. He didn't want to explain again, he didn't want to put all his insecurities out for people to see again. It had been bad enough explaining to Alex, but he couldn't find the willpower or the courage to tell them as well. He just couldn't.

He felt Alex's chest rise and fall and assumed that Alex was telling Zack and Rian what he'd told Alex earlier. A gentle hand on his shoulder had him turning around to face Rian.

"Oh Jack, you could've told us." Rian said.

Jack nodded, feeling Alex's heart beat. It was incredibly comforting for him. He felt Alex's fingers gently teasing their through his hair, he leaned into the touch, feeling his worrying slow down. It was nice.

Jack felt better now that his secret was out, he had his friends support. Especially Alex's.

###

Jack couldn't stop his dependency on Alex, he'd been somewhat clingly to him before his secret came out. Now it was worse, but he didn't see Alex minding, which was weird.

He had his head on Alex's lap. They were idly watching the TV in the back lounge. Everyone else was somewhere else, Jack didn't know where.

Alex's fingers pushed his head up, so Jack could see Alex's lips as he spoke.

"Are you coming out tonight?" When Jack didn't respond right away, Alex expanded, "To the bar?"

Jack felt his gut twist with anxiousness, he wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to go, but he was pretty sure that he didn't. In bars the music was always too loud and he couldn't hear anything as it was, so he shook his head.

"Ok, d'you wanna stay in and watch a movie then?"

To say Jack was stunned was an understatement, he'd been expecting Alex to want to go to the bar with the others. He nodded hesitantly.

###

Jack was curled up underneath a fluffy blanket in the back lounge, watching the subtitles on The Matrix. Jack looked away from the screen when a hand rested on his shoulder. It was Alex and he was holding popcorn. Jack smiled, Alex was such a good friend.

Alex's lips moved, "You always need popcorn with movie, no matter what you're watching."

That's very, very true Alex. Jack typed onto his phone, grinning.

Jack watched as Alex's mouth opened in laughter and his eyes lit up. It was a beautiful sight.

###

Someone was shaking on Jack's shoulder. He blearily opened his eyes, blinking a few times to gain focus.

"Jack, c'mon dude, wake up."

It was Alex. And Jack could hear - faintly - but he could hear him!

"I can hear you!" He said quietly, barely audible to him.

The next thing Jack knew he was being engulfed in a hug by Alex. He slid his arms round Alex's back, relishing the comfort that Alex's touch gave him. There was nothing quite as good as soothing him as Alex's touch, or even just his presence in a room. Jack didn't dwell on that, or the possible reason for that.

Alex pulled away from the hug, leaving Jack feeling strangely sad and empty inside. But he pushed that feeling aside and followed Alex to the kitchen.

Jack greeted Rian and Zack before sitting next to Alex, waiting for some awesome pancakes from Rian, who was standing by the stove, flipping one. Jack watched as he plated it up and put it in front of him.

"Thanks." Jack said, with a real grin on his face.

"Can you hear us a little bit, or are you still lip-reading?" Zack asked, looking genuinely interested.

Jack nodded, "Yeah, I can hear you. Still relying mainly on lip-reading though."

"Oh that's good!" Zack smiled.

All Jack wanted at that exact moment was another hug from Alex. It had felt like he was grounded to reality when Alex hugged him, he'd enjoyed it.