Why to Be Afraid of Tomorrow
Part 1
Whole Saturday I listened to music and drew – two of my favorite hobbies. I enjoyed my dad’s absence. That’s what I do every time he’s not at home. Truly, I hate being alone but what can I do? Should I spend my whole free time with him? I would like to but in my situation it’s impossible. I can’t remember the last time we talked to each other, oh, it was a pretty long time ago.
I heard a lusty slam of the front door. I turned the music down. I knew it was my dad, who else. “WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYWHERE LIT?” He exclaimed. I knew he was drunk. I went to the corner and cowered. I wrapped my arms around my knees. You know, I usually turn all the lights on, because to be alone at home in midnight is not so nice. Some kids love it but me? No. I truly hate it. “WHERE ARE YOU, FAG?” Another sentence, another blow. All fell down on the ground. Unfortunately, I did not manage to lock my room’s door and dad raided into. “WHY THE FUCK AREN’T YOU ASLEEP YET?” As he screamed I covered my ears with my hands. He approached to me and pulled me up by my right arm but I managed to sit down. “YOU QUEER, GET THE FUCK TO SLEEP!” He shouted again, and gave me such a big slap in the face that the imprint of his hand was on my cheek. After that I said with frightened voice: “Of course, father.” I burst into tears before he slammed the door again. “Shit,” I told to myself and covered my face with my hands.
So, you could know that the relationship with my dad isn’t the best. It’s worse and worse since the day my mum left us forever. You know, from that day my dad boozes a lot and when I told him about my sexual orientation, he gave up on me. I thought it would get better one day but when he said me ‘I don't wanna have a gay son and if you are the fucking asshole, then you’re NOT my son.’ So everytime he’s in normal sober condition, he doesn’t talk to me at all. I can say I have a perfect life, like, really. It is an irony, of course.
********
The noise and fuss was interrupted by coming of our class teacher Mrs. DuPont. The noisy class calmed down as she came in following by a very personable boy. “Good morning students, sit down. Today, it is my honor to introduce to you your new classmate, David from France.” As she talked she was patting the unknown boy on his shoulder. I was fascinated. You know he was the cutest boy I’ve ever seen. His tight jeans, the white shirt, his black hair and not mention his smile. “Hi.” He greeted and smiled at everyone. The girls in our classroom were looking at him so weird but I have to admit that our class girls are very beautiful so I was sure I had a rival. And I did not know if he is gay or not. I would get lucky, really, because luck’s not my constant friend, in point of fact, happiness never knocked at my door or maybe it did, but I wasn’t able to open it insomuch as these days I was like locked in the room of unhappiness. “Take seat, boy.” Mrs. DuPont said and went in front of the blackboard.
As the bell ended our lesson all of my schoolfellows went around David and started to ask him about his hobbies, surname, and date of birth and so on. Only I and my best friend Daniel stayed at our desk. “Why don't you go to ask him, too, dude?” Daniel asked, leaned on the desk and folded his arms before telling: “I glimpsed you watching him, huh?” He taunted. “That’s not true!” I gainsaid. “Do you like him?” Danny asked smilingly. “He is very good-looking, I think.” I blushed. “Huh, here it is, buddy!” He laughed.
I was convinced I want to know him even that day. I waited for him in front of the school. Truly, I wasn’t sure what to do but who knows, maybe he will talk to me normally. Finally, he’s coming out of the school. “Hey, David.” As I said I waved my hand. He noticed it, luckily. “Hi, umm… how come I don’t know your name yet?” He smiled and approached to me. “I’m sorry, I’m Pierre, Frenchman as well.” I was nervous and rubbed my hands. “Oh, that’s great! Enchanté.” He smiled. I loved his French accent. “Tu as des beaux yeux.” I gave him a compliment. His eyes are earnestly gorgeous. “I’ve never seen so beautiful hazel eyes before.” I risked a bit because I didn’t know if he likes girls or boys. He smiled widely and answered: “Thank you. You’re nice.” We both giggled. “So, you are seventeen, right?” I tried to communicate. “Yes, I'm a year younger than you.” He surprised me with that sentence. “Wait, how do you know I’m eighteen?” I was confused. “Daniel told me almost everything about you but he even didn’t tell me your name. He said you’re shy so you won’t talk to me.” He sniggered. “Oh, are you kidding me? I’ll kill him.” I said and looked up at the sky for a moment. I felt like killing him, factually. At that moment I imagined that I could talk with him for a long time but my thought was gone as David told me: “I’m sorry, Pierre, I gotta go. For a while my bus rides.” My planes are over. Damn. But I simpered as David said my name. He pronounced it very nice. I didn’t want to interrupt our conversation. I had to. “Of course, we can talk another time. Have a nice day, bye.” “Take care, Pierre, bye bye.” He smiled magically again. I watched him leaving and then told to myself: “Damned nervousness.” I put my hand into a fist and went back home. I was not looking forward. I'd rather spend hours and hours talking with David than being at home but what can I do.
I heard a lusty slam of the front door. I turned the music down. I knew it was my dad, who else. “WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYWHERE LIT?” He exclaimed. I knew he was drunk. I went to the corner and cowered. I wrapped my arms around my knees. You know, I usually turn all the lights on, because to be alone at home in midnight is not so nice. Some kids love it but me? No. I truly hate it. “WHERE ARE YOU, FAG?” Another sentence, another blow. All fell down on the ground. Unfortunately, I did not manage to lock my room’s door and dad raided into. “WHY THE FUCK AREN’T YOU ASLEEP YET?” As he screamed I covered my ears with my hands. He approached to me and pulled me up by my right arm but I managed to sit down. “YOU QUEER, GET THE FUCK TO SLEEP!” He shouted again, and gave me such a big slap in the face that the imprint of his hand was on my cheek. After that I said with frightened voice: “Of course, father.” I burst into tears before he slammed the door again. “Shit,” I told to myself and covered my face with my hands.
So, you could know that the relationship with my dad isn’t the best. It’s worse and worse since the day my mum left us forever. You know, from that day my dad boozes a lot and when I told him about my sexual orientation, he gave up on me. I thought it would get better one day but when he said me ‘I don't wanna have a gay son and if you are the fucking asshole, then you’re NOT my son.’ So everytime he’s in normal sober condition, he doesn’t talk to me at all. I can say I have a perfect life, like, really. It is an irony, of course.
********
The noise and fuss was interrupted by coming of our class teacher Mrs. DuPont. The noisy class calmed down as she came in following by a very personable boy. “Good morning students, sit down. Today, it is my honor to introduce to you your new classmate, David from France.” As she talked she was patting the unknown boy on his shoulder. I was fascinated. You know he was the cutest boy I’ve ever seen. His tight jeans, the white shirt, his black hair and not mention his smile. “Hi.” He greeted and smiled at everyone. The girls in our classroom were looking at him so weird but I have to admit that our class girls are very beautiful so I was sure I had a rival. And I did not know if he is gay or not. I would get lucky, really, because luck’s not my constant friend, in point of fact, happiness never knocked at my door or maybe it did, but I wasn’t able to open it insomuch as these days I was like locked in the room of unhappiness. “Take seat, boy.” Mrs. DuPont said and went in front of the blackboard.
As the bell ended our lesson all of my schoolfellows went around David and started to ask him about his hobbies, surname, and date of birth and so on. Only I and my best friend Daniel stayed at our desk. “Why don't you go to ask him, too, dude?” Daniel asked, leaned on the desk and folded his arms before telling: “I glimpsed you watching him, huh?” He taunted. “That’s not true!” I gainsaid. “Do you like him?” Danny asked smilingly. “He is very good-looking, I think.” I blushed. “Huh, here it is, buddy!” He laughed.
I was convinced I want to know him even that day. I waited for him in front of the school. Truly, I wasn’t sure what to do but who knows, maybe he will talk to me normally. Finally, he’s coming out of the school. “Hey, David.” As I said I waved my hand. He noticed it, luckily. “Hi, umm… how come I don’t know your name yet?” He smiled and approached to me. “I’m sorry, I’m Pierre, Frenchman as well.” I was nervous and rubbed my hands. “Oh, that’s great! Enchanté.” He smiled. I loved his French accent. “Tu as des beaux yeux.” I gave him a compliment. His eyes are earnestly gorgeous. “I’ve never seen so beautiful hazel eyes before.” I risked a bit because I didn’t know if he likes girls or boys. He smiled widely and answered: “Thank you. You’re nice.” We both giggled. “So, you are seventeen, right?” I tried to communicate. “Yes, I'm a year younger than you.” He surprised me with that sentence. “Wait, how do you know I’m eighteen?” I was confused. “Daniel told me almost everything about you but he even didn’t tell me your name. He said you’re shy so you won’t talk to me.” He sniggered. “Oh, are you kidding me? I’ll kill him.” I said and looked up at the sky for a moment. I felt like killing him, factually. At that moment I imagined that I could talk with him for a long time but my thought was gone as David told me: “I’m sorry, Pierre, I gotta go. For a while my bus rides.” My planes are over. Damn. But I simpered as David said my name. He pronounced it very nice. I didn’t want to interrupt our conversation. I had to. “Of course, we can talk another time. Have a nice day, bye.” “Take care, Pierre, bye bye.” He smiled magically again. I watched him leaving and then told to myself: “Damned nervousness.” I put my hand into a fist and went back home. I was not looking forward. I'd rather spend hours and hours talking with David than being at home but what can I do.